New Year....

I will be sleeping in the New Year. An early morning for me as I am walking with my jabber buddy.
I started my New Year Resolution today....the usual one...lose weight. I lost 12 kilo's before I went on our cruise....gained 5 of it since then....and boy can I feel it!! 
I want it gone...
2018 is going to be a busy year. I have a op in mid January to repair a prolapse (again!!!), our new grandchild is due in March, hubby is 70 in April (party time!!!) and then in May we are off on our holiday and cruise to Alaska/Canada and London.  
So I have 146 days to lose the 5 kilo's I gained and hopefully lose an extra 5 kilo's to get to a number I haven't been to in years....doable YES!!! I just have to stick to my plan....

So my last post for 2017 is to wish you all from my house to yours...Good Luck, good health and happiness for 2018.

                     HAPPY NEW YEAR 

Christmas Day

Had one of the best Christmas Days in awhile. Lots of laughs along with some good food and company. William wasn't well, but he was still able to enjoy himself. Was a little over-whelmed when Mummy and Daddy and his Uncles had a full on nerf gun war...then a water balloon fight.... it all bought a big smile to my face. Got them together and got this series of pics...I just love them....the bond between them shines.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to you all.
Hope you have had a wonderful day.

Nothing exciting....

is happening.....and it doesn't matter if it is as no one reads or comments. Just as well I do this blog for myself really.

Had a family gathering on the 25th for our Christmas. With the way things are at the moment its highly unlikely that we'll have the day together. The situation with Simon and Tracey is nasty and ongoing. Tanya rarely comes out here now that Paul is no longer with us, the grandee's are all growing up and doing their own things.....so it will be just us Shawn and Kylee...

Shawn is going real well. He's lonely and bored but is afraid to anyway in case he gets into the wrong company, and anyways he can't afford too. He has Shaz that has stuck by him, but I can't stand her, or trust her for that matter. Kylee and Garry try and help him out but with the hours that they work they find it hard. I am looking into groups and organisations to help him out....

And as for the "diet" ............

home sweet home....

Holiday is over, arrived back on Friday evening at 6pm and it was back to work at 6am next morning....I can tell you after that 8 hour shift I knew my holiday was well and truly over!!! 
We had a fantastic time....now its dream about the next one.....and you know what thats only 189 days away ....

 We enjoyed looking around Fiji and loved the people....but I don't think we'll go back there again....well not unless a real cheap cruise come up. Its a place that once you see part of it, you seen it all...well that was my impression anyways. The Fijian's are the most happy friendliest people ever...we enjoyed our time with them. 

All was well with everyone when we returned.  Kylee's bump is expanding....and our little GRANDDAUGHTER is a active healthy little girl with 10 fingers and 10 toes. 

Shawn has settled in home...he potters around here with his father helping him out. He is undergoing counselling and a few other activities that his correction officer is making him do under the terms of his release. As he said, its better than sitting around jail....
He is unsure as to how long he has to do all this counselling....hope they don't throw too much at him at once and he becomes overwhelmed...seems as though they might be as he has counselling for his well being, drug and alchohol and other for his "head space" as he calls it...

House looks like a bomb has hit it ... clothes everywhere, some to wash, some to fold, some to put away.... best go do something. 

Holiday time.....

Tomorrow morning is the day we get taken to the airport, we fly to Sydney and spend a few days with our friends who will drop us off up at the ship on Sunday.....
Today we have spent doing the last minute things, I stripped the beds and washed towels, had my haircut .... Ted mowed the lawns, put the retic on a timer...

Kylee, Garry and William are moving in to help Shawn out, plus he will help them with the babysitting duties while they both work. 

Kylee is going well, getting quite the little tum now ^^^^^^
She has a ultrasound on Monday, and she can find out the gender too. She has decided if "its" legs are open and they can see they will find out BUT if they have to look to see they won't find out.
She has been given instructions to Facebook message me as soon as possible with gender. 
I thinking girl. 

Right off to zip up cases and weigh them. 

Slowly slowly.....

Slowly slowly the weight is coming off...100g last week, 100g this week. I don't make it easy on myself, I tend to become a little piggy on weigh in day and the next day, then spend the rest of the week trying to rectify my binge. The tape measure and my clothes tell me lots of inches have gone!! And people are noticing. I see a difference in my pictures but not in the mirror. Disappointed in myself, I could have done heaps better if I stopped treating myself and stuck to my plan. But just the same, I am happy with the results that I have achieved, 12 plus kilo's gone since the 17th January. 

