Today is the day

We begin our journey this afternoon by flying to Sydney where we will spend a couple of days with a friend, before boarding our ship The Explorer of the Seas on Wednesday. Its exciting….as this time time I get to meet up with some of my blogger friends…Lyn, Chris, Lee-Anne and Jackie.
Ted gets to meet up with some of his radio friends too.
But more importantly Ted and I get some "time out" together….just us, away from home….we need it.

Up early this morning, ate a whole heap of chocolate yesterday…and due to the rain we have had I didn't get to walk, it was raining to much to do a walk in the rain….so I am going to get an hour in as soon as its light.

The "demon scales" showed a 400g gain Friday…and today I guess would be double that….BUT hopefully I can now control my eating and get back on track.
Going to be hard on holiday BUT I have promised myself I will walk everyday and NOT "pig out" on all the yummy's onboard.

See you soon….

Its been quiet….

Not much has been happening in the world of Jen…just work, days off…more work…
This fortnights roster is nearly finished, the next one will be waiting for me when I go to work tomorrow,  but should only be one or 2 days work on it as my holidays start on the Friday evening and as Friday is Good Friday all the shopping centres will be closed. 
Can't believe its just over a week before we fly to Sydney ready to catch the boat.
I have just about done all the packing, just a few more items to pack. Very peeved still that NONE of the clothes I wore on the last cruise STILL don't fit….BUT I am happy that I am still slowlllllly losing the weight again. I keep reminding myself that I do need to focus on something else besides my weight…but its my weight being where it is that makes me unhappy. I know a lot of the weight I carrying comes from grieving, grieving as Paul had terminal cancer and then his passing. But I am remembering now how happy Paul was when I lost weight last time and how happy I was that I managed to keep it off for so long. My weight had been going up before Paul's diagnosis, thats was my fault. I eat to make myself feel better, I eat because "darn it I am starting my diet tomorrow so I can", I eat for so many reasons and not many of them are because I am hungry, and when I do eat its "comfort food". Its the comfort food I have to stop eating. I managed to do when I lost the weight last time, so I have to teach myself again not to comfort eat.

Trying not to worry about my Sis, haven't heard from her re appointment with the female Dr. I am not ringing her and pestering her, she'll get the appointment and let me know when. She is more stubborn than I am, know if I pester her she'll shut me out…
I am going down there next week so see Mum before Easter and before we fly out so I will know more then. 

Weigh in this morning…lost 300g…slowlllly going down. 

2nd opinion

I have been on tenterhooks all this week waiting for today to find out what the results of my sister's cat scan on her breast. She went to the Dr today and he THINKS it just a swollen gland and he wants her to keep an eye on it and if it doesn't go away go back and they will do a biopsy.
REALLY???
My sister wasn't over concerned and was happy with that.
Me..I was gobsmacked!! 
I told her I would have had at least thought they would have done a biopsy just to make sure.
Nope, she said I will just keep an eye on it. Told her it was her call but I was concerned.
SO….I rang my brother. Told him all the above and asked him if I was over thinking it?? 
He said I might be considering all that I had been through of late BUT he would talk to her and remind her of his ex girlfriend Margaret and her breast lump that did turn out to be a nasty cancer.
Later on this evening I had a text back from my sister saying thank you Sis, I am getting a second opinion as soon as she can get an appointment with a female Dr as it would be be better to be safe than sorry.
THANK GOD !! 
phewwwww I can breathe a little easier for awhile now.

It was weigh in day today. Wasn't sure how I would go as I had a real bad day yesterday, it was 6 months since we had lost Paul but my very dodgy scales said a loss of 300gms. 
I really need new scales but they can wait till the end of this challenge. 

Just 16 days till we fly to Sydney, 19 days till we set sail….

Now onwards to I hope a better stressless week.

Birthday over...

This is my motto this week…after my birthday, then birthday party I need to do that U turn and get back on the straight and narrow. This weeks weigh in was a gain of 1.1  Normal I guess when you eat crap, drink wine and eat more. Tried the U turn last week after my birthday but it ended up being just a 3 point turn as I got diverted….more meals out and more wine.  Well I guess I only turn 60 once!!  BUT its only just over 3 weeks before we fly to Sydney ready for our cruise, would like to lose a few more kilo's.  Picked up our tickets from the travel agent….so its all go. 

