Damn….

 

 Weigh in day….a sts today. Don’t know why as I walked everyday, tracked everything and I believe ate well. But it what it is. 

Went to the pool this morning and water walked. I so enjoyed that. My walking buddy is away for a week and this week is going to HOT 🥵 so early pool days for me all this week. 

Son messaged me today. Could I help him out with food till payday he asked? Yeah I suppose was my response. He called around this afternoon and I said what happened to your money this week? Wellllllllllll that went down like a lead balloon, he raised his voice to me and stormed out ranting.  I don’t know how to handle the situation this time. I don’t want to see him go down the same path he did last time. He spent his weeks wages in two days again…and asked for money for fuel. We can’t do that, in the long run it’s not helping him and he’ll come to rely on us and expect us to help him, even though we’ve told him we can’t. 

Hubby doesn’t want to help him at all, he so angry and disappointed that he has gone and done this to himself. I’m so upset and stressed out and in total shock….and want to help him but know he’s only going to take advantage of it. He decided to do this to himself. He decided to keep using and move out. 

It’s all breaking my heart. 💔

Tonight I want food, I want chocolate. And I’ve given in to it. 

 

Weigh in day

 Good news for me, I did not stress eat whilst all the ‘dramas’ with son was/is going on. Weigh in this morning showed a 800g loss ☺️

And on son he came home for a bit yesterday. He sounded and acted normal….but when you on a ‘downer’ on amphetamines apparently you do. Anyways he grabbed some clothes and said he wasn’t staying. He said  he felt too ‘closed in’ here and he needed to be gone, somewhere where he didn’t feel closed in and lonely. Gave him a bit of food, told him he was welcome here anytime as long as he was drug free as we refuse to go through what we went through with him last time. He said he understood that but this time was a ‘one off’   Do I believe that…no way 🙅🏼‍♀️

His friend living in his camper has been told to move on too. She has started packing up and carting her stuff away. Omg looking in there she had settled herself right in… 😳

Also had to tell him that his manager at work wanted to see him due to him not attending work, (he was having at least a day off a week) calling in sick or some excuse or other…. Anyhow got a message this morning today he was at work so guess that’s something.

 

Yes, it’s his choice doing what he is doing. He believes because he’s ADHD that this drug will not affect him. Really son!!!   

He has forgotten how much this decision to ‘use’ has on us and his extended family. We’ve been on this road before. It’s hard. I don’t want to watch him to lose all that he worked so hard for to be lost. It’s devastating to watch someone lose themselves in drugs. They cannot see the hurt that it causes the immediate  family. 😞 

So we’ll sit back and hope that he can pull himself back. All we can do. 

It’s going to be an uphill battle for him, that’s if he wants too. 

I’m devastated

 My stomach is churning, I’m not sleeping and my brain just won’t shut down. My son has relapsed. Not only is it alcohol but he is doing drugs too. 

We told son he had to tell his friend camping in the camper she had to go, she’d been here weeks too long already, we had agreed to 2 or 3 weeks till she was on her feet. Well that went down like a lead balloon. He started on at us…and out came the truth. It wasn’t at all pleasant, damn heartbreaking 💔 

His life is falling apart before our eyes. Once again his wages have gone in 2 days. He got paid Wednesday afternoon and when he left here yesterday afternoon he had next to nothing.  He’s been taking a lot of time off work and he has to go see his manager on Monday and who knows if he will keep his job. This has always been a drug free home and it’s going to stay that way so if drugs are the life he wants to live again he won’t be doing it here. 

He worked so hard to turn his life around and we were so darn proud of what he has achieved. It can’t have been easy. And then a so called “friend” comes back into his life and somehow manipulated him and turned our son into an addict again….just like he did when they were school friends.

Now what the future for him is….who knows. 

Ours will be full of stress, that I do know. 

Wow, my scales really liked me

 I just don’t get it sometimes. I haven’t changed much on my food and tracking from last week to this week and yet last week I know I gained though I didn’t weigh, the week before a small loss this week a big loss.   Just gotta keep plodding away at it I guess. 

Trying not to let the stress of son being a “bloody idiot” affect me. He is still drinking, try’s to hide the fact but it’s visible. He has a man bag, that’s constantly on him. I know he is hiding things in it and taking them to his car when his mate messages him. He’s got real sneaky. Hides away in his room, and shuts his bedroom door which he NEVER used to, constantly receiving and sending messages and going out till all ours of the night. Having to get up and leave to go to work at 4.15am this is something he very rarely did. He has changed so much. Everyday I worry. Hubby gave him a lecture the other day but it doesn’t seem to have affected him. Just gotta stand back and watch him. We have decided we are not going to lend him money, buy him smokes or enable him in any way like that. 

All this is for my record, so anyways thats enough. 

Daughter had a lovely birthday week. Her birthday was the 6th. The kids Dad agreed to have the kids on the weekend, so I took the kids up to train station between mine and his location so K had the weekend free. It was a long weekend so even better.

She had a party with her bestie and some other friends that they had organised on the weekend before her birthday.

The day before her birthday (she was working on her birthday) I took her out for lunch at a seafood restaurant….mmmmm delicious 😋  Also got her to choose a pair of top brand sneakers for herself as she really needed a pair. She is on her feet all day at her work and good shoes are necessary. She wouldn’t spend that on herself, her kids she puts before her. 

On her birthday I got her to come out after work. I fed her kids and we had a special cake and candles to celebrate 🥳 

Time to get off here. Dinner to organise. Quick and easy tonight methinks. I got called into work today and I’m tired. Plus hubby having dental work so it’s all “soft” and easy to eat food here atm. 

