I despair....

about my troubled son. Things are just not getting any better, actually getting a lot worse I think. Last night Hannah had to take another 24 hour restraining order against him, this is the second one now, last one was just before Christmas, as his anger is starting to take over and domestic voilence is starting to become an issue. Hannah is now at least half way throu her pregnancy...know one knows for sure how far she is, not even herself as it was an accident and totally unplanned and she hasn't been to a Dr yet!! Says she is too scared, really I can understand that with Jaydene just 12 month old and Shawn the way he is!! Its about now he is allowed back into his house and Hannah is going to tell him no more chances, either get some sort of help or get out and leave her and the girls alone, she can't cope with him this way any more. I support her fully there, how she has coped up till now I have no idea. Shawn has in the last year been getting slowly getting worse. But what way is he going to go with that ultimatium? Are things going to get better or worse? Is he going to try and get some help of some sort, any sort? My stomache is all churned up, I just can't stop all the thoughts in my head with all the what ifs, hows and wonderings....I am scared stiff about what is going to become of him. My husband can't understand how I really feel, not that he doesn't care, butI just feel so hopeless as thou I haven't done enough, scared that he is going to harm himself or someone else.......

Sorry....just had to try and get some of this outta my head....

Day off....

......from the farm, its finally slowing down out there, soooooo was able to have a catch up with my friend Rach and have a cuddle of baby Jasmin. Been awhile since Rach and I have able to have a catch up and have a natter....was great. Thanks Rach for taking the time out for a catch up....with a bub and a 6 year old thats on school hols that it isn't easy to find I know.

I then treated myself to lunch out....chinese chilli prawns....don't know the point value, couldn't find it, but no matter, they eaten now and enjoyed and have recorded 8 points for the pleasure.....guess they could be more but.....

Tracking is going well, weighing all food that I unsure of and excersising most days, thou gave myself a rest day today, the first one in ages. Am still doing my interval training, walking 3 minutes, jogging 1 minute is what I am doing till I get too tired, thou every day I am getting further and further before I have to stop the jogging and just walk. My next weigh in day is not January 28th....thats a public holiday here, so will weigh in now February 4th.....hopefully by then the demon scales will be very kind to me and move off this 72.1!!

Next on the adgenda was new tyres for the car....then more pleasure......visited eldest sons and played with the grandies Caity and Ashlee. Swam in the pool...the day has been hot and humid, no bathers and no way would Tanya's fit me, she non-pregnant is tall and skinny and soaking wet is 58 kilo's, so stripped down to knickers and bra....and had a ball. Kids loved the "jelly belly"...... thought it was funnier than mum's pregnant one.....lol Of course kids had to show off their bellies and their scars....Ashlee is healing well after her burn scare and Caity's appendix scar is starting to fade.....

Drs visit

Went to the specialist on Thursday but before I saw him had to go to a clinic and have a few other tests that involved having cathedars being put in to check out the strength of my bladder and muscles involved in that department. Not very pleasant couple of hours I can assure you. Then it was on to specialist, some ultra sounds , some more pokes and prods....and the end result is, I do not need a hysterectomy but I am having a operation on the 12th March to repair prolapse, having my bladder stretched (apparently it doesn't release as it should) and a few other 'scopies done as well.

Just glad all the tests were done, it wasn't a very pleasant day, it was all very invasive and my stomache cramped most of Thursday night requiring me to have a ultrasound on Friday morning to make sure no damage had been done by cathedars. If boss hadn't of rang up Thursday evening to say I wasn't required to work Friday he would have received a phone call Friday morning to say I was unable to work.....

All paper work has now been filled in, I am booked in and waiting.

Been a very quiet weekend, no kids, no grandies, just me and hubby. Just been pottering around, reading, playing pc and just doing nothing.....

No weigh in this week, going in next Monday the 28th. Have had a great week, started my new journal up and have tracked everything that has gone into my mouth, stuck 100% to my points and even calculated and weighed anything I was unsure of. Excersise has been terrific, have done more interval training, trying to jog more with my walking and changing my walk routes so I have more variety.....so next weigh hopefully will show a loss !!

Happy Birthday to......

It's been a week or so of birthdays.

Jan 1st we had Micheal, my boss, he was moaning and groaning about getting old and turning 40......so surprized him before I left work on new years eve with a parcel containing dark hair dye to cover all the grey hairs, some magnifing glasses so he can see better and a walking stick for those poor old bones of his !! hehehe .....he opened the parcel there and then and laughed his head off.....

