Saturday, July 22, 2017

Just a quick one....


I need to sit down here and write more than I am today...but I haven't got the time.
Things are going on....Simon has walked out on Tracey and is not going back....after years of being put down he has finally had enough.  Pity it had to come to that as deep down Tracey has got a heart of gold, but she is very opinionated and its always HER way..so much so the kids are the same way as she is...        Anyways no time to express it all...no matter what happens I am there for him. 

Some good news.....




Shhhhhh she is keeping it very quiet for the moment....hard to do as she is very excited but there are reasons.


Weight 2.1 down in the last 2 weeks...its been a struggle, and this week hasn't got off to a good start. 

Sunday, July 09, 2017

Time to move it...


A gain for me this....this playing catch up every week HAS TO STOP!!!
I indulged last Friday and Saturday after weighing in....and I have done the same this week.....so WHY am I doing this to myself??
I really want to get down to my goal but I keep sabotaging myself. That HAS TO STOP too!! 
If I want to get anywhere I need to get my head in the right place again, get those joggers out and use them and just move it !! 

Right onwards....and lets hope I haven't set for myself up for another gain this week....

Sunday, July 02, 2017

Again....


It was Happy Birthday to my mum yesterday, the 2nd birthday we have had without her.
Was a horrid day for me....I really missed her. And yep....did my usual,  ate my emotions....
I could hear her saying "your ass won't fit in those jeans Jen" but all I wanted to do was drown my sorrows..
Talking about Mum this morning with hubby...and he made me realise even though we lost her when we didn't expect too we had her a lot longer than we thought we were going too. Mum survived bowel cancer in 1993 when she was in her 60's and then in 1994 she survived liver cancer....so we were lucky that we had her as long as we did.  And even if she had survived her stroke and her fall, she would have been in a lot of pain and she would have had to spend an awful lot of time in hospital and rehab and there is no way she would have liked that. Mum hated hospitals. 

Anyways....after a great week last week where I had a good loss on the scales....this week its going to catch up time again. 
I better get to it and stop the dilly dally'ing if I want to get on that ship in 4 months time weighing 10 kilo's less than I do now...

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Yoyo'ing

That's me....a yoyo....
I really have to get myself sorted out....and focus and commit to my plan. 
Its only 4 months to our cruise and I want to lose more weight before we go.....but I keep sabotaging myself....that will HAVE to stop if I want to meet my goals. 
Its easy to say...now I just HAVE to commit.
Only lost a 100g this week...due to me overeating on the Friday after weigh in, continuing the pattern on Saturday before pulling my head in on Sunday and realising what I was doing to myself.
Exercise has been next to nil other than what I do at work...been so tired of late, lazy too...no excuse, I have had the time. 

So lets see if I can break the cycle. 

Friday, June 09, 2017

Happy is...



And ain't that the truth.....I just hugged that lady, she made my day...

Not only are the scales showing me that....
so is the tape measure....
And so is my diary...just love watching those numbers go down again...

The last 2 years have been absolute hell...and its great to finally be able to concentrate properly on me.  The overwhelming grief has gone, though some days I a memory, a photo, a song or just a thought will have me in tears..
In a couple of days it will 2 years to the evening that Paul came and told us he had terminal cancer and had only a little time left with us. 
I know that is the reason our troublesome one is in jail....what with that diagnosis, his death, followed quickly by Mum's accidental death and then Ted mum's, his grief overwhelmed him and drugs and alcohol numbed it all. I know I completely forgot that when we lost Rosemary in 1996, he as an teenager found them to numb his feelings then.  The troublesome one has a long road ahead of him.... 

Got a quote today on our trip of a lifetime. A few more things to iron out yet....but it looks like late May we will be travelling..... 

Saturday, June 03, 2017

I'm back......

Not that I been anywhere....
Its been work and sick for me....yup I got the lurgy...



Last Wednesday I went to work feeling just a little ordinary....but as the day wore on I just started feeling worse...and worse. Throat felt like I had razor blades in it, and my head was pounding.... 
How I finished the day I don't know....  I left work 10 minutes before I was supposed too, but hey I couldn't stand it another minute. Drove home, gave hubby a hug, took some pain killers and fell into bed. Thankfully I had 2 days off because bed was where I stayed. I lived on sips of water....thats when I wasn't sleeping. 
Saturday morning I had a early shift, and though I wasn't 100% I made it through the shift, came home and just chillax'ed out in front of the fire.
Sunday work again, but thankfully I was 90% better, drink and small amounts of food were getting past the razor blades in my throat. 
Monday was a day of rest....no work thankfully so by Tuesday morning I was fully rested up and 95% ok. 
I am still not back to 100% but geee anything is better than feeling like I did Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. 
One thing it did do was get the weight down. Lost 1.3 and now at a number I haven't been in awhile. Regained some of my mojo and feel like I can finally get motivated again to lose these kilo's. I have a figure in my head that I would like to be by the time we go on our cruise at the end of October. 

