I despair....

about my troubled son. Things are just not getting any better, actually getting a lot worse I think. Last night Hannah had to take another 24 hour restraining order against him, this is the second one now, last one was just before Christmas, as his anger is starting to take over and domestic voilence is starting to become an issue. Hannah is now at least half way throu her pregnancy...know one knows for sure how far she is, not even herself as it was an accident and totally unplanned and she hasn't been to a Dr yet!! Says she is too scared, really I can understand that with Jaydene just 12 month old and Shawn the way he is!! Its about now he is allowed back into his house and Hannah is going to tell him no more chances, either get some sort of help or get out and leave her and the girls alone, she can't cope with him this way any more. I support her fully there, how she has coped up till now I have no idea. Shawn has in the last year been getting slowly getting worse. But what way is he going to go with that ultimatium? Are things going to get better or worse? Is he going to try and get some help of some sort, any sort? My stomache is all churned up, I just can't stop all the thoughts in my head with all the what ifs, hows and wonderings....I am scared stiff about what is going to become of him. My husband can't understand how I really feel, not that he doesn't care, butI just feel so hopeless as thou I haven't done enough, scared that he is going to harm himself or someone else.......

Sorry....just had to try and get some of this outta my head....

Day off....

......from the farm, its finally slowing down out there, soooooo was able to have a catch up with my friend Rach and have a cuddle of baby Jasmin. Been awhile since Rach and I have able to have a catch up and have a natter....was great. Thanks Rach for taking the time out for a catch up....with a bub and a 6 year old thats on school hols that it isn't easy to find I know.

I then treated myself to lunch out....chinese chilli prawns....don't know the point value, couldn't find it, but no matter, they eaten now and enjoyed and have recorded 8 points for the pleasure.....guess they could be more but.....

Tracking is going well, weighing all food that I unsure of and excersising most days, thou gave myself a rest day today, the first one in ages. Am still doing my interval training, walking 3 minutes, jogging 1 minute is what I am doing till I get too tired, thou every day I am getting further and further before I have to stop the jogging and just walk. My next weigh in day is not January 28th....thats a public holiday here, so will weigh in now February 4th.....hopefully by then the demon scales will be very kind to me and move off this 72.1!!

Next on the adgenda was new tyres for the car....then more pleasure......visited eldest sons and played with the grandies Caity and Ashlee. Swam in the pool...the day has been hot and humid, no bathers and no way would Tanya's fit me, she non-pregnant is tall and skinny and soaking wet is 58 kilo's, so stripped down to knickers and bra....and had a ball. Kids loved the "jelly belly"...... thought it was funnier than mum's pregnant one.....lol Of course kids had to show off their bellies and their scars....Ashlee is healing well after her burn scare and Caity's appendix scar is starting to fade.....

Drs visit

Went to the specialist on Thursday but before I saw him had to go to a clinic and have a few other tests that involved having cathedars being put in to check out the strength of my bladder and muscles involved in that department. Not very pleasant couple of hours I can assure you. Then it was on to specialist, some ultra sounds , some more pokes and prods....and the end result is, I do not need a hysterectomy but I am having a operation on the 12th March to repair prolapse, having my bladder stretched (apparently it doesn't release as it should) and a few other 'scopies done as well.

Just glad all the tests were done, it wasn't a very pleasant day, it was all very invasive and my stomache cramped most of Thursday night requiring me to have a ultrasound on Friday morning to make sure no damage had been done by cathedars. If boss hadn't of rang up Thursday evening to say I wasn't required to work Friday he would have received a phone call Friday morning to say I was unable to work.....

All paper work has now been filled in, I am booked in and waiting.

Been a very quiet weekend, no kids, no grandies, just me and hubby. Just been pottering around, reading, playing pc and just doing nothing.....

No weigh in this week, going in next Monday the 28th. Have had a great week, started my new journal up and have tracked everything that has gone into my mouth, stuck 100% to my points and even calculated and weighed anything I was unsure of. Excersise has been terrific, have done more interval training, trying to jog more with my walking and changing my walk routes so I have more variety.....so next weigh hopefully will show a loss !!

Happy Birthday to......

It's been a week or so of birthdays.

