Sunday, November 27, 2016

Please do….



Please if you do have a friend who has lost someone very dear, please do talk to them about their loss, don't be afraid. I am thankful  I do have a couple of friends that do remind me of some lovely memories. Yes, it is a gift…a lovely gift and I do thank them 
There is others that tell me its time to let go and move on, and even one that has told me they are dead and buried, get over it!!  
The last 17 months have been the worst in my life. I have struggled with my grief, but with some wonderful friends, my doctor and some counselling I am moving slowly forward. 

Sunday, November 06, 2016

This and that….


Pic of my front garden above….have about 70 roses in there…its starting to look pretty special. Those you can see under the red bottle brush are roses I bought back from my sister's that were mum's...

Still plodding along here ok….not much happening in the world of Jen. Its work, home do chores, sleep and back to work again.
Now that summer is coming we won't do much at all, we don't travel far then, hubby has a thing about bush fires, so like to be prepared. Can see his point….we had a very big one not all that far from us last summer, it wiped out a whole little town and killed a couple of people. And we do live on a bush block and have bush around us…so it could happen here too. 

Still doing well with the shakes….and losing weight slowly. Just going to take it day by day, I am only a few weeks in but still loving them, and coping with the not eating till snack time in the afternoon.  Mixing fruit up in the shakes when I can is helping to keep me fuller and more satisfied.
Weigh in day was Friday, down 800g. That morning I had bacon and eggs and toast for breakfast which made a lovely change, a shake for lunch then my normal tea.  Lets see how I go….

Hubby still working on his mum's house. Hopefully by mid next year it will be on the market…and it sells quickly. Then we can start planning our next holiday. Canada is the dream….

Kylee is doing well still after her op…about 15 kilo down now. 

Shawn, the troublesome one….still trouble but seems not to be having too many drama's. I spent a day with him and his kids last weekend….boy are they growing up quickly….too quickly.
Thinking about it….early next year my eldest granddaughters will be 15….where does time go.

I organised Mum's headstone the other day, that should be completed and installed by the end of February, early March. Pictures look pretty special so here's hoping it does.

Clouds coming in and its starting to cool down, best go get the washing off the line…..till next time………..

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Up and down….


Following in my usual pattern I have been the regular yoyo…my moods and my weight up and down. Work hasn't helped, it has been so busy and I have been doing lots of extra hours as my supervisor has been quite ill and had to take some time off. She is back, but has pancreatitis and if she does too much she ends up in quite a bit of pain.
Anyways due to all this and a few other commitments I put a hold on my ww for 5 weeks as I was unable to get to meetings (why pay for them if you're not going to be there???) But I am still doing the online group weigh in and last weigh in I reached a number that I have not seen in a bloody long time. Talk about depressing. 
Anyways went shopping after work and saw these…..
 and in boxes with shakes for 10 days….marked down to under half price. So I grabbed 2 boxes. Another bonus…one refused to scan so I got it for nothing….
One week in….and I am loving them…great flavours, they are filling and quite refreshing…added bonus first week in and I am 2 kilo's down.
Today I had a partial day off (its online weigh in day)….and had bacon and eggs for breakfast with hubby, a shake for lunch as I was out and as per normal a normal tea….but tomorrow I will be back to my breakfast shake and lunch shake. I have some celebrity slim snack bars to help when needed but usually have fruit, and sometimes after work I will have some rice cakes with skinny cheese slices and vegemite….or rye cruskits with some vegemite smeared on…but not everyday. 

Tomorrow morning I am going to be out and about with Shawn kids, I haven't seen them in ages so we going to have a catch up at the beach. I am going to mix my shake up tomorrow morning with some mulberry's fresh off our tree and some ice just to make it go further. Strawberry's are on special this week too so might grab a punnett and do the same on Monday morning before work.

FINALLY my mum's little bit of money that she put aside for her funeral and headstone has been released….so this week I am have the honour of choosing her headstone. I have had some teary moments, her passing, or more the way she passed and the fact I was cruising in the South pacific at the time, is all still very raw….


Monday, October 10, 2016

yoyo


Don't know why I am bothering with weight watchers at the moment, I go well for a week or so then lose the plot….indulge myself, feel guilty and then start all over again…..  I can't seem to string a few good weeks together, if I could I might find the motivation to keep going. 
Sitting here at 5am, can't sleep, woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. I 'm going to be walking around like a zombie today at work. 