My troublesome one is settling in well. He's onely but is starting to believe that his family still loves him despite all that he has done. He is getting on real with his father again, and his brother and sister. He looks great. He was about 70 kilo's when he went into jail, he looked just skin and bone, very unhealthy. 

This is him now, a 100 kilo's, clear skin with a healthy appetite. A real pleasure to have around. I so enjoy his company once again. 

His sister is now 17 weeks pregnant...and all going well. She is slowly getting a nursery ready for our little bundle due March next year. Its going to be a "surprise" much to my frustration...I would love to know what she is having. Kylee was over 100 kilo when she had William so its hard to pick the difference between the 2 pregnancies. 

 The 2 pics above are Kylee, the first one she was nearly 7 months...but I think you could see thee difference in sizes. Kylee really feels this one is a girl...I am hoping girl too.

And this gorgeous wee man can't understand why Mummy is taking so long to grow his baby bruvver ....such a cutie. 

Now before I go...the countdown to our holiday/cruise is on. We fly to Sydney on the 26th to say with friends before sailing out to Fiji  on the 29th. We go to Lautoka, Suva, Lifou Island and Vanautu ... soooooo looking forward to it. 

Where's time go??

Well where has time gone...hullo October !!

Been so busy with shifts at work, babysitting William and in between I have attended a few court cases for Shawn.
He is out now....got out on Friday on a 2 year suspended sentence on his own surety.
A long road ahead of him....BUT he seems prepared to face it.
Being inside has changed him for the better. A lesson has been learnt I think.
He is living with us for the time being. We are not minding that, as I said he has changed and he is actually a pleasure to have around. Its been a long long time since I have been able to say that!!

He has put on a heap of weight back on,  the dark skin caused from use of drugs has gone, his eyes are clear....he looks great.  Kylee and him already have got close again and he is enjoying time with his little nephew. 
We are trying to arrange some time to spend with his own kids while they are on school holidays.

Now weight....yoyo'ing a little till last week then I dropped 1.4 kilos and I am now at the lowest I have been in a long time. THEN last night I had a small binge on bread which I haven't been eating very much of.....

On cruise countdown now..25 days and we fly to Sydney, 27 days and we will be sailing......

It's Facebook official !!

Kylee had her 12 week scan on Monday to check out baby spine etc and to make sure that twin 2 was being absorbed by her body. It is...all that is left now is the sac. Twin 1 is growing as it should...and quite a little wriggle pot!!

Nothing else of excitement happening.

Simon and Tracey begin mediation with their split. Simon had the boys on Fathers Day, the girls won't acknowledge him. 

Shawn still in jail, put on heaps of weight, totally clean of all drugs and alcohol and he says it will stay that way! Lets hope so. He has been in there 7 months now and apparently goes to court next Monday for sentencing. We wait to see what the verdict is. 

My weight...up and down like a yoyo still...but not drastically. Hoping to get it together, 48 days till my cruise...would love to lose a few kilo's. 

Its been an emotional rollercoaster...

The last few weeks have been a real emotional rollercoaster.

Kylee came back from her holiday and had her ultrasound which had been booked before she left.

We found the reason she was showing very quickly, she was carrying twins....but twin 2 was tucked up behind twin 1 and they discovered it was 10 days growth wise behind....and they couldn't detect a heartbeat.  So Kylee's Dr gave her a referral to have another scan done today, but unfortunately the same result, twin 2 has become a little angel.  A blessing is that twin 1 is ok, a very strong heartbeat and going ok. 
Kylee is sad of course, as are we. We understand its natures way and we'll be happy that we still have a gift growing.

The twins...as you can see pic is upside down...and twin 2 is slowly being absorbed. 

Twin 1...good strong heartbeat and growing well. 

Kylee at 10 weeks. 

Onwards....

To start...some progress shots.
My online weight loss group started a new challenge on the 1st of August. The last challenge went from beginning of May to end of July...I lost the grand total of 1.7  I was the typical yoyo that I am....BUT I must been doing something right as the inches are less....my clothes are fitting better and I am wearing clothes I couldn't fit into 3 months ago.
Anyways just had 1st weigh in for this round...and recorded a loss. I have a lot that I want to achieve this round....so I am motivating myself onwards. 
Hopefully none of the stresses will interfere with my emotions too much...stress usually means eat to me.
There is still anger/hurtswith Simon and Tracey....they will be ongoing...but I still think he has done the right thing. He looks like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he is smiling again. A girl friend that he has might have something to do with that. A lovely girl that understands where he is at the moment and is listening to him. 

