Home Sweet Home...

Well we are back…

Did we enjoy ourselves…yes we did….but the whole time we were away we wanted to be home too.

I caught up with my gorgeous friend Rach, wish we could have had more time together but I am happy that she'll be here in April next year so it won't be 6 years between hullo's.  

And I met the lovely Anni…thanks Anni for catching up with us, you look amazing…but best of all, it was great to finally meet you, felt as I already knew you, just had to put a voice to the words is all. 

Hubby and I have both got grey while away, hubby had hardly any grey in his hair at all before we left, now they are everywhere. All from the stress of what

Paul was going through while we were away even though we left with with his blessing. We rang him weekly and he rang us too and he reported he had more good days than bad.
We know even if we had stayed home there would not be much we could do. Tanya goes to all Paul's treatments and when she needs support she has her mum and her sister's and some very good supportive besties.
We are left feeling helpless and wait for them to ask for any help. 

He has started on what they call "The Red Devil" chemo and he said it had knocked him for a six for a few days….and his hair started to fall out in huge clumps…

So he shaved it and his beard off…..

I am scared, so scared of what is too come. He has scans after his next lot of treatment to see if has made any impact on the cancer.

I have been hiding my head in food…and I have come back as heavy as what I was before I lost all those kilo's before our cruise. I am so ashamed of myself…I loathe what I have begun and hope I can find the strength to fight for me and my health again. 

I need some sleep….a busy few days coming up. This weekend we get to celebrate Ted's mum's 90th birthday…..and I have dear daughter and my precious wee William down too….something to smile about. We hoping Paul is well enough to join in the festivities. 

Off on holidays

 Next Tuesday as soon as I finish work hubby and I will be on the road. We are trekking across Australia stopping in most states to catch up with some of Ted's radio friends along the way, and also to catch up with some of my friends, some of those from inside my computer too I will be meeting for the 1st time too…. 

We are still struggling here, good days and bad days. 
Paul is hooked up to his chemo and again is having some good days and some very bad days. Saturday was a good day, Saturday evening and Sunday very bad. Monday better, today down again. But the fight back has begun….he is optimistic and we live in hope.

This holiday will give us a chance to put Paul's diagnosis to the back of our minds and concentrate on us for a few weeks. We are going to be away 5 weeks, but will fly home and leave 4x4 behind if we have too. 
As soon as we get back its to a big family gathering for Teds mum's 90th birthday, a big home open will be happening and a big cake with the big 90 on it.

Kylee will be driving down with my gorgeous wee man…can't wait to see him again. We talk on the phone often and FaceTime now and then but I  am hanging out to wrap him in my arms. Kylee wants to spend some time with her brother and her Nanna…and of course her mummy…..

Will see you on my return...

Good and bad days

 Some days are good, some days are bad. Sometimes I just want to go hide, other days I am just so darn angry with the world and have tantrums, other days I just cry. 
Trying to take it day by day and take care of us as we do need to live our lives to stay as healthy as we can….we are really going to need our strength later on. 
Trying to do healthy and filling still…very hit and miss at the moment…but I am trying. Can't remember what I weighed last week, I did track it on my E-tools on the ww site but because I have quit ww I no longer have access to that. Anyways I am 300g down from the last weigh in I had at a meeting….so I must be keeping it reasonably together. Today has been horrendous, I couldn't sleep last night, my brain just wouldn't shut down and I walked the floor till after 2am then had a crappy day at work….have over eaten to the max.
As I said my feelings and emotions are all over the place. Paul wants to keep things as normal as he can so thats what we are doing. He had his last lot of radiation for the moment, it is helping the pain in his back, and next week he starts chemo. He will be able to do that at home, as he will carry a cassette type pump that will pump it through the port he has had already fitted. 

                                                       Paul, taken early this year, he is now 30 kilo's lighter…having lost most of that in the last 8 weeks. 

Hoping….

Its a new day, another day of hoping that all will be fine….we have to hope.

I have had a bad week, been really struggling with my emotions, and me being me have hidden a lot of them by eating them. I have to try and stop that, have gained 1.2 kilo's this week. 

