I'm back...

And fatter than I have been in a long time.....I feel yuk!!! 
Just looking at myself makes me want to cry.
Looking at the scales does.
I have gained 14 kilo's since January 11th to now....
A doctor visit today....then its time to get rid of this fat again!!! 

 I loved the cruise...had the best time with my sister...met some fantastic people...6 nights just wasn't long enough!!!  

Getting there...

On February the 1st the online weigh in group started another new 3 month round. The last round was my all time worst round ever!! I went from my lowest weight in a long time to my highest weight in a long time. Some of it I will admit to cheap shonky scales...but the rest there is no one to blame but me. Lost focus, self sabotage, whichever way you like it all boils down to me losing the lot plot! 
Food is my go to when I am down, I'm an emotional eater and you would think I would have THAT learnt my lesson by now, heck I am nearly 64. I have been battling my weight for most of my life. I wasn't overweight as a child, but once I left school, married and started having children the weight slowly started going on. More so when I was diagnosed with an inactive thyroid...and that was after my daughter was born in 1985. So from then to now I have played the yoyo game....lowest being 64 kilo's to highest 114kilo's. I have lost weight with Jenny Craig...kept that off for 3 years, done Easy Slim and lost weight but the group folded and the weight went back on.  Weight Watchers was my biggest success. I started that in late 2004 got to goal weight of 68 kilo's in March 2006. I kept that off for over 5 years though I settled on around 74/5 kilo's. But then life got in the way and I ate my through them. I have managed not to get up into the 3 numbers again...and hope I never do again. 
I tried ww again last year, but what with work and looking after grandies I couldn't get them to gel...even online. I haven't been able to get into ww since I became a lifer. 
I am doing lazy kept now....and I love it. 
Yes, I do fall off the wagon and eat what I shouldn't but I am back to it again..and hope to get my starting weight down before I go cruising on the 19th. (First weigh in since starting this round is tomorrow morning so I will do a edit in the morning)

EDIT :- I lost 1.4 

I know I am not going to be able to resist while on the boat but I am hoping on my return to slide back into kept mode. 

Where am I at....

I'm lost...

So much going on...I've lost focus...BUT I am slowly working my way back in the right direction.
Weight is up...it only takes a few days of poor eating and those demon scales tell me off...but I have promised myself after this long weekend away I will be back fully on track. Will need to be...I won't fit into my clothes I have packed away for my cruise which is only 4 weeks away!!!

Paul 50th

Paul...as we like to remember him...beer and a smoke down the beach fishing....

Paul a few weeks before he passed..

Having a bit of a hard time today.
If Paul had lived he would have been celebrating his 50th birthday.....
......well actually we are going to celebrate later tonight. His partner Tanya and his 3 kids with her are putting on a small party so we can raise our glasses and say cheers....

Slowly getting back on track.

First up, to each of you all

Happy New Year
I wish you all the very best of everything for 2020

Ahhhh how true is this....to those that know me they would agree. I am forever losing my keys, my phone, my iPad... I put them down and then later on walk around in circles looking for them....

Anyways an update...
It was weigh in day today and since the 21st of December to today I have lost 1.2 kilo's.
I'm not 100% on track, but I have stopped the constant eating of junk and thinking a bit more about what I am eating.
Its a battle, a constant one...but I am getting myself back on track.
Its 6 weeks till we cruise, we being my sister and myself. Can't wait!! Its only 6 nights from Sydney to Hobart to Melbourne to Sydney but we counting down to it.
My sister hasn't done any travelling at all so its going to huge for her. 

My aim from now to then is to lose at least 4 kilo's. Hope I can myself together enough to do that. Have my nieces marriage vow renewal tonight...then I can work hard till the 24th when my brother gets married and a long weekend away. After that is only 3 weeks till we fly to Sydney.
Eeeeeeeeeek putting it like that its not long at all!!!

Been Missing....

And yep that means that....

I been feeling and looking like crap.

So what doI do, I eat crap...and then MORE crap...then feel guilty about that and so begins that vicious circle all over again.

Didn't help that my scales went haywire, so I bought new ones....and they were a lot higher than the old ones.

Anyways...as I have been so down and out about myself and my weight, I have given myself to Christmas Day off...then Boxing Day I jump back on the Lazy Keto way of eating. 

William turns 6 just after Christmas...so as he has been to so many parties of his pre school friends this year we gave him an early birthday party so his friends could come. It was a super hot day, so the slippery slide was bought out, the sprinklers were turned on, the  the water pistols and guns were bought out.....and the kids had a blast!!!  

