A day early

After a very restless night last night, I woke up this morning and weighed myself......mmmmm was not good, up ANOTHER bloody kilo. But what else do I expect after all the darn "evil" things I have been eating. Too darn lazy to excersise... so haven't walked for the past 3 days.

But I will tomorrow...and tomorrow I will be back on track. Looking at that comparison photo I have decided I prefer where I am right now...not what I was!! Right .... its okay to indulge now and then, but to eat as thou there is no tomorrow like I am at the moment has just gotta stop!! These darn hot flushes don't help either !! Its been nice to relax and not worry about what food is going into the mouth ....but I DO need to keep myself focused before I totally lose control.

Anyways I have shopped....bought myself a lot of fruit and vege's and plan to make myself lots of salads, frittata's and soups... these will be a change from the same ole things I usually eat. Also want to get away from the bread at lunch time and replace it with some protein to help me get throu the afternoon.

We had a invation to a friends 50th birthday up in Geraldton on the 20th December...so my goal is to get myself back on track by then and fitting comfortably into my skinny jeans.....

Here I go yet again...but with some changes......

mmmmm....

mmmm...not gonna make the 60's this week....I have come "unstuck"....

Don't know whats caused it, just had a sudden urge to eat...and thats what I am doing....grrrrrrrrr

Hubby recons I not eating enough....maybe he's right....so thats what I will have to check. I know the points are right...BUT maybe the food I am eating is not enough to carry me throu the days....what with my working maybe I need more.....definetly time to check it out. I know I am stuck in a rut with my food....and I do need to vary my food a bit, I tend to eat the same things all the time....mmmmmmmmmmm definetly need to check this out.

All good....

The scales were kind to me this morning.
I resisted all temptation of emotional eating after my little "bingle" on Saturday. It was hard...but glad I did as the scales showed I was 900 grams down from last week.....making me now 70.1

Insurance company has been in contact with me, I have given them all my details, have my claim number and now have to get 2 quotes...and then my car can be repaired....

Now fingers crossed for another good week and let me get back into the 60's AGAIN !!!!!!

Yesterday....

Shawn had his access visit so had them out. On Friday it was Skye's birthday so Tanya decided she'd come out with her 2 girls for the access visit and let them spend some time with Skye and Jaydene, and let them give Skye a pressie...the kids had a lovely time....it was great to sit back and listen to the kids giggle and have fun together....it just doesn't seem to happen enough lately.....

Decided yesterday morning that I would go and do a bit more chrissy shopping....wishing to heck now I hadn't. Filled up with fuel at the servo and just taking off...and WHACK!!! Don't know what happened, I know I looked before I took off so who was at fault, me or him I have no idea...but we had a "bingle". My drivers side headlight and bumper is all smashed, his car has a scrape down the passenger side. Have rang my insurance company but being the weekend the matter has just been reported....so will have to wait till tomorrow to organise that! Was very teary and shaken for awhile but having the kids around sure helped.

Anyways just wanted to put these pics up....will be back tomorrow with weigh in update....

I did weigh

...and it was as expected up in the 70's !!!

Bloody yoyo I am...up, down, up, down !!

I was on track...and getting my shit together, then I for some reason or another have started getting damn hot flushes again. Wellll, more regulary anyways, as they have never really gone away, but since Thursday night I have been waking up as much as a dozen times a night with them.....and then during the day I am freezing cold!! This of course has caused mayhem with me!! Been a right regular grump I have and eating whatever I craved. Luckily I have been excersising....

Anyways last night the flushes weren't as bad....and I hopped on the scales this morning and recorded 71.0....so the saga continues as I battle those damn kilo's.

I'm back

and yayyyyyyyy I am back on track!!

It took me awhile, I'd get the tracker out, plan my day then it would start raining and I'd crave something hot and yummmyyyyyy and all good plans would fly out the window for another day.....

Or Shawn would ring and say ???......and yep Jen would reach for comfort food. Actually he hasn't been too bad the last few weeks...us giving him the final warning seems to have shook him up a bit. Just wish he would get rid of the drug once and for all!!! Damn centerlink is mucking him around, he hasn't got his tablets the Dr subscribed yet as he had lost his healthcare card.....still waiting waiting waiting for centerlink to post out a new one....

And another thing that happened....DCP let it be known to me that Shawn and Hannah have broken the AVO as Shawn has been seen at Hannah's house...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!!!! Don't know what is going to happen there....but have been told by Hannah that she will lift the AVO. DCP have told me no the kids won't be taken off of them...but Shawn has to keep going to councelling and they will be monitored if they do get back together full time....

