Monday, September 10, 2018

3 years

They say as time goes by it does get easier...phewwwww I don't know about that!!
Today is 3 years since you left us Paul, but it hurts as much today as the day you left us. 
You would be so proud of Tanya and the strength she has shown....but you would beam with pride at your kids. Caity has been the tower of strength to Tanya, Ashlee is a mini you, she walks just like you did and Matty has your grin and infectious laugh.   Luke is struggling so much still, he regrets so much that he wasn't around more.
So you do live on in your kids....and our memories but hell I wish you were here. 


Thursday, September 06, 2018

My roster at work of late has been horrible. Have two girls off sick/holidays so we all been doing extra comes in handy though. Also throw in babysitting overnight grandkids 2 nights a week..
The roster change meant weight watchers meetings were few and far in-between. The one I could get too was closed down because of lack of attendance and my roster changes made the other 2 not viable.
So I put meetings on hold for a month. 
Don't know if that was good or bad as it threw all my good intentions out the window...and ate.
Been trying to get back on track since but its been hard. I went to Drs the other day to get thyroid tablet prescription done and told her about my troubles.I now have a big bruise on my arm from blood tests...Doc thinks my thyroid levels may have done a nose dive!!
Anyways...I aint no quitter so I'll keep on trying...I want this weight off!!! Its only me that can do it. 

I have Shawn's kids every 2nd weekend as respite for their foster mother. They are no problem...too addicted to their social media to get into much!!  They love their Dad, they love the change in him as we all do. 

Thursday, August 23, 2018


Well this was me....up and down, typical yoyo...good one meal, bad the next...regroup and have a good day then fall in a heap the following day....what a sad state of affairs!! I was miserable and so darn angry at myself.

Anyways....a few days off, some rest with no kids and I sat myself down and planned my days. Even managed a couple of walks.

Yesterday I had a girlfriend down for the day. We went out morning tea where we shared a slice, had a small roast pork lunch and afternoon tea we shared a scone. I had a light meal for my tea....and this morning at weigh in I was rewarded with a 900g loss for the fortnight. Put a smile on the dial that hopefully this will continue.

Alls good with the family....
Kylee, Garry, William have all got the flu and they hoping Summer doesn't get it!! 
Simon came down on the weekend with his boys, it was his youngest son's birthday so we had a small get together and cooked up a bbq. Things are not too crash hot with Simon, ongoing war with Tracey, his girls refuse to have anything to do with him. Tracey is poison and if she can cause trouble she will. Very opinionated and loves the sound of her own voice and doesn't care about what hurt she causes. Because Simon is my son the girls have had nothing to do with us since the breakup...sad but thats the way it is. Hopefully as they grow up (they are 15 and 16) they will get away from their mother and her nastiness and realise how important family is. The boys say they get quite embarrassed at how she acts and talks sometimes. 

Tanya is coping. It's nearly 3 years since we have lost Paul and she has coped thanks to the kids. They miss him of course as we all do but life has gone on and we go day by day with our memories. He would be so proud of them !! 
I myself had a meltdown the other day at work. I saw a guy who's profile was Paul's to a T, he was dressed like Paul used too...I thought for a few seconds it was him, even opened my mouth to call out to him....then remembered...

Anyways a work day tomorrow, so must away and get the washing in ( a fine day here but with a cool breeze) and air it out in front of the fire, especially my work uniform. 

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Still struggling...

I seem to be fighting a loosing battle with myself and my weight...
I rejoined weight watchers for the 12 months knowing that paying out that money on a monthly contract that I would have to attend!! 
But I am struggling...a lot of emotional eating and I can't seem seem to get out of the pattern. Why do I do this to myself. I so want to get myself healthy again and feeling good about myself....BUT I seem to fall into that bikkie barrel time and time again....

Tuesday, July 31, 2018


 Need to set the reset button.......

Ohhh why....did I...??
Today was just one of those days...
Tomorrow morning I press the reset button yet again....surely I will get my motivation back again.
I thought rejoining ww again I would be able to do it...paying out my hard earned money once a month for a year would help...but so far not!! 
I just have to do do I get my mindset again. I am reading my old blogs, going back to when I did it last time, hoping something just "clicks" 

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Weigh in day....

 Weigh in day today.....a 200g loss.
Hey, I'll take that even if its over 10 days as I mucked up big time on the weekend.

I am just wondering if I will ever learn to NOT eat my emotions...its damn hard not too sometimes. This time I managed to pull myself together, I just reminded myself that this journey is NEVER easy and hey I have a ww contract for 12 months so I can't give in.
Life does get in the way sometimes....gee I have learnt that over the years, especially over the last 3 years. Grief still rears its ugly head every now and then and I succumb to it. My brother I lost in 1979, 40 years next year we have lived without him....I still cry for him.

This week my promise to myself is to track and plan. I have a few challenges to face. This weekend is one of them. Since Shawn's 2 girls have gone into care this last time they have been giving their foster carer a real hard time. We have agreed to be respite carers every 2nd weekend and this weekend we have them all weekend.  I know they are going to try it on with me....they have a rude awakening coming....they are going to abide by some rules and they are not going to like it. Their carer loves the girls, she really does, but of course all they want to do is go home to their Mum. Their mum is not a fit mum, but of course the kids don't think that.....and they think the poor they act up and make life difficult for everyone the quicker they will be sent home to her. 
So this weekend.....its track, plan and keep myself focused. 

Weather hopefully this weekend will be fine. Of late all it has done is rain, rain and rain some more.  It has been so cold and our fire has been going constantly. 
Bring on Spring. 

Sunday, July 22, 2018

A down mood day

Woke up this morning in a real down mood.....sooooo what do I do...I eat.
And then I eat more...and to see if my mood improves I eat more still....

Now its after midnight and what am I doing. I am writing this as I can't stop myself from stomach hurts, I feel sick....all coz I have eaten CRAP!!

Why do I do this to myself?? I should know by now that food is not going to make me feel better...espesially the crap food like I have eaten today. 

I really want to lose this excess weight, I really want to enjoy the weight loss journey, weight watchers is so easy now, its easy to follow so why does one "feeling down" day make me lose the plot? 

Guess tomorrow (or should I say today as it is after midnight) is another day....