Next came on the 6th was my dear little sis, quickly followed by littlest grandaughter who turned the big 1 year old

On the 10th Simon #2 son had his day, he shared that day with a very special friend of mine, and then on the 11th our eldest son celebrated, the 12th my workmate and friend Zoe, her husband yesterday, and tomorrow my eldest grandaughter Jessica has her 6th birthday. I now get a break till later on in the month when another good friend celebrates.

On Thursday its back to the specialist to get test results from last fortnight and have another series of tests, pokings and proddings......hopefully its not going to be too painful. ohhhh Anne glad your endiometrial ablation worked for you, I had one of those nearly 4 years ago and as you can gather it didn't work. Had a prolapse done then too.....and thats why specialist is running these tests on Thursday in the hope that this new surgery will work for me and give me better results.

And now my weight.....weighed in last night...and again I AM THE SAME!!!! mmmm was not happy, I have been the same since November 26th. I lost the plot last night and had a mega "pigout"....... which believe it or not, it DID make me feel better. But this morning I got out my new journal and I am now writing down everything that enters my mouth. I have my ww point calculator handy and checking all the point values of all my foods.....and on the weekend I will buy a new set of food scales. I have a ww scale which I dragged back out but it won't work, for some reason it has gone "kaput" I know I am only just over 4 kilo's over my goal weight, BUT I do not feel comfortable where I am, I worked too hard to let all my dreams of goal weight disappear.....YEP, I want my goal weight back and I gonna do it again......eventually, but I will !!

Finished work....

.....at lunchtime yesterday as at long long last it was the day of my appointment with the gyneao.... Was lovely getting out of work early as the heat was stifling, we had another one of those HOT days....phewwwwww!! Was worse in town at the Drs...just walking from the car to the surgery and I was dripping wet!

Anyways saw the man and after being questioned, jabbed, poked and prodded, examined and questioned some more Dr seems to think I won't need a hysterectomy. Seems all the trouble I had been having with the heavy and continuous bleeding was my swansong, as since then there has been no more. Still have a lot of menopausal symptoms but with my medications I can live with those. But yayyyyyy looks as thou those monthly's have gone forever now!! Prolapses will still need surgery, but firstly have to go back to Dr in 2 weeks to get results from yesterday and he wants to do some more tests. They apparently have a new surgical procedure which is less evasive, with less pain and less time recovering and he'll see then if I will be a canditate for that.

Will see what the next visit brings.

The weekend again...nothing really planned. Have troublesome son visiting, hopefully not in one of his grumpy moods......he shouldn't be as his little girl Jaydene will be celebrating her first birthday on Monday and I asked them to come around this weekend and pick up her pressie.... Wowwwwwww where does time go, she has grown so quickly. Just from Christmas to New Year she found her feet well and truly and now she RUNS!!! Will take pics of course...hopefully I can get one of her big cheeky grins. This pic is of her on Christmas Day, where she would only walk if she had something to lean on.........ohhhhh isn't she just a cutie.....

Happy New Year

Well its 2008......

Last night I slept it in, boring ehhhhh? I had worked all day, was tired, upset and "over it" !! Hubby wasn't interested in going out even thou we had had invites.....so another night in for us.

I rang or messaged the kids and their families....hopefully they all have the greatest of years. All I ever wish for is happiness and contentment for all of them.

Troublesome son will never find it until he wakes up to himself and stops blaming everyone else for his troubles and realises it is him and only him! Rang him yesterday to wish him all the best and to start off he was fine, then I said the wrong thing, or something he didn't want to hear to be more truthful, and got abused for it. I hung up.

And that brings me to my New Year resolution. After a lot of thought....I have decided that I am not gonna stress out and worry myself sick about things I have no control over. Yep like Mr # 3 son and his little family and what he can do to himself and them....as you know I do that, wellllll no more! Welllllll, gonna try anyways.

So hopefully some of you popped the champagne, partied or danced to the wee small hours, threw the confetti and made new year resolutions....

May this year be a year of good luck, good health and most of all happiness to you all.

We sweltered.....

On Christmas Day and Boxing Day.......phewwwwwww it was hot!! Boxing Day in the city apparently recorded nearly 45 degree's and was the hottest Boxing Day on record in the world. Luckily we are 2 hours out of the city, live on a bush block with lots of trees and lawn around the house so thou it didn't reach nearly 45 it was in the 40's...... I was soooooo bloated from the amount of water I drank over the 2 days.....and from all the rubbish I managed to consume too....yep I am guilty of being a "piggy". Ahhhhh well, it was Christmas !!