DAMN KID!!!!!!

Anyways all has been good for the last 4 or 5 days....no weigh in...not game enough for that but Monday next week I will .... all go for a great week..I hope...

Gone...

..... haywire. Don't matter how I try, I keep stuffing myself up. Start off the days all good, planned and tracked...then somewhere along the day or evening I will start craving and off I go....turn into a regular garbage patrol !!! No matter how hard I try not to give in to myself, I do.....soooooooo am giving myself a couple of days of rest and Monday I will get back into it (before if I can) BUT I am not weighing in on Monday....will the following one thou. Heck I don't want to see that I back in the 70's again (coz surely I am!!) after all the bloody hard work I have done. Looks like I will never learn this lesson of self-control!!

I weighed.....

..... in this morning.....and I quite happy, the results are not as bad as I thought they would be. I weighed in at 68.9 .... a gain of 600grams.

Work is still flat out ..... its going to be really busy till christmas. I was up at the usual time this morning BUT thanks to daylight saving it was DARK!! I hate daylight saving....it throws me right out of skilter!!

Hubby Ted got his specialist appointment...sees him on December 9th.....

Under control....

Have got myself under control again.....emotions are to the side, eating is once again under control and will now wait till hubby has received his appointment date with the specialist and will take it from there!! I know high PSI levels don't always mean cancer BUT the Dr said there was a risk of it...and that just sent horrible shivering chills through me!!!

Other news is yeahhhhhhhhh Shawn went to the Dr and YES has been given a script for medication which he said he will take. He has been out here today for his kids access visit, a little agitated as he is as sick as a dog with the flu....but said he will fill the script out...here's hoping!!

Monday I will weigh in again, but just at home, won't go back to ww till next month, so here's hoping all the rubbish I have consumed hasn't made the scales too high...will let you know Monday evening when I post again.

Thanks to you all for being there for me.....

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk

Why is that when I under stress I eat!!! I am sure this last week I have managed to put on all I have lost these past few weeks!!

You would think after 3 years of weight watchers that I would learn to control the emotional eating........nahhhhhhh not me, I must be a bloody slow learner.

Nooooooo its not Shawn this time, this time its hubby. He has been having a few minor health problems and got sent off to have a few blood tests last week. Results came in last week and after a consult with his Dr the other day he was advised to have another blood test....welllllllll he got those results back today and has to go and see a specialist. Hubby has high PSA levels....and that means he COULD have prostate cancer. Dr says not too worry, the levels aren't THAT high but it could be a possibility. What does Jen do..PANIC !!!!! I know I shouldn't.....but I fear cancer....and I just hate the thought of my EVERYTHING having to battle it!! I know I am thinking the worst, heck he hasn't even seen the specialist....but eeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk!!!!

This week

This week has been absolutely stressful, emotional and totally crap!!! And why...the usual reason, my son Shawn...who else??

That kid really really needs professional help. I won't go into what has been happening, but his physcosis is getting worse....and after this week he has been given an ulimation of going to get help or forget that he has a family. We so sick of the abuse, physically and mentally....all of us have reached the end of out tethers. He was told either make a appointment to see a DR and get help or disappear out of our lives. Shit the kid turned 26 on Wednesday, and we have dealt with this problem of his now for way too long. I know people with acute physcosis people have little or no awareness that they are not themselves as they have lost the connection with reality....but enough is enough!!

Anyways it must have sunk in as he has made an appointment with our family Dr, told him it was an emergency but the earliest he can get in is Friday.....lets hope he can hold it together till then. He didn't make his forklift course, he was ill..but will try for it in a few weeks.

Anyways with all this turmoil I did my usual and tried to eat away the stress....but dear hubby told me what I was doing and I managed to stop myself and get back to tracking.....so this week I weighed in the same, heaps better than a gain I guess ehhhh?

Running late....

Sorry ...... am running late today. I did weigh in this morning and my scales told me I had a loss of 300 grams...so I have 300grams to go to goal. I worked late tonight, (we have orders a mile long), got home and found a reminder note in the mail about weight watchers meetings so decided to head off tonight and get it out of the way before I have to start paying for the meetings again. I hate weighing in at night ..... the scales showed I was a kilo heavier than what I was this morning.....but heyyyyyyyyyy what the heck I am keeping the 68.3 as my weight this week!!



Not a lot been going on this week....been all work, work and more work. Its such a busy time of the year for us and we are scrambling to keep up with the orders. I worked till 1pm on Saturday just so we could catch up a bit. Looks like we might have to do the same again this Saturday too.

