Again.....

I must get myself back on track and stay there..... Above is me now.....with Tracey (Simon's other half) and her mother, this was taken on Saturday afternoon.....

And above is me when I first started ww and me just before I achieved goal....my goal weight is 68 kilo's.

Meant to have gone to weigh in tonight but just too embarrassed to go....I know that I have gained big time.....stoooopid me!!!
Anyways on my sidebar I have put in week 1 to week 6 which will take me from next Monday weigh in, which I will go too, till the Monday before Christmas, and I will record all my weigh in's on there. I will stay on track...and even if I don't I WILL go to weigh in. I need to stop this yoyo' ing and stop blaming everything/anything for me over-eating and just do what has to be done!! I started again this morning and yes I have done well.....so onwards and downwards YET again.....

Drat it ....

...... I have lost the plot !!

No excuse really, had a fair bit of pain in my legs, not sure why....think its because its been a long fortnight of work (over 90 hours) with crap carrots to grade so a lot of standing but anyways have gone overboard with the eating and drinking....and no matter how much I try I just can't seem to stop myself, I just wander off track...grrrrrrr!! My friend recons I am not eating enough during the day as its usually at the end of the day I go looking....mmmmm something to think about.

Had a bbq up at son Simons house today, had a glorious time with the grandies, ate wayyyyyy too much and now sitting here catching my breathe before heading out to a 50th birthday party.

Tomorrow catching up with Shawn and doing my shopping......so Monday its hopefully back on track day AGAIN!!!

Another good week

Have had a great week...no real drama's.

Even managed to get into the hairdresser on Thursday evening and be pampered, had my hair coloured (foils) and have it trimmed. Hubby asked me if I wouldn't get it cut so short,,,,he likes it longer, so I did ask Erin to just trim it for me and I quite liked the result.

Had a phone call on Friday saying the headstone I had organised for my Dad had been erected, so on Saturday morning I went doen to Manjimup, gathered up my brother and sister and went and had a look. Quite a few tears were shed I can tell you, tears of relief, tears of sadness and tears of happiness too. Dad passed away in October 2001 but for many reasons we were unable to get a headstone up till now. My brother and sister told me what they wanted and what they didn't want and then left it all up to me to organise......so what a relief it looked as good as I hoped.

Shawn has been quite good this week, no major drama's. he had a hospital emergency visit, a sore the side of his knee became infected and his leg swelled up to 3 times it size, it was so red and hot and looked gross!!! Antibiotics seem to be healing it.

Weigh in tonight.....down 300 grams...thought it would be more, but what the heck, I'll take the 300, its onwards and downwards ehhhh?

All good...

Am clapping my hands.....all's good. I stayed on track all week and was rewarded at weigh in with a 1.3 kilo loss.....yay!! And I only rewarded myself with 2 yummy wines, a Apricot wine, I bought at the local show on Saturday. So here's hoping I have another good week this week....I want this weight gone now !!

Grandies visit

On Saturday I picked up Shawn and travelled down to Busselton for an access visit with his kids....his first since the vro was issued, so he hadn't seen his kids for 2 weeks. And me, I hadn't seen them since the beginning of July, and boy haven't they grown heaps, espesially baby Kaleb. It was a marvellous couple of hours, the kids were so happy to see their Daddy, the love they have for him shows soooooo much. And he loves them too.....but still he continues to use that dreaded 'weed' !! One day maybe he will wake up to how much he is missing out on.

The few hours with them went by too quickly, but we fitted so much in with them and had the bestest time. Lots of tears from us all when it was time to say goodbye. Shawn should have another visit this weekend.

Weigh in was last night, I climbed on the scales knowing I had a real great week only to be told you GAINED!! Was not very happy!!! It was only a 100 grams but !!!! Came home and had 3 or 4 stiff drinks and drowned my sorrow.....something I don't do very often......

........and yeahhhh this morning woke up with a headache and got myself back on track.

Had a great week....

.....but at weigh in only lost 400grams, am quite disappointed, thought it would have been more. Ahhhhhhh well, at least it was down.

Had 2 of the grandies here on Saturday, the girls stayed overnight. Sunday morning they were up early...very early, 6.10am to be precise!! Me and my big mouth .... told them we would walk down to the park straight after breakkie. They thought the earlier they got up the earlier they could go down the park.....mmmmmmmmm

Shawn is still the same, no change. I wonder how I can love him so much yet hate him just as much, he has thrown so much away with the lifestyle he choses to live. Wish he could see what he is doing to himself, but with the physcosis the drug usage has given him he just can't. Wish he could remember how his life did change when he rehabilated, but he won't !! His birthday is this week, turns 27 on Thursday.

