Update

I had a foster’s carer’s meeting the other day and I met the lovely couple that are looking after Jahzara. I asked her if there was any chance we could pop in on Sunday when Jaydene had her 2 hour visit with her. Told her I was still waiting to hear back from DCP regards visits. Anyway she invited us around, she only lives just down the road and round the corner, just on a kilometre away.

So lovely to get cuddles and see Jaydene interactive with her bubba. The love and pride shines out of her. 

Shawn was able to have his first ever cuddles, he never got to have cuddles before she was taken into care.

We only stayed long enough for cuddles and a quick chat as we didn’t want to take time away from Jaydene.

WW is going well, a kilo down on Saturdays weigh in. 

 W

Where am I?

 

I’m still here. 

Been floundering big time since last post. My weight was going up and up and getting very close to a three figured number. A number I promised myself many years ago I would NEVER reach again. I tried calorie counting, I tried pre packaged meals, even 5.2 and intermittent fasting…but it never lasted more than a day or so. 

I then saw a promotional ad on the net about ww and I was seriously thinking about it and thought just do it !!  A friend saw it the same day as me and said she was looking into it too. Snap I told her…me too. 

Anyways both of us did sign up and we will be a week in tomorrow. I am doing digital, Robyn is doing meetings. I would like to do meetings but no coaches down in my location. Ironically my friend Robyn and I met in 2004/5 on a online ww forum when we both joined. We had a meet up get together and have been best friends since. Actually from that forum way back then I am still very close friends with most of them. 

So here I go again….

I’m still here….

 But only just ……

When I’m good I’m very very good, and when I’m bad I’m very very bad. 

Last week I lost a 100g, but I’ve been off track since, so badly I didn’t even weigh this week. 

Damn reflux. I had another bad attack last Saturday, just when I thought keto was working for me. Since then I’ve been floundering and I don’t know what to do. 

I soooooo badly need to lose weight…but I can’t get it together enough to get into a plan. 

I’m lost, don’t know which way to go now..and the more I think about it the more I eat and gain. 

Ooops nearly forgot

 After weigh in last week  with my small loss I was ready to head straight into a new week staying on track. 

Mmmmmmm did that happen?

NO it did NOT😩🥺

No real excuses, just me being me and “oh one small treat will be ok” mentality attitude.  That sometimes is ok….but Saturdays treat lead into Sunday and it was Monday before I knew it and I was battling to get back on track.

I did better on Monday but it was Tuesday before I was totally back on track. 

So weigh in Saturday I expected my stupidity to show up on the scales. To my surprise I recorded a 100g loss 🥲

Just think what I could have done if I had stayed true to myself. 

Weigh in day.

 Weigh in day….lost 400g.

Have had the grandies this morning, they have just gone off with mum, William has a birthday party to go to, then Dad is picking them up.

Dad is being a right Dick again. Trying to ignore court orders…..that he had set in place. Kylee agreed as they suited her too…..but he has changed shifts at work and expects Kylee to change all her plans to suit him. Who goes to court to fight for more time with kids, saying he would drive down and pick them up every second Saturday morning at 9am ( as Kylee works till 11.30) then moves house which is a further 45 minutes drive away. Then changes workplaces and work shifts so he can’t do the early pickup and then expects Kylee to change her Saturday plans to suit him. Ain’t gonna happen Bozo. 

Been so lazy…..thinking it’s time to get some walking in. The only exercise I do is at work and chasing after kids. Motivation come find me…..

All going ok…

 

This has been my goal the past week or so….just slowly does it.

I was rewarded on Saturday at my weigh in with a 300 gram loss.

Stayed on track till last night when I over indulged with crumbed chicken….not keto crumbed, and twice the amount I should have eaten. Little piggy I was. 

BUT this morning, I got up and carried on and put last night behind me. This is a major thing for me as usually after a indulge I get up, weigh and if scales tell me I have gained I go “blown it, may as well forget this week”.  

