Happy New Year

A new year tomorrow, a new start for many of us too I guess, diet wise anyways.
But diets aside.....I wish each and everyone that may read this 

A HAPPY NEW YEAR......may 2019 bring you good health, love, laughter and much happiness.

Blessings to you all.

Where am I at....

This is me at the moment.
I am trying to find my mojo...
I started Boxing Day morning, had a great day, followed it up on the 27th with another.
Then the 28th and today I have fallen in a hole.
But I feel like crap...I look even worse.
My clothes are tight or don't fit.
My feet hurt.
I am over myself.
So I do need to find that mojo..and write down my goals for 2019 and go out and do them.
I cannot fail.

In February 2020 I have booked a 6 day cruise to Tasmania for my sister and myself....bring it on.
I plan to go there a lot fitter and healthier than I am now.

Blah blah blah

I am not getting anywhere with dieting at the moment.
What with my lack of control over my mouth or the food I am putting in it, so just putting it in the too hard basket for the moment, but I am not quitting or giving up.....
so I am just going to say 
MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all.....and I'll be back and hopefully raring to go Boxing Day as I have have goals to achieve in 2019. 

Weigh in day

Today was weigh in day.

500g gone

Now tell me please how I can stop having a free day....

I stuff up by treating myself to one after weighing.

Moderation is the key and I need to relearn this.

At least today I haven’t eaten myself into a food coma.

No jabberwalks this week....what with babysitting, work and Deb’s commitments we haven’t been able too.

Right, outta here...dinner time, early night tonight for me, tired after having kids overnight, they weren't picked up till 10.30 and I started work at 12  then worked till 5pm......and I need to be up early for 6am shift.

Someone said the older you get the busier you are....I know I am, some days I wish I could just retire....ohh for the lotto life....

Failed

One day in.....and already I have fucked it up.....

BUT I am no quitter....I will win, I cannot live like this! 

Only me can change it...

....And today I am working on a list of new beginnings that I WILL achieve by the end of 2019.....

This week....

 Today, I am suffering from yesterday...I am so so cross at myself. 
I had the best week...I tracked all my food, was eating properly, I even went for 3 jabber walks with my buddy....and on the scales yesterday all my hard work paid off as the scales were down a kilo!!!
Then because I allowed myself a treat...I blow it by treating myself all day!!! 

I have been doing the Elves on the shelf with this little boy on the 2 nights a week he sleeps over. I don't know who is having the most fun....me or him!!
I love thinking up things to do...and I love seeing the excitement in his face when he find the elves and seen what they been doing....

Right....now I am out of here...off to plan my day and see if I can STOP those bloody scales from giving me a gain next Saturday morning....if they are I have no one to blame but ME!! 
I can tell you next week I will NOT be in a food coma!!!! 

A crap week!!

How long can I keep doing this to myself?
Its no one fault but MINE
I have to stop the self pity, woe is me and just get on with it.
Today the number on the scale hit a high that I never ever wanted to see again....yet I ATE myself all the way there.
Stress and the ongoing Kylee and Garry saga, plus the Simon and Tracey one (they went to court Thursday) hasn't helped...but that shouldn't have given me a license to eat nothing but crap!!

I have to get MY LIFE back. 

This week also seen my old faithful work car die. A pipe corroded and my poor Tweedledee cooked herself.  It was a hunt around on the computer and a visit to Mandurah to check out a new car. Anyways...meet Floss my new little zippy car who I just love. 

Right...out of here....
Time to STOP the pity party and get on with losing this dratted weight. 
Its a nice day, a new month....surely that means another new start. 

A better week

Hoping with everything in me that dear daughter remembers this...
She has told me that she has told Garry that they are both now separated, single and will be friends. She said he has asked if that can be reviewed in a month and she said yes but the answer will be the same. Fingers crossed it is. That man manipulates her. He lied, he cheated, and he bullied my girl. I will not have anything to do with him anymore, all he is to me is the father of my grandchildren. 

Took this gorgeous pic of my girl with her baby the other day...just love how relaxed she looked playing on the lawn with Summer.

Me, my weight.... Have had a horror week, but the last few days I have been ok. Tonight I have indulged a little...I have injured my knee, and I've tweeked my back out, so hobbling around like a real old woman!! And now tonight, have a tickle in my throat which I can thank hubby for....he has been coughing his lungs up for the last 3 days thanks to a flu that started with this tickle...ohhh joy !!! 

