Some days are good, some days are bad. Sometimes I just want to go hide, other days I am just so darn angry with the world and have tantrums, other days I just cry.
Trying to take it day by day and take care of us as we do need to live our lives to stay as healthy as we can….we are really going to need our strength later on.
Trying to do healthy and filling still…very hit and miss at the moment…but I am trying. Can't remember what I weighed last week, I did track it on my E-tools on the ww site but because I have quit ww I no longer have access to that. Anyways I am 300g down from the last weigh in I had at a meeting….so I must be keeping it reasonably together. Today has been horrendous, I couldn't sleep last night, my brain just wouldn't shut down and I walked the floor till after 2am then had a crappy day at work….have over eaten to the max.
As I said my feelings and emotions are all over the place. Paul wants to keep things as normal as he can so thats what we are doing. He had his last lot of radiation for the moment, it is helping the pain in his back, and next week he starts chemo. He will be able to do that at home, as he will carry a cassette type pump that will pump it through the port he has had already fitted.
Paul, taken early this year, he is now 30 kilo's lighter…having lost most of that in the last 8 weeks.
Its a new day, another day of hoping that all will be fine….we have to hope.
I have had a bad week, been really struggling with my emotions, and me being me have hidden a lot of them by eating them. I have to try and stop that, have gained 1.2 kilo's this week.
Son has had some radiation, has more today and he has been fitted with a port in his chest ready to start some chemotherapy…he will find out today when that starts.
Our world has we knew it has been rocked. We are all struggling but doing our best to keep it together. We are a family…we are strong
And we are all going to need all the strength we can gather.
Our eldest son has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Diagnosis of 6 to 12 months to live.
Trying to make sense of all this.
And try to carry on and be normal. Its all so new and not a lot of people outside of the family and closest friends know yet.
I am still working and we will still go on holidays as we planned. We will be back in time to help out his partner with his children as he does his chemo and radiation.
Can't understand why we have to suffer this pain, haven't we as a extended family already suffered enough??
Weigh in tomorrow…I wil add that in the morning. I have more reason to stay as healthy as I can, will need my strength to support my hubby and my family
Porridge..yep Chris I ate it. Yes, it was filling and kept me satisfied. Did I like it….mmm still deciding.
Weigh in .5 loss.
And the answer is me, me, ME !!
I have tried this once before but I just didn't get it.
This time around, I am learning as I go…I have made a few bad choices, but on the whole I am finding it easy….and I am enjoying my food more and staying full longer.
Tomorrow I have a early start and on my breakfast break I am trying porridge for the first time since I was a kid. Everyone says its filling and tasty so I am going to give it go….can only try can't I? Used to eat it as a kid, I ate it then, so surely I can now…tomorrow morning I will know.
I weighed this morning…and I have lost 1.9, and that was hopping off on and on the scales 3 or 4 times as I thought it had to be wrong.
So I have 5 weeks to go before we head off on hols again… hopefully I can lose at least another 2 maybe 3 kilo's by then, BUT I am not putting any pressure on myself. I am just going to keep following this plan and get a few good long walks in.
Nearly bedtime, a 4.30am alarm for me…but before I go just another thank you to Anni, without you telling me to give it a go heck knows where I would be, I wasn't in a very good place for a while there.
Today I put my weight watchers on hold until I come back from my holiday. I have been so up and down with my weigh ins and my commitment to weight watchers. The weeks that I do really well haven't been showing any results and I have become so disheartened and have become "down"
No, I haven't given up, I am going to keep on going…but on my own with the support of my good friend Deb and Anni.
I, being so discouraged this past week went and saw my Dr as I was so down…and tomorrow I am having blood tests to see if my thyroid might be part of the problem, it was due for a check anyways.
Anyways enough of that.
This weekend I have had my son's kids stay over this weekend. The boys I picked up on the Friday after school and took them back Saturday afternoon and picked up their big sisters. They said they were staying 2 nights as Monday was a public holiday and had no school. Those kids deserve the treat, they don't get too much at home. Wish I could have them more.
I took both the boys and the girls up to their great nanna for a visit…that made her days…she loves seeing them.
And above is the latest from my littlest grandee…its getting cooler up in Carnarvon and the little man has too be rugged up in the mornings…isn't he just the cutest?
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My goal my June as well
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