Self sabotage...

The title says it all.

Im not doing well at all, UP another kilo this week. I can't, just can't get myself on track. I say to myself every day, "I've got this" then eat junk 10 minutes later.  I know I HAVE to reign this in otherwise all my hard work will be gone. I can see myself getter bigger and set in my old ways...BUT still I think.."it won't take long to shift, I've done this before" !!  But it will, I'm getting older and I ache. I know its not going to help me carrying this weight as I get older...I just have to find that mind set again. 

It's funny... I always seem to falter as I enter the eighty's or get close to them, and then self sabotage myself. 

I'm tired, need sleep. I had a good 3 hour nap this afternoon, then couldn't get to sleep tonight...so up now. But I'm yawning and ready to sleep again. 

Have to try again tomorrow. Even if I falter I have to keep on going. My poor Doctor as good as she has been, and helped and supported me so much I think is pulling her hair out in frustration at me. just as I am at myself....

So tomorrow...Im going to try again. And if I muck up, get straight back up and start again.....well thats what I am aiming for. 

Pfffffffttttt

 Well as you can see by the title....I didn’t manage to get myself on track. 

Weigh in showed a gain of over a kilo....and I deserved the gain, I ate junk, and more junk....

And I’m still floundering.....but nowhere near as much as I was. Day by day I’m getting better....but it’s darn hard. Why do I do this to myself all the time? I get to a certain point in my weight loss then pfffffttt I lose the plot.

So...above  ^^^^ this is what I’m trying to do....

And like below I’m trying to eat all the right foods to get myself 100% on track. 

I’ve had a few things on this week that hasn’t helped, my granddaughter turned 17 and a 1st cousin turned 70 and a surprise party was had for him. 

This week my goal is to daily improve....each day to try that little bit harder till every day I am fully on track. 

Yep,,,,I’ve got this...day by day...

Saturday weigh

 I weighed in on Saturday and saw a 400gram loss.

Then come Saturday afternoon, it was worktime. I had packed a healthy lunch BUT the girl I was working with bought some spring rolls she promised to make me in. WHY WHY WHY did I eat them????                   I knew I shouldn’t have because even though I tracked them it has sent me into a eating what ever spiral. Monday today...I’ve been running around all day and NOT eaten within my calorie at all....or even made halfway decent healthy choices. Same for Sunday, it was a eat whatever day there as well...a junk food pig out. No wonder my jeans are feeling quite tight ☹️🤐

Tomorrow I am off work...after school/daycare drop offs it’s going to be a “me” day. And a day to get myself back on track before I gain all I lose. 

Another weigh in....

 Weighed in last Saturday.....and disappointed to see only a 100 gram loss. ☹️  I thought I had done better than that. I had one indulgent day BUT as I promised myself I did track EVERYTHING. So far this week all is good. For the first time in ages I had a few alcoholic drinks 🍹 Saturday and Sunday night....AND once again I did track them. Last few days I have been drinking lots of water....hopefully I can flush them out of my system so I can get a better loss on the scales next weigh in. 

I have been struggling to find something for Kylee for Christmas. But the other day I remembered when William and Summer were a few weeks old she had hand and feet impressions done and put into a frame with their photos. So I’ve decided to get updated hand impressions done with photos of both kids now. 

So these are the pics I took this morning before I took them to school and daycare. Took about 20 rapid shot ones but by number 15 Sum was already climbing down off the climbing frame. Anyways these two    are the best of them. Sue the lady doing the impressions and the framing loved them, so do I. No time to get any others as Mum has them at hers while she on days off.  On Saturday I take them for their hand impressions. I’ve told William we going to see a lady on Saturday and he is not allowed to tell Mummy what she does. Fingers crossed he can keep the secret 🤐 I’m hoping that he be more interested in Mummy picking them up and taking him to Mandurah where Daddy will meet them ready for their 2nd overnight visit. They both always keen to see Daddy BUT the last overnight was overwhelming for them I think, it being the first time. William had a meltdown and needed FaceTime with Mummy to say goodnight before he would settle. And he has been very quiet about the sleepover since. They were meant to stay over last weekend but Daddy had other plans, he had a booked outing Saturday night with his girlfriend. Wasn’t even interested in spending Sunday with them. Anyways let’s see what happens, it’s going to be ongoing so gradually the kids will adjust.

Time for me to shower and get to bed. Work again tomorrow. 

Motivation...

I weighed in on Saturday...700grams down. Quite surprised at that as I didn't have the best start to the week. I am still in my online weight loss group and Saturday was the start of a new round. Comparison photo's below....I was so happy to see that the weight loss was showing. I was told yesterday when I went out to lunch with friends that my effortswere being rewarded...but till I saw this I hadn't realised how much of a difference there was. I notice it in my clothes...I now have to wear a belt in my work pants to keep them up 😀

The kids seemed to have enjoyed their overnight with their Dad and lady friend. He had to ring Mummy before bed for William as he had a meltdown missing her. Other than that he hasn't said too much about the visit at all. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing. They are meant to be overnighting again this weekend but he and her have other pre-booked plans 🙍 Mum is STILL waiting to hear if they have time for day visits....😏

Better get going, a few appointments to go too this morning.... 1 being eye checkups, I am constantly cleaning my glasses or adjusting them as my vision sometimes appears to be  occasionally blurred. 

Anyways out of here.....