Never made it to ww meeting....

nahhhhhh never made it, next week maybe...lately in my life it never rains, it frigging pours!!!!!

I was so looking forward to having some "me" times while things are slow at the farm.....I managed Monday, half of Tuesday and then wham....I was hit with chest pains. By evening they were bad, during the night they worsened so much so I made an emergency Drs appointment in ther morning. Saw the Dr and had ecg's, blood tests and thankfully any heart problems were ruled out, so conclusion ... some kind of gastric problem. All I need on top of everything else!! But did I get time to go to bed and be spoilt with some nanna naps....nahhhhhh no such luck for me. Get a frantic call from Shawn and Hannah...little bub Shayden had to be rushed off to hospital as he had 3 episodes of turning blue and choking.....could I have Skye and Jaydene?? What could I do .... say no???

Sooooooooooo thats what I have been doing for the last few days. Luckily from 10am to late arvo they attend daycare so I have had time to spend at the hospital with Shawn and Hannah and Shayden.

Just had a phone call from them now....and Shayden has had no more episodes and it seems that he was severely dehydrated due to lack of nourishment in Hannah's milk. Thankfully nothing too severe .... and easily fixed, Hannah is just going to have to supplement bottle feed. I can now relax and stop worrying. But bub is not allowed home till he regains his birth weight so looks like another night of babysitting for me......

I missed out .....

.....on cuddles yesterday. Shawn bought out girls and Shayden for a visit and the whole 2 hours plus he was here bub layed in his car seat and slept....I was not impressed!!!
Shayden Thomas Lee




I have today off work, boss rang me last night and apparently it is going to be a quiet week so might get a few more days off!!! Hopefully I can have a "me" day and do NOT much at all. Know one thing I AM going to do and that is have a "nanna nap" this arvo, haven't been sleeping real well of late. I also am going to go down to my favourite little "op" shop and have a good browse around and see what little treasures I can find, and then before I go home go around and see little Mathew....and maybe find him awake so I can have cuddles!!

Mathew Paul

ahhhhhhhhh well, time to get off my butt and make another coffee....and then start my day, it is nearly 9am and I haven't even made the bed yet!!

Meet grandie number 11

His name is Shayden, born at 10.16am on Wednesday 21st May, weighing in at just a tad under 9lb. Mother and baby both well, Dad proud as punch. "Jenna" has been fulltime babysitting the 2 big sisters, Skye and Jaydene while mum recovers in hospital and Dad goes to works. I can tell you it has been hard staying on track with little ones around....so tomorrow arvo when I drop girls off home with Hannah and Shayden I can prepare for a Saturday morning "get back on track" ready for my new ww meeting on Wednesday night and that dreaded monthly weigh in. But I am looking forward to this meeting, Dianne is a bright, bubbly, highly motivated leader who does inspire her classes to achieve.

Weighed in last night.....

..... on my scales and had a loss of 400 grams. Not much but heyyy it at least went downwards. I had a reasonable week, not 100% on track but I made an effort when I could. A few days I didn't excersise, a few food choices that weren't the best.....but I tried, but should have tried harder. Troubled son Shawn has caused a few hiccups for me this week ...poor kid is mega stressed out, his Hannah is a week overdue for their 3rd bub but that still no excuse to act like he does. Wish he would get his shit together and start acting his age. Anyways Hannah will be induced on Thursday evening if bub not born by then. In the meantime Shawn, having been on tenderhooks waiting for this bub, is starting work tomorrow....he delayed the starting of the job by a week hoping bub will be born. Hope working helps with his moods, it always seems too. This job is outdoors, on a farm which he likes and the person he will be working for has had success with troubled people and drug addicts like him...keep fingers crossed for us, his family, and pray that this will work out.

Next week I will be going to ww meeting and have monthly weigh in. It will be a new meeting, I am changing leaders. My old leader is dull, boring and un-motivating and I need a change. The new meeting leader I have been to before when I was losing weight last year, she has a very up-beat and interesting meet and thats what I need, I need to be inspired again. I still have a long way to get back to goal.....well it is a long way for me, to anyone else it is only a few kilo's.

Anyways will be back later in the week with news of bub when it happens.....

Have stayed on track...