Saturday arvo saw Shawn turn up ready for his access visit with his kids. He looks good, and he had a absolute ball with his kids...don't know who was the biggest kid there !! He sits his forklift ticket on Thursday, hope he passes that, it might give him a good self-esteem boost that he needs.



Sunday saw me and hubby out in the garden.....after I saw the start to Bathurst!!! Go the mighty FORDS!!!! I am a real rev head and love my motor racing. I wish I could have kept up with my speedway racing....I loved it and was good too!! But like most sports nowadays it had become too politicial, too expensive and when sports get like that the fun goes out of it. We got a fair bit done out in the garden, it is really starting to look good again, it got a bit "begraggled" over winter. Stopped at lunch time to watch the finish to the big race....but hopefully we can get out there next weekend and do some more.

And again...

.....another loss of 800grams.....woooooooooohooooooooo!!

Now I am only 600grams from my goal of 68 kilo's.....now I am wondering do I have it in myself to carry on and try to get down to my personal goal of 65 kilo's while I am going so well and am so motivated. Been told to stay where I am, been told that I look good as I am, but I am happiest at goal. When I first got to goal and was maintaining so well I felt really really good....I want to get that feeling back again.

I am still very happy with my hair....its great. Its just 4 strokes with the brush and a little bit of jel rubbed throu it with my fingers and away we go. Stays looking good all day!! Thinking I just might keep it like this.....

On the Shawn front.....had him out on Saturday as he had an access visit with his kids. He looks good, sounds good and is still actively looking for other work. Centerlink has him enrolled in a training course where he will sit his forklift ticket on the 16th October, and then he will start truck driving lessons. mmmmm I don't know if that is a good thing or not!! But we are hoping he will get a job from these courses.....he does know then he has to have drug tests whenever required. Maybe it will help him.
Anyways as long as he is happy, staying out of trouble, not causing me any stress it must be good ehhhhh?

Going down......

Another weigh in and I am going down ..... yayyyyyy for Jen as I back in the 60's again with a loss of 800grams this week. Proud of that effort as I have struggled with cramping pains in my back and leg which has made excersise very difficult, but keeping tracking track seems to have kept me on track.

Saturday morning I had a big rush around to find a hairdresser to cut my hair, I had a wedding to attend on Sunday and had left it too late to book in to my usual hairdresser. But find one I did.....and I had my hair cut short....what do you think? I like it this short, so easy to maintain espesially with my work.

Yesterday a very good friend of mine got married, the rain even cleared up for her as she walked up her garden drive on her Dad's arm....ahhhhh yeahhh had a few tears in the eyes I did. Lucky bugger is off on Thursday for 2 weeks honeymoon in Bali.

Things are still quiet in Shawns world, I have spoken to him a few times this past week, he still hasn't got work but is still actively looking and he seems to be in a good frame of mind and is staying out of trouble, or so he says .... so alls good.

I here again...

Hi...I back. Nothing exciting has been happening in the world of Jen. Had a busy week at work, spent the weekend at home pottering around catching up on chores and doing some gardening.

Even all is quiet in troublesome sons world....welllll shhhhhh it must be as I haven't heard from him!!!

Have one excited daughter at the moment thou...she was never a real footy fan when living at home but in the 5 years she has been living over in Melbourne her fiancee, who is a mad keen sportman, has got her right into following the afl footy. Their team is Hawthorn and they were there on Saturday night at the MCG to watch them win their way into the grand final next weekend. This morning they were getting tickets to go and watch....... expensive yep, do they care, Nooooooo....as it will be there way of celebrating their 5 year anniversary too. Time has flown by....my baby has been over in Melbourne 5 years now!!!

Anyways on the weight front.....had another great week as far as tracking and excersing was concerned ... and despite TTOM paying a very unwelcome visit I stayed focused, resisted cravings and lost another kilo....now down to 70.2

Onwards and downwards....cyaaaaaaaaaa

Monday weigh in

yep...... it was Monday morning weigh in and I can tell ya I was one happy chicky....

I got up, I wee'ed, I weighed, rubbed my eyes, then weighed again.....and yep the scales said the same thing again.....so I got dressed then went on my walk very happily.

Don't think I have ever gone to work as happy as I did this morning...espesially on a Monday!!

I have lost 2.9 kilo's since last Saturday morning and now weigh 71.2

Onwards and downwards........

Tomorrow is....

THE DAY I PULL MY SOCKS UP !!!!!!

I am sick of being dishonest to myself.

Yeaaaaaaaa I have been sick, yeaaaaaaa I have had a fair bit of stress to deal with ....BUT that in all honesty does not excuse me from falling back into old bad habits. Only me and being dishonest to myself and laziness does.