And talking about progress....look at this....

Kylee is in the Gold Coast on holidays at the moment...they were there last 3 years ago....so this time they had an updated pic done....wow ehh??

Shawn is still in jail...I still have not visited. I cannot bear to see him in there dressed in the prison greens. I talk to him on the phone once or twice a week and he is ok. DCP took his girls in to see him last week and this week I believe he gets a visit from his boys. 
Court is in September for him....his lawyer is hopeful that he will get "time served" as his sentence. Lets hope so...then we can see if he can get his life sorted out. He says he is determined too....I live in hope.

Stress....means eat...

Yep....thats the story....
I stress, I eat....and all good intentions go out the window....
Last weigh in I got to a weight I have not been too in a long long time....and then this week coz I have "stuff" going on what did I do....yep I bloody ate....
Wham bam thank you...and on goes 1.3kilo's
And did that stop me eating....nahhhhhh...
My online group starts new challenge on Tuesday and I will be sucking it all up, showing my weight and moving on. I am determined this round to get to my goal that I set last round. Its 3 months exactly to our cruise.....and I so want to board that ship looking better than I do now!! I have come a long way since I started 5.2 in January. It hasn't been easy with all the grief but I have persisted and 10 kilo's has gone. Yes, I am still eating my emotions, yes I am still yoyo'ing but yes I am still trying and NOT giving up. 
So thats where I am at...

A fast day today....and I am so gonna rock it and get back on track. 

Right onwards....

Dear son has chosen a new path.
Him and Tracey have split...one of my stresses. Its nasty...very nasty. The eldest of his children has turned against him, sending him a nasty message.....a message that her Mum had a lot to do with I think as it was nearly word for word to what Tracey is always saying. She is always right.....and everyone else is always wrong. 
Really for all the troubles Simon is going through I honestly think he is doing the right thing. I can only hope that one day those kids will see it that way too. 

Dear Daughter....6 weeks!!
Look at that bump!!
We take her and William and Garry to airport on Tuesday, they fly to Melbourne for 3 days, then onto the Gold Coast and then Brisbane...be away for 3 weeks. On her return she will book in for a scan..
Is it 1, is it 2? 

Those exciting plans I was talking about for next year are still being planned.
Ted and I will be heading off on a "dream come true" holiday in May.
Will keep you updated.....

Just a quick one....

I need to sit down here and write more than I am today...but I haven't got the time.
Things are going on....Simon has walked out on Tracey and is not going back....after years of being put down he has finally had enough.  Pity it had to come to that as deep down Tracey has got a heart of gold, but she is very opinionated and its always HER way..so much so the kids are the same way as she is...        Anyways no time to express it all...no matter what happens I am there for him. 

Some good news.....

Shhhhhh she is keeping it very quiet for the moment....hard to do as she is very excited but there are reasons.


Weight 2.1 down in the last 2 weeks...its been a struggle, and this week hasn't got off to a good start. 

Time to move it...

A gain for me this....this playing catch up every week HAS TO STOP!!!
I indulged last Friday and Saturday after weighing in....and I have done the same this week.....so WHY am I doing this to myself??
I really want to get down to my goal but I keep sabotaging myself. That HAS TO STOP too!! 
If I want to get anywhere I need to get my head in the right place again, get those joggers out and use them and just move it !! 

Right onwards....and lets hope I haven't set for myself up for another gain this week....

Again....

It was Happy Birthday to my mum yesterday, the 2nd birthday we have had without her.
Was a horrid day for me....I really missed her. And yep....did my usual,  ate my emotions....
I could hear her saying "your ass won't fit in those jeans Jen" but all I wanted to do was drown my sorrows..
Talking about Mum this morning with hubby...and he made me realise even though we lost her when we didn't expect too we had her a lot longer than we thought we were going too. Mum survived bowel cancer in 1993 when she was in her 60's and then in 1994 she survived liver cancer....so we were lucky that we had her as long as we did.  And even if she had survived her stroke and her fall, she would have been in a lot of pain and she would have had to spend an awful lot of time in hospital and rehab and there is no way she would have liked that. Mum hated hospitals. 

