Sometimes I wonder how much I should write on here...but I figure heck its my blog, its my feelings and sometimes if I don't write down my feelings I would go absolutely spare!! And today has been one of those days where the day has gone from good to bad, too bloody awful, tearful, end of tether then back again... I need my friend Wendy..the good little witch with her magic wand to work some magic and make things right.
The day started fine with a great sleep in and a cuppa bought to me in bed by hubby. Got up and washed the car, had a lovely chat with Berrie on the phone then went on into town to catch up with my son, to cuddle little Skye and bubby Jaydene. Son is so troubled, stressed out and not in a good mood at all. Silly him is still doing drugs (cannabis) and I just can't make him realise how much more agitated and moody it makes him. That family has enough troubles without him carrying on like this! They were at the Salvation army crisis care house but moved out last night to a friends house. I went there this morning when I found out they had moved and I was in tears....the unit is FILTHY...Its no place for my little girls, but what can I do??? They can't come here, son and hubby don't get on, hubby won't forgive him after a very nasty and unforgiving argument and if I could help them and let them stay they get taken off the Homeswest priotity list. And they are on the bottom of that list because they own a vechile and son has work..so that means he is not in desperate need. They have been trying for months now to get a rental...even a caravan, but the housing shortage here is severe..there are so many homeless people, it is not good at all. I am in turmoil, I feel as thou I have let them down as I can't help them, I know the system has let them down !!
Just wish I could get throu to son, or someone could. Kylee tried while she was here, they used to be so close, but he wouldn't listen to her either. Why can't he remember how happy, relaxed and healthy he was after he rehabilated 18 months or so ago??? Why can't he remember all the lessons he learnt there?? Why did he have to use again...whyyyyyy?? So many whys, and so few answers...don't think son can answer them either.
I wish my Dad or brother were still around...I could talk to them about anything and everything and days like these I wish they were still here. I have other friends I know I can talk too, I know I am not alone, but I don't like to burden them with this.. writing it all down like this does help. Ohhhhhh I wish, I wish...
I know this thou....I HATE DRUGS.....
Welllllllll I have just have come back from a long walk, it felt good to just chill out and let the world go by. Now its dinner time...a tuna bake, a early night where I hope I can get some sleep...then its off out fishing tomorrow...eeeeeeeek better go get out my seasick pills and leave them where I can see them to take with my coffee in the morning...
hi jen,
ReplyDeletejust popped in to say hi . i can't read the writing from saturdays blog entry not sure what colour you have used but it is really faint.
cheers
rach xx
hey jen,
ReplyDeletesending lots of hugs and encouraging thoughts your way, sounds like a bit of a rough time for you and your fam hope things get better soon, unfortunatley some people just don't see the pain they cause.
how are the fish biting today?
B
Being a parent is just so hard sometimes - I've been lucky with my boys - but have two friends who's daughters have drug problems and it just seems that they're damned if they do and damned if they don't. Every now and again they say they're just going to butt out and leave them to make what they will of their lives - but then they worry so much about the grandchildren and then hell - as a parents how do you stop caring and loving? No answers I'm sorry, but do sympathise deeply with your troubled mind
ReplyDeleteGosh Jen, i really feel for you hun, Drugs or soft drugs as canabis is known is so hard to deal with, hubby used to smoke, only recreationally (yup i know its just as bad) and i used to have a puff once in a blue moon (very very occasionally and b4 the family) Luckily Jase came to his senses and saw what his 'recreational unwinding' was doing to us as a family and he just straight out decided enough was enough, and that was the end of it. His brother smokes, has all his adult life, he's not a nice man, he lies, he cheats, he sponges of those who think there helping, he does whatever he can to have his smoke, he's a heavy user, starts the day with his cones, smokes infront of his daughter (7) and stepdaughter (10) they suffer the effects of passive smoking (mood swings, learning diffuclties and behaviour problems) he doesnt have a care for anyone, its all him, so long as he gets his fix, His partner owns the house, but hates him living there, she had him put in jail last year coz when he doesnt have his dope, he's like a wild animal (seriously, hes that agitated hes like a caged lion at the zoo, staring at you as it staaunches up and down the cage) he's a very scarey man, prone to physical outbursts where you just have to prey your not in his way, theres is a home of domestic violence and terrible emotional damage (for both his partner and the children) I used to try and help, but i have discovered that he first needs to WANT to help himself, and its ok to give up, but you have to stay that way, it used to tear my dear MIL (may she rest in peace) to pieces, she was in intensive care and he'd make her arrange money for him, she always used to say "jamie. you'll be the death of me" or " He will drive me to my grave" and "I wont get a minutes peace until im buried" and i sometimes ponder those words, she died at the age of 56 from a heap of problems that the drs say started from constant stress. He used to hit her, abbuse her, he was terrible, He hit Jason once, i was so wild that i stormed to his house and told him where he stood, he raised his fist and i said calmly, "please do, that will have you locked away and no longer our problem" (he was on several behaviour bonds) we havnt had any problems with him sinse but many others still do.