The troublesome one is still inside. Every phone call we receive from him is full of him staying clean and finally doing something with his life when he gets out.  Lets hope so. I will support him all the ways I can...but till I see it happen I can't be confident that it will. Heard those words so many time before to no result. When will he be out...who knows, court dates come and go and they keep on getting deferred. 
He had a visit from DCP a few weeks ago, and all his kids have been taken off Hannah and her partner and put into full-time care. On speaking to DCP Hannah has not been protecting them....heck knows what those kids have been through. I have reported Hannah a few times after being told stories by the kids. So had Shawn. At least now they will be fully protected (hopefully) till they are 18 now. Shawn and I have not been denied any access. 

Ted's mum estate has all finally been settled. Ted and his 2 brothers received some dollars after the money was divided....and the grandchildren all received a few thousand dollars too. So Shawn will have a small gift from his Nanna to help him out later on.  Kylee is using hers to buy a 4x4 dual cab so she can take her little family off the beaten track fishing and gives her room to put her dogs in the back too.  Us, well we decided a long time ago we would live out a dream and go to the one country we have always wanted to visit.  Plans have been put in motion....

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Lets try again...



Well the above tells you whats been happening in my world....I am trying to stay focused but keep falling into a heap and going to my old friend and standby food. Then get upset at myself and pull myself together for a day or two then low and behold I eat again.  So my weight for the last 2 months has yoyo'ed....I am getting nowhere. My goal that I set for my cruise in late October will NOT be met if I keep that up....so today I begin again...
I am giving it my best shot anyways.  Its about my mindset...and my mind is made up... 
I am tired of being tired, I am tired of being upset with myself, I am tired of failing..... I just want things in my life to go back to normal.  

Monday, May 01, 2017

New Month...new goals

 This is our eldest grandson Luke at ours cutting the cake at his 21st birthday party we very quickly organised for him.
Simon rang up on the Wednesday night to say Luke and his girlfriend Katelin would be down on Saturday and he had bought up with him that he would like to have a 21st for him...and by the Mum its at yours on Saturday night. Cheers Sonshine :-)  But we got on the phone and Facebook and between us all the night was organised.
Simon organised the meat, we cooked a lamb roast, a beef roast, potato's in their jackets, had bread rolls and gravy. Others bought salads and nibbles. Kylee and Garry made the fantastic and very tasty cake. 
Luke had the best time...and he is still thanking us for the wonderful time he had catching up with relatives and close friends. 
We all raised our glasses to the people missing...especially his Dad 
 Tanya had already made plans to go away that weekend so she missed out on the party....so Luke made a special trip down to catch up with her and his little brother and sisters. 
He also got to go to his Dad's resting place for a visit. Very emotional for him.. He didn't come and see his Dad whilst he was battling cancer, he couldn't cope seeing his Dad fade away. 
Luke is a very sensitive soul...looks like his Dad, but so different to him though. 
Its great having him around a lot more though...he will be down again this weekend too. 

Well today is the start of another round of my online weight loss group. This last round I have done well...lost some weight...and put very little on.
I am loving the 5:2 way of life...
BUT I do have to stop "treating" myself with food...which I have made a bad habit of doing so.
Thats my challenge this round...starting tomorrow .. as today I have NOT  been too good at all.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Weeks of birthdays...and Easter


Easter eggs, chocolates...ahhh they are my friends this week and Easter isn't officially here till tomorrow.....
I have had a terrible 2 days, tears for no reason, sad for no known reason...and then I remembered...Mum's funeral was today 1 year ago. Geeeee I miss her.
Food has always been my choice of comfort....on days like the last 2 days I wish it wasn't. I have binged and I feel so darn sick for it....hopefully I won't crave chocolate again for a long time!!! 



Lots of birthdays this week and next.
We have just had Caitlins...she is Pauls eldest, she turned 15 on Saturday.
Today is Kaleb's...he turned 8 today...he is missing his Daddy too.
Yes...he still in prison, doing as well as he can be in there. I still haven't visited and I don't intend too. I have no desire to visit there and see him in prison greens...nope not going to do that!!
A friend is taking his 2 girls (13 and 10 years) to see him tomorrow....he is looking forward to it. He rings once or twice a week, he says he is clean of all traces of drugs, has put on weight, his skin is clear...so being in there has helped in that way.
He still on remand awaiting sentence...he hopes to get that at the end of this month...apparently it was was to be on the 6th April but he asked to pay off his fines with more time so it was put off till the end of the month.

