Saturday, December 12, 2009

Just can't do it anymore...

Just because I love my son, and can't turn my back on hubby and I are fighting. Ted is such a hard man when he has made up his mind. He says while he is the way he is he wants NOTHING at all to do with him, he doesn't want to see him, look at him, listen to him. When he comes out here on Sunday he will not hang around, he's going out, won't even stay to see the grandies. He hates me for letting Shawn coming out here, can't stand the fact that I let him. He would divorce me if I knew how much I helped that kid....but I can't give up on him, I just can't !!! After a yelling spat at each other this afternoon which left me in tears and him wandering off to garden.....he has this evening come in and talked as thou nothing happened. Hannah rang me in tears earlier...and when I told him what was going on there (a spat with Shawn) he just said they were as bad as one another.....which they are !!!
Got some good news from Hannah today thou.....Skye comes home for good on Friday...and the Kaleb early in the new good is that. Ted says they will stuff it up thou....
Shawn bought a car the other day, a cheapie but it goes and looks "soso" but he is so proud of it....Teds says he'll do something to it before the new year, prang it/trash it, drive it drunk ...honestly he just can't give the kid a little leeway, the same with his job...he recons he won't keep that! I know Shawn has hurt him, really hurt him but how can he just shut him out like that. How can he expect me to do the same.....
I have hit rock has just put the icing on it..... I feel I am useless, a worthless mother, I hate me at the moment.....just want to curl up in a ball with my packet of choccie bikkies and cry some more.......


  1. Oh Jen - my heart aches for you - what a terrible position to be in - and probably only one another mother would begin to understand. I can see you're torn in two. I think men sometimes feel that they have to take a stance and make a decision and then after that there is no going back or changing their mind - pride perhaps. Whereas mothers have the capacity for infinite forgiveness especially when it's your child and even when it means your heart is being ripped apart. I'm sorry I've no words of wisdom or advice for you - but just know that I'm thinking about you but you're certainly not a worthless mother - look at all those wonderful grandchildren without you and your love they wouldn't be there and the rest of your children are a tribute to you - it's only Shawn who struggles with life. And hey leave those bloody biccies alone - you know they'll only help for 10 minutes!!!! Take care and try not to despair. Zxx

  2. **hugs Jen** how you feel is natural and I'm sure most mothers would be exactly the same. You can't give up on him, mothers love their children unconditionally. Really hard when it causes friction between you and Ted. Shame Ted is going out and not there for the grandies, he doesn't have to approve but just to be there in the background would be good.

  3. You are anything BUT a worthless mother! YOu are doing what any mother would do... look out for her son/family.
    Your husband is only try to protect HIMSELF from more hurt I believe. He does not want to have anything to do with Shawn because he's scared Shawn will let him down again.
    Hang in there, you are doing what you should do.

  4. Honey you are a great mother and you are only reacting the way mothers all over the world do. I hope Shawn appreciates you! Ted is just protecting himself from hurt which is the way some people do it. Hang in there.