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry for prattling, its just your post bought it all back to me, i hope your son see's whats right Jen, for only he can decide to do it, i feel for his children, and for you.
Try not to dwell on his life to much (im so sorry as i can only imagine how hard that would be as a mother) I guess what i mean is dont lose sight of yourself and your life, dont stop living, enjoy the good things in your life and be thankful for them every day.
hugs and kisses
Erica x
Oh jen....what can I say...you know my love and support are yours always..and you are right this is your blog and you write what you will..I am sorry the day became worse as it went on...I am sorry that I didnt twig to your emotional drain when we spoke...
ReplyDeleteIts okay to cry..I think your fear i for the 2 girls what sort of life are they going to live with a father who just doesnt care aobut anyone but himself...because that is what it comes down too..he doesnt care...it is very sad..I think it is a hrd time for your entire family Jen and you are in my prayers and thoughts..wish I could do so much more for you...
Chin up sweet lady...you can only do so much...even though it tears your heart out..only he can help himself
Love to you and to Ted
Berrie :) xxxxx
Oh jen....what can I say...you know my love and support are yours always..and you are right this is your blog and you write what you will..I am sorry the day became worse as it went on...I am sorry that I didnt twig to your emotional drain when we spoke...
ReplyDeleteIts okay to cry..I think your fear i for the 2 girls what sort of life are they going to live with a father who just doesnt care aobut anyone but himself...because that is what it comes down too..he doesnt care...it is very sad..I think it is a hrd time for your entire family Jen and you are in my prayers and thoughts..wish I could do so much more for you...
Chin up sweet lady...you can only do so much...even though it tears your heart out..only he can help himself
Love to you and to Ted
Berrie :) xxxxx
jen honey i am here for you if you need to talk. though i cant fully understand what u are going through, i did notice something amazing at the end of the post and that is that you went for a walk. the best way to destress is to do something for you and not somehting which will hurt yourself so well done on that.
ReplyDeletemwah
d xxx
Jen, like the others I am here for you, it is better that you let it out, rather than let it eat inside of you. Hope you are feling better,
ReplyDeleteMel
Dear Jen, As with all the others I am here for any support that you need. It must be so hard to see it all happening in front of you and not be able to change anything. Keep your chin up and stay positive that he will come to his senses soon.. Chris xx
ReplyDeleteAs you have to travel your weight loss journey because you want to, so your son will have to travel his own journey because he wants to. Not much comfort, I know.
ReplyDeleteBut there are lots of people thinking of you and sending lots of wishes and hugs your way. Hope you're having a good day today. And don't get too down and dirty at the funny farm. That's a great name for a market. LOL.
And, yes, it is your blog. Write what you damn well feel like on it. If people don't like it, they don't have to read it. I'm going to keep reading it.
Janet
Geez Jen, I don't know how you stay sane....I'm just a phone call away if you want to talk darl.
ReplyDeleteNothing like a long walk to clear the head and get the feel good hormones working again....Keep smiling Jen, no matter what...we loves ya! MWAH XXX
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