Christmas Day began early when I awoke early and couldn't go back to sleep. Woke up hubby, got up, opened our pressies, had a coffee and headed up the hill to Collie to play Santa to #2 son and 4 grandies.... Ohhhhh the excitement....it was gorgeous watching their little faces. Left them with their mummy and daddy after a couple of hours with the mess and a swing set to erect ..... hehehe The troubled son and his little family were due to arrive for lunch....so on arrival home it was prepare for that. By then it was really heating up.....so was glad I had decided on seafood and salad......was yummo even if the prawns weren't as tasty as I was hoping they would be. Pity I didn't stop at the meal instead of all day (and the next as well) dipping my hand into the nibblies. Anyways son was well behaved, and in a reasonable mood so the meal was pleasant..... Excitement plus from the little grandies.....Jaydene is nearly one but just loved ripping into the pressies with a huge grin on her little face. Pop and I gave Skye a little lunch bag with water bottle and lunchbox which we had filled with some treats....as she starts kindy next year. Don't think that bag has left her sight since.

#3 son Paul took his family down south to spend with

his partners family......so they still have yet to come around to see what Santa has left here. Coming here this weekend as today Luke, Pauls son from a previous realationship arrives....so all of them will be together.

Missed my daughter something shocking on the day.....althou we did speak a couple of times on the phone. She sent me a lovely maxi dress...beautiful blue colour but the style has left me wondering whether it suited me or not. Hubby is not sure, so rang the store that Kylee bought it from and they said they have another dress, same colour but slightly different style so am going into the Bunbury store over here and see if they have the same....

Anyways...those 2 days flew by and it has been back to work for me the past 2 days....thankfully it hasn't been as hot. I have gotten myself back on track after being a little Christmas piggy....got up on the Thursday morning, removed all the nibblies and treats out of sight.....struggled into a pair of shorts, put on the walking shoes and walked for an hour before I went to work. Too scared to hop on the scales, clothes tell me I gained......BUT I will get back to my goal. No ww weigh in till sometime in January but I have received an invitation to a formal wedding of a close friends son on the 1st March.....so my goal is to be back at goal by then. I don't own a formal outfit so I want to be able to go and buy one and look and feel stunning.

I got home from work yesterday and found sitting on my doorstep this lovely parcel from my good friend Carol. Carol is a competition whizz....always entering them and winning too. This package she won and decided I could have it as I need pampering after all the hard work I do up in my "tin shed" on the market garden ...... THANKS HEAPS BUDDY

Where does time go.....

Another week has flown by.....so quickly too....where does the time go!!

Work has been so busy, but we were lucky this week I guess....we had a machinery break-down and had 2 half days off while they did repairs. Now we are playing catch up trying to get the orders made up and working twice as hard...and longer days.



During the week I went up the hill to bring troublesome son (Shawn) down. Since he had his accident we have had his vechile down here getting it repaired, new windscreen in, new tyres and just making it roadworthy again. Within minutes of him and his little family getting in the car...he started. Heck knows what I said to set him off, it doesn't take much at all believe me.....but boy he turned from normal to physcotic raving idiot in seconds....abusing me for no reason. I just didn't argue or try to placate him.....just pulled over and literally threw him out the car!! Speaking to Hannah (his partner) as I turned the car around and took them back home apparently he has been like this for a few weeks now...doesn't need any drugs or drink to set him off anymore, could be just something he hears on the radio or tv. Soooooo sad. What kind of parent does that make me, everytime I had spoken to him, he has been great, I didn't notice any difference in him, actually thought he was doing great, he always sounded so happy on the phone ...I must have been burying my head in the sand !! Anyways I dropped Hannah off and headed for home.....he stopped me as I went to drive past him as he trudged up the highway....he apologised profusely and asked me very politely to take him to my house to get his 4x4. Not one more word of abuse was uttered...he was normal again. He really wanted that vechile back and I think had realised if I drove past I wouldn't have returned.

He called in on Saturday too...and spent 3 or 4 hours here....and said he was trying to get his "moods" under control. He needs to do more than that, he needs help big time....and only him and HIM alone can do that, but he won't listen, you can not give him any advise, he doesn't WANT to listen, doesn't think his problem is as big as we tell him it is.... BUT he really does need to do something soon, he informed me and hubby that he and Hannah are to be parents again....their 3rd child. Heck, he can hardly look after himself.....I really despair, I really do, what is going to become of him !!!



