Weigh in day

 And after a week of high emotions which included lots of chocolate the scales showed me a gain of “only” 400grams. I expected a hell of a lot more than that. Guess exercising 6 days of the week helped there. 

Son, well he still using, still drinking, still living out of his car. Wants to throw his job in and head up north. Says he can get another job 😳 Where or how I don’t know. He has loan repayments for next 4 years as well. He has no qualifications or trade, has a criminal history so wouldn’t get police clearance. All I can see is disaster ahead and him losing everything that he has worked so hard for. Hubby really not impressed with his “stupidity” as he calls it. No, nor am I. He doesn’t want anything to do with him. I think it’s stupidly too, but I want everything to go back to what it was. But that’s not going to happen because he doesn’t want it too. I know he spiralling down hill and not a thing I can do. My heart breaks 💔

The family we were…..

Sister hasn’t seen him, I don’t know if brother knows what’s happening, the little ones are missing him. 

Damn….

 

 Weigh in day….a sts today. Don’t know why as I walked everyday, tracked everything and I believe ate well. But it what it is. 

Went to the pool this morning and water walked. I so enjoyed that. My walking buddy is away for a week and this week is going to HOT 🥵 so early pool days for me all this week. 

Son messaged me today. Could I help him out with food till payday he asked? Yeah I suppose was my response. He called around this afternoon and I said what happened to your money this week? Wellllllllllll that went down like a lead balloon, he raised his voice to me and stormed out ranting.  I don’t know how to handle the situation this time. I don’t want to see him go down the same path he did last time. He spent his weeks wages in two days again…and asked for money for fuel. We can’t do that, in the long run it’s not helping him and he’ll come to rely on us and expect us to help him, even though we’ve told him we can’t. 

Hubby doesn’t want to help him at all, he so angry and disappointed that he has gone and done this to himself. I’m so upset and stressed out and in total shock….and want to help him but know he’s only going to take advantage of it. He decided to do this to himself. He decided to keep using and move out. 

It’s all breaking my heart. 💔

Tonight I want food, I want chocolate. And I’ve given in to it. 

 

Weigh in day

 Good news for me, I did not stress eat whilst all the ‘dramas’ with son was/is going on. Weigh in this morning showed a 800g loss ☺️

And on son he came home for a bit yesterday. He sounded and acted normal….but when you on a ‘downer’ on amphetamines apparently you do. Anyways he grabbed some clothes and said he wasn’t staying. He said  he felt too ‘closed in’ here and he needed to be gone, somewhere where he didn’t feel closed in and lonely. Gave him a bit of food, told him he was welcome here anytime as long as he was drug free as we refuse to go through what we went through with him last time. He said he understood that but this time was a ‘one off’   Do I believe that…no way 🙅🏼‍♀️

His friend living in his camper has been told to move on too. She has started packing up and carting her stuff away. Omg looking in there she had settled herself right in… 😳

Also had to tell him that his manager at work wanted to see him due to him not attending work, (he was having at least a day off a week) calling in sick or some excuse or other…. Anyhow got a message this morning today he was at work so guess that’s something.

 

Yes, it’s his choice doing what he is doing. He believes because he’s ADHD that this drug will not affect him. Really son!!!   

He has forgotten how much this decision to ‘use’ has on us and his extended family. We’ve been on this road before. It’s hard. I don’t want to watch him to lose all that he worked so hard for to be lost. It’s devastating to watch someone lose themselves in drugs. They cannot see the hurt that it causes the immediate  family. 😞 

So we’ll sit back and hope that he can pull himself back. All we can do. 

It’s going to be an uphill battle for him, that’s if he wants too. 

I’m devastated

 My stomach is churning, I’m not sleeping and my brain just won’t shut down. My son has relapsed. Not only is it alcohol but he is doing drugs too. 

We told son he had to tell his friend camping in the camper she had to go, she’d been here weeks too long already, we had agreed to 2 or 3 weeks till she was on her feet. Well that went down like a lead balloon. He started on at us…and out came the truth. It wasn’t at all pleasant, damn heartbreaking 💔 

His life is falling apart before our eyes. Once again his wages have gone in 2 days. He got paid Wednesday afternoon and when he left here yesterday afternoon he had next to nothing.  He’s been taking a lot of time off work and he has to go see his manager on Monday and who knows if he will keep his job. This has always been a drug free home and it’s going to stay that way so if drugs are the life he wants to live again he won’t be doing it here. 

He worked so hard to turn his life around and we were so darn proud of what he has achieved. It can’t have been easy. And then a so called “friend” comes back into his life and somehow manipulated him and turned our son into an addict again….just like he did when they were school friends.

Now what the future for him is….who knows. 

Ours will be full of stress, that I do know. 

Wow, my scales really liked me

 I just don’t get it sometimes. I haven’t changed much on my food and tracking from last week to this week and yet last week I know I gained though I didn’t weigh, the week before a small loss this week a big loss.   Just gotta keep plodding away at it I guess. 

Trying not to let the stress of son being a “bloody idiot” affect me. He is still drinking, try’s to hide the fact but it’s visible. He has a man bag, that’s constantly on him. I know he is hiding things in it and taking them to his car when his mate messages him. He’s got real sneaky. Hides away in his room, and shuts his bedroom door which he NEVER used to, constantly receiving and sending messages and going out till all ours of the night. Having to get up and leave to go to work at 4.15am this is something he very rarely did. He has changed so much. Everyday I worry. Hubby gave him a lecture the other day but it doesn’t seem to have affected him. Just gotta stand back and watch him. We have decided we are not going to lend him money, buy him smokes or enable him in any way like that. 

All this is for my record, so anyways thats enough. 

Daughter had a lovely birthday week. Her birthday was the 6th. The kids Dad agreed to have the kids on the weekend, so I took the kids up to train station between mine and his location so K had the weekend free. It was a long weekend so even better.

She had a party with her bestie and some other friends that they had organised on the weekend before her birthday.

The day before her birthday (she was working on her birthday) I took her out for lunch at a seafood restaurant….mmmmm delicious 😋  Also got her to choose a pair of top brand sneakers for herself as she really needed a pair. She is on her feet all day at her work and good shoes are necessary. She wouldn’t spend that on herself, her kids she puts before her. 

On her birthday I got her to come out after work. I fed her kids and we had a special cake and candles to celebrate 🥳 

Time to get off here. Dinner to organise. Quick and easy tonight methinks. I got called into work today and I’m tired. Plus hubby having dental work so it’s all “soft” and easy to eat food here atm.