Soooo tired

I am so tired. 
Fallen into a hole and really struggling to dig myself out....but I will.
I need to. I don't want to go back to where I was.
Keto/low carb is working for me, makes me feel good.
But things are happening here...and I am emotionally eating.
Remember the granddaughter we were looking after, the one that kept getting suspended at school, the one that wanted to go live with her mum....well she is the problem. Won't go into details but she is well out of control, the situation has gone from bad to worse!!  
Miss Summer is the reason I am so tired...(and that doesn't help with the emotional eating either).
She has struggled for months now with sinusitis and it isn't improving at all despite courses of antibiotics. The last few weeks she has struggled with sleeping (when Miss doesn't sleep, no one sleeps!!) because of her breathing so an appointment is being made to see a ENT specialist. The Dr told us it may come to this as her nasal passages are narrow. Thankfully Kylee does have private cover so hopefully she will get in sooner rather than later. 

My scales have been going down up to Friday....
BUT I am worried that my scales are wrong.
My ww ones died a while back and I bought some cheap K Mart ones. The battery has already been replaced 3 times since my buying them as it just kept reading Lo or the numbers would jump all over the place. It was doing my head in PLUS making me wonder how true my readings were!!! 
So bought ww ones again...but too scared to unpack them yet...but I will. 

A week of ups and downs

 William and Summer both saw there Dad last Sunday. William was stoked....and I must admit his behaviour has been a little better since. Since the separation his self esteem has hit rock bottom....he thinks it was because he was naughty that Daddy told lies and got kicked out!!  Anyways we can only hope that the issues he has will in time stop!! Waiting to get into to see a counsellor now for months. Even the school is trying to get him into see someone. Till then, praise, love and lots of attention.

Court was on Tuesday....he lost!! The magistrate gave him grief.
So what does he do...he goes home, writes a letter to Kylee's lawyer stating a revised list of what he wants out of Kylee's house. Would you believe that this "loving Dad" wants to take Summer's cot and change table because it was given to them from his brother!! 
And out of spite...he wants Kylee to sell her house to pay for their debts!!  Now this ever so "loving Dad" wants to take the roof from over their heads!!!
He has no hope of that I believe...Kylee bought the house before he came on the scene....and he has never in the 6 years they were together made a payment on it or tried to increase its value in any way. 

 Look at these two gorgeous lil ones....breakfast time and my house is already trashed. Mornings that I have to get myself ready for work, William for school and Summer for daycare are madness.

Yesterday was very very hot. Hubby turned the sprinklers on and little Miss was scared for awhile then...clothes and all she discovered how fun they were...love these pics I caught of her. 

Well that was my week, the high and lows. Through it all I managed to stay on track most days.  

Weigh in yesterday and I recorded a 500g loss.  Went off track yesterday...but today will pull my head in and behave, tummy not the best...too much ice-cream does that!! 

New round...

The online weight loss group I am has rounds of 3 months. Friday the 1st of November was the last weigh in for the round (I lost 300g)and the 1st weigh in for the next 3 months. I lost 3.5 for the 3 months, could have been better if I hadn't "lost the plot" a few times....but slow and steady wins the race. 

Tomorrow Kylee's kids see their Dad for the 1st time since the beginning of March. The visit will be for 2 hours and at Anglicare fully supervised. 
Hoping it helps William as he really has missed his Dad. Was hoping by now his counselling would have started....the wait list is so long. 

Court for the vro is on Tuesday. Kylee is requesting the vro stays in place for her because sure as eggs he will start harassing her again. She is requesting it stays in place for the kids too (other than the supervised visits). He is not to be trusted.  
For a loving father that he says he is, he has done so much damage to William especially. 

Anyways, I off to bed....a very early morning work start for me tomorrow. Hope its not raining...nothing worse than having to get up in the dark and drive to work in the rain!!  

On Track

Last weigh in was Friday where I lost 400grams...next one will be this Friday coming.
That will be the end of the 3 month round of my weight loss group. We have to take body pics...I will do a comparison of the beginning of round and the end. I sure hope to see SOME difference. 

Been Missing...

Time got away from me...but hey I am back. 
Life has been busy with just the usual, work and looking after kids.

The last few days has been caught up with Summer, poor bubba is sick. Kylee had to race her into emergency at the hospital the other night as her temp spiked and she started shaking. 