I know I’m not going to stay 100% perfect and keep on track but if I can climb straight back on the wagon after a lapse then I reckon I’m winning 🤩

This is Australia atm….COVID is definitely not going away. 

I am located in the south west corner of WA and fortunately not in lockdown, and hopefully we don’t. 

School holidays start after school Friday. It’s the little grandies weekend with their Dad, but if more COVID cases show up then I can lockdown see continuing and no visitation as Dad is in Perth.

Our new Mum Jaydene has got herself in strife and seriously jeopardised her chance of keeping her baby. Silly girl saw the baby’s father breaking the vro that is in place. They argued and he became violent (which is why the vro is in place) then when Mum tried to break the argument up Jaydene hit her which was seen by the police as Jaydene’s brother had rang them when the arguments started ….. and they turned up as she was hitting mum. Silly, silly girl. I was so hoping that the baby would change her. 

My last day of working in Bunbury tomorrow, no more travel into town for work. It’s back to the shopping centre just 3 k’s from home. I could have transferred over to the new company that has the cleaning contract but my boss asked me to stay with them.

Right….new book to read, catch you later. 

A better week.

After my post last Saturday I indulged a little bit more in self pity, eating more junk food but also thinking of a way to get myself out the “funk” I was in. By the end of the weekend I decided that I was going to go back to doing Lazy Keto. I enjoyed it last time I did it, the only reason I stopped was I was getting real bad reflux. My meds have been changed since then so fingers crossed that all will go well this time.  

So far all has been good. I started Monday morning and at weigh in this morning I’m already a kilo down 😊👏                                                                       I enjoy eating this way, I love the food I can eat and don’t seem to miss what I can’t have. Anyways it’s onwards and fingers crossed I can keep it up and keep the losses happening. 

Today being weigh in day I usually have a cheat day. More so when I have the 2 little grandies like I did this morning. But this morning I weighed in, had my coffee,  fed the kids and carried on. Maybe it was because Miss Summer was feeling poorly and running a bit of a temp I didn’t have time…but I think it’s more because I’ve settled into the keto way. Long may that last too. 

What else….

Jaydene’s baby is getting cuter by the day. Her time with Bub has been cut back by DCP as there excuse was “ she needed to grow up and sort out her life”   Wrong thing to say to her…a big “shit fight” is happening now between them all now. It’s so wrong 😑  Jaydene deserves to have that baby despite her past. She deserves at least that chance to prove she can be a mother.  

My work company has lost the contract in the shopping centre where I work.  My boss rang to let me know his small company cannot compete with the companies that have tendered BUT he has asked that I stay with him and work at the small shopping village just 3 k’s from where I live. Ironically that’s where I started working for him over 10 years ago. Anyways the Centre Manager in where I am working atm has said that the new company will keep them on….but under what conditions and hours no one knows yet. 

My boss has given 15 hours a week which is what I am doing now so I am very happy.  I’m happy that he thought enough of me to make the offer. Don’t know where he is going to fit me in on the roster, guess I will find out come July 1st when I start. I get on well with them all but still I’m not sure how that will go down with them.  

I know two are on the pension and just working to supplement their pension. Anyways, will wait and see.

UPDATE…. Miss Summer …. who was taken by Mummy up to Mandurah for Daddy pick up for his weekend access at lunchtime after she finished work …. has just been taken to hospital as she has got worse. Fingers crossed it’s nothing too serious.

Will leave you with little Miss Smudge….did I tell you about her? She was bought home by my son and granddaughter a few months ago, but somehow or other she has attached herself to me and Hubby.  She is growing up but still too full of kitten mischief.  Has wrecked a few of my good dining chairs by using them as scratching posts…even though she has one of her own. 

Hating me.

Last week I had it all together..well nearly anyways. Then I lost the plot, heck knows why?

Weigh in this morning resulted in a 1.5 gain. Really go figure 😨 

Totally all me. No one to blame but myself. I knew what I was doing to myself. A little voice inside said it will be alright, next week you’ll lose it. So I ate some more. Felt sick, clothes were getting tighter. Little voice says it’s alright Jen you know what to do to lose it, you’ve done it before, next week will see it gone.

