Grief…

 Grief can affect us in so many ways. Does it go away?? I don’t think so, the pain eases but it doesn’t ever go away. And it doesn’t need much for it to return, a song, a photo, a memory or a date will bring it back in waves.

The last few months with my son relapsing and falling back into drugs stirred up many buried memories and I grieved. I grieved for the son I had and I thought I’d lost again. I’d lost him for many years once before. Drugs turn him into a completely different person, a person I didn’t like, a person I didn’t raise him to be. Thankfully this time around he came out of it quickly, something I did not expect. 

Yesterday was my and hubby’s anniversary, 44 years together. Not bad for a relationship that many said would never last 😍. Yesterday we also grieved for the loss of our Paul as yesterday 10 years ago he told us he had terminal cancer. 

All the grief I have buried every now and then raises its head. Sometimes I can just weep and remember the good times, others the emotions overflow and I try unsuccessfully to not let them over power me. I get insomnia, I over eat, I get emotional and shut myself off just to name a few things. 

Life is not easy and it is ohhh so short. Today I am trying to embrace it. I have been scrapbooking and laughing and enjoying some lovely memories. I also rang my superannuation fund and closed off my account. I am no longer in paid employment and not receiving any wages. Hopefully I’m over the worst of the cataract surgery I’ve just had and ready to do it on the 2nd eye in a few weeks. Then heal from both, see the eye surgeon and be signed off….see the optician see if I need glasses…..then fingers crossed we can go away for a few weeks. 

I’d love to go for a cruise, love cruise ships and sailing the seas. 

Anyways….lets see what happens. 

Weigh in day, a sts.  I’ve cancelled ww, I’m not using the app anymore. Not many of the people I interacted with on there are there anymore. I’m going it alone again for awhile. See what happens. 

Catch you next time.