Son has had some radiation, has more today and he has been fitted with a port in his chest ready to start some chemotherapy…he will find out today when that starts. 


Our world has we knew it has been rocked. We are all struggling but doing our best to keep it together. We are a family…we are strong

Our world has been rocked….

And we are all going to need all the strength we can gather. 
Our eldest son has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Diagnosis of 6 to 12 months to live. 
Trying to make sense of all this. 
And try to carry on and be normal. Its all so new and not a lot of people outside of the family and closest friends know yet.
I am still working and we will still go on holidays as we planned. We will be back in time to help out his partner with his children as he does his chemo and radiation.
Can't understand why we have to suffer this pain, haven't we as a extended family already suffered enough?? 

Weigh in tomorrow…I wil add that in the morning. I have more reason to stay as healthy as I can, will need my strength to support my hubby and my family

Porridge..yep Chris I ate it. Yes, it was filling and kept me satisfied. Did I like it….mmm still deciding. 

Weigh in .5 loss.

Wowsers….

And the answer is me, me, ME !!

I have tried this once before but I just didn't get it. 
This time around, I am learning as I go…I have made a few bad choices, but on the whole I am finding it easy….and I am enjoying my food more and staying full longer.
Tomorrow I have a early start and on my breakfast break I am trying porridge for the first time since I was a kid. Everyone says its filling and tasty so I am going to give it go….can only try can't I? Used to eat it as a kid, I ate it then, so surely I can now…tomorrow morning I will know. 

I weighed this morning…and I have lost 1.9, and that was hopping off on and on the scales 3 or 4 times as I thought it had to be wrong. 
So I have 5 weeks to go before we head off on hols again… hopefully I can lose at least another 2 maybe 3 kilo's by then, BUT I am not putting any pressure on myself. I am just going to keep following this plan and get a few good long walks in. 

Nearly bedtime, a 4.30am alarm for me…but before I go just another thank you to Anni, without you telling me to give it a go heck knows where I would be,  I wasn't in a very good place for a while there. 

Feeling down….

Today I put my weight watchers on hold until I come back from my holiday. I have been so up and down with my weigh ins and my commitment to weight watchers. The weeks that I do really well haven't been showing any results and I have become so disheartened and have become "down" 
No, I haven't given up, I am going to keep on going…but on my own with the support of my good friend Deb and Anni.  
I, being so discouraged this past week went and saw my Dr as I was so down…and tomorrow I am having blood tests to see if my thyroid might be part of the problem, it was due for a check anyways. 

Anyways enough of that. 

This weekend I have had my son's kids stay over this weekend. The boys I picked up on the Friday after school and took them back Saturday afternoon and picked up their big sisters. They said they were staying 2 nights as Monday was a public holiday and had no school. Those kids deserve the treat, they don't get too much at home. Wish I could have them more. 
I took both the boys and the girls up to their great nanna for a visit…that made her days…she loves seeing them. 

And above is the latest from my littlest grandee…its getting cooler up in Carnarvon and the little man has too be rugged up in the mornings…isn't he just the cutest?

My goal my June as well

Another week down….

Another week has flown by….a week with lots of work shifts, but the $'s are needed…only 7 weeks and we are off on holidays again.
Monday was a day off so picked up Shawn and took him to meet his kids after school and have some fun with them. Unless I organise it he won't do it, things aren't the best between Shawn and the kids mothers partner. Its stupid stubborn pride on his part and I can't get him to realise how much the kids do miss him, especially the eldest girl Skye. 
Anyways most of the weekend off for me, only have a 6 hour shift to do on Sunday which will be finished at 12 then Monday is a public holiday too. I am picking up the 2 boys for a sleepover on Friday night, taking them back on Saturday and picking up the girls and I don't think I am going to get them home till Monday. They love staying here…and I enjoy having them. 

Weigh in today, a 400 gram loss this week…onwards to next week. 

Another week….