I’m here

 Well “dieting” as such has gone out of the window for now. My birthday was quiet, no real celebration but it was a pleasant relaxing day. Even my son remembered and left me a little note on the kitchen bench when he left for work.  Mmmmm not sure what’s going on with him. If he is drinking he is doing it in secret now. He spends a lot of time in his room, he’s not very communicative and at times moody.  His eyes are clear, not bloodshot or halfclosed like they used to be way back when he was using drugs. His wages are still gone in 2 days. His excuse, fuel, vape and cigarettes….😳😳😳😳….things he buys every week normally 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ 

There is a girl involved. Actually she is camping here, she’s escaping a violent relationship. Somehow she is a friend of son’s mate too. She keeps to herself but I don’t like her, just something about her. Son is obsessed with her, she not so much in him apparently but she seems to use him. He has not been fishing for weeks, used to an every weekend occurrence. He has borrowed dollars off me, quite a bit actually in the last 2 months.  Just going to have to ride this one out methinks. 

Anyways on to this….

William all robed up and ready to graduate Children’s University. 

Dad, William and Mum. Glad Dad showed some interest. Actually he was so proud.

So so proud of this young man. Outstanding results. 

William and his teacher. She is the best.

William was the graduate speaker, his speech made us so so proud. 

I have a video, but I just can’t get it to upload. 

Anyways as I said, dieting gone. 

I haven’t weighed, not going too either. I’m still exercising, love my walking in water and early morning jabbers. 

Reset day Monday. 

Time to move. 

 

Another post.

 Along with the stress from the last few weeks with my sister I have had stress from my youngest son. If you are a long time reader you’ll know he was my “troublesome” one. After a lot of years of drug abuse, the death of his brother and 2 grandmothers in the space of 8 months sent him well and truly off the rails. He ended up going to goal for 7 months ( in a remand centre) where he managed to get off drugs. It’s been 7 years since he recovered and he managed to turn his life around, get a full time job, buy a 4 wheel drive and live drug free. Well this last month or so he has caught up with a friend from school who has come back to town. This friend is a big drinker and my son has followed suit. He is spending sooooo much money. The last 4 weeks, his pays have just disappeared and he’s been borrowing on his savings so much so that he has only $100 left out of over a $1000. I’m pretty sure he is not doing drugs again, I’m not religious but I’m praying not. He is hardly home, he’s tired and very moody and if we say anything he shrugs his shoulders and ignores us telling us he knows what he’s doing. I’m scared, really scared. I can’t live with a addict again…I just can’t. I know he’s over 40 and should know what’s he’s doing but he doesn’t. 

I’d hate to see him throw his life away again, especially as he has worked so hard to regain it. 

Now on a happier note. On Saturday night my sister in law threw a surprise party for my brother for his 75th birthday. 

What a lovely night it was. Lorraine was so happy that she managed to keep it a surprise. He was so shocked and surprised to see us all. Only about 40 people were invited which was deliberate as with his dementia too many people would have been overwhelming. It is his birthday today and on speaking to him earlier he still in a bit of a shock with the surprise. Glad he was able to remember it. I bet he doesn’t remember my birthday on Thursday though. 

Anyways, despite all, I managed to lose 500g this week. Still trying to get back down, slow and steady I guess. 

I’m back…

 I’m back….just here to update for myself. Not many people follow blogs anymore do they? Actually I have considered not blogging anymore as not many visit here but I do like to keep a record of a few things and this place is great for that. 

Anyways, weight has been up and down, just like a yo-yo, up some grams, down some grams just not getting anywhere. I was getting disheartened but I hadn’t given in. 

Then on the 17th January, I had just finished packing up my car as I intended to leave early next morning for a weekend away at my sisters, when the phone rang and my brother in law told me my sister had had a cardiac arrest and would be transported by ambulance to my local hospital. My sister has had a little trouble with her heart going out of rhythm previously but on Friday evening her heart just would not go back into rhythm and she actually died for a few minutes, twice!!  

Anyways my brother in law asked me to go into the hospital Saturday morning and sit with her till he and their younger son got there. 

 

This is what I saw when I first walked in. It scared the be-jesus out of me. They had her in an induced coma and there were tubes and machines blipping everywhere. I just sat down and held her hand and I’m sure she knew I was there as her eyes blinked and her hand squeezed mine. I just couldn’t stop my eyes from tearing up. 

Anyways I stopped with her till her hubby and son arrived later in the afternoon.

They took her out of the coma the next day and with physio she was soon up and walking around with her heart monitor. She was then transferred to a heart specialist in Perth where she had a ICD ( implantable cardioverter defibrillator) fitted. It will monitor her heart’s electrical activity and send electrical impulses to correct abnormal rhythms. Had that fitted one day and home the next.

Sis is still coming to terms with all that happened. Fortunately she can’t remember what happened, though she knows how hard the Drs at her local hospital worked on her as she has a fractured sternum and few broken ribs from the CPR.  For a few days after she came out of the coma she had a very poor memory but thankfully now that has too improved.

Below is on Saturday night. I drove down and spent the weekend with her. It was so good to see her looking so good. At night out at the speedway was good therapy for us pair of rev heads. 

This morning weigh in I lost over a kilo, the best loss I’ve had in weeks. But still it’s a long way down to where I was. A Dr visit tomorrow, I’m asking for bloods to be checked for a few things too. 

Till I visit again…..