Update on Sister, she has a Dr appointment NEXT Friday, so we are thinking positive….if scans had shown something bad you would think the Drs would have made an urgent appointment wouldn't you??  It hasn't stopped me stressing but I'm not stressing as much now…

Onwards….

Birthday Week

My Besties 

My kids..there is always one !!

Me and my Mummy..

Sisters

Family 


It was the best night…..my extended family and closest friends.
My gorgeous niece made my cake…it was a surprise until she arrived with it…I just burst into tears.
My besties were there, along with my kids and grandee's. Tanya came out too, very teary for her to start with, the last time she was out here with family and friends was for Paul's wake….which I understood as were a little teary ourselves.
My sister had herself a good night too even though she has just received some bad news. She has found a lump under her arm, tests results aren't the best BUT tomorrow we will know more…
Not the best ww week, but I did have a stay the same….unfortunately I don't it will stay the same next weigh in as I haven't had the best of eating over the past 4 days.

New month tomorrow and that means it will be cruise month…come Easter we will fly to Sydney ready to board our cruise ship on the 30th. 

Another week gone by….

The last month or so we have had very hot weather with extreme fire conditions and had a lot of bush fires close by. A whole little town 30 minutes up the road was nearly wiped out and 2 lives were lost. The day before yesterday yet another fire started just 10 minutes away and peoples homes were once again under threat. Unfortunately we have some very sick people around as most of the fires around were lit by arsonists ! The last 2 days we have had some much needed relief with cooler weather, I have been loving it and so have the fire fighters too I guess as they finish mopping up the fires.

A week today and I will have these home for a long weekend….my 60th birthday celebrations.
I wasn't going to have a party but we decided it would be nice to get everyone together and celebrate a life. Will be sad too not having Paul but we will raise our glasses and salute those that can't be with us. 

Weigh in today…and I was delighted to see 2.1 gone this week. Going to be hard to maintain that with lots on this week, a few meals and drinks out….but hey I will give it a go. 

2nd Online weigh

And despite an emotional week I nailed it….lost a 1 kilo. 

5 months the other day since we lost Paul, and that was the only day we could get to see lawyers, needed to get in there and change our wills. Thankfully thats all done now.

Have work later today, then the weekend off. My 60th birthday coming soon and I am working all that weekend, but have a party organised for the following weekend, going to be great to have family and friends together….and best of all I get to see the little rascal above. Its icy pole time above, or "cold colds" as he calls them. He is growing up so quickly. 

Troublesome son so far is coping with his daughter living with him…she has him wrapped around his little  finger though.

Right outta here…a full and busy day ahead. 

Online group weigh in

and that means its my first weigh in with my new online "Making Changes" group...

and yup the big question is….have I lost? Its only been 4 days since the challenge has begun so…..

so …. what are the dratted things going to say??

Well……..after a totally on track (except for the liquorice chocolate log I had) I managed to lose 600grams in the 4 days. 

So I am one happy chick

Its been totally awesome having a few friends in the group, and I am making more friends within it too. Have a few fitbit challenges on. The focus has been great for me. It's what I needed . I am still having "moments" like this morning. Ted has gone down to Paul's to take his ham radio antenna's down, and take his radio's out his car and after he left I had a total meltdown…he should be still enjoying his radio hobby.

Anyways onwards and downwards to a new week…..

Starting again…..

……for what seems like the millionth time I am trying to lose weight again….at least I can say I ain't no quitter.

I have joined a online challenge….starting on the 1st February and it finishes on the 1st May. We pay $20 to join for the 3 months….and at end of the 3 months the top 5 "losers" have the $'s that we have paid in divided out as their "prize" money.
I was introduced to the group by my great friend Rach, she is inspiring me at the moment with her commitment to her health and weight loss. She has lost 9 kilo's so far, but despite a few downs and holidays she has managed to keep plugging away at it.  The group have been welcoming so I have paid my $20 and ready for the start of the challenge. I so can do this. Plus it gives me 9 weeks to get my shit together and lose a few kilo's before we sail out on our cruise…AND also will give me the added challenge of using the walking track on the boat and watching my food intake. 
Have my 60th birthday which we are celebrating at the end of February…so thats another challenge thrown in….but hey I am ready for this….

