Saturday, January 12, 2019

6 days on...

And I am still struggling.
Just can't get my head around things at the moment. Too much emotional upheaval and I can't seem to cope without the help of food. My weight is up and down, more up than down, actually my weight is affecting my health...and I need to get my shit together and stop the dilly dallying and JUST DO IT!! 
I keep saying this, but let my emotions take over and then I go eat!! It has to stop...and I promise it will...
Away for the weekend...then its back and try again.

Sunday, January 06, 2019

How am I going....


Im going ok...bad moments and good ones too.
Trying to focus on the now and me...but I struggle some days.
We lost a close friend on Christmas Day, one of Ted's best friends. Their friendship spanned over 55 years...the funeral is tomorrow. Im trying not to dwell on it...but Ted is hurting and so am I.
To throw into the mix I have had Shawn's girls here on the weekend, not meant to have them but the eldest girl has very bad anger issues and took some of them out on her foster mother. (threw a phone at her, kicked in the bedroom door and then proceeded to try and self harm herself) She has been struggling with Skye who just refuses to accept that she in care and refuses to let herself be happy....a very sad situation for us all. Amber after struggling for nearly 2 years with this situation (with some good times in the mix too) has asked DCP to take her out of her care effective immediately. Skye's mother who the girls talk to daily on the phone and messenger thinks it okay for her to show her anger the way she does..and encourages Skye. Skye says it ok too, "Mum says so" is her favourite saying. I must say in Skye's defence we have had next no problems with her here...a bit "mouthy" at times but no other issues. 
Anyways consequently I have struggled a little. Eating hasn't been the best today, and I will no doubt struggle tomorrow with travelling and the funeral....BUT I am determined to dig deep and find me again still.  As a dear friend (she is also a life councillor) said to me yesterday. "There is no "old " you. You are different now. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. Its going to take courage...but you will. Do not punish yourself". 
Right....onwards...I will be back. 

Wednesday, January 02, 2019

Day 2


I am finally allowing myself to begin to let go of all the anger, the hurt and grief that has wrapped me up for the past 3 years. I have been (I think) to scared to let myself be "me" and live because of all that I have lost. It hurts so much still.

Day 1 was yesterday....I aced it!!

I am not allowing myself a day "off" till my birthday in February.
Going to be a challenge as I will have visitors from New Zealand here on the 4th, then a funeral to attend on the 7th. But do it I will...I have too...for me !! 
I know I am going to have set backs, and off days...but I have to rediscover myself. This has to be for me...the real me.


Monday, December 31, 2018

Happy New Year


A new year tomorrow, a new start for many of us too I guess, diet wise anyways.
But diets aside.....I wish each and everyone that may read this 

A HAPPY NEW YEAR......may 2019 bring you good health, love, laughter and much happiness.

Blessings to you all.

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Where am I at....


This is me at the moment.
I am trying to find my mojo...
I started Boxing Day morning, had a great day, followed it up on the 27th with another.
Then the 28th and today I have fallen in a hole.
But I feel like crap...I look even worse.
My clothes are tight or don't fit.
My feet hurt.
I am over myself.
So I do need to find that mojo..and write down my goals for 2019 and go out and do them.
I cannot fail.

In February 2020 I have booked a 6 day cruise to Tasmania for my sister and myself....bring it on.
I plan to go there a lot fitter and healthier than I am now.

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Blah blah blah


I am not getting anywhere with dieting at the moment.
What with my lack of control over my mouth or the food I am putting in it, so just putting it in the too hard basket for the moment, but I am not quitting or giving up.....
so I am just going to say 
MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all.....and I'll be back and hopefully raring to go Boxing Day as I have have goals to achieve in 2019. 

Saturday, December 15, 2018

Weigh in day


Today was weigh in day.
500g gone
Now tell me please how I can stop having a free day....
I stuff up by treating myself to one after weighing.
Moderation is the key and I need to relearn this.
At least today I haven’t eaten myself into a food coma.
No jabberwalks this week....what with babysitting, work and Deb’s commitments we haven’t been able too.
Right, outta here...dinner time, early night tonight for me, tired after having kids overnight, they weren't picked up till 10.30 and I started work at 12  then worked till 5pm......and I need to be up early for 6am shift.
Someone said the older you get the busier you are....I know I am, some days I wish I could just retire....ohh for the lotto life....