Monday, August 31, 2015

August 30…Day 1

AND I will be doing this…...

every day 

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
And you feel like the biggest failure in town,
When you want to give up just because you gave in, and forget all about being healthy and thin,
So what your're over your points a bit,
Its your next move that counts...
Its the moment of truth, its an attitude change
It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
Its telling yourself "You've done great up til now, you can take on this challenge and beat it somehow"
Its part of your journey toward reaching your goal,
You're gonna make it, just stay in control.
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace, if you summon up the will to get back in the race.
But, of the strugglers when losing their grip,
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip,
And learn too late when the damage is done, that the
race wasn't over....they could have still won.
Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
but facing each challenge will help you grow.
Sucess is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,
If you bite, you write it....


I started my new journey again yesterday….I have promised myself not to give in…for myself I need to do this. I had a good day and found it quite easy. 
I have weighed myself…recorded it…and will not weigh myself again till the end of September. Weighing weekly I think, no I know I would be tempted to treat myself….

Right..its onwards…to a healthier me. 

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Happy 90th Birthday

Happy 90th Birthday Mum….we celebrated well, and I know you had the best day with lots of your family and closest friends.  

And I know Kylee enjoyed time with her brothers…especially Paul. 
Simon was unable to make it, 3 of his 4 kids had a gymnastics meet in Albany, place getters would be picked to go to YMCA gymnastics titles….and our Miss Zoe (and her 3 team mates) received a gold medal and get to go to the National titles. Would have been great to get a pic of the 3 boys and Kylee together though.

This was me in 2006 at this time of year, ….getting ready for the football grand finals. In 2016 I will be 60 and I so would like to be able to be able to look something like this again.
Since June 12th when we were told of Paul's diagnosis and prognosis I have really let myself go. I try to be strong, but I have been failing miserably. 
But standing in front of my bathroom mirror this morning trying to find clothes to fit me I realised I was not helping myself at all.
I turn 60 in February and that gives me over 5 months to get myself sorted out health wise. Its not going to be easy, I have to stop and think of me and my health. We have a hard road ahead of us but I have to find my strength and help Paul and his family fight this battle. 
And I need to be able to keep up with this little tyke too….and I can't do it looking and feeling as I do  now. 

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Home Sweet Home...

Well we are back…
Did we enjoy ourselves…yes we did….but the whole time we were away we wanted to be home too.
I caught up with my gorgeous friend Rach, wish we could have had more time together but I am happy that she'll be here in April next year so it won't be 6 years between hullo's.  

And I met the lovely Anni…thanks Anni for catching up with us, you look amazing…but best of all, it was great to finally meet you, felt as I already knew you, just had to put a voice to the words is all. 

Hubby and I have both got grey while away, hubby had hardly any grey in his hair at all before we left, now they are everywhere. All from the stress of what
Paul was going through while we were away even though we left with with his blessing. We rang him weekly and he rang us too and he reported he had more good days than bad.
We know even if we had stayed home there would not be much we could do. Tanya goes to all Paul's treatments and when she needs support she has her mum and her sister's and some very good supportive besties.
We are left feeling helpless and wait for them to ask for any help. 
He has started on what they call "The Red Devil" chemo and he said it had knocked him for a six for a few days….and his hair started to fall out in huge clumps…

So he shaved it and his beard off…..

I am scared, so scared of what is too come. He has scans after his next lot of treatment to see if has made any impact on the cancer.
I have been hiding my head in food…and I have come back as heavy as what I was before I lost all those kilo's before our cruise. I am so ashamed of myself…I loathe what I have begun and hope I can find the strength to fight for me and my health again. 

I need some sleep….a busy few days coming up. This weekend we get to celebrate Ted's mum's 90th birthday…..and I have dear daughter and my precious wee William down too….something to smile about. We hoping Paul is well enough to join in the festivities.