Had a really great week food and tracking wise despite some upsets during the week, am proud of the fact that I didn't let any of the emotions sway me towards food . I weighed in on my own scales last night and had a loss of 1.2 kilo's.....so very happy with that. That still has me way too heavy....am still over the 2 kilo's allowed on top of my goal weight sooooooooo I still have some work too do. Had a slip-up last night and had an "oink oink " ...but on track and focused again this morning. Pouring with rain at 4.30am so decided when my day started at 5am that I would give my morning walk a miss today and have a bit of "me" time before heading off to work, so thats why I here on pc....but better get moving now, its nearly work time......

Soul-searching

Thank you my dear friends for all your advise......and for just being here for me with your input. I really appreciate all your comments.

The last few days I have been digging deep into myself and my old blogger posts and I think I have found a few answers. Welllllllll THE main answer. It being I need to weigh myself weekly, whether it be here at home or at a ww meeting. Since I have lost the weight the only time I have maintained, really maintained is when I was weighing in weekly. Since I stopped that, I have yoyo'ed. Why?? I think because I became to complacent....you know the story...." a little extra won't hurt, I have a month too lose it, don't need to weigh in this week" Guess we all have been guilty of that at some stage ehhhhh?

The only reason I stopped weighing in weekly is that I thought I was becoming too dependant on the scales.....you know relying on them to keep my weight under control. Wellllllllll hulllllllllllllllllllllo Jen .....wake up, its true....YOU do need those weekly weigh in's, you DO need those scales.!!! So yep.....those bathroom scales have come out of hiding....and I am going to use them weekly. Why I ever convinced myself I didn't need them god knows. It's not as if I am or have been a daily weigher, I only ever used to weigh once a week.

The past 2 days I have been totally on track, have been tracking, and yayyyyyyyyy I feel good, I am ready to get my weight under control again. Have pushed all my worries and issues aside for the time being....

Ready, set, am going !!

Need a shake up .....

I am so over myself....been so "woe is me" of late and letting myself down. Rightio I have had a bit of a bad run of late health wise...but does that mean I have to eat so unwisely. I know what I am doing to myself ....reaching out and losing myself in food is NOT going to help me. The scales told me tonight I need to do something before I let myself get out of control completely.

I am self-destructing, emotions on top of emotions are over-whelming me.....so I am reaching out and hoping that I can find the strength inside myself to carry on. I have so much to look forward too so I will not quit, I have to dig deep.

Been to specialist

And the verdict is that I .......

1) have scarring caused by the operation.

2) I had an infection after the op which has caused some problems too.

Anyways I have had a full on check - up, tomorrow I have an ultra-sound...and then next week I see my local Dr and if "bedroom" activities haven't resumed without no pain I will have to have a stretch done there! If still no luck it's back to the specialist where another operation will have to be done! Fingers crossed ehhh?

Had my first real drama since he has moved down this way with troublesome son yesterday. I had to leave work and try to sort it out. It was bad, he had a look I have never seen on his face before and HE was getting violent towards me which he has NEVER done, it was very scary. I had to call the police...but their hands are tied, there is nothing they can do, the way the mental health system works over here is SUX, espesially if it involves drugs!! Anyway he calmed down very quickly, and rang and apologised a few hours later, that helped.....but nothing is going to help him if he doesn't help himself and SOON!!!

I have thoroughly enjoyed having my girl home. Her and her fiancee have been running around organising as many wedding plans as they can. The date has been set as March 20th 2010. A long way off, but would you believe the wedding venue they have selected was completely booked out for 2009 and they were lucky to get their chosen date so that has been booked too. It is a beautiful peaceful garden setting.

Kylee and I have had some "girly" times and have thoroughly enjoyed talking weddings dresses, even looked at a few. One she has looked at I have fallen in love with...made me teary to see her in it. Can't wait to go to Melbourne and go looking again.

Kylee and Stephen fly out tomorrow night, ohhhhhh and I am so going to miss them, but its not all that long till I fly over to see them , remember I have my footy trip at the end of June....then Kylee flies home in February to be bridesmaid to her bestest friend. I will be kept busy over the rest of the weekend thou.....I have 3 or 4 of the grandies sleeping over for some Jenna and Pop time Saturday night.

I have resolved as from the moment I drop them off to try that bit harder to get myself back on track and lose these extra kilo's. I really need to, I have not been under control much at all these past few weeks, and have not tracked much at all. Been told by my hubby and a few other people they prefer me at this weight, even my Doctor, they say my face gets too gaunt and I look old when I am thinner which really spun me out.....but I prefer me at goal weight, after all its me that has to be comfortable and its me in MY skin!!