Anyways she was found to have a infected throat and a uti. Antibiotics were prescribed and she is slowly on the mend. She is still not eating but thankfully she is drinking her bottles (she was only have 2 of them a day, she been having them all day whilst she sick). She loves her water bottle too so has been guzzling them too. 


My weight...well that been up and down. We managed to go see our friends up in Geraldton for 3 days and went camping out on their block. It was great to catch up with them. They knew it was recently Paul's anniversary so being our best friends for so many years and knowing Paul well too we were able to talk and reminence  as well as cry together. Lots of yummies, including drinks were consumed...but since our return life returned to normal and so has my eating. Weight is on the way down again thankfully. 
Anyways, will leave it here for now.
Will be back soon.

Progress

Another loss on Saturday, 600 grams...but then I fell off the wagon for 2 days.  Slowly dragging myself back on..
I am a emotional mess. It was the anniversary of our Paul's passing...4 years he has been gone, and I really crumbled this year.  

Just keep going

Lets face it, I am sure there are many of us who get impatient when it appears that all your dieting is for nothing. I know I do...I look in the mirror and see the same person, the muffin top over my jeans and the big bum!! 
I was taking regular pics of myself in bra's and knickers every month when I started Lazy Keto...and for a long time I couldn't notice any changes. But I eventually did...but now I am back to I can't see any more changes again, I just seem to be stuck in a rut!! I must do up a comparison chart, from the beginning to now. 
Anyhows this Saturday weigh I lost a kilo...it was an earlier than normal weigh in due to getting up early with the 17 month old. I was so happy to see the numbers down, but I ended up ruining the day that evening by celebrating too much and over indulging on a few no no foods!!  But yesterday I woke up and all focused again...and I am back on track!

I no longer have the tweenager granddaughter living here. Too many suspensions from school saw her spending those days with mother and now DCP says she refuses to come back here. As I told DCP why would she want to come back here, I have rules and Mum doesn't!!  Well she does, but tweenager doesn't listen and does what she wants. 

Best move my bum, had a few minutes so I hopped on here to update...now I must organise myself ready for an afternoon shift at work. 

Plodding along....

Weigh in Saturday morning was a 100g loss!! 


Plod plod plodding along....
Life has been very busy, hasn't slowed down much at all....babysitting, tweenage and teenage kids, work, work....and sleepless nights with the little one who just won't sleep right through......well very little....

Anyways...

One thing we have done is bought ourselves a soft hot tub....

I can tell you nothing beats relaxing in this with a glass of wine once the little ones are in bed...its BLISS !!! 

Another weigh day.

Another week has flown by.
Been pretty much on track despite work and looking after kids. The 12 year old going on 20 with "the attitude" has really tested me...but I have come through without emotional eating or strangling her.

Miss Summer last night was a right little cow!! Woke up at 2.45am and it was 5am before I got her settled!! No way in the world was she going to go back down in her cot!! She would doze on me but as soon as made a move to put her down in the cot she would "bellow" !! 
Hubby reckons she sounds like one of the locals farmers bull calves!!! 
A common saying here is" thank heavens she is cute" as she is full on! Just hoping that very soon she starts sleeping the night again soon. Get the odd full night but they few and far in between. 

William thankfully sleeps right through. 
He has a few behavioural problems and they all stem from not seeing his Dad. Ands that in the progress of being organised...supervised visits once a fortnight and twice weekly 15 minute video/facetime links.  
Just wish Garry hadn't been a dick, he could have kept on having his access visits. Has he learnt anything from his mistakes?? I can tell you, NO!!  Police have told him, courts have told him, magistrate has told him...but being narcissistic he is good at blame projecting and its all Kylee's fault. 

Anyways...Kylee has taken the kids out for the afternoon. The tweenager is with her mother...so I am catching up on this and then going to sit down with my book in front of the fire.  Its been a nice winters day here, the sun has been shining....but the chill factor is freezing. 

Right weigh in this week....1.1 down, go me !! 

Going ok

Going well.
Last Saturday morning weigh in I had a 200g loss. I'm happy with that...any loss will do me. Will admit when I saw the scales I was a tad disappointed as I'd thought I'd done better than that. But the disappointment only lasted a second. I'll keep doing what I am doing and my body will adjust again...and the weight will keep on coming off. 

I did a online step challenge with fitbit too...every day expect 1 day, I managed 10,000 steps. No real active minutes but I am working on that!! Makes it hard when I have kids to look after constantly!! 