Matthew has his birthday on Tuesday, as does Hannah (Kaleb's mum), 21st is Tracey's, on the 25th Luke our eldest grandchild turns 21...and then Ted has his birthday on the 27th.
April is our horror month for birthdays....guess every family has months like that.

Feeling blahhh so off to bed to read my book, another work day tomorrow.  

Sunday, April 02, 2017

Mum's Anniversary.


It was 12 months since we lost Mum on the 31st March.
The past 2 days I have been lost, overwhelmed with sadness....back to my old ways of eating my emotions and drinking.....
But today I realised Mum wouldn't want me to do this to myself...I am hurting but in the long run I am only doing damage to myself. After the journey I have been on during the last 18 months I HAVE to look forward, I don't want to go back there again. 
So today...I suck it up...and begin again. 
Heck... BUT I miss her so much....

Sis went to her resting place on Friday and left flowers from us both. The headstone I organised is on....went down there 2 weeks ago and approved it. My brother and sister came out and we all viewed it together for the first time.
Everytime we go there birds are present.  The day we said goodbye there was doves, the day of the headstone viewing it was parrots, Friday Sis says there was a willy wag tail hopping around....Mum loved birds and was always feeding them.

Spread those wings Mum and fly high with the Angels xx

Friday, March 24, 2017

Day out.....


On Monday Kylee and William picked me up for a day out. I had organised a catch up with my friends Carol and Robyn. Kylee gets on well with them both...and neither of them had seen William for a while so a  trip to the city was organised. Neither of them had seen Kylee since she had had the "sleeve" done and had lost weight.
We drove to Mandarah, picked up Rob and drove to the train station...Williams first trip on a train. He kept every one amused with his running commentary of all that he could see....he especially loved the tunnels. 



We got to the station and Carol was waiting along with another good friend Gina....so it was going to be the best catch up....and it was.  We walked and walked, and talked and talked...and talked some more. Lunch out in a pub...and after that was devoured we walked out into a park and let William run amok.
I had bought along a fold up pusher which saved his little legs...and kept him out of mischief. I was so proud of him, he was so well behaved. He can be a typical 3 year old with tanties at the drop of a hat but not one was had. My friends were amazed at how well he did behave. I was thrilled that he stayed dry all day and asked to go to the toilet whenever he needed to go.  Toilet training is going well. 


Master William is Lightening McQueen obsessed so when I saw these, I just had to buy them. He was asleep in the pram when I did so didn't see them till Mummy unpacked them when she got home....so of course he had to wear them....
I can't wait for the next series of Lightening McQueen to come out....think I have seen series 1 and 2 too many times already....

Isn't my girl looking fantastic? Approaching 38 kilo's down now...and in the last 10 kilo's that she wants to lose..
I spoilt her in Perth and bought her two lovely tops that she fell in love with...and I must say she looked darn good in too. Clothes than she wouldn't have worn before either....these show off her gorgeous shape now... a shape she hasn't had for a long time.
Think I have William Saturday night as she and Garry are going to have a date night so she can dress up in one of her outfits. 


And talking about weight....I hit a milestone the on my Friday weigh in...a number I haven't seen in what feels like forever. Loving 5:2.
I had a blow out during the week, but the beauty of this way of life is I can climb back on the wagon and turn it around. Self sabotage is not happening too often at all now...think I can see results happening all the time and the effort I am putting into it is being rewarded with continual weight losses.

Monday, March 06, 2017

Happy Birthday DD


Its a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear daughter Kylee.
It is great to have her home and be able to share the day with her and her little family.
Garry cooked a creamy garlic fettuccinni for their dinner and because he made heaps he asked if we wanted some for ours. Didn't say no to him thats for sure and glad we didn't, it was very very yummy. They came out with the ice-cream cake I delivered to Kylee this morning as part of her birthday gift. 

As for the other drama's Simon up the hill is still battling on up there. Haven't heard too much from him but he did say nothing has changed up there.  She wants them to have counselling….mmmmm don't think that will work as she doesn't listen, its never her, it has never been!!  So what will happen, who knows!

And the Troublesome one is still inside. He rings every few days, he is ok. No one has bailed him out. Still have no idea what is happening about a sentence date…I haven't heard. He had court via video link on Friday but the link failed so that was postponed. What that was for I have no idea.  He was also meant to have minor surgery on his hand, a broken bone needed a pin put in it, haven't heard if that was done. Ted spoke to him last, and he forgot to ask him. Phone calls are 10 minutes only so not always enough time. He says he is determined to sort out his life, lets hope so. 

