Been Missing....

And yep that means that....

I been feeling and looking like crap.

So what doI do, I eat crap...and then MORE crap...then feel guilty about that and so begins that vicious circle all over again.

Didn't help that my scales went haywire, so I bought new ones....and they were a lot higher than the old ones.

Anyways...as I have been so down and out about myself and my weight, I have given myself to Christmas Day off...then Boxing Day I jump back on the Lazy Keto way of eating. 

William turns 6 just after Christmas...so as he has been to so many parties of his pre school friends this year we gave him an early birthday party so his friends could come. It was a super hot day, so the slippery slide was bought out, the sprinklers were turned on, the  the water pistols and guns were bought out.....and the kids had a blast!!!  

Soooo tired

I am so tired. 
Fallen into a hole and really struggling to dig myself out....but I will.
I need to. I don't want to go back to where I was.
Keto/low carb is working for me, makes me feel good.
But things are happening here...and I am emotionally eating.
Remember the granddaughter we were looking after, the one that kept getting suspended at school, the one that wanted to go live with her mum....well she is the problem. Won't go into details but she is well out of control, the situation has gone from bad to worse!!  
Miss Summer is the reason I am so tired...(and that doesn't help with the emotional eating either).
She has struggled for months now with sinusitis and it isn't improving at all despite courses of antibiotics. The last few weeks she has struggled with sleeping (when Miss doesn't sleep, no one sleeps!!) because of her breathing so an appointment is being made to see a ENT specialist. The Dr told us it may come to this as her nasal passages are narrow. Thankfully Kylee does have private cover so hopefully she will get in sooner rather than later. 

My scales have been going down up to Friday....
BUT I am worried that my scales are wrong.
My ww ones died a while back and I bought some cheap K Mart ones. The battery has already been replaced 3 times since my buying them as it just kept reading Lo or the numbers would jump all over the place. It was doing my head in PLUS making me wonder how true my readings were!!! 
So bought ww ones again...but too scared to unpack them yet...but I will. 

A week of ups and downs

 William and Summer both saw there Dad last Sunday. William was stoked....and I must admit his behaviour has been a little better since. Since the separation his self esteem has hit rock bottom....he thinks it was because he was naughty that Daddy told lies and got kicked out!!  Anyways we can only hope that the issues he has will in time stop!! Waiting to get into to see a counsellor now for months. Even the school is trying to get him into see someone. Till then, praise, love and lots of attention.

Court was on Tuesday....he lost!! The magistrate gave him grief.
So what does he do...he goes home, writes a letter to Kylee's lawyer stating a revised list of what he wants out of Kylee's house. Would you believe that this "loving Dad" wants to take Summer's cot and change table because it was given to them from his brother!! 
And out of spite...he wants Kylee to sell her house to pay for their debts!!  Now this ever so "loving Dad" wants to take the roof from over their heads!!!
He has no hope of that I believe...Kylee bought the house before he came on the scene....and he has never in the 6 years they were together made a payment on it or tried to increase its value in any way. 

 Look at these two gorgeous lil ones....breakfast time and my house is already trashed. Mornings that I have to get myself ready for work, William for school and Summer for daycare are madness.

Yesterday was very very hot. Hubby turned the sprinklers on and little Miss was scared for awhile then...clothes and all she discovered how fun they were...love these pics I caught of her. 

Well that was my week, the high and lows. Through it all I managed to stay on track most days.  

Weigh in yesterday and I recorded a 500g loss.  Went off track yesterday...but today will pull my head in and behave, tummy not the best...too much ice-cream does that!! 

New round...

The online weight loss group I am has rounds of 3 months. Friday the 1st of November was the last weigh in for the round (I lost 300g)and the 1st weigh in for the next 3 months. I lost 3.5 for the 3 months, could have been better if I hadn't "lost the plot" a few times....but slow and steady wins the race. 

Tomorrow Kylee's kids see their Dad for the 1st time since the beginning of March. The visit will be for 2 hours and at Anglicare fully supervised. 
Hoping it helps William as he really has missed his Dad. Was hoping by now his counselling would have started....the wait list is so long. 

Court for the vro is on Tuesday. Kylee is requesting the vro stays in place for her because sure as eggs he will start harassing her again. She is requesting it stays in place for the kids too (other than the supervised visits). He is not to be trusted.  
For a loving father that he says he is, he has done so much damage to William especially. 

Anyways, I off to bed....a very early morning work start for me tomorrow. Hope its not raining...nothing worse than having to get up in the dark and drive to work in the rain!!  

On Track

Last weigh in was Friday where I lost 400grams...next one will be this Friday coming.
That will be the end of the 3 month round of my weight loss group. We have to take body pics...I will do a comparison of the beginning of round and the end. I sure hope to see SOME difference. 

Been Missing...

Time got away from me...but hey I am back. 
Life has been busy with just the usual, work and looking after kids.

The last few days has been caught up with Summer, poor bubba is sick. Kylee had to race her into emergency at the hospital the other night as her temp spiked and she started shaking. 

Anyways she was found to have a infected throat and a uti. Antibiotics were prescribed and she is slowly on the mend. She is still not eating but thankfully she is drinking her bottles (she was only have 2 of them a day, she been having them all day whilst she sick). She loves her water bottle too so has been guzzling them too. 


My weight...well that been up and down. We managed to go see our friends up in Geraldton for 3 days and went camping out on their block. It was great to catch up with them. They knew it was recently Paul's anniversary so being our best friends for so many years and knowing Paul well too we were able to talk and reminence  as well as cry together. Lots of yummies, including drinks were consumed...but since our return life returned to normal and so has my eating. Weight is on the way down again thankfully. 
Anyways, will leave it here for now.
Will be back soon.