Another week has slipped by. I stayed 98% on track and had a loss of 100grams…totally disappointed in that, but hopefully next week the results will be better.
Ted's late brothers daughter got married on Saturday, it was a horrible wet and windy day, but Serena's smile shone through..she was a stunning bride. Her cousin gave her away. Tahan was involved in a traffic accident a few years ago and has a few disabilities…but those weren't even apparent to anyone as he escorted her to her groom. 
The reception was in a gorgeous location up in the Ferguson valley. It wasn't a sit down reception, just a mingle and nibbles were bought around all night. I drank diet coke and water as I was the skipper and ate only what was in my pp allowance for the night.

A gain...

After my absolute shit week 2 weeks ago, I decided on a "no weigh" last week to give myself time to sort my head out, find my "mojo" again. Well I had a reasonable week last week, got back on track, well 90% on track, upped the exercise and got my head ready for a weigh in. 
Weigh in showed a 1.2 gain…yep disappointed but it was no surprise. 
This week I am "with it" and have put a lot of thought into my food, and after browsing my old old way back when I got to goal books, I am ready to give this my best shot.
Under 10 weeks to go before we head off on our drive across the nullabor to Queensland …I hope to have lost at least 5 kilo's before then. I just want to fit back into my clothes properly again and be comfy travelling. 

Late night trading every night of the week has just been introduced here so all my hours are to be adjusted to fit in with that. Roster goes up tomorrow….fingers crossed that the hours will suit me. Going to be a few growls if they don't…..

No weigh tomorrow...

It's been a tough week, been walking around in a dream. Eating comfort food and not caring, just couldn't get my head in the right space. Yesterday I managed a half decent day, the best I have had in a damn long time so this morning I awoke and decided enough was enough and I had to stop this dillydallying. I hopped on my scales, saw what damage I had done to myself and started organising myself to get on the right road. Tomorrow is weigh in day, I am having a no weigh, but will go to the meeting, I need to do that. 
In 10 weeks I am off on holidays, we are driving across the nullabor, visiting friends in South Australia, New South Wales, Canberra before heading up to Rockhampton in Queensland and spending time with some very good friends.  I want to be a comfortable weight again, since the cruise I have only managed 1 good week where I lost that 1.5 but I have regained that plus more…nearly back to where I was after the cruise. 

Kylee is back in Carnarvon safely. She had drama's on the way back, she witnessed a fatal accident right in front of her then had to stop and use her first aide to one of the cars passengers. Poor girl said it was terrifying witnessing it all play out in front of her, so much so she had nightmares all that night. So proud of her strength, being first on the scene she pushed all her fears aside and did what she was trained to do till more help arrived.

Kylee and Garry came down for a wedding, Kylee's best male friend. Some pics of them above. I got the dress she was wearing off a Bidding Wars site for just $6.00, it so suited her. 

William had his first haircut while here too….he kept that awesome smile of his right up till Kylee took the lollypop of him coz he was dribbling it all over his shirt…they had to change him. I managed to get a cute grin out of him before he was changed.

Right…off to a better week...

Ups and downs...

 I am back again…slowly getting myself back to normal. Life these past 2 weeks have been hectic with a few extra shifts and lots of sorting out a higher level of care for hubby's mum. 
And then to top it all off, one of hubby's cousins was killed in a tragic horrible accident. "Big Red" as he was known was a giant of a man, big in stature and personality. Not only was he Ted's cousin, he was also his mate. He is going to be so sadly missed by so many. We had our final goodbye yesterday, a very emotional day for us both. 

Last week I had a 100g gain, this week a 200g loss. I just can't seem to string 2 good days in a row. Work today and I am usually so on track…but today I have lost the plot already. I just so need to find that "happy place" and the strength to stay there, seem to have lost my self worth.

As you can see by the pics, I have my little man staying here again. Kylee and Garry are down for a wedding and I have this little treasure to look after.  Its great to have something to smile about. 

I think the main reason for the loss this weigh in was the walking I did pushing this pram with William in it….he loves his walks.

Today he had his first haircut, he had hair in his eyes, and on his neck the hair was turning into dreadlocks after a night of sleeping, used to have to be brushed to get the knots out. Now he looks like a 16 month old lil boy.
A few more days more to enjoy the kisses and cuddles before he has to head back home. 

A new week….