Picture is of him with my mum when mum was up on one of her weekend visits.

Weighed in

I did go to weigh in last night...mmmmm was not good, and it won't be good if I keep on pigging out like I did after I ate my lovely weight watchers meal last night. I had a craving for fresh bread rolls and yeahhhh I gave in to it and ate 4 of them !!! But I pointed them....and today is another new day.
I walked this morning, only 20 minutes as I had a headache....punishment for too much bread!! I don't normally eat white bread.

Now lets see if I can improve.....

The good and the bad....

I have been travelling along quite well, walking most days, eating within my points most days and been very proud of myself.....yay back on track !! Thou much to my utter disgust my scales don't tell me that. I hopped on them and they went UP ..... grrrrrrr bloody scales, they ended up out the front door and in the garden !!! BUT I did calm down and kept myself from being a little "oink" and have been staying good. And thats despite all the shit that been happening!!

Yep...Shawn again....#1 in the happening department he is, proper little shit he is too. Hannah has issued another vro on him, which was served on him today...not because he has been violent but because of his moods/aggression, its not getting any better. She wants the kids back and with Shawn being the way he is and them being together they are not likely to. I don't blame her for doing it, she has no choice I don't think, those kids need to be back at home together. The courts have also ordered Shawn to halve his cannabis usage in the next 3 months or lose visitation rights to his kids. They will monitor that by weekly urine samples. So he is out on the streets again getting into heck knows what! He got his tax check back the other day and rang me today and asked me if I would grab some of the money off him before he did something stupid with it. But geeeeeeeee had mum with me today (when we went and got some $$'s off him) and she saw first hand how "moody" he has become.....his mood swings from good to downright rude in just seconds. You have to watch everything you say, say the wrong word and he just explodes, very frightening for mum to see when just minutes before he was cuddling with her and having a joke. Mum idolises Shawn but hadn't believed me that Shawn was as bad as I had been telling her. When she was up a few weeks ago she noticed he was "stressed" but has realised now its a lot more than that. We pleaded with him today to go to the hospital and get some help.
Mum is up staying with me for the weekend as her neighbours are having a big birthday bash, very noisy they warned her so I had my brother drop her off on his way throu to Perth. Mum, at 80, doesn't need her days and nights disturbed by drunken louts.

Ted's mum gave us a scare the other day too....she got a splinter in her hand and even thou it got sore and infected she didn't let us or any of the other family know till she saw the Dr on Tuesday arvo. Tuesday night she had surgery to get it out. Ted's mum is 84 and surgery at that age is pretty scary. Thankfully she was ok, they got the splinter out, pumped her with antibotics and kept her in hospital till Friday and she is now home recovering well.

Well its a matter of wait and see what happens now, I think with Shawn its going to be bad, very bad, I just have a real bad feeling about it. I hope and pray I am wrong and that he proves me wrong by changing.

Monday is weigh in day again....so I am trying my darn hardest to keep the halo on !

Will I ever learn....

grrrrrrrr I am so over myself, will I ever learn !!!

Food is there to eat when you need fuel and or hungry...NOT to eat and try to make me feel better. WHY do I do it!!!!!

And WHY is it always the wrong food, the sweet, fatty, sugary ones????

ahhhh wellllll here we go again....

Had a good week

It has been a long wet week....but I have managed to excersise 5 days out of the week, and managed a loss of 500 grams. Am happy that I have managed to stay on track, it hasn't been easy, this colder weather makes a person want to eat.

Had my brother drop mum off here for the weekend as he travelled throu on up to the city. So had a good couple of days with her. She still as active as ever but is slowly starting to show her age and tires a heck of a lot quicker than she used too. Took her in to see Shawn and Hannah, they were as broke as so went shopping for them and stocked up their pantry. Things are the same with them, still no progress with getting the kids back and as yet I still haven't heard when/if me and hubby can have an access visit with them. Shawn is still as moody as ever and mum noticed too on Saturday that he is very nervous/stressed and we think he is heading for a breakdown. Sunday had a phone call from him, he and Hannah were bickering again.....so think that breakdown is coming sooner rather than later. That scares me....

Day 1.....again.....

These pics are from our holiday...this is the Kings Canyons and would have to be my favourite part of the trip. Me and Tina did the 3 hour walk up, over, throu and down the canyon.....and loved every minute of it. Wowwwwww we just climbed that!!

But heyyyyyy it was so worth it....lookk at that !!

And this !!

Just look at these rocks....