Really, I must be sick in the head 😱. 

Why do I do this to myself? 

It’s a nasty vicious circle in my head and somehow I just have to stop it. 

I just have too. My weight is going up, and up and I don’t like it.

Actually I hate myself. 

I just have to regroup and stop myself before it goes any further.

It’s starting to effect me, everything seems to be an effort. I ache. I am bloated. 

I need to find the mindset to get myself out of this funk. This yo-yo’ing just has to stop. 

I have to find me again.

Saturday

Jaydene’s visits with Jahzara seem to be going well . Baby is growing every time I see a pic of her. She appears to be very alert.  I’m hoping to get to see her on one of the daily visits Jaydene has but I will have to go through all the rigmarole with DCP for that to happen. 

Hours have been lowered at work. And if rumours are to be believed I may even be out of work soon. The shopping centre has called for tenders for the cleaning contract as the one we have ends this month. I’m not sure our company will get it again. The centre manager is new taking over from Russell who has had us contracted there for the last 10 years. Brett has taken over, he’s young, he’s brash and he is not a fan of our bosses. So if we don’t get the contract I will unemployed unless the new contractors take me on. I was hoping to keep the job till next year when I can officially retire.

Weigh in day today. A loss. It’s been a not too bad week and was happy to see that reflected on the scales. 

 

Time flies....

 

The days seem to just fly by lately. On the days I have the little ones more so. By the time breakfast is had, Williams lunch packed and him dressed in uniform, Summer’s day care bag organised and yell at Skye we leaving in 10 minutes ready or not. We out the door no later than 8am, drop William off, then onto daycare and drop Summer off, then town to drop off Skye. If I have a 10am start at work I stay in town, find a quiet nook to have a coffee and read and relax before work....otherwise it’s turnaround and head home. The round trip takes me near on a hour. 

Jahzara is thriving.

She seems to be a very aware and alert little girl. Mum sees her for 5 hours every week day, and 2 hours on Saturday and Sunday...which is something I guess. 

Don’t know when DCP go to court to apply for her full time care, but I know Jaydene hasn’t got a lawyer yet. There is no way they will allow Mum and baby live at home with her mum and brother. Her best bet is to ask to be put in a home with other young mums and a carer. 

There has to be a way to at LEAST give Mum a chance to be a Mum, Jahzara deserves that. 

Now me....I’m battling on. Weight up and down, but I seem to be settling down and working more on loosing it. Lost 300g last week and gained it back this week. I can deal with that.

Right off to stir the pot of vegetable soup I have cooking. 

Emotional few weeks

About 6 or 7 weeks ago I found out one of my granddaughters was pregnant and baby girl was due in the first week of May. She was only 13 when she conceived her. My youngest son found out when he saw her pregnant bump. Omg 😱  He was gobsmacked to say the least...and hurt that he wasn’t told beforehand. As were we.

How could this happen. Easy apparently. Jaydene was fostered with us briefly when her long term foster care broke down. She started rebelling here with truanting school, lying and being uncooperative. Because the family was under DCP care she requested she be allowed to go back to her Mum. No other care was available unless she was sent away which DCP didn’t want and nor did family so back to her Mum she went. Mums partner had to move out...but that’s another story.

Anyway, Mum had no control over Jaydene, she truanted school, got mixed up with some indigenous boys and girls, run away from home. DCP didn’t do much, police hands were tied because of DCP and she wouldn’t listen to family.

Eventually she went home. Changed schools and settled down a little but carried on with her indigenous friends namely one 16 year boy. Thus we have a pregnant 13 year old.  It must be said too that she lied about her age so in the beginning they were unaware as to how young she was.

Anyway...on to now.

A beautiful baby girl has been born. Originally DCP were going to allow her to move into a mentors house with baby and learn how to properly care for her then go up to Perth with baby and do an intensive mothering course before she was to be allowed home. Baby was to under DCP protection till she was a year old. 

