Sunday, January 06, 2019

How am I going....

Im going ok...bad moments and good ones too.
Trying to focus on the now and me...but I struggle some days.
We lost a close friend on Christmas Day, one of Ted's best friends. Their friendship spanned over 55 years...the funeral is tomorrow. Im trying not to dwell on it...but Ted is hurting and so am I.
To throw into the mix I have had Shawn's girls here on the weekend, not meant to have them but the eldest girl has very bad anger issues and took some of them out on her foster mother. (threw a phone at her, kicked in the bedroom door and then proceeded to try and self harm herself) She has been struggling with Skye who just refuses to accept that she in care and refuses to let herself be happy....a very sad situation for us all. Amber after struggling for nearly 2 years with this situation (with some good times in the mix too) has asked DCP to take her out of her care effective immediately. Skye's mother who the girls talk to daily on the phone and messenger thinks it okay for her to show her anger the way she does..and encourages Skye. Skye says it ok too, "Mum says so" is her favourite saying. I must say in Skye's defence we have had next no problems with her here...a bit "mouthy" at times but no other issues. 
Anyways consequently I have struggled a little. Eating hasn't been the best today, and I will no doubt struggle tomorrow with travelling and the funeral....BUT I am determined to dig deep and find me again still.  As a dear friend (she is also a life councillor) said to me yesterday. "There is no "old " you. You are different now. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. Its going to take courage...but you will. Do not punish yourself". 
Right....onwards...I will be back. 

1 comment:

  1. One day at a time....hugs to you woth all the stress and sadness! As for eating healthy. Don’t aim for will never be perfect. Aim for something that you can achieve even when life goes crazy! My goal for January is not to eat within a certain goal amount...but JUST to track. Most days when I track I do well...because I’m cognizant. But just saying I’m going to track my food allows me the freedom to let ‘life’ be life!