Saturday, October 22, 2016

Up and down….

Following in my usual pattern I have been the regular yoyo…my moods and my weight up and down. Work hasn't helped, it has been so busy and I have been doing lots of extra hours as my supervisor has been quite ill and had to take some time off. She is back, but has pancreatitis and if she does too much she ends up in quite a bit of pain.
Anyways due to all this and a few other commitments I put a hold on my ww for 5 weeks as I was unable to get to meetings (why pay for them if you're not going to be there???) But I am still doing the online group weigh in and last weigh in I reached a number that I have not seen in a bloody long time. Talk about depressing. 
Anyways went shopping after work and saw these…..
 and in boxes with shakes for 10 days….marked down to under half price. So I grabbed 2 boxes. Another bonus…one refused to scan so I got it for nothing….
One week in….and I am loving them…great flavours, they are filling and quite refreshing…added bonus first week in and I am 2 kilo's down.
Today I had a partial day off (its online weigh in day)….and had bacon and eggs for breakfast with hubby, a shake for lunch as I was out and as per normal a normal tea….but tomorrow I will be back to my breakfast shake and lunch shake. I have some celebrity slim snack bars to help when needed but usually have fruit, and sometimes after work I will have some rice cakes with skinny cheese slices and vegemite….or rye cruskits with some vegemite smeared on…but not everyday. 

Tomorrow morning I am going to be out and about with Shawn kids, I haven't seen them in ages so we going to have a catch up at the beach. I am going to mix my shake up tomorrow morning with some mulberry's fresh off our tree and some ice just to make it go further. Strawberry's are on special this week too so might grab a punnett and do the same on Monday morning before work.

FINALLY my mum's little bit of money that she put aside for her funeral and headstone has been released….so this week I am have the honour of choosing her headstone. I have had some teary moments, her passing, or more the way she passed and the fact I was cruising in the South pacific at the time, is all still very raw….

Monday, October 10, 2016


Don't know why I am bothering with weight watchers at the moment, I go well for a week or so then lose the plot….indulge myself, feel guilty and then start all over again…..  I can't seem to string a few good weeks together, if I could I might find the motivation to keep going. 
Sitting here at 5am, can't sleep, woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. I 'm going to be walking around like a zombie today at work. 

Kylee  has had her op and is doing really well. 2 weeks pre op (she did optifast for a week) to now she has lost over 10 kilo's. Truth be told I am a little jealous …. nahhh honestly it has been the best thing for her. She'd kill for a steak….but has a week or so to go before she can eat that. She is living on soups, custards and the like at the moment, can only get a half a dozen spoonfuls and she is full but a couple of hours later she is hungry again. She will be happy to eat something nutritious and filling.

A wee little boy is awake and up now…too early but looks like he wants me to entertain him, he has come in with some books to read. 

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Long weekend

And that's been my motto this weekend.....though I just stuffed all my good work today by eating a handful of bikkies tonight......grrrrrrrrr angry at myself now. I was feeling down and before I knew it the bikkies were eaten...  
Ohhh well, before I head up to Perth tomorrow morning I will fit in a nice long walk. I did one this morning and you know what even though I huffed and puffed I enjoyed it. I have really let myself go. 
I rejoined WW paying for 6 months and already I have wasted 3 months, I have done nothing but yoyo. I had a good loss last week, after gaining over a kilo the week before. The week before was very hard, a year without Paul. We had a family gathering at the crematorium and released some white helped being together. 

But anyways back to WW....I am now trying to shift this weight's really affecting my well being. I am struggling to do so many things that I used to find so easy, like doing up shoelaces...its just got to be gone!!!
I go to pick up Kylee and William at the airport tomorrow morning. Kylee is having gastric sleeve surgery on Thursday morning. Her Dr has told her it will give her a chance to have more children.  Since William she has not ovulated, she has gained more weight, the cysts in her ovaries have increased. She has tried WW, Herbalife, and other shake diets and just can't do it. Her Dr noticed that before William was born she was going to have the sleeve done but it was cancelled due to her pregnancy so advised her to go for it. It may be her only chance to have another child.

I am taking days off work whilst Kylee is in hospital to look after the lil man....I am looking forward to it, certainly will keep me busy.