Kylee  has had her op and is doing really well. 2 weeks pre op (she did optifast for a week) to now she has lost over 10 kilo's. Truth be told I am a little jealous …. nahhh honestly it has been the best thing for her. She'd kill for a steak….but has a week or so to go before she can eat that. She is living on soups, custards and the like at the moment, can only get a half a dozen spoonfuls and she is full but a couple of hours later she is hungry again. She will be happy to eat something nutritious and filling.

A wee little boy is awake and up now…too early but looks like he wants me to entertain him, he has come in with some books to read. 

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Long weekend



And that's been my motto this weekend.....though I just stuffed all my good work today by eating a handful of bikkies tonight......grrrrrrrrr angry at myself now. I was feeling down and before I knew it the bikkies were eaten...  
Ohhh well, before I head up to Perth tomorrow morning I will fit in a nice long walk. I did one this morning and you know what even though I huffed and puffed I enjoyed it. I have really let myself go. 
I rejoined WW paying for 6 months and already I have wasted 3 months, I have done nothing but yoyo. I had a good loss last week, after gaining over a kilo the week before. The week before was very hard, a year without Paul. We had a family gathering at the crematorium and released some white balloons...it helped being together. 

But anyways back to WW....I am now trying to shift this weight off.....it's really affecting my well being. I am struggling to do so many things that I used to find so easy, like doing up shoelaces...its just got to be gone!!!
I go to pick up Kylee and William at the airport tomorrow morning. Kylee is having gastric sleeve surgery on Thursday morning. Her Dr has told her it will give her a chance to have more children.  Since William she has not ovulated, she has gained more weight, the cysts in her ovaries have increased. She has tried WW, Herbalife, and other shake diets and just can't do it. Her Dr noticed that before William was born she was going to have the sleeve done but it was cancelled due to her pregnancy so advised her to go for it. It may be her only chance to have another child.

I am taking days off work whilst Kylee is in hospital to look after the lil man....I am looking forward to it, certainly will keep me busy.

Right, have a few jobs to do before bed, so must away........

Thursday, September 08, 2016

Questions answered....


Most of my struggles with my mum's death has been all the unanswered questions. Mum was found out in her small garden, not far from her steps. We don't know how or why she fell, if she fell down the steps, had a heart attack, or what. We know she had been de-heading her roses that day as the bucket with some in was next to the steps. We know from evidence of blood on the steps and fly wire door she tried to get back inside before she died. Nothing has come back from the coroner. Not many nights have gone by that I haven't woken up from a nightmare seeing mum laying outside, or struggling to get inside. Or not being able to go to sleep because I see her suffering when I close my eyes. Sleeping tablets are the only way I have been able to rest.
My daughter in law (Pauls partner) had a lot of unanswered questions too about Paul so she contacted a physic medium and went and saw her. She was very very impressed and advised me to visit her too....so I did. I do believe there is "something" after we die so I was most pleased mum, dad, Paul, Rosemary, my brother and my mum in law visited in my session with her. Mum gave me some peace with her answers.

This Saturday it's a year since we lost Paul, time has flown by...but yet it still feels like yesterday. We miss him so much. 

Friday, August 19, 2016

Darn knee….

Darn knee has been giving me "jip"
Pain had me in tears so ended up going to ED (emergency department) at hospital and sitting there for bloody hours to be told come back tomorrow for a ultrasound. Did that and next day rang my Dr for results. Fluid on the knee just under and to the side of the patella….so every time I walked thus the pain. Painkillers, anti-inflamortries, a knee brace and $$$'s later I am on the mend. Luckily I had days off to rest it…and now a week later it is well and truly on the mend thankfully.

A Facebook message yesterday….have a few minutes to call in, where do you live again. Gave the address and flew home to find Nola and hubby Ricky sitting in my gateway (the horn bag from Tassie)  Thanks Nola, lovely to see you again and to meet Ricky…..but we forgot the bloody photo's!!!! 

ww is going ok…I attend the meetings when I not working, wi's are up and down but I am under starting weight after 5 weeks so thats something. Not giving in….this extra weight hasn't helped my knee and its definitely not helping me!