On Saturday night we had our work chrissy party.....the boss took all the fulltime workers out to dinner at a real classy resturaunt....all food and drinks paid for....

mmmmmm I blew it and spoilt a super-dooper on track week and drank wayyyy too much red wine.....

Had last weigh in for the year tonight and it told on the scales......would you believe for the 4th week running I stayed the same!!!!!!

Bring on the New Year, methinks I gonna havta pull me socks up and get rid of this holiday excess....carried it around way too long now!!!

Merry Christmas to one and all just in case I don't post before then.....take care, be safe.

They say things happen.....

..... in three's !! yeahhhhh ..... well I wish someone told my family that !! Since October when I went to Melbourne it has been one thing after another....now to top it all off Caitlin, (the 5 year old big sister of Ashlee, the one that got burnt) went into hospital last night and had emergency surgery on a twisted appendix !! Anyways.....all went well although because the appendix was so twisted they couldn't do keyhole surgery and she now has a 2cm scar. She came home this afternoon and is recovering. We knew something was wrong with her as on Sunday Tanya bought out Luke (the big brother who was on a access visit) out to say hullo to us and Caity couldn't come.....she wasn't feeling the best in the tummy.....now we know why.

Went into ww last night to weigh in, just made the meeting as I worked late and the result....AGAIN, I stayed the same.....guess it's better than a gain. Next week is the last meeting till the New Year so I'll try and make that weigh in and next year I think I will have to revise my points and my menu and see if I can get this weight to shift downwards again.....

Here I am....

I'm Back !!!!! Darn computer died and I had to rush it off to the pc doctor and get it fixed!! In the meantime I sat at home and read books, listened to music or cooked.....while I waited for the phone call to say "it's ready" Got the phone call late yesterday and got hubby to pick it up for me today. A new power supply and yayyyyy it works!!

I didn't go to weigh in on Monday night, firstly I worked late and was so tired when I got home all I wanted to do was shower, eat and go to bed.....so thats what I did!! Am feeling a bit fragile at the moment and didn't want to hear what I already knew....I hadn't lost anything. I weighed in on my scales, and they are nearly spot on with ww and I had stayed the same.....so guess thats better than gaining ehhhh??

Well caught up on the blog...better get to and have a read and see what all you guys are up to......

Got to move.....

My little cuties, Zoe and Jessica, with my chickens

Had an alright week, food was good except one day when I did my usual thing...emotionally ate, this time when I found out my son Simon's partner had a car accident with all 4 kids in it. Their 4x4 is a mess, but luckily Tracey had all the kids strapped in properly so other than a bruise on Zoe's cheek....all were okay. Thankfully their vechile is a 4x4 as they were told if it had been a car it would have been a write off. But I have to move my butt more....excersise has been down to what it usually is. I had had 2 of Simon's kids, my grandaughters Jessica and Zoe sleep over for the weekend..so no walks then . I know when I don't keep the excersise up....I don't lose. Weighed in tonight...and stayed the same.....but ohhhhh well I will keep at it, still going to weigh in at the ww meetings every week till I get back to goal, however long it takes....

Happy Birthday Skye...

Skye turned 4 yesterday, ohhh my little grandies are growing up so quickly. Didn't get to give her a cuddle as they live 45 minutes away....but did get to say hullo on the phone. She didn't say too much...was too interested in going to day-care and having cake.....mmm priorities ehhh??

Went back for ....

Another weigh in tonight......and yayyyyyy I lost 1.7 !! I worked real hard this week, counted points, watched portion sizes and drank heaps of water...yep I happy. Another good week this week and I will be nearly back to within my goal range......2.1 to go and I'll be a 60's girl again.

Another reason to jump for joy....is little Ashlee is home...she went back to Princess Margaret hospital this afternoon for a Drs visit and SHOULD be cleared as all infections have cleared up and burns are healing nicely...luckily so far with no scaring.....

Donna tagged me.....

So here goes....

4 Dishes I like to cook.....

Annette Syms Satay Chicken

Italian Beef Casserole

Bacon, eggs and baked beans

Seafood

4 Qualities I like in people.....

Honesty

Reliability

Laughter

Love

4 Places I have been.....

Onslow

Darwin

Melbourne

Bundaberg

4 Things in my bedroom.......

Water Bed

Lamp

Radio alarm clock

My latest book near my bed

4 Dirty words I use......

Farkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!