Just finished work....tonight is the first night in I don't know how long where all that is home is hubby and me!! Its bliss!!

Back into the swing...

My online weight loss group started a new round...August 1st to end of November. 
After having a disaster of a round just gone where I gained and ending up weighing more than what I started, I decided to try and get back in the right place. Soooooooooo weigh in was on the 1st and the round began...
Below is pics. Top 2 pics are the start of this round.

Bottom 2 are the start of the May to end of July round....as you can see nothing much happened, I gained..just a few kilo's but still. Beginning of the last round I was going well....then life and stresses happened and I went back to eating too many carbs. 

Well I have slid back into Keto, very lazy Keto and so far so good.

I weighed in Saturday and in those 10 days I lost 2.1 kilo's. Totally rapt with that, though I think being off colour for a few days helped with the loss. 

Last night I had the little grandees. I worked late, I hadn't prepared or thought of anything for tea so after I had bathed the kids (kylee had fed them before going home to bed) I heated up soup I had in the freezer. Not keto..nor was the bread I ate either...so today I have been extra careful to stay on track. I really want to do well this round and get those scales moving downwards again. 

I am here...

I am back....
Life has been sooooooo busy, sooooooo stressful of late that yep I lost my way.
Sooooo much happening.
My diet went out the window.
But things are slowly settling down and I have slowly gotten back on the wagon and putting myself and my health first.
I can't look after kids properly when I am not looking after myself.

Anyways Kylee has been to court. 
Bozo can NOT take the kids away from her.
He can have visitations SUPERVISED by Anglicare 2 hours once a fortnight...which will be reviewed again after 8 visits. He protested this BUT the magistrate told him due to his behaviour it was this or nothing!! He also gets 2 x 15 minutes FaceTime a week. 
I am so hoping this helps William as he has been missing his Dad. Councelling has been organised  for him (as he needs more understanding of the situation than we can give him)by a Dr and the Safe Police but there is such a long wait list. 

I also have a 12 year old going on 20 granddaughter in our temporary care due to a foster care breakdown. Attitude plus she has!! 
Talking of her...best get her organised for school. 

Back again...

Back again....and slowly getting myself on track again.
Kylee has taken 2 weeks leave to spend the school holidays with William....he is so excited. So much so he woke Mummy up at 5.30 this morning wanting to know what their first adventure was going to be !! 
So...I don't have the kids for 2 weeks (other than a night this week and 1 night next week while Mummy has nights out with friends)
Shawn has left for 2 weeks up north with his Uncle camping and fishing.....so that leaves me and my man here in the house alone!!!
First night...we celebrated and had take away...not good but hell I enjoyed it. Back on the wagon I hopped today. 
Leading up to this I have slowly gotten myself 95% on track. Weigh in Saturday morning showed a 400g gain...but I was happy with that as they were a lot higher the last sneak peek I had during the week. 

Looks like a early court date for Kylee. She has received word that she will be served family court papers on Tuesday. Looks like the ex is applying to have pro for the kids dropped again.  The way he still carrying on...I hope not. The man is not right in the head!! 
BUT I will not let it get to me......we will wait and see what happens. 
Till later...

Lost my way...

Mum and my cousin Ray 

Mum would have been 90 on July 1st. I fully expected her to make it too. This the 4th birthday without her.
The shock of her passing unexpectedly is still unbelievable. Hubby and I were on a cruise,  a day out of Noumea when I received that phone call.
This birthday I have truly missed her. 
Often when I am down, need a mum chat, or just have something I want to say to her I will usually find a feather.  Mum loved birds. The day we buried her,  I looked up and 2 birds were circling above. Every time I visit her, birds are at the cemetery. 
Her birthday came and went....and NO FEATHER. 
I needed it. 
Worst day in a long time. 

Mum and my brother Rod 

I am really struggling atm.....
Last weigh in I had a gain of 900g...this week I am having a no weigh. I've lost my way a bit and I need to regroup. I can't keep going on like this....BUT i do need to let myself deal with my emotions too. Im on a day off....so going to have a rest day then I have shifts for the next 3 days before having the weekend off. No little ones tonight or tomorrow night so I can regroup before they back for a couple more nights. School holidays start at the end of this week and yay yay yay Kylee is taking holidays too and spending them with the kids....so looking forward to that. 
I'm led to believe though that she is having a girls night out with some of her friends so I MAY have to babysit.....