Now they have decided that baby is to go into full time care without mum, mum only to have visiting rights. They took baby away from mum yesterday.  The reason being the indigenous Dad is not to be trusted, he has a criminal record and has been known to be violent. And mums brother who also lives at home with mum has been unstable with violent tendencies.

The family with the help of some social workers are taking this to court appealing the protection order. It needs to be changed back to the original orders. Mum needs to be given the chance to be a mum like she was told she was going to be. Surely she deserves that. 

Meet mum Jaydene and daughter Jahzara Rose-Marie Elizabeth......my granddaughter and great granddaughter. 

Where am I ?

 

Boy....this is hard.

After our short stint away I hoped to motivate myself and start eating properly. Have I? Yep...for one day!!! Everyday I wake up and start off good...then flounder.  So no self control at all !! 

Weighed in last week....a gain of 600g but I expected that due to trip away. And its going to be another gain this week for sure...

I will find the strength and I will do this eventually....I have too, I'm spiralling towards one of my heaviest weights. 

Day 1

Hubby and I packed up and took off for the Easter weekend. We left Thursday morning and came back Monday lunchtime. It was fantastic to just go away and spend time together. Kylee still had to work a few days over the break but Shawn stepped up as he had the whole weekend off and babysat for her so we could get away. Thanks mate...

Pics are in no particular order...but we did head out to Charles Peak....some 4x4 driving required....but so much fun....

Charles Peak Thursday when we arrived in the afternoon 

And the peak was just beautiful early Friday morning when we woke up....don't you love the colours?

Would have gone hiking up the peak but the flies drove us insane, so we headed to the coast and a few National Parks. 

 

Today is ANOTHER new start, another DAY 1....good thing I'm not a quitter as how many times can once person start again. But I am glad we can....coz here I go again!!! 

What am I going to do.....no idea but I know the mindless over indulging HAS TO STOP!!

Found Mrs Wild Duck  this morning in "her" tree checking out her nest. She comes every year and has hatched out quite a few ducklings over the years. 

Very early to even think about nesting yet but she's there so be interesting to see what happens. 

Self Sabotage

 Can anyone help??

I need strategies to help me stop self sabotaging. I had a great week last week, this week I can’t stop myself eating myself silly !! 

I look in the mirror and I hate myself. My clothes are getting tighter, or not fitting.

I am so over myself. 

A good week.

I’ve been following a rough plan out of my old WW books, and it seems to be working. A loss of 800g this week. No added excersise, just my daily step count from work and running around after these little grandies of mine.

Friday was sports day for William. He won 5 first places, and 6 second places, some of those being team game efforts. But I was so proud of him, he tried his hardest in all events and his reward was year 2 runner up champion. 

Starting again.....

 

Not sure which way to go.

Trying my hardest lately to get back on track....but been floundering big time. 

Scales are UP...too high up. Did not weigh in last week. Ive been on a "binge fest", anything not tied down Ive eaten, anything I felt like I've gone and bought and indulged. 

Tried last week to get back on track and failed miserably so went and indulged more.

Anyways today I am trying real hard to stay focused. When I started ww in 2004 I started on the above program. It worked then....so fingers crossed I can do it again.

I'm my own worst enemy so lets hope I can play the game and NOT self sabotage myself. 

Still don't know where I am with this blog. Im used to being a loner so at this stage I will battle on.....

Thinking....

 Thinking I might delete this blog.

Hardly anyone ever leaves a comment or says hullo anymore.  I'm boring, as is my weight loss or not...... and my self sabotage too I guess. 

Im a typical Pisces....

Omg !! Look at this.

I am so a typical Pisces.

Last week I yo-yo'ed  again and gained.

This week so far I am totally 100% on track. 

And its been as simple as reading my stars. Some of the words really

hit home and this great week has been the result. 

Long may it last. I do have my birthday on Saturday and I have plans for afternoon tea out..

and thats all. Told family NO SWEETS other than cake please 😀

 

New round....

