Didn't go to ....

.....the weight watchers meeting tonight like I said I would. Just couldn't !! I am so far over my goal and no-one to blame but myself.....and BLOODY menopause!! For the last month I have tried to find my motivation and get my act together but just can't string more than 2 or 3 good days together. The rest of the time I just lose ther plot....I have just been a eating machine, eat because I crave it, not want it, eating just because I can even thou I know I am going to have to work my butt off to get it back off!! I have just been so weak-willed.

I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow night...hopefully he will have a solution/answers to help me with these darn hot flushes....lack of sleep is not helping me thats for sure!

I fly to Melbourne on Wednesday evening.....suitcase full of clothes that fit...just!!! And my camera...sure there will be a pic or two to take.

I have told myself when I come back that I AM going to get my act together. On July 5th hubby and I are off on holidays for 6 weeks. 6 weeks of sitting in a 4x4 as we tour the NT and WA coastline.....and NO way am I going to be sitting in that there vechile feeling darn uncomfy. I want to be back where I should be, feeling like I used to be.....

So it will be back to ww again, going to the weekly meetings and weigh ins till I go on our trip......

I will finish up with a pic of Kaleb....hasn't he grown.Shawn had his access visit as per usual on Saturday. He was very moody leading up to the visit....but those 4 kids bring out the best in him. Unfortunately they didn't get to have Shayden for his 1st birthday so we had a little party for him with cakes and drinks. Despite all his faults one thing they cannot say about him is that he doesn't care for those kids.....he loves them so!

Just....

....hanging in there....


I am having some good days and some bad ones.
I am trying, really trying BUT seem to have lost all motivation again....just can't seem to run 2 or 3 good days together. Sweet tooth has really kicked in too, really craving sweets! Menopause is not helping, these darn hot flushes are driving me crazy. I have made a Drs appointment, just can't hack it anymore, hoping I can get some sort of help/advice from him AGAIN!

Shawn had the kids on Saturday, 3 very excited kids they were, they were so happy to see Daddy and all played together the whole 2 hours. I had the pleasure of looking after Kaleb althou Shawn did give him his bottle and change him....
Don't know if him and Hannah have Shayden yet on Thursday for his 1st birthday....hope they do. DCP are very slack in replying to phone calls...

On the countdown to Melbourne....only a week to go.....

Feeling better

Its been a very busy week.....work has been flat out as per usual and I am coping just!! I am lacking sleep, darn menopausal hot flushes are still persisting BUT at least this week I have resisted all urges to raid the pantry while I pace the floors and ''cool down'' !!

Had a phone call from mum thanking me for a great weekend, despite the odd crack from her about my weight I loved having her here too! Actually I must get my butt wriggling and start sending out invites for her 80th birthday. We are just going to have a get together/bbq at my sisters house AND we have organised a harley bike ride for her too. We asked her what she wanted and thats one thing she has always wanted to do,,,so my brother has organised it! My brother, sister and I are also putting in and buying her a big flat screen tv as well.....

Tonight I did a quick trip into town and took Shawn to the chemist, he had a tooth out today and needed some pain killers....and of course had no money! Mum is always handy for that ehhhh? Strange thou he always has enough for his drugs thou! Anyways he was looking forward to his visit on Saturday with the kids.....espesially as the eldest boy turns 1 on Thursday. Be nice if he is allowed to see him then ...Hannah has asked DCP if it can be organised for them.

I have had a great week back on track so far....hope fully I can keep it up for the next couple of weeks...its only 13 days till Melbourne!

A good friend of mine gave me a good kick up the bum and got me all motivated again....thanks Deb!

Mothers Day....

My darling Mum and me

Another busy weekend in this household.

My brother dropped mum off on Friday arvo on his way up to Perth to spend the weekend with me so she wasn't on her own for

Mothers day, he will pick her up on his way home tomorrow arvo. Took her shopping today and picked up some great bargains. Think I might have walked her just a bit too far as her feet have swollen up tonight. Mum is 80 on the 1st July and her age is only just starting to catch up with her. She still lives independently doing all her own work including all her own gardening.....but she is starting to realise she just can't do all she used too!!

Mum and I get on real well......but she must ALWAYS have a stab at me and my weight and build and how like my fathers side of the family I am. My dad's sisters are/were on the large side always battling their weight like me. Where as my mum, her mum, her sister, my sister are all naturally slim!
Mum's first question to me on Friday arvo when I walked in the door when I got home was geeeeeee Jen those jeans are getting a bit tight on you aren't they? I didn't think they were but yeahhhh I am still battling in getting myself ''reined in'' ! I am really struggling but ahhhh well I haven't given in and I won't!! No way am I going to let myself get .... dare I say it ... like "my Dad's side of the family".

Shawn had his access visit at home again today. He was in a great mood despite all that has gone on in the week, things haven't been the best with DCP, Shawn and Hannah. Anyways when the supervisor came with the kids she said to Shawn Kaleb has a cold and his carer would like you to keep him indoors today if you can. Well Shawn hit the roof, poor kids were in tears there for a few minutes scared I guess that he was going to throw one of his tanties.....but he didn't, he got himself under control. But geeeeeeeee DCP has got a lot to answer too, I am so over them. They say they are there to protect the kids but I am afraid I don't find it that way....to me all they are concerned about isd the bloody paperwork. I am still waiting to hear back from them re the request I put in to have Skye for a sleepover.....how much paperwork does that require?? ohhhhhh and would you believe we HAVE to get a DCP police clearance if we want her to sleepover!!!

Anyways tomorrow all have a great MOTHERS DAY.....

phewwwwwwwwww

Ashlee Marie....

Phewwwww it has been a busy week....work has been sooooooo busy! It is meant to be our quiet time, well usually at this time of the year it is, but for some reason this year it has been full on ! Could be that the boss is in the progress of up-grading all our machinery, has bought more land and planted heaps more crops??

The work keeps me on the straight and narrow with my food, working long hours and out of town what I pack in my esky is what I have for the day. So all week I was great till Friday night. For some reason I was hungry and gave in and ''sabotaged'' myself, and once I started I kept it up! Need a kick up the bum I do as I was bad all weekend, not totaly bad but bad enough to do damage! I had kids/grankids on and off all weekend, they sure keep me on my toes but like their ''treats'' and so Jenna indulged them and herself too!!! Anyways.....its back on the wagon again for me tomorrow. Sheeeeeeeez why can't I get it together lately, this last year I think I have done nothing but yoyo ???

Skye Nicole and Caitlin Rose

Shawn and Hannah are battling on, they had court on Friday as DCP want control of Kaleb like they have of the other 3. I really don't know what is going to happen between Shawn and Hannah, it is so hard on them both. On Saturday they were really struggling and arguing....but talking to them today they seemed okay. I hope it will work for them....BUT only they can make it happen.

Me and Kaleb

Shawn had his access visit as per usual here on Saturday, he had all 4 kids here and Skye asked me if she could stay here till she was allowed to go home to mummy.....awww that broke my heart. I told her I would ring and see if she could have a sleepover so I am going to ask DCP if I could have a weekend of her staying here with us.

Shawn and his 4

Today I had Simon and Tracey's 4 here while they went away for the day...phewwwww those 4 are real live wires, sure kept me on the go.

Zoe Elizabeth, Jessica Lucy, Thomas Shane and Sheymus William

All quiet on the home front now, time for some me time and re-group and get my shit together again. Looking at the calendar I have as of tomorrow 3 weeks to my next weigh in. Hubby recons I should just get myself back to the weekly weigh ins as I seem to do better that way....mmmmm maybe he is right!!