Progress

Another loss on Saturday, 600 grams...but then I fell off the wagon for 2 days.  Slowly dragging myself back on..
I am a emotional mess. It was the anniversary of our Paul's passing...4 years he has been gone, and I really crumbled this year.  

Just keep going

Lets face it, I am sure there are many of us who get impatient when it appears that all your dieting is for nothing. I know I do...I look in the mirror and see the same person, the muffin top over my jeans and the big bum!! 
I was taking regular pics of myself in bra's and knickers every month when I started Lazy Keto...and for a long time I couldn't notice any changes. But I eventually did...but now I am back to I can't see any more changes again, I just seem to be stuck in a rut!! I must do up a comparison chart, from the beginning to now. 
Anyhows this Saturday weigh I lost a kilo...it was an earlier than normal weigh in due to getting up early with the 17 month old. I was so happy to see the numbers down, but I ended up ruining the day that evening by celebrating too much and over indulging on a few no no foods!!  But yesterday I woke up and all focused again...and I am back on track!

I no longer have the tweenager granddaughter living here. Too many suspensions from school saw her spending those days with mother and now DCP says she refuses to come back here. As I told DCP why would she want to come back here, I have rules and Mum doesn't!!  Well she does, but tweenager doesn't listen and does what she wants. 

Best move my bum, had a few minutes so I hopped on here to update...now I must organise myself ready for an afternoon shift at work. 

Plodding along....

Weigh in Saturday morning was a 100g loss!! 


Plod plod plodding along....
Life has been very busy, hasn't slowed down much at all....babysitting, tweenage and teenage kids, work, work....and sleepless nights with the little one who just won't sleep right through......well very little....

Anyways...

One thing we have done is bought ourselves a soft hot tub....

I can tell you nothing beats relaxing in this with a glass of wine once the little ones are in bed...its BLISS !!! 

Another weigh day.

Another week has flown by.
Been pretty much on track despite work and looking after kids. The 12 year old going on 20 with "the attitude" has really tested me...but I have come through without emotional eating or strangling her.

Miss Summer last night was a right little cow!! Woke up at 2.45am and it was 5am before I got her settled!! No way in the world was she going to go back down in her cot!! She would doze on me but as soon as made a move to put her down in the cot she would "bellow" !! 
Hubby reckons she sounds like one of the locals farmers bull calves!!! 
A common saying here is" thank heavens she is cute" as she is full on! Just hoping that very soon she starts sleeping the night again soon. Get the odd full night but they few and far in between. 

William thankfully sleeps right through. 
He has a few behavioural problems and they all stem from not seeing his Dad. Ands that in the progress of being organised...supervised visits once a fortnight and twice weekly 15 minute video/facetime links.  
Just wish Garry hadn't been a dick, he could have kept on having his access visits. Has he learnt anything from his mistakes?? I can tell you, NO!!  Police have told him, courts have told him, magistrate has told him...but being narcissistic he is good at blame projecting and its all Kylee's fault. 

Anyways...Kylee has taken the kids out for the afternoon. The tweenager is with her mother...so I am catching up on this and then going to sit down with my book in front of the fire.  Its been a nice winters day here, the sun has been shining....but the chill factor is freezing. 

Right weigh in this week....1.1 down, go me !! 

Going ok

Going well.
Last Saturday morning weigh in I had a 200g loss. I'm happy with that...any loss will do me. Will admit when I saw the scales I was a tad disappointed as I'd thought I'd done better than that. But the disappointment only lasted a second. I'll keep doing what I am doing and my body will adjust again...and the weight will keep on coming off. 

I did a online step challenge with fitbit too...every day expect 1 day, I managed 10,000 steps. No real active minutes but I am working on that!! Makes it hard when I have kids to look after constantly!! 

Just finished work....tonight is the first night in I don't know how long where all that is home is hubby and me!! Its bliss!!

Back into the swing...

My online weight loss group started a new round...August 1st to end of November. 
After having a disaster of a round just gone where I gained and ending up weighing more than what I started, I decided to try and get back in the right place. Soooooooooo weigh in was on the 1st and the round began...
Below is pics. Top 2 pics are the start of this round.

Bottom 2 are the start of the May to end of July round....as you can see nothing much happened, I gained..just a few kilo's but still. Beginning of the last round I was going well....then life and stresses happened and I went back to eating too many carbs. 

Well I have slid back into Keto, very lazy Keto and so far so good.

I weighed in Saturday and in those 10 days I lost 2.1 kilo's. Totally rapt with that, though I think being off colour for a few days helped with the loss. 

Last night I had the little grandees. I worked late, I hadn't prepared or thought of anything for tea so after I had bathed the kids (kylee had fed them before going home to bed) I heated up soup I had in the freezer. Not keto..nor was the bread I ate either...so today I have been extra careful to stay on track. I really want to do well this round and get those scales moving downwards again. 

I am here...

I am back....
Life has been sooooooo busy, sooooooo stressful of late that yep I lost my way.
Sooooo much happening.
My diet went out the window.
But things are slowly settling down and I have slowly gotten back on the wagon and putting myself and my health first.
I can't look after kids properly when I am not looking after myself.

Anyways Kylee has been to court. 
Bozo can NOT take the kids away from her.
He can have visitations SUPERVISED by Anglicare 2 hours once a fortnight...which will be reviewed again after 8 visits. He protested this BUT the magistrate told him due to his behaviour it was this or nothing!! He also gets 2 x 15 minutes FaceTime a week. 
I am so hoping this helps William as he has been missing his Dad. Councelling has been organised  for him (as he