5:2 way of life is going well. Lost weight again last week. 
Mucked up a bit today with Kylee's birthday but I will make up for that tomorrow. 

Off to do dishes and tidy up before shower and bed. Work for me tomorrow.  Had a very lazy 2 days off. No William tonight, or a daycare run as Garry is on days off. William will enjoy having a Daddy day. 

Monday, February 20, 2017

Update….

What a week….
 Last Friday we took up to Carnarvon and moved daughter and co…
Haven't got a real lot of stuff…..mmmmm one load overfull, another trailer full they had to tow after borrowing a trailer….AND putting some on a pallet and freighting down….
Anyways they are here now.   They had to wait to Friday 4pm to get the keys back from their house as the tenants left the place in a pigsty. It still smells strongly of the incesest they burnt continuously in there…
BUT they are slowly getting everything in there…and should spend their first night there tonight.
They both start work tomorrow. One has a early morning shift and the other a afternoon/evening so William won't be in constant care. They are putting him into daycare 2 days a week for social interaction with other kids. 
Me…I am travelling along.
I am having my odd moments where food is still my emotional friend…
On the road travelling for 4 days food choices weren't the best….but I survived by doing 5:2 and only gained a little. 
This week has been different. 
Troublesome one rang me the other day from JAIL…he is in. He is on remand, has no idea how long for..said it could be 2 weeks or could be 2 years. Sorry son…I am not visiting. I do not want to see you in lockup. What do you do….stress, then eat then move on…he chose to go the pathway he is on. Hoping with a few friends in the know that he can get into a few programs that will help him go on the straight and narrow. 

Other son is having big time marriage troubles. He is out and about and not dealing with the situation very well at all. Tracey isn't the easiest person to live with….no matter what he does it is wrong and she don't care who hears what she has to say about him, she puts him down constantly to everyone…even us!! 

Anyways…I must suck up my emotions…and get on with it. 
I can't fight their battles for them….I can stand by and support them, but the choices are theirs to make. 

Saturday, February 04, 2017

5:2 and more….

Well 5:2 is going well. Last weigh in was Wednesday and that showed me another loss….thats now 4 kilo's in 3 weeks. 



Today has been a bad day for me, I have eaten way too much. My stomach is distended and sore…and I am angry at myself. I had a early shift this morning and from the time I opened my eyes I felt off…just couldn't get it together. Teary, snappy, unhappy for a reason I couldn't figure out till tonight. Today Mum's headstone would have arrived into the monument workshop. It will only be a matter of putting the plaque on and fitting it, hopefully we see it up in the next few days. 
Ted's mum's has been restored as she rests with Ted's Dad and his brother. It was looking very tired so instead of the new one they recommended we followed Teds mum's wishes and had it cleaned up…it looks new. 

Isn't my girl looking good…not the best pic but I love it. So proud of her. 


 Kylee and Garry and my wee man came down last weekend. Garry had a interview for a bakers position in Woolworths. They were very happy with him but he told them he could only move down if Kylee was offered a position too. With a few phone calls to other stores in the area by Garry's boss to be by Friday Garry and Kylee were told they were to start down here on February 20th. They will be working in different stores but hey they both have work.
The bakery in Carnarvon was put into lockdown while they were down here due to unpaid rent. All the shops there are in similar positions..but Garry and Kylee have really been struggling for awhile. They owe thousands….but hope that selling ovens etc from the bakery that will help with the debt. 
They both agree it was a blessing in disguise…they now can move forward to a brighter future. 
So next weekend we are hooking up our big trailer to the 4x4 and heading up to load their furniture etc and bring down here. Kylee and Garry should be packing up as I type and will have the house done by the time we get there next Saturday. 
A new addition will be coming down with them. William's little mate River…now renamed Riba as the young man can't say River, it keeps coming out as Riba..
Its all working out well..the renters in Kylee's house move out on the 15th so they will only have to stay with us a night or so till her keys are handed back. 
 Isn't he just too cute…and of course so is Riba 

Monday 6th…

I answered a reverse charge call from the troublesome one at breakfast this morning……Mum I am in the shit again, I stole a car that someone had left the keys in, I have to go to court again !!!! 
Me ... you damn idiot…haven't we taught you better…
Operator……that is one minute, do you wish to extend the call accepting charges of $4.30 a minute.
Me…… no and hang up.

Later I hear from a friend he also had 2 ounces of drugs on him too and also will be charged for possession. 

