Saturday, July 30, 2016

Day by day

I was given this verse and how true it is….
You never get over a loss….I think we all know that…

Lately some days are good, some are ok and some are just downright bloody awful.

Today I have been up at Ted's mum's cleaning out her wardrobes and cupboards….sad but also so therapeutic. Ted was out in the living room getting the walls ready to paint and I was like "hey come look at this, remember this?"  

Now Weight Watchers….weigh in showed a 100g gain…I never had time to go pee before I hopped on scales.
But since weigh in I have been on a feeding frenzy….damned emotions got the better of me again. I do need to rein it in, I can't let it get the better of me. I do have a fortnight before next weigh. One week it has been cancelled due to another event in our meeting room, and the other I am working. 
Dear Daughter left for Carnarvon yesterday, she arrived home safely this morning, she broke the long trip up by overnighting halfway. It looks like she is going to try again with her partner. She has said she can forgive him but she'll never forget what he has done. I had to keep my mouth shut, its her life and she does have a little boy to think of, a little boy that does idolise his Daddy. And Garry is a very good hands on Daddy with Willliam.  
I hope for her sake they can make a go of it, she has layed down so many stipulations and he has agreed…so that I must accept. 

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Going better...

I did go visit my Dr re: the overwhelming grief…. a talk with him helped and I now go to see a lovely lady at the "wellness clinic" when I feel everything is just too much. 

Another thing I have done is rejoined ww….  I didn't think I would be able to focus on it, but on the advice from my Dr I am going. Weigh in today a loss of 1.4  Last week I gained 1.8 and the week before lost 1.2 soooo in the 3 weeks I have been going I am slightly in front. I am just taking it one day at a time. No stress.

I have my lil man here…and of course his Mummy. Little turd has well and truly hit the terrible 2's…. but I love him just the same..   Doesn't help that he has picked up on the vibes that Mummy and Daddy are not together and their is trouble between them. It may get worked out…but I sorta hope it doesn't …. what he has done will be done again as he has done it once before. Trust has been broken BUT its daughter's decision to make, not mine. 

Anyways….off to sit by by nice warm fire. Its bitterly cold here today. 

Sunday, July 03, 2016

Mum's birthday

 It was Mum's 87th birthday on Friday so I drove down to Manjimup so I could go to her grave and give her the flowers I always gave her and that she loved receiving. My sister had to work till lunchtime but I arranged to catch up with a good friend of many years that I hadn't seen in ages at 9.30am. I got to Manjimup before then so went out to the cemetery to spend some time alone with Mum. Still struggling to come to terms with it, the fact we still don't know the cause of her death, whether she suffered or not and how long she was on her own outside before she was found. 
Still very overwhelming, still have moments that leave me in tears…..but my Doctor has been terrific in helping me deal with all that has happened in the last 12 months…
Anyways I made it back to catch up Glenys, who was my Maton of honour when I married Simon's Dad in 1973. We sat there drinking coffee and yakked yakked and yakked till nearly 1pm….it was just what I needed. 
Then drove to Sis's where we had a catch up and then drove out to Mum. We tidied up the grave, gave her her flowers and had a cry together. One of my cousins came out to join us and we spent some time reliving some memories. 
By the time I said all my goodbyes and got on the road it was quite late so it was nearly 7pm by the time I got home. Made it a long day as I was up early and on the road at 7.30am.

In 3 weeks time I'll have this lil cutie and his Mummy to stay for a week. Mummy has to see a specialist….so looking forward to having them here.