Shit !!!!!!

Bugger !!!!

Bitch and on the odd occassion a lot worse!!

I now tag.....Chris, Lyn, Julie

Went back....

Well its onwards and downwards for me......

I went to the ww meeting last night and weighed in and it was as I expected.....I had gained big time. But I feel great now....I made a committment to myself that I would keep on going to the meetings and weighing in in front of my leader until I got down to goal again.... I need the accountability.

Sooooo weight now is 73.8

Have 2 weeks to get down to 70.0 which is the top end of my goal weight (allowed 2 kilo's over goal) so here goes...lets see what I can do. If I do it great....if not I'll be paying for the November weigh in....BUT I will keep on going weekly till I get to goal AGAIN!!!!!

Going back.....

....... To weight watchers tomorrow night. Have had enough of trying to lose this holiday weight on my own....I can't do it!! I go well for a few days, then fall in a hole, thinking "just one won't hurt" or " I walked this morning, I can have one" !!

So back to it for me, I need those scales, I need to be accountable to them. Not gonna be pretty tomorrow night, I know that.....my clothes tell me that, the ones that still fit that is.....

Why is it ????

Just when I get myself into gear and get on track something comes along and upsets the apple cart.....

Hubby is in having eye surgery right now....knew it was going happen as its been planned for a while BUT why am I now all upset?? Think hearing the news last night that little Ashlee wasn't allowed home yesterday as planned has really upset me....a few little blisters have formed and they a little concerned....

Now Jen...take some big breaths, stop the emotional eating, stop stressing and lets get into right frame of mind YET AGAIN....

Can't get it together

This pic was taken while I was on holidays by Berrie after she took me on a tour of the gorgeous Barwon Park Mansion near Winchelsea, built by Thomas and Elizabeth Austin.

Been at home now for 4 days....the first two days I had it together, but these last two have well and truly lost the plot. Have mum up staying and with me at work she has been home here by herself, so what does she do....cook sweets!! I froze a fair bit of them, but of course couldn't get out of the taste test! My trip away was fantastic but ohhhh not real good for the figure......heck knows how much I have gained, because gain I know I have, my clothes are telling me so. I am not game to get on the scales and I am not going to either till the 26th of November when I have my ww monthly weigh in. So heck knows how I am going to go.....it doesn't look too good at the moment...I can tell ya that!!!!

A few things happened while I was away to get the old "emotional eating" habit going. One was the usual .... my son!! Not only did he have an accident in his vechile and nearly "wipe" it out, but he also argued with his boss and walked out on his job...so another job lost due to his moods. Sometimes I really despair about him...but I live in hope that one day he will turn his life around, all he has to do is stop smoking/using that "evil weed"

The other thing that happened was one of my grandaughters ( 3 year old Ashlee)got flown by flying doctor to Princess Margaret hospital urgently as she spilt a cup of 2 minute boiling hot noodles over herself. She was severely burnt, thought for awhile she did have some 3rd degree burns and require skin grafts, but luckily all is well, no grafts and she will be home next week.

Mum goes home tomorrow and it will be back to me and hubby and the usual routine so wish me luck everyone and hopefully I can get myself under control and get back on track.

I'm back.........

I am back....flew back in last night....

I had a BLAST of a time at the "At Homers" weekend in the heart of Melbourne....it was a weekend I will remember for a lifetime. We talked, laughed and sang the whole weekend...

I am so glad I went, I know I have made some lifetime friends.

After the weekend I was able to catch up with Maria, Janet and Susan. Thanks Maria, it was great to catch up again, and Janet and Susan...you two are fantastic, glad to have met you both, wonderful company even if I couldn't get a word in edgeways!!!

I also went down to Geelong the following weekend where I was able to spend more time with Berrie and her lovely family.

I spent the rest of my time with my darling daughter and partner Stephen. Had lots of meals out, shopped till we dropped and caught up with some friends and new additions to families.

Came home happy, tired and with some excess kilo's......

Leaving .....

.....on a jet plane late this afternoon...heading off to Melbourne for the "At Homers" get together, also of course to visit my daughter and catch up with some great friends. The "At Homers" get together is a groups of girls, all ages, from all over Australia, who have all particaped on the weight watchers At Home forum online, and we decided to get together for a meet up in Melbourne. We are all in different stages of our weight loss journeys, and each and everyone of us has supported each other through the kilo's we have each lost. It is going to be an awesome weekend. Catch you on my return....