Jan 1st we had Micheal, my boss, he was moaning and groaning about getting old and turning 40......so surprized him before I left work on new years eve with a parcel containing dark hair dye to cover all the grey hairs, some magnifing glasses so he can see better and a walking stick for those poor old bones of his !! hehehe .....he opened the parcel there and then and laughed his head off.....

Next came on the 6th was my dear little sis, quickly followed by littlest grandaughter who turned the big 1 year old

On the 10th Simon #2 son had his day, he shared that day with a very special friend of mine, and then on the 11th our eldest son celebrated, the 12th my workmate and friend Zoe, her husband yesterday, and tomorrow my eldest grandaughter Jessica has her 6th birthday. I now get a break till later on in the month when another good friend celebrates.

On Thursday its back to the specialist to get test results from last fortnight and have another series of tests, pokings and proddings......hopefully its not going to be too painful. ohhhh Anne glad your endiometrial ablation worked for you, I had one of those nearly 4 years ago and as you can gather it didn't work. Had a prolapse done then too.....and thats why specialist is running these tests on Thursday in the hope that this new surgery will work for me and give me better results.

And now my weight.....weighed in last night...and again I AM THE SAME!!!! mmmm was not happy, I have been the same since November 26th. I lost the plot last night and had a mega "pigout"....... which believe it or not, it DID make me feel better. But this morning I got out my new journal and I am now writing down everything that enters my mouth. I have my ww point calculator handy and checking all the point values of all my foods.....and on the weekend I will buy a new set of food scales. I have a ww scale which I dragged back out but it won't work, for some reason it has gone "kaput" I know I am only just over 4 kilo's over my goal weight, BUT I do not feel comfortable where I am, I worked too hard to let all my dreams of goal weight disappear.....YEP, I want my goal weight back and I gonna do it again......eventually, but I will !!

Finished work....

.....at lunchtime yesterday as at long long last it was the day of my appointment with the gyneao.... Was lovely getting out of work early as the heat was stifling, we had another one of those HOT days....phewwwwww!! Was worse in town at the Drs...just walking from the car to the surgery and I was dripping wet!

Anyways saw the man and after being questioned, jabbed, poked and prodded, examined and questioned some more Dr seems to think I won't need a hysterectomy. Seems all the trouble I had been having with the heavy and continuous bleeding was my swansong, as since then there has been no more. Still have a lot of menopausal symptoms but with my medications I can live with those. But yayyyyyy looks as thou those monthly's have gone forever now!! Prolapses will still need surgery, but firstly have to go back to Dr in 2 weeks to get results from yesterday and he wants to do some more tests. They apparently have a new surgical procedure which is less evasive, with less pain and less time recovering and he'll see then if I will be a canditate for that.

Will see what the next visit brings.

The weekend again...nothing really planned. Have troublesome son visiting, hopefully not in one of his grumpy moods......he shouldn't be as his little girl Jaydene will be celebrating her first birthday on Monday and I asked them to come around this weekend and pick up her pressie.... Wowwwwwww where does time go, she has grown so quickly. Just from Christmas to New Year she found her feet well and truly and now she RUNS!!! Will take pics of course...hopefully I can get one of her big cheeky grins. This pic is of her on Christmas Day, where she would only walk if she had something to lean on.........ohhhhh isn't she just a cutie.....

Happy New Year

Well its 2008......

Last night I slept it in, boring ehhhhh? I had worked all day, was tired, upset and "over it" !! Hubby wasn't interested in going out even thou we had had invites.....so another night in for us.

I rang or messaged the kids and their families....hopefully they all have the greatest of years. All I ever wish for is happiness and contentment for all of them.

Troublesome son will never find it until he wakes up to himself and stops blaming everyone else for his troubles and realises it is him and only him! Rang him yesterday to wish him all the best and to start off he was fine, then I said the wrong thing, or something he didn't want to hear to be more truthful, and got abused for it. I hung up.

And that brings me to my New Year resolution. After a lot of thought....I have decided that I am not gonna stress out and worry myself sick about things I have no control over. Yep like Mr # 3 son and his little family and what he can do to himself and them....as you know I do that, wellllll no more! Welllllll, gonna try anyways.

So hopefully some of you popped the champagne, partied or danced to the wee small hours, threw the confetti and made new year resolutions....

May this year be a year of good luck, good health and most of all happiness to you all.