Tuesday, June 20, 2017


That's me....a yoyo....
I really have to get myself sorted out....and focus and commit to my plan. 
Its only 4 months to our cruise and I want to lose more weight before we go.....but I keep sabotaging myself....that will HAVE to stop if I want to meet my goals. 
Its easy to say...now I just HAVE to commit.
Only lost a 100g this week...due to me overeating on the Friday after weigh in, continuing the pattern on Saturday before pulling my head in on Sunday and realising what I was doing to myself.
Exercise has been next to nil other than what I do at work...been so tired of late, lazy too...no excuse, I have had the time. 

So lets see if I can break the cycle. 

Friday, June 09, 2017

Happy is...

And ain't that the truth.....I just hugged that lady, she made my day...

Not only are the scales showing me that....
so is the tape measure....
And so is my diary...just love watching those numbers go down again...

The last 2 years have been absolute hell...and its great to finally be able to concentrate properly on me.  The overwhelming grief has gone, though some days I a memory, a photo, a song or just a thought will have me in tears..
In a couple of days it will 2 years to the evening that Paul came and told us he had terminal cancer and had only a little time left with us. 
I know that is the reason our troublesome one is in jail....what with that diagnosis, his death, followed quickly by Mum's accidental death and then Ted mum's, his grief overwhelmed him and drugs and alcohol numbed it all. I know I completely forgot that when we lost Rosemary in 1996, he as an teenager found them to numb his feelings then.  The troublesome one has a long road ahead of him.... 

Got a quote today on our trip of a lifetime. A few more things to iron out yet....but it looks like late May we will be travelling..... 

Saturday, June 03, 2017

I'm back......

Not that I been anywhere....
Its been work and sick for me....yup I got the lurgy...

Last Wednesday I went to work feeling just a little ordinary....but as the day wore on I just started feeling worse...and worse. Throat felt like I had razor blades in it, and my head was pounding.... 
How I finished the day I don't know....  I left work 10 minutes before I was supposed too, but hey I couldn't stand it another minute. Drove home, gave hubby a hug, took some pain killers and fell into bed. Thankfully I had 2 days off because bed was where I stayed. I lived on sips of water....thats when I wasn't sleeping. 
Saturday morning I had a early shift, and though I wasn't 100% I made it through the shift, came home and just chillax'ed out in front of the fire.
Sunday work again, but thankfully I was 90% better, drink and small amounts of food were getting past the razor blades in my throat. 
Monday was a day of rest....no work thankfully so by Tuesday morning I was fully rested up and 95% ok. 
I am still not back to 100% but geee anything is better than feeling like I did Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. 
One thing it did do was get the weight down. Lost 1.3 and now at a number I haven't been in awhile. Regained some of my mojo and feel like I can finally get motivated again to lose these kilo's. I have a figure in my head that I would like to be by the time we go on our cruise at the end of October. 

The troublesome one is still inside. Every phone call we receive from him is full of him staying clean and finally doing something with his life when he gets out.  Lets hope so. I will support him all the ways I can...but till I see it happen I can't be confident that it will. Heard those words so many time before to no result. When will he be out...who knows, court dates come and go and they keep on getting deferred. 
He had a visit from DCP a few weeks ago, and all his kids have been taken off Hannah and her partner and put into full-time care. On speaking to DCP Hannah has not been protecting them....heck knows what those kids have been through. I have reported Hannah a few times after being told stories by the kids. So had Shawn. At least now they will be fully protected (hopefully) till they are 18 now. Shawn and I have not been denied any access. 

Ted's mum estate has all finally been settled. Ted and his 2 brothers received some dollars after the money was divided....and the grandchildren all received a few thousand dollars too. So Shawn will have a small gift from his Nanna to help him out later on.  Kylee is using hers to buy a 4x4 dual cab so she can take her little family off the beaten track fishing and gives her room to put her dogs in the back too.  Us, well we decided a long time ago we would live out a dream and go to the one country we have always wanted to visit.  Plans have been put in motion....

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Lets try again...

Well the above tells you whats been happening in my world....I am trying to stay focused but keep falling into a heap and going to my old friend and standby food. Then get upset at myself and pull myself together for a day or two then low and behold I eat again.  So my weight for the last 2 months has yoyo'ed....I am getting nowhere. My goal that I set for my cruise in late October will NOT be met if I keep that up....so today I begin again...
I am giving it my best shot anyways.  Its about my mindset...and my mind is made up... 
I am tired of being tired, I am tired of being upset with myself, I am tired of failing..... I just want things in my life to go back to normal.  