Tina and I up on the highest point of the Canyon, quite proud of our efforts to get this far.

This picture shows where we got to climb over and throu...but if the sights we see are what we have already seen it will be well worth it.

Loved this cliff face...just look at the colours, they were fantastic, sometimes a camera just doesn't do justice.

Clamber up and over these rocks, around the corner and its the down hill run....only a few more k's to go.

The path on the way down....and boy we were glad we did the 3 hour walk....it was fantastic, worth every minute of it.

Today was the day I finally got my head around this menopause crap again. I woke up this morning after having one of the best nights sleep I have had in a while, so decided there and then it was the day to get my backside into gear AGAIN and start trying to get myself back on track. With that I dressed, put on my joggers and went for an hours walk, came back and had a filling breakfast...and yayyyy I have managed to stay on track all day.

Stay away hot flushes....I feel good about myself again and ready to deal with the ongoing battle I have been having with these extra kilo's I have gained.

Maybe if these hot flushes persist I might go back to my Dr and see if I can go back on HRT again. Was on them for over 2 years but went off them as they just weren't giving me any relief from the flushes, the itches and the persistent bleeding.

mmmm here we go again....

Me with little Mathew on Father's day.......

Well here I am again....computer has been fixed, it did need a new hard drive so yep I have lost everything. I asked for the broken one but was told it had been tossed....NOT happy about that and yes I did let them know!!!

Having a terrible time with hot flushes, aches and pains and emotional eating. It seems to be a never ending cycle with me of late, go well for a couple of weeks, lose a couple of kilo's and start to feel good about myself again and then WHAMMO.....will I ever get to feel good about me again?

Have had some visitors staying with us, Kaye has been throu menopause so knew what I was going throu thankfully as I am afraid I wasn't 100% for their stay. But we did have a great time. Sadly they had to leave early and make their way quickly back to home (in QLD) as Kay's mum health is declining...and of course Kay needs to be with her.

Hopefully I can get myself back on track as soon as possible and get these few kilo's off again....coz it is really getting me down.

Am here....

Just.....
My new p/c which is just 6 months old has died....apparently the hard drive has gone in it. I am NOT happy.....all my photo's have gone !! All my babies pics....gone. Have some of them on disc, but not many.....I hadn't learnt how to do any back ups.....ohhhhhhhhhhhh why didn't I learn?
Anyways maybe when I get the p/c back it might not be as bad as I was told.

Received a letter from Shawn, and a phone call too....he seems okay, very worried about his eldest child...apparently she was told her Daddy is not going to be her daddy anymore. Shawn has of course filed a complaint....but sheeeeeeeeez how cruel is this department??

Weigh in was MOnday, lost another kilo....going down but still a long way to go.

Bugger !!

Have for some reason been eating....and eating what I shouldn't be eating and I must admit today it got out of control...god damn it, I hate it when I do this to myself!! I know I am doing it, know I shouldn't but I just can't control myself!!

Anyways now I just HAVE to get myself back on track.....have 3 days before weigh in so here's hoping a bit of damage control will help!

I guess this with Shawn has affected me more than I thought it would....he seems to be constantly on my mind.

Anyways have put some pics up of our trip again....this time its Ayers Rock.

I didn't climb it, people were like ants all up it so decided to do the 9.7k walk around it, and so glad I did....its magnificent. Some of the rock formations, art work, and even a pool there are absolutely fantastic. The walk took us about 3 hours, what with all the things we stopped to look at, take pics of and just generally took our time talking and sightseeing....

I recommend the walk around to anyone that goes there.

Just a quick update

Alls going okay....

Been real busy at work and at home. Work seems to be always busy even when we are told there isn't much on....

At home decided to get into this room where I have this pc and hubby has his amateur radio. Room was looking a bit drab so on the weekend we decided to paint, recarpet and spruce it up. Very refreshing to walk into now.

Saturday night was Ted's mum's 84th birthday, we went up and had a family get together for her...was a great night. Lots of food with a very tasty birthday cake from the Cheesecake shop but I was able to eat quite good knowing I had to weigh in on the Monday. Paul and Tanya and kids and Simon and Trace and their kids were there....no Shawn. He has been very quiet, I haven't contacted him, thou he has texted me once to say thank you for helping him out previously and would I help him out again with a few $'s which he needed to provide afternoon teas for his kids on his access visits this week. I texted back I would but only because it was for the kids and I would post him a parcel. I am finding it very hard to isolate myself from him but know it has to be done.

I went to ww last week and lost 800grams, and on Monday night I lost 700grams so I have managed to get myself on track again, but still have a way to go yet.