Yep everyone I am talking about my weight...heck knows what it is, I am too scared to hop on the scales....but I will in the morning. My journey restarts then. I have to do something before I lose the plot completely. The days have just been going by and even thou I have had some good days and bad days....I have been avoiding the truth of how lazy I have become. I have been tracking the last few weeks as I said I would, but if I had a bad day...did I do anything about it? Nooooooooooooo, just thought to myself, ahhhhhhhh tomorrow will be a better day....and if it wasn't, well the next one would be. Get the picture....???

So tomorrow....the new beginning. NO lies to myself ....

Cyaaaaaa on my updates....

Its Saturday morning ...... just a quick update....weighed in on my scales this morning....mmmm not good. 74.1

Been for a 45 minute walk and feel good ....

I will weigh Monday mornings, no good weighing Saturday mornings, too tempted to relax over weekend.

Soooooooo its onwards and downwards.......

I have just read....

...an article in a magazine that really describes my son Shawn. I am so angry with that kid at the moment I could just spit, but don't know why I bother as he being the way he is just doesn't care. He had a great job, seemed to be happy out there...but the other day he walked out of work at mid morning and reckoned they were all a bunch of dickheads and he wasn't going to go back to be treated like an immature little boy. He hasn't been back and thou his father and I have asked him to go out and see his boss...he refuses, says he has rang him and if he can't answer his calls thats it !!

This article is all about Psychosis...
Psychosis is the term used when the following symptoms occur. Delusions....false, firmly held and unshakable beliefs. Hallucinations....false sensory perceptions (such as voices, smells or images). Disordered thought...jumping from one idea to the next with little association, going off on tangents without returning to the initial idea. Unusual behaviour.....people with acute psycosis have little or no awareness that they are not themselves as they have lost the connection with reality.

Most people are aware of the psychosis that occurs in schizophrenia, but it can appear as part of the mania (excessive mood elevation) and severe depression.
Certain substances, including cannabis and methamphetamine can cause rapid onset of pyschosis.

Welllllllll this is Shawn to a CAPITAL T which I know from previous experiences with him...but to see it in writing and to know there are other people like Shawn, and other parents like Ted and myself that are suffering. And suffer we do, as what can we do...he doesn't realise what he is doing to himself as he is not himself....and anything we say is not believed because of the firm unshakable beliefs he has in his head!!

A no win situation ehhhhh? I hope not...as I still hope....I have to

I am sick ......

....and tired of being so sick!! This flu is really draining me and I just can't shake it. Some days I wake up feel as thou I am recovering but as the days go on it just hangs on and on......I AM OVER IT !!!!!!!

I can't excersise, I just don't have the energy, I am eating so much crap, have so many cravings and again just don't have the energy to stop myself. Every day I tell myself its time to stop it...but being the weakling I am at the moment...I don't! I have made an appointment to see my Dr but can't get into to see him till early September. I need something.....a big kick up the arse I think...it must be getting big enough to not miss!!!

I bought a diary today....decided that enough is enough....and tomorrow is the day I start tracking everything again...whether it be good or bad, I am hoping that by reading exactly what crap is actually going into my mouth might spur me on ......wish me luck!! Something has to .... I worked too darn hard to get myself slim to give in and lose the plot entirely, its the one thing that I have to keep on telling myself to help spur me on, its worked before, hopefully it will this time too.

I don't know what else to do.....I haven't felt this darn sick in a long time....it is depressing to know that I am over-eating and not have the energy to do anything about it. BUT .... tomorrow is another day and to know at least I am going to try and make an effort will spur me on....

Bye till next time......

Thomas turns two.....

Yesterday little Thomas turned 2....wowwwwww sometimes I wonder where time goes. It only seems like yesterday I drove to the hospital to see him being born.....now he is running around chatting like a magpie.....

On Sunday me and hubby drove up to his house for a bbq with him and the family....the whole 4 kids were not at all well, all were under the weather with this dratted flu that is going around. Poor loves...as they were so looking forward to having a party and didn't have the energy to do so. All little Tom wanted for his birthday was a chainsaw....he spends all his time going around sawing up everything. So I got him one...thankfully he loved it !!

I have had the dreaded flu too....stuffy nose, sore throat, yukky cough and general tiredness.....but I am coping with it.

Weight.....welllllllllll just forget about that for the moment, this flu has made me as hungry as....have days where I eat like a horse, and others where I just can't be bothered. Hope I can get all back under control before I lose the plot.....but I don't think I will....worked to darn hard to get here.