Monday, May 01, 2017

New Month...new goals

 This is our eldest grandson Luke at ours cutting the cake at his 21st birthday party we very quickly organised for him.
Simon rang up on the Wednesday night to say Luke and his girlfriend Katelin would be down on Saturday and he had bought up with him that he would like to have a 21st for him...and by the Mum its at yours on Saturday night. Cheers Sonshine :-)  But we got on the phone and Facebook and between us all the night was organised.
Simon organised the meat, we cooked a lamb roast, a beef roast, potato's in their jackets, had bread rolls and gravy. Others bought salads and nibbles. Kylee and Garry made the fantastic and very tasty cake. 
Luke had the best time...and he is still thanking us for the wonderful time he had catching up with relatives and close friends. 
We all raised our glasses to the people missing...especially his Dad 
 Tanya had already made plans to go away that weekend so she missed out on the party....so Luke made a special trip down to catch up with her and his little brother and sisters. 
He also got to go to his Dad's resting place for a visit. Very emotional for him.. He didn't come and see his Dad whilst he was battling cancer, he couldn't cope seeing his Dad fade away. 
Luke is a very sensitive soul...looks like his Dad, but so different to him though. 
Its great having him around a lot more though...he will be down again this weekend too. 

Well today is the start of another round of my online weight loss group. This last round I have done well...lost some weight...and put very little on.
I am loving the 5:2 way of life...
BUT I do have to stop "treating" myself with food...which I have made a bad habit of doing so.
Thats my challenge this round...starting tomorrow .. as today I have NOT  been too good at all.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Weeks of birthdays...and Easter

Easter eggs, chocolates...ahhh they are my friends this week and Easter isn't officially here till tomorrow.....
I have had a terrible 2 days, tears for no reason, sad for no known reason...and then I remembered...Mum's funeral was today 1 year ago. Geeeee I miss her.
Food has always been my choice of comfort....on days like the last 2 days I wish it wasn't. I have binged and I feel so darn sick for it....hopefully I won't crave chocolate again for a long time!!! 

Lots of birthdays this week and next.
We have just had Caitlins...she is Pauls eldest, she turned 15 on Saturday.
Today is Kaleb's...he turned 8 today...he is missing his Daddy too.
Yes...he still in prison, doing as well as he can be in there. I still haven't visited and I don't intend too. I have no desire to visit there and see him in prison greens...nope not going to do that!!
A friend is taking his 2 girls (13 and 10 years) to see him tomorrow....he is looking forward to it. He rings once or twice a week, he says he is clean of all traces of drugs, has put on weight, his skin is clear...so being in there has helped in that way.
He still on remand awaiting sentence...he hopes to get that at the end of this month...apparently it was was to be on the 6th April but he asked to pay off his fines with more time so it was put off till the end of the month.

Matthew has his birthday on Tuesday, as does Hannah (Kaleb's mum), 21st is Tracey's, on the 25th Luke our eldest grandchild turns 21...and then Ted has his birthday on the 27th.
April is our horror month for birthdays....guess every family has months like that.

Feeling blahhh so off to bed to read my book, another work day tomorrow.  

Sunday, April 02, 2017

Mum's Anniversary.

It was 12 months since we lost Mum on the 31st March.
The past 2 days I have been lost, overwhelmed with sadness....back to my old ways of eating my emotions and drinking.....
But today I realised Mum wouldn't want me to do this to myself...I am hurting but in the long run I am only doing damage to myself. After the journey I have been on during the last 18 months I HAVE to look forward, I don't want to go back there again. 
So today...I suck it up...and begin again. 
Heck... BUT I miss her so much....

Sis went to her resting place on Friday and left flowers from us both. The headstone I organised is on....went down there 2 weeks ago and approved it. My brother and sister came out and we all viewed it together for the first time.
Everytime we go there birds are present.  The day we said goodbye there was doves, the day of the headstone viewing it was parrots, Friday Sis says there was a willy wag tail hopping around....Mum loved birds and was always feeding them.

Spread those wings Mum and fly high with the Angels xx