When will he learn, why won't he listen to us. We only had him out here for a night the other night, we talked and talked and thought we had got through to him. But once again drugs win, drugs mean more to him than us or his children apparently. 

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Trying yet again !!


Well thats a good excuse, wish that was my reason….the only reason I have is food is my comfort and I eat till I overeat…then stuff in some more!!
Joining ww didn't give me the motivation I needed…just been wasting my money…and now with my roster being changed yet again to fill in for others on holidays I can't make the meetings. 
I am just so over myself….I am heavier that ever….over my start weight when I started ww in 2004/5.
So what am I going to do….I ain't a quitter as you know…
Well my dear friend Deb had a operation on her shoulder, then went on holiday for 6 weeks and due to her recovery and the travelling she has gained big time too. During her recovery from the op she didn't walk….and soooo of course I didn't walk much on my own, not much fun when you have no-one to jabber too…..someone that you have been jabbering and walking with now for over 20 years!! 
Deb had been doing the 5:2 diet before her shoulder started paining her so we both giving that a go. I watched Deb loose weight on it last time she did it so I know it works….so yep here I GO AGAIN !!! Day 2 today, a fast time and allowed to eat only 500 calories….all good so far. 
Another friend started it last week and had a good loss so hey its worth a go….PLUS daughter dear is now in double numbers, she is 30 kilo's down now…she going to be lighter than me soon...

The troublesome one is giving me heaps of stress….why can't he see the big fuck up that he has made of his life?? Told him today after I helped him out yet again with food and a few dollars that today was it….NO MORE, I wipe my hands on him until he decides to straighten his life out.  Can't help him as he won't help himself…he can't see that he needs help actually…..other than bludging of me is what he considers help!! Hubby would kill me if he knew how much I have helped him. 
I don't want him near me at the moment…I love him dearly, but I don't like him one little bit!! He seems to think as parents we SHOULD help him out even though he is 34 !!! Nope…tough love is gonna happen. I am not going to let him threaten my health any more. 

Extra motivation….and its my mantra now. 
I want to lose 15 kilo's (more if I can) in 10 months. That works out to be 1.5 kilo a month…very realistic and very doable.
And the reason….we are off cruising again,….Fiji here we come at the end of October. We fly to Sydney and sail out of there again. 
Should have waited a bit before I booked it as I know prices will go down. This cruise is only 11 days and they usually cost about a $100 to $120 a day…this one is a little bit more. Ted reckons we been ripped off….but you know what I don't care, its paid for and we going. 
Life is too short not to get out there and enjoy. We have learnt that….and it was hit home again on Saturday when we had to say goodbye to another close friend. 





Sunday, January 01, 2017

Happier New Year


How I have missed these two ladies over the festive season so much.
Its been the worst and the quietest Christmas I have ever had. Saw most of the family in the week before Christmas, but Christmas Day right up to now the only family member I have seen is the troublesome son…(who is in the shit right up to his eyeballs, stupid idiot!!)
Christmas was kept alive with Kylee sending video's of the little man on Christmas…and on his birthday 2 days later. The 1st christmas and birthday we have spent without them being here. 
yeah felt very alone….thankfully Ted and I get on real well and we enjoy each others company…so we made the most of it. Done nothing, been nowhere….other than up to his mum's,  daughter, son and brother's graves Christmas eve. 
Both of us were missing our Mums…usually go and see Mum just before Christmas, which I did but this time I decorated her grave. Had lunch with brother and sister as we always do but this time there was a chair empty at the table. And we usually have a family get together up at Ted's mum's, all taking a plate of something and having potluck…

Ohh I did catch up with the gorgeous Rach between Christmas Day and New Year, a friend I met many many years ago at WW…we have remained in contact even though she has moved over East. On Friday we had a catch up…so lovely to spend time with her again. 


Today is New Years Day…another day just Ted and I. Went to bed early and slept in the New Year. 
Mooched around the house and caught up on some chores. And ate.
All my hard work with my weight loss has been blow to smithereens as all I have done is eat eat and eat some more. I know it doesn't help me, just makes me more miserable but I still do it.
Tomorrow I WILL get back on track….and see if this is my year to get back to the land of living…instead of just existing. 

BTW…pics of daughter….so proud of her. It was very brave to admit she had a big problem with her weight. Very hard to admit to herself that she and her weight weren't helping her with her POCS and having more children. I admire her courage in having this op and giving herself a chance to have more children…and if she can't….giving her good health to run after the little one and her stepchildren. 
 She has gone from this…………..
 To this………………………...

 I am a very very proud Mum.  


A Very Very Happy New Year to you all…..
May you all enjoy good health, happiness and joyful blessings.