Right, have a few jobs to do before bed, so must away........

Thursday, September 08, 2016

Questions answered....

Most of my struggles with my mum's death has been all the unanswered questions. Mum was found out in her small garden, not far from her steps. We don't know how or why she fell, if she fell down the steps, had a heart attack, or what. We know she had been de-heading her roses that day as the bucket with some in was next to the steps. We know from evidence of blood on the steps and fly wire door she tried to get back inside before she died. Nothing has come back from the coroner. Not many nights have gone by that I haven't woken up from a nightmare seeing mum laying outside, or struggling to get inside. Or not being able to go to sleep because I see her suffering when I close my eyes. Sleeping tablets are the only way I have been able to rest.
My daughter in law (Pauls partner) had a lot of unanswered questions too about Paul so she contacted a physic medium and went and saw her. She was very very impressed and advised me to visit her I did. I do believe there is "something" after we die so I was most pleased mum, dad, Paul, Rosemary, my brother and my mum in law visited in my session with her. Mum gave me some peace with her answers.

This Saturday it's a year since we lost Paul, time has flown by...but yet it still feels like yesterday. We miss him so much. 

Friday, August 19, 2016

Darn knee….

Darn knee has been giving me "jip"
Pain had me in tears so ended up going to ED (emergency department) at hospital and sitting there for bloody hours to be told come back tomorrow for a ultrasound. Did that and next day rang my Dr for results. Fluid on the knee just under and to the side of the patella….so every time I walked thus the pain. Painkillers, anti-inflamortries, a knee brace and $$$'s later I am on the mend. Luckily I had days off to rest it…and now a week later it is well and truly on the mend thankfully.

A Facebook message yesterday….have a few minutes to call in, where do you live again. Gave the address and flew home to find Nola and hubby Ricky sitting in my gateway (the horn bag from Tassie)  Thanks Nola, lovely to see you again and to meet Ricky…..but we forgot the bloody photo's!!!! 

ww is going ok…I attend the meetings when I not working, wi's are up and down but I am under starting weight after 5 weeks so thats something. Not giving in….this extra weight hasn't helped my knee and its definitely not helping me! 

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Day by day

I was given this verse and how true it is….
You never get over a loss….I think we all know that…

Lately some days are good, some are ok and some are just downright bloody awful.

Today I have been up at Ted's mum's cleaning out her wardrobes and cupboards….sad but also so therapeutic. Ted was out in the living room getting the walls ready to paint and I was like "hey come look at this, remember this?"  

Now Weight Watchers….weigh in showed a 100g gain…I never had time to go pee before I hopped on scales.
But since weigh in I have been on a feeding frenzy….damned emotions got the better of me again. I do need to rein it in, I can't let it get the better of me. I do have a fortnight before next weigh. One week it has been cancelled due to another event in our meeting room, and the other I am working. 
Dear Daughter left for Carnarvon yesterday, she arrived home safely this morning, she broke the long trip up by overnighting halfway. It looks like she is going to try again with her partner. She has said she can forgive him but she'll never forget what he has done. I had to keep my mouth shut, its her life and she does have a little boy to think of, a little boy that does idolise his Daddy. And Garry is a very good hands on Daddy with Willliam.  
I hope for her sake they can make a go of it, she has layed down so many stipulations and he has agreed…so that I must accept. 

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Going better...

I did go visit my Dr re: the overwhelming grief…. a talk with him helped and I now go to see a lovely lady at the "wellness clinic" when I feel everything is just too much. 

Another thing I have done is rejoined ww….  I didn't think I would be able to focus on it, but on the advice from my Dr I am going. Weigh in today a loss of 1.4  Last week I gained 1.8 and the week before lost 1.2 soooo in the 3 weeks I have been going I am slightly in front. I am just taking it one day at a time. No stress.

I have my lil man here…and of course his Mummy. Little turd has well and truly hit the terrible 2's…. but I love him just the same..   Doesn't help that he has picked up on the vibes that Mummy and Daddy are not together and their is trouble between them. It may get worked out…but I sorta hope it doesn't …. what he has done will be done again as he has done it once before. Trust has been broken BUT its daughter's decision to make, not mine. 

Anyways….off to sit by by nice warm fire. Its bitterly cold here today.