I have been in a total funk about my weight and myself…. so this is just what I need. Will focus my energy on this "making changes" and see what it brings.

The Lion King

My girlfriend and I went to The Lion King on Sunday.
We made a day of it…I drove from here to hers, a 40 minute drive and from hers we drove to the The Dome in Perth where the theatre production was held.
On arrival there we had a wander through the casino, had a much needed cuppa then walked to the train station and went into the city centre. A wander through Myers, David Jones, and a few other stores we don't have in our town, lunch at cafe in the mall before shop browsing again.
Decided a 4pm to catch the train back where we had a snack and another cuppa before heading over to the theatre.
Found our seats then sat back and we were enthralled from the beginning to the end….what a production. If I could afford it I would go back and watch it all again tomorrow.
Robyn drove us back to hers and because I wasn't tired I drove home (I had packed a overnight bag in case I was too tired).
Pic was taken just before we entered the show. Loved my dress…just wish I loved myself. I have since Paul's diagnosis and passing have let myself go, I have eaten like there is no tomorrow and I look terrible.
10 weeks before we head off on our cruise so a good friend has invited me to join a online challenge with some other people. We weigh in weekly, maybe its what I need. Hoping I can find me again.
I know a lot of what I am feeling is grief, my Dr has been wonderful knowing I don't want to go on antidepressants he has recommended a calmative tablet and so I am giving that a go.
Number 3 son has a few issues going on at the moment too…which are worrying me. His eldest daughter has been giving her mother some problems and she asked Shawn to have Skye for a week or so to give her a break. Skye hasn't been getting on with her mum's partner, well she hasn't from the beginning….but now it turns out he has been cruel to Skye and maybe to the others. Skye refuses to go home. Child protection has been made aware of the fact by Shawn. He may even be given his other daughter as she wants to be with him too.
Shawn is a great Dad, he loves his kids….but I don't think he is aware of how much time and effort he has to put into parenting full time, or the cost involved. And can he give up his recreational drugs, his single lifestyle permanently to become a full time parent?? Time will tell. I hope he can but I really can't see it happening, he has to change his attitude and way of life big time to do so,,,hope he can prove me wrong.

Birthdays

Its your birthday, the first one since you left us…..missing you so much Paul…

Birthdays..

Its a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sonshine…42 today. Loves you son. 

Simon lives a 45 minute drive away, he was on house duties today with his kids as Trace had to work….and so did I this morning…..but spent my breakfast break on the phone yakking to him.

Adrift...

L

In my case I think the elastic has been stretched to the max....no way is it because I have lost weight.
I have lost my way well and truly and my eating is out of control.
My WW's has run out and I have cancelled it till I am in the right head space.
Christmas, family and friends visiting, has seen me lose my battle to lose some weight.....but I ain't a quitter so I'll be giving it another go….when I can get my head in the right space again..
Cruise is booked....I have about 12 weeks to get my head into some sort weight loss mode....nothing is fitting, none of last year cruise clothes fit...
And also throw my 60th birthday into the mix as well....that's in 6 or 7 weeks and Ted wants us to have a party...ohhhhh heck I so need to get ME sorted out. A doctor visit next week might help....I just feel adrift..

My bright light over Christmas and New Year was William and his mummy and daddy. 

We had a wee birthday party for his 2nd birthday. He had a fantastic day, playing on his water slide and eating junk food. At bedtime he was worn out and sick....but luckily after he threw up, we showered him again and he slept a solid 12 hours.

I will be counting down to my birthday as thats when I will see him again…and hopefully by then I won't be feeling so adrift...

Happy New Year

Time is a tickin!!!!! 
Not much left of 2015.
To each and every one, a new year a new beginning. May 2016 bring you everything you wish for and more. 