A good week for me, as well as a very busy one. Took on a extra shift plus had mother in law sick so had to step in and care for her too. Luckily Mum only had a day of being unable to care for herself. In the process of organising more home care help along with the other care she already receives. She is 90 in a few months and does not want to move out of her home. 

The little monkey below is growing in leaps and bounds….even started to say words we can understand too.

Kylee and Garry are in the process of moving house. The place they are renting is ok, but there is no yard for William to play in safely. And recently there was a cyclone up there way and their fence has fallen down and asbestos is laying in there yard. The owners are waiting for insurance to be organised before they do a clean up and make all the repairs needed…..so they found another house that is on more even ground, has an enclosed verandah and a big backyard for William to place safely in. 
Be more room for their fur babies too.

Today has been a cooler day and a "hungry" day for me. I hope I don't undo the great week I have just had, 1.4 of the 5 kilo's I put on has gone…..

Looked through my list of blogs I follow……everyone seems to be losing interest, only 3 of them are being used. Sad in a way, I love my blog and following others...

I'm Back…...

…a lot heavier, 5 kilo to be precise, but I am happy and relaxed, the holiday was the best.

This was taken at the Opera House on Saturday admiring the boat Celebrity Soltice which docked early that morning.

 The Three Sisters up in the Blue Mountains where a good friend of ours took us up to see on the Sunday.

 On Monday we boarded the boat and made ourselves comfy and at 7pm that evening we stood up on one of the decks and said goodbye to Sydney.

 Bye bye Sydney…..
….and below walking through the promenade on the boat. 

And this is Wellington, taken after we hopped off the famous cable car

 And the grapevines in the Picton area….wine wasn't too bad either.

 Us at the Purakunui Falls in the Catlins area with our friends who picked us up at our Dunedin stop. 

 The too beautiful Fiordes.

 The little dolphins that followed us through ….

As did these gorgeous big birds, they were  around most days. 

Now its home, I've nearly finished the unpacking….been busy making a scrapbook album of our trip as well as helping out with Teds mum who again is not all that well.  Holiday finished on Sunday, a shock to the system when I  had my first work shift….

The cruise was just wonderful and I can say 100% I will go cruising again….so will hubby. And New Zealand will be seeing us again, will be going again, would love to hire a camper and visit again. 

Bed time for me, work again tomorrow….

Nearly holiday time….

This is the Voyager of The Seas….the boat we will cruising on for 16 days….
Friday morning we board a flight to Sydney…we will explore Sydney for a few days, also catching up with a few friends before boarding this huge ship on Monday afternoon. We sail out of Sydney at 7pm…. Bring it on I say…I am ready to have some fun. Hubby is going boy oh boy all those people…but WTF I say…lets go enjoy. 

Weigh in…this is what I posted early on Facebook…

No weigh in today as I put my ww on hold a few days ago as I was meant to be working in another shopping centre and would not have been able to get to meeting. And you know what I shouldn't have done that as with no weigh in to go to it gave me a license to eat…and eat I did!! I actually gorged myself, one day eating so much I was sick, physically sick!! Once I woke up to how bloody stupid I was being, I got myself back on track, not 100% on track but a lot better than where I was. Anyways..things changed and I could have got to my meeting so this morning I weighed in on my own scales and was happy to see I had only gained a few hundred grams.
Anyways 2 more shifts to go then we fly over to Sydney ready to board the cruise ship. Now all I have to do is stay at least 90% on track…and not come back 7 kilo's heavier like a friend of mine did !!!!!!!

So this is the last post till I am back and ready to post in April…

Catch you then…...

Another week down...

 On Friday I travelled down to Manjimup to catch up with my dear Mum. Took Mr Troublesome down with me as its been ages since he has seen his Nanny. As you can see she was absolutely stoked to see him. And he was great company for me on the way down and back. Ever soooooooo slowly he is getting his life back on track. A few steps backward every now and then but those backward steps are getting less. 

 I have a wedding to go to in May. Browsing the net the other day I saw this dress and fell in love, just love the style and the colour….so with a click of the mouse I have ordered and paid for it..just gotta hope it fits me now. 