 My online weight loss group has started a new round....1st day of February to the last day of April. Three months as per usual. 

I had my first weigh in on Saturday morning...lost 700grams. Hopefully indulging on my very lazy weekend doesn't effect me too much!!  I just can't seem to help myself. Thats one lesson I have yet to learn. I have to learn, I am not a dog, I don't need extra treats for behaving myself !! 

Anyways will see how I go....

Due to a COVID case in Perth, we were put in lockdown for 5 days. 

Wearing a mask everyday at work was painful...

Thankfully after the 5 day lockdown, we were released to go about life as it was. Unfortunately Peel and Perth regions still have another week of a relaxed lockdown. 

William, after having back to school delayed for a week due to lockdown, was excited to be back at school for a new year. He is in grade 2 and is in a shared grade 2 &3 glass. Very excited to sit down with the year 3 boys this morning for his lesson which was maths. His teacher knows he is a maths wiz and capable of doing their work. A grin from ear to ear as you can see.

Right, I m off to work...another day, another dollar I guess. 

Wandering down memory lane....

Above is me 2005 to 2011...when I felt great, loved myself... and was happy in my skin. 

Above is a pic that hubby snapped of me in England without me knowing when on holiday in 2018. I had lost weight before I left..but looking at that ^^^^ you wouldn't think so.

My lovely Dr gave me this below.....
 You’re careful for a while, lose some weight, and improve your fitness… then gradually revert back to your old ways.

You know exactly what to do, but can’t seem to do it. You feel like you could write a diet book with everything you know about weight loss. But you don’t act on it.

The truth is, there’s a huge difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it. It’s easy to hop from one diet to the next without ever sticking with anything. Success (or lack thereof) comes down to our mindset, psychology, and habits.

And my problem is I think....

My lack of success is the fear of succeeding ....even though I have succeeded before and kept the weight off for 5 years ..... 2005/6 to 2011 then the yo-yoing began again.

So where do I go to from here...Im not sure yet.

Ive been trying to do low calories/low carb. That has been working but I keep caving in and looking for carbs.....mainly pastry!!

Thinking of going back to lazy keto....tried it yesterday but failed after dinner....but I'm not giving in YET. Trying it again today.

My son said to me this morning, as he sat here drinking his coffee with me while I was writing this, "why do you persist in dieting, you are nearly 65, don't you think its time to just stop and live your life and eat what and when you like"

Wish I could son....but I know I would end up fatter than ever!!

Missing my Mum

 Really really missing Mum lately. Actually the last few weeks. Could be that my sister married her long time partner and us siblings would be all together again....

Could be that I am struggling with my weight again. Getting sore back and aches and pains, constantly waking up in the morning with my back all stiff and me struggling to move. Weight is yo-yo'ing, last week I gained, the week before I lost. Sometimes I really just wonder why I bother, BUT I know if I don't I will balloon again and I don't ever want to get up into 3 figure numbers again. 

And I know Mum would not be happy with me. She was always on my back about my weight....always. She knew how I struggled with my thyroid and how upset I would get about it. Many a time I cried  to her that I wished I had her metabolism...she was tiny and never gained weight. 

Yesterday at work I was having a real down day. Was really missing mum and was wishing that I could just pick up my phone and ring her. I could have done with one of our regular natters. Then in front of me was a feather, and I knew once again Mum was close by and was comforting me.  The day of her funeral as Mums coffin was lowered I was crying and looking up. Up above her grave a bird was flying around...it had to be Mum saying she was free. And every time I have visited her grave a bird has been there in the trees or sitting on her gravestone. Over time since Mum has passed I have found feathers in some very unusual spots, they are I believe from Mum. 

My sister has a night flower that belonged to Mum. It had never flowered until Mum died. It flowered just after Mum passed. And it flowered last Saturday when she got married.  I can tell you these things do bring comfort to us both. 

Tears are flowing, its lovely to remember but the ache of missing her is always there.