Anyways....after a great week last week where I had a good loss on the scales....this week its going to catch up time again. 
I better get to it and stop the dilly dally'ing if I want to get on that ship in 4 months time weighing 10 kilo's less than I do now...

Yoyo'ing

That's me....a yoyo....
I really have to get myself sorted out....and focus and commit to my plan. 
Its only 4 months to our cruise and I want to lose more weight before we go.....but I keep sabotaging myself....that will HAVE to stop if I want to meet my goals. 
Its easy to say...now I just HAVE to commit.
Only lost a 100g this week...due to me overeating on the Friday after weigh in, continuing the pattern on Saturday before pulling my head in on Sunday and realising what I was doing to myself.
Exercise has been next to nil other than what I do at work...been so tired of late, lazy too...no excuse, I have had the time. 

So lets see if I can break the cycle. 

Happy is...

And ain't that the truth.....I just hugged that lady, she made my day...

Not only are the scales showing me that....
so is the tape measure....
And so is my diary...just love watching those numbers go down again...

The last 2 years have been absolute hell...and its great to finally be able to concentrate properly on me.  The overwhelming grief has gone, though some days I a memory, a photo, a song or just a thought will have me in tears..
In a couple of days it will 2 years to the evening that Paul came and told us he had terminal cancer and had only a little time left with us. 
I know that is the reason our troublesome one is in jail....what with that diagnosis, his death, followed quickly by Mum's accidental death and then Ted mum's, his grief overwhelmed him and drugs and alcohol numbed it all. I know I completely forgot that when we lost Rosemary in 1996, he as an teenager found them to numb his feelings then.  The troublesome one has a long road ahead of him.... 

Got a quote today on our trip of a lifetime. A few more things to iron out yet....but it looks like late May we will be travelling..... 

I'm back......

Not that I been anywhere....
Its been work and sick for me....yup I got the lurgy...

Last Wednesday I went to work feeling just a little ordinary....but as the day wore on I just started feeling worse...and worse. Throat felt like I had razor blades in it, and my head was pounding.... 

How I finished the day I don't know....  I left work 10 minutes before I was supposed too, but hey I couldn't stand it another minute. Drove home, gave hubby a hug, took some pain killers and fell into bed. Thankfully I had 2 days off because bed was where I stayed. I lived on sips of water....thats when I wasn't sleeping. 

Saturday morning I had a early shift, and though I wasn't 100% I made it through the shift, came home and just chillax'ed out in front of the fire.

Sunday work again, but thankfully I was 90% better, drink and small amounts of food were getting past the razor blades in my throat. 

Monday was a day of rest....no work thankfully so by Tuesday morning I was fully rested up and 95% ok. 

I am still not back to 100% but geee anything is better than feeling like I did Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. 

One thing it did do was get the weight down. Lost 1.3 and now at a number I haven't been in awhile. Regained some of my mojo and feel like I can finally get motivated again to lose these kilo's. I have a figure in my head that I would like to be by the time we go on our cruise at the end of October. 

The troublesome one is still inside. Every phone call we receive from him is full of him staying clean and finally doing something with his life when he gets out.  Lets hope so. I will support him all the ways I can...but till I see it happen I can't be confident that it will. Heard those words so many time before to no result. When will he be out...who knows, court dates come and go and they keep on getting deferred. 

He had a visit from DCP a few weeks ago, and all his kids have been taken off Hannah and her partner and put into full-time care. On speaking to DCP Hannah has not been protecting them....heck knows what those kids have been through. I have reported Hannah a few times after being told stories by the kids. So had Shawn. At least now they will be fully protected (hopefully) till they are 18 now. Shawn and I have not been denied any access. 

Ted's mum estate has all finally been settled. Ted and his 2 brothers received some dollars after the money was divided....and the grandchildren all received a few thousand dollars too. So Shawn will have a small gift from his Nanna to help him out later on.  Kylee is using hers to buy a 4x4 dual cab so she can take her little family off the beaten track fishing and gives her room to put her dogs in the back too.  Us, well we decided a long time ago we would live out a dream and go to the one country we have always wanted to visit.  Plans have been put in motion....

Lets try again...