And I just can't do a post with a pic of this lil darling boy.  He is now  approaching 14 months old and a utter delight. Kylee and Garry went away for the weekend and of course this little man was strapped into the back seat.
He was meant to go into daycare as of today, but the daycare had a approval retracted for some reason, and until that is sorted Garry is still the main carer.
Kylee turns 30 this coming weekend, would love to be there but unfortunately can't be, but Kylee's best friend is flying up for the weekend to celebrate with her.

We fly out to Sydney next Friday. The 2.6 I wanted to lose by then is not going to happen…but hey I gave it my best shot. I lost a 100g this week, I had a great week on track and sorta expected more, but any loss is better than a gain. Next week will the last weigh in before we go cruising….

Birthday week

 This cute flamingo for my garden was one of my birthday presents I received for my birthday on Friday. It was a lovely day, spent it at home but had most of my family visit or phone so that was great. 

 Picked this up from our travel agent the other day, all our paper work for our flights to Sydney, accommodation paper work for Sydney and our cruise tickets….excitement plus. They even gave us the travel folder too, very nice it is too. Only 17 days and we fly to Sydney. 

Not much else is happening  in the world of Jen, all very quiet on the home front. 
Kylee sent me the above pic of our little man…..sound asleep in his cot, he sleeps in some very weird positions ehhh?

400 gram loss this week, 2.6 to go to get to top end of my goal. I have 2 more weighs in before I go…BUT I am not pushing myself to try and lose it before we leave, BUT I will be aiming for a loss on both weeks…NO EXPECTATIONS, all I can do is but try. 

Stalled….

…..Thanks in part to 4 GIANT size Freddo's…that I demolished….so that didn't help the sts I had this weigh in. Other than that I thought I had had an alright week, so its onwards to another week. Including next week I have only 3 weigh's in to go…and I would love to lose the 3 kilo's I need to get to the top end of my goal weight. Very doable, but I am NOT going to put pressure on myself to do it as thats when I stuff it up!!!!
Case is packed…now I have to unpack it and re-do it and make sure I have everything….and make sure my backpack has a couple of changes in it too for Sydney. Arhhhhhhh its becoming so real!!

Someone was playing with his toys in his toy box the other day, bent over to far and ended up in the box giggling….

The giggling soon turned to tears when he couldn't get himself out.
Mummy  being the mummy she is, dived for the iPad to get pics before rescuing him.
Soon Master William is off to daycare. Kylee and Garry have found a private daycare that is just opening and have enrolled William. Garry is not getting the rest he needs now that William is so active and not sleeping as much anymore…so they been to centrelink to see if they can claim a rebate for him, and they can. Sooooo in 2 weeks he is off, 4 days a week. Only 4 other kiddies will be going, and William likes the lady…and even more loves the big backyard, the animals, lawn and toys. Being with adults mostly I am sure William will enjoy the interaction with other littlies. 
Kylee's yard is not suitable for little toddlers, once the lease is up in May they will be relocating to more suitable house for a growing laddie. 
Well thats it for me for another week….off to rest my weary tootsies after a busy work day. 

A great week

A couple of pics my daughter sent me, our little man and his Daddy having a nap…I just love them. 
William is still a little unsettled, very clingy and wanting to cuddled all the time, teething doesn't help matters. Kylee and Garry enrolled him in toddler swimming classes the Saturday after they got home as he loves water, but the poor wee mite is unsettled there too. Its a 10 week course so hopefully as time goes on he will settle. 
Garry is slowly getting better.  Has some quite bad days, but finds if he takes it easy he doesn't suffer with pain too much. He has employed a relief baker for a few days a week so he doesn't have to bake every day…and gets a bit more much needed sleep. 

It being Tuesday means its weigh in day. A great loss of 900grams. That means  I have now 3 kilo's to go to get to the top end of my goal weight before we sail…which is 1 month 6 days away…wow hasn't time flown. I started going to ww meetings at the beginning of May…my ww tracker told me today that since then I have averaged 200g a week loss, can't complain about that ehhh?
A friend I haven't seen in a few months saw me today and the first thing she said to me is wow, you look great Jen, you've lost weight!! I did give her a big hug :-)