Just a bit more...

Just a few more pics for you.

These pics are from the time we crossed the WA/NT border and reached the Olga's.

Those stones are enormous and very empowering. The first sight of them is just beautiful, the colours are very vivid and changeable with the light and shadows....a camera just does not do them justice. They have a powerful aura that just draws you into them.

We spent a good couple of hours walking around and through them as well as driving around them, and the whole time they kept us spellbound. They are amazing.

The weekend just absolutely flew by and we managed to achieve quite a bit in catching up on chores that were neglected while we were away...mainly the garden. The weather was really yuk, with wind and showers all weekend, but in between the showers we managed to get a fair bit done.

Also had a big blow-up with Shawn last night. He rang up in tears asking to speak to his father and asked for his father's advice as he and Hannah had had another argument! To cut a long story short his father told him bluntly the only thing that would stop the arguments was for him to stop the drugs/booze and all his troubles would go. Shawn didn't take kindly to it and and started to abuse us saying very cruel, unkind and very nasty things to us in the most vilest language. I was a mess, in tears and have now vowed I will not be going near him or for that matter talking to him again until he can prove that he has made moves to give up the drugs. I ám now scared of what he is capable of doing to himself or for that matter us.

Holiday and other stuff......

This is a picture of one of the monastery at New Norcia

This is a pic of what they call London Bridge at Sandstone

This is the Great Central Road, the road across the desert.

We started our journey from home here in Australind (near Bunbury, Western Australia) and day 1 saw us drive from home to Mt Magnet where we stayed overnight as we had to meet up with our travelling companions who were travelling from Geraldton the next day. Our journey was going to take us from Mt Magnet to Leonara, across the Great Central Road taking us throu Warburton and Giles before crossing the West Australia/Northern Territory border.

We were all travelling in 4x4 trayback vechiles with canopies on the back. Under those canopies we were all self-contained with all our food, beds, etc... Of an evening when we pulled up for the night it was a matter of undoing the back, pulling out the table and chairs, the stove and gas bottles and in matter of minutes we were organised and cooking. Think I have some pics somewhere of us all set up somewhere....anyways as I find them I'll write more of our trip.

Home front is going well. Been a long week at work, geeeee was very tiring after being away from it for 6 weeks but I managed. Food and excersise has been reasonable and I have stayed on track, will see what the scales say on Monday evening.

Have had a few runs in with Shawn and hopefully that helped him and Hannah to make a decision on Friday when they had to go to court on Friday about their kids. They have finally decided to work together towards getting their kids back......and more importantly part of that deal is Shawn trying to get off the drugs. Anyways we will see what happens now.....things have a habit of changing rapidly around Shawn, and with DCP too for that matter.

Today

Just a few pics from our holiday.

Today was my first day back at work....and on arrival I was welcomed back with opened arms, was nice to know I was missed! But by the end of the day it was a tired and grumpy me that left work. Forgotten how tiring it was just standing there grading carrots all day. Only home long enough to have a cuppa and then shower before heading off to my ww meeting. As expected I DID gain, gained 3 kilo's soooooo it bac to the grindstone and lose it again. Not in any real hurry, just want it gone, then stabilise and maintain my weight! I want to look the best for Kylee's wedding.

Had a busy weekend, organising myself after our holiday, packing away the camping gear, cleaning up the garden, stocking the pantry, paying the bills and fighting with Shawn. Didn't take long to come back to the real world ehhh?

Shawn has gotten worse, if he doesn't watch himself he is going to lose everything dear to him. Had to tell him on the weekend to grow up, get rid of the drugs as we can't help him any more. He was so moody, irrational, argumentive and paronoid, I despair as to what he is going to do next....he is living in a unreal world. Don't know what is going to happen next....

I am missing his kids so much, I haven't heard anything from DCP as to my request for visitations, its so not fair.

Anyways off to organise myself for another day tomorrow....

I'm Back

We are back from our holidays, had a fantastic time and really didn't want to come home.

We travelled 12, 443 kilometers and saw sooooo much fantastic scenery. We went on cruises, we took helicopter rides, skimmed around on wetlands in airboats, climbed and clambered over canyons, throu gorges, swam in thermal pools and waded in oceans.

Didn't do as I said I would and I ate and drank well too much and the clothes were very tight when I got home. But on my return I have got back into routine and hopefully damage won't be as bad as I think. Thank god I did all the excersise I did do!

Anyways Monday is my weigh in evening so we'll see what those demon scales say then.

Then I have just under 8 months till dear daughter gets married so my aim is to get weight under control, stabilise it and of course maintain it.