Well the above tells you whats been happening in my world....I am trying to stay focused but keep falling into a heap and going to my old friend and standby food. Then get upset at myself and pull myself together for a day or two then low and behold I eat again.  So my weight for the last 2 months has yoyo'ed....I am getting nowhere. My goal that I set for my cruise in late October will NOT be met if I keep that up....so today I begin again...
I am giving it my best shot anyways.  Its about my mindset...and my mind is made up... 
I am tired of being tired, I am tired of being upset with myself, I am tired of failing..... I just want things in my life to go back to normal.  

New Month...new goals

 This is our eldest grandson Luke at ours cutting the cake at his 21st birthday party we very quickly organised for him.
Simon rang up on the Wednesday night to say Luke and his girlfriend Katelin would be down on Saturday and he had bought up with him that he would like to have a 21st for him...and by the Mum its at yours on Saturday night. Cheers Sonshine :-)  But we got on the phone and Facebook and between us all the night was organised.
Simon organised the meat, we cooked a lamb roast, a beef roast, potato's in their jackets, had bread rolls and gravy. Others bought salads and nibbles. Kylee and Garry made the fantastic and very tasty cake. 
Luke had the best time...and he is still thanking us for the wonderful time he had catching up with relatives and close friends. 
We all raised our glasses to the people missing...especially his Dad 

 Tanya had already made plans to go away that weekend so she missed out on the party....so Luke made a special trip down to catch up with her and his little brother and sisters. 
He also got to go to his Dad's resting place for a visit. Very emotional for him.. He didn't come and see his Dad whilst he was battling cancer, he couldn't cope seeing his Dad fade away. 
Luke is a very sensitive soul...looks like his Dad, but so different to him though. 
Its great having him around a lot more though...he will be down again this weekend too. 

Well today is the start of another round of my online weight loss group. This last round I have done well...lost some weight...and put very little on.
I am loving the 5:2 way of life...
BUT I do have to stop "treating" myself with food...which I have made a bad habit of doing so.
Thats my challenge this round...starting tomorrow .. as today I have NOT  been too good at all.

Weeks of birthdays...and Easter

Easter eggs, chocolates...ahhh they are my friends this week and Easter isn't officially here till tomorrow.....
I have had a terrible 2 days, tears for no reason, sad for no known reason...and then I remembered...Mum's funeral was today 1 year ago. Geeeee I miss her.
Food has always been my choice of comfort....on days like the last 2 days I wish it wasn't. I have binged and I feel so darn sick for it....hopefully I won't crave chocolate again for a long time!!! 

Lots of birthdays this week and next.
We have just had Caitlins...she is Pauls eldest, she turned 15 on Saturday.
Today is Kaleb's...he turned 8 today...he is missing his Daddy too.
Yes...he still in prison, doing as well as he can be in there. I still haven't visited and I don't intend too. I have no desire to visit there and see him in prison greens...nope not going to do that!!
A friend is taking his 2 girls (13 and 10 years) to see him tomorrow....he is looking forward to it. He rings once or twice a week, he says he is clean of all traces of drugs, has put on weight, his skin is clear...so being in there has helped in that way.
He still on remand awaiting sentence...he hopes to get that at the end of this month...apparently it was was to be on the 6th April but he asked to pay off his fines with more time so it was put off till the end of the month.

Matthew has his birthday on Tuesday, as does Hannah (Kaleb's mum), 21st is Tracey's, on the 25th Luke our eldest grandchild turns 21...and then Ted has his birthday on the 27th.
April is our horror month for birthdays....guess every family has months like that.

Feeling blahhh so off to bed to read my book, another work day tomorrow.  

Mum's Anniversary.

It was 12 months since we lost Mum on the 31st March.
The past 2 days I have been lost, overwhelmed with sadness....back to my old ways of eating my emotions and drinking.....
But today I realised Mum wouldn't want me to do this to myself...I am hurting but in the long run I am only doing damage to myself. After the journey I have been on during the last 18 months I HAVE to look forward, I don't want to go back there again. 
So today...I suck it up...and begin again. 
Heck... BUT I miss her so much....

Sis went to her resting place on Friday and left flowers from us both. The headstone I organised is on....went down there 2 weeks ago and approved it. My brother and sister came out and we all viewed it together for the first time.
Everytime we go there birds are present.  The day we said goodbye there was doves, the day of the headstone viewing it was parrots, Friday Sis says there was a willy wag tail hopping around....Mum loved birds and was always feeding them.

Spread those wings Mum and fly high with the Angels xx