Its nearly Christmas

Merry Christmas to all who read this.
Thank you to all those that have supported me during this last 6 months….Christmas will be bittersweet for us this year. 
But we will smile and enjoy it and remember that it was Paul's wish.
The kids need Christmas and the joy it brings.
Take care all, be safe and have a wonderful day. 

Another holiday...

We are off cruising again..at the end of March next year.I booked today. 
So any NEW ZEALANDERS that want to say hullo we will be visiting AUCKLAND on April 7th, TAURANGA on the 8th April, and BAY OF ISLANDS on the 9th…..will keep reminding you as the day gets closer.
I am excited, really have something to look forward too…it might chase some of the sadness away.
Have finished all my christmas shopping, only some food and a few little stocking fillers to get and I am done. 

Weight Watchers weigh in today, with visitors and no tracking I managed a loss of 100g…  I best get my shit together if I want to lose weight before we set sail. 

Celebration of Paul

An emotional afternoon down the beach last weekend….but it was happy too.

Wasn't sure how I was going to go weight wise this weigh in, as the day after the celebration we had our first xmas party to go to, then we had visitors arrive to stay for a week on the Monday so its been a challenging week.
Happy to say I lost 1.4 this week, so only 400g to shed to get back to where I was before my mega gain last week…but one day at a time….I will do this….just have to get through today, 3 months since we lost Paul. 

Been lost…..

Since my last weigh in I have been lost…..

My Mac keyboard died, should have jumped in the car and drove to the Apple store and picked up another, would have been quicker than waiting for J B Hifi to get me one….
So I haven't had my tracker…thats one excuse…

Another had Simon and Tracey's 4 kids…they were great. Had a lot of fun with them….and Paul and Tanya's kids too. All of them spent Saturday here….at times they were lost little souls as they all recalled favourite memories they had of their Daddy/Uncle.  Tears flowed for us all. 

We are having a "celebration of Paul" down the beach this weekend….writing down some memories to put into a scrapbook for the kids have sent the emotions to a high level.

So weight watchers hasn't even been on my mind…I have eaten every emotion I have felt…
Just back from my meeting, I considered a "no weigh" but that wouldn't achieve anything….so I weighed, took the huge 1.8 gain….and its onto a new week, new program….and hopefully me back on track.

Right onwards….a deep breathe and I can do it….

Day off...

.......... And tomorrow I walk....

Today was weigh in day and as I expected I had a gain, only a small 100g but it could have been more. I freaked out last week with Ted having his endoscopy and lost the plot for a few days so it's wonder it wasn't more. After weigh in I relaxed and gave myself the day off.
I wasn't going to, but I babysat this morning so I let myself enjoy them. Was going to stay for the meeting but had my nieces kids and the 4 year old played up so I left 5 minutes in.
The program has changed a little, pity I had to miss the talk, but I'll catch up. Loving the weight watchers this time around, it gives me something to focus on, something to talk about.....it helps with my grief.
Have grandkids again this weekend, Simon & Tracey are going to Perth for the ACDC concert...so I'll have the 4 of them. It's going to be a very LOUD weekend, these kids are not quiet!!

Right...off to get myself ready for tomorrow, as soon as I get up I am off walking, a long one...and then I have grandee's for the weekend, arriving tomorrow afternoon, going home Sunday.

Good news

Dear tummy...please shut up!!!!

It has been stressed.

Hubby had a endoscopy this morning, thankfully the results were good, he does have a small hiatus hernia but according to the surgeon he has nothing to worry about. He took a few samples for biopsies, hubby sees his Dr in a couple of weeks. Thank heavens it is all over, I have been worrying myself silly about it.

I got my weigh in done just before I had to pick up hubby from hospital but once again missed staying for the meeting. Must attend next week, apparently new "things" are happening in WW's

But since I have bought Ted home I have been eating like there is no tomorrow...it must stop!!!! I can't blow all my hard work....I am on a roll. Lost 800g this week, not going to happen this week if I don't stay out of the bikkie barrel.

Right...off to tiptoe around and do a few chores, hubby is having a nap. Work again for me tomorrow.