Troubles...

Well what I say other than it’s been a stressful couple of weeks with dear daughter and Garry.

Have decided Garry is narcissistic...he bullied and manipulated Kylee....and she went back. Then she found out he had been playing her AGAIN, a friend found his profile on a new dating site.

Since then his narcissistic bullying personality has been in top gear. Things have been very intense between Kylee and him, but he manipulates her so much that she goes crawling back. Like the other day he said he hurt his back and he told her he couldn’t drive...so she drove him. 

Shit hit the fan here over that....here we are trying to help her out as she was done with him and all he need to do is crook his little finger and she goes running.  

We weren't happy...and told her so. So she has told him to back off....
Today he has texted me asking what he has to do to earn our trust....told him I don't think he ever will, time will tell. 
He then asked would Kylee still have our support if they decide to work it out. 
My reply was I hope we would be around to pick up the pieces because we don't think she deserves you, you will hurt her again. He reckons he won't....but again time will tell. Hope Kylee stands back long enough for him to show his true colours again. A narcissist like him don't change...and he is a cheating one!! 

So stress levels high...somedays I eat everything and anything in sight, other days not. My job has been a outside one for the last 3 weeks, an early morning 3 hour shift so I been getting quite a workout...think that has helped me keeping my weight stable..even though its bordering on its highest it has been in years!! 
Where has my willpower go...been looking at pics of myself when I lost the weight 10 years ago...I want that again, but just can't gather up the strength to do it again.....yet! 

So where am I at...

So where am I at...
Well I am a lot better health and diet wise...still not 100% but better than where I was.
Still super busy with work, kids and grandkids. Daughter has kicked Garrry out and is a bit of a mess. She is tired of all the emotional abuse from him and his cheating. The last few days she has taken off work to try and get paperwork sorted out. He is still in her house and she is staying here till he gets out. He was being super cocky and saying he's wasn't going as he was entitled to half of everything not thinking that Kylee meant that they were over. Now its can't be try and work this out....nope, she say's, we are DONE!! 

Above is Tanya having Summer cuddles. 
We don't see a real lot of them now, Tanya is working to support her family...and the girls both have jobs and sports (both are super netball players) and Matt...well he is the typical 10 year old boy!! 

Thyroid problems...

I know I have been missing for a bit..
I have been off track for awhile, had a raging appetite. Had headaches, night sweats agin (thought I was done with them!!, and was feeling so tired and fuzzy....
And I had a bout of diverticulitis as well...


A hormonal imbalance is a malfunction of one or more hormones in the body. Each hormone has a different effect on the body, and all hormonal imbalances are different. 
A hormonal imbalance may be asymptomatic, or inconsequential. However, it can also be the cause of many diseases, mild or severe, such as thyroid disorders, diabetes, acne, obesity, or infertility. Treatment includes restoring the normal order of these hormones.

So off to the Doctor I did go...
Blood tests I did have...my levels were haywire.
Meds were altered and I am slowly starting to feel ok again.
I rang ww and explained what was going on and requested my membership put on hold for a month. My weight had skyrocketed. 

Our friends in Geraldton rang us and told us they had bought a big block of land out bush and asked us up there for a campout weekend. I requested the time off work and work gave me extra time off, so hubby and I hit the road and decided to go the long way around to our friends place and checkout the countryside and the awesome display of wildflowers. It was magic...and just what I needed.

Been back at home a week now and am slowly starting to feel like me again. 
My diet has been a lot better. Night sweats have stopped, bowel problems have settled down, my head is not so fuzzy.

3 years

They say as time goes by it does get easier...phewwwww I don't know about that!!
Today is 3 years since you left us Paul, but it hurts as much today as the day you left us. 
You would be so proud of Tanya and the strength she has shown....but you would beam with pride at your kids. Caity has been the tower of strength to Tanya, Ashlee is a mini you, she walks just like you did and Matty has your grin and infectious laugh.   Luke is struggling so much still, he regrets so much that he wasn't around more.
So you do live on in your kids....and our memories but hell I wish you were here. 

CANCER SUX !!!

My roster at work of late has been horrible. Have two girls off sick/holidays so we all been doing extra shifts...money comes in handy though. Also throw in babysitting overnight grandkids 2 nights a week..
The roster change meant weight watchers meetings were few and far in-between. The one I could get too was closed down because of lack of attendance and my roster changes made the other 2 not viable.
So I put meetings on hold for a month. 
Don't know if that was good or bad as it threw all my good intentions out the window...and ate.
Been trying to get back on track since but its been hard. I went to Drs the other day to get thyroid tablet prescription done and told her about my troubles.I now have a big bruise on my arm from blood tests...Doc thinks my thyroid levels may have done a nose dive!!
Anyways...I aint no quitter so I'll keep on trying...I want this weight off!!! Its only me that can do it. 

I have Shawn's kids every 2nd weekend as respite for their foster mother. They are no problem...too addicted to their social media to get into much!!  They love their Dad, they love the change in him as we all do. 

Update

Well this was me....up and down, typical yoyo...good one meal, bad the next...regroup and have a good day then fall in a heap the following day....what a sad state of affairs!! I was miserable and so darn angry at myself.

Anyways....a few days off, some rest with no kids and I sat myself down and planned my days. Even managed a couple of walks.

Yesterday I had a girlfriend down for the day. We went out morning tea where we shared a slice, had a small roast pork lunch and afternoon tea we shared a scone. I had a light meal for my tea....and this morning at weigh in I was rewarded with a 900g loss for the fortnight. Put a smile on the dial that did....so hopefully this will continue.

Alls good with the family....
Kylee, Garry, William have all got the flu and they hoping Summer doesn't get it!! 
Simon came down on the weekend with his boys, it was his youngest son's birthday so we had a small get together and cooked up a bbq. Things are not too crash hot with Simon, ongoing war with Tracey, his girls refuse to have anything to do with him. Tracey is poison and if she can cause trouble she will. Very opinionated and loves the sound of her own voice and doesn't care about what hurt she causes. Because Simon is my son the girls have had nothing to do with us since the breakup...sad but thats the way it is. Hopefully as they grow up (they are 15 and 16) they will get away from their mother and her nastiness and realise how important family is. The boys say they get quite embarrassed at how she acts and talks sometimes. 

Tanya is coping. It's nearly 3 years since we have lost Paul and she has coped thanks to the kids. They miss him of course as we all do but life has gone on and we go day by day with our memories. He would be so proud of them !! 
I myself had a meltdown the other day at work. I saw a guy who's profile was Paul's to a T, he was dressed like Paul used too...I thought for a few seconds it was him, even opened my mouth to call out to him....then remembered...

Anyways a work day tomorrow, so must away and get the washing in ( a fine day here but with a cool breeze) and air it out in front of the fire, especially my work uniform. 

Still struggling...

I seem to be fighting a loosing battle with myself and my weight...
I rejoined weight watchers for the 12 months knowing that paying out that money on a monthly contract that I would have to attend!! 
But I am struggling...a lot of emotional eating and I can't seem seem to get out of the pattern. Why do I do this to myself. I so want to get myself healthy again and feeling good about myself....BUT I seem to fall into that bikkie barrel time and time again....

Struggling

 Need to set the reset button.......

Ohhh why....did I...??
Today was just one of those days...
Tomorrow morning I press the reset button yet again....surely I will get my motivation back again.
I thought rejoining ww again I would be able to do it...paying out my hard earned money once a month for a year would help...but so far not!! 
I just have to do it...how do I get my mindset again. I am reading my old blogs, going back to when I did it last time, hoping something just "clicks" 

Weigh in day....

 Weigh in day today.....a 200g loss.
Hey, I'll take that even if its over 10 days as I mucked up big time on the weekend.

I am just wondering if I will ever learn to NOT eat my emotions...its damn hard not too sometimes. This time I managed to pull myself together, I just reminded myself that this journey is NEVER easy and hey I have a ww contract for 12 months so I can't give in.

Life does get in the way sometimes....gee I have learnt that over the years, especially over the last 3 years. Grief still rears its ugly head every now and then and I succumb to it. My brother I lost in 1979, 40 years next year we have lived without him....I still cry for him.

This week my promise to myself is to track and plan. I have a few challenges to face. This weekend is one of them. Since Shawn's 2 girls have gone into care this last time they have been giving their foster carer a real hard time. We have agreed to be respite carers every 2nd weekend and this weekend we have them all weekend.  I know they are going to try it on with me....they have a rude awakening coming....they are going to abide by some rules and they are not going to like it. Their carer loves the girls, she really does, but of course all they want to do is go home to their Mum. Their mum is not a fit mum, but of course the kids don't think that.....and they think the poor they act up and make life difficult for everyone the quicker they will be sent home to her. 

So this weekend.....its track, plan and keep myself focused. 

Weather hopefully this weekend will be fine. Of late all it has done is rain, rain and rain some more.  It has been so cold and our fire has been going constantly. 

Bring on Spring. 

A down mood day

Woke up this morning in a real down mood.....sooooo what do I do...I eat.
And then I eat more...and to see if my mood improves I eat more still....

Now its after midnight and what am I doing. I am writing this as I can't stop myself from farting....my stomach hurts, I feel sick....all coz I have eaten CRAP!!

Why do I do this to myself?? I should know by now that food is not going to make me feel better...espesially the crap food like I have eaten today. 

I really want to lose this excess weight, I really want to enjoy the weight loss journey, weight watchers is so easy now, its easy to follow so why does one "feeling down" day make me lose the plot? 

Guess tomorrow (or should I say today as it is after midnight) is another day....

Girls day out...

 A lovely day out with our little Miss Summer Bug

 Me and my besties, and me showing my holiday belly. Think this will be my before pic. I look like a little round beach ball.

 Our precious little girl.

Robyn loves her too....

Girls day out tomorrow.

Have my family on weight watchers duty....no junk is to be stored in my kitchen fridge. There are fridges out on the patio...if they want to have treats they are stored out there. Shawn is the sweet tooth in the family, Ted not so much. I still keep biscuits, muesli bars and other treats in the pantry mainly for the grandies, and I keep a few options for myself in there as well...not denying myself at all, this time slow and steady, I'm in for the long haul. 
Last night was weigh in....800 grams gone.
No exercise other than what I do at work. Must bring more into my day asap as I know I need it for weight loss...and for me, I been missing my walks. Sunday morning I have one planned with my jabber buddy. 

Girls day out tomorrow....looking forward to that. Kylee and I are driving to Mandurah to meet up with my besties. One is coming down from Perth..the other lives near Mandurah. Not sure who they looking forward to seeing more, me or little Miss Summer... lol 

First weigh in

Last night was my first weigh in.....a gain of 400grams BUT I did expect it.  (My scales before I left for work that morning showed a loss) Weigh in was between 5 and 5.30pm and I worked from 10am to 5 pm so had to rush from work as soon as I finished to make it in time. After a day of being on my feet all day I knew my weight would be up. It always is. This meeting is the only one that fits in with my work roster at the moment. I have 2 other meetings, 1 x evening and 1 x day one to choose from as well so I will go to which ever one suits my roster. Anyways the first week is done and dusted. 

I had a busy weekend.

Babysat these two on Friday night.....My first time with Summer overnight....and guess what I was up and out of bed before they woke up!!  Miss Summer was a good little girl and slept through for me.....

Saturday Simon came down with his two boys....they stayed overnight....so the house was full. 
Kylee and Garry stayed to catch up with them and have dinner so we ended up having a bbq dinner...a great catch up. Its great to get the kids together like that. 

Anyways time to go start dinner....its been a busy day at work so it will be a quick and easy one....

Back to Weight Watchers...

 Tonight was my first night back at Weight Watchers.....5pm is the only time I can fit in with my work hours....but so be it!! 
I have gained just over 8 kilo's since my last weigh in.....when I go on holidays I holiday!!
I drink which I don't very often do at home.....and the true reason for the gain methinks was the drinking...AND all the carbs I ate. Leading up to the holiday I cut out 95% of all carbs, allowed myself very very little. Not always a good thing to do especially when you reintroduce them in mega portions like I did...BUT so be it, I did expect it.
Now I am back into it. I have joined up for 12 months....hopefully with all the ups and downs in any ww journey I will get my act together and achieve my goal...its been a long time since I was there.  I was happy on my holiday...my weight held me back only a few times and I knew sooner rather than later I needed to do something. 

I have a lot of aches and pains....80% I am sure are related to my weight...time is up, I am going to do this....I have to give it a damn good go this time around. 

I have this little cutie above to run round after soon.....and the big 4 year old below to keep up with...I struggle to do that some days. I want to fit on the slides with him, climb onto the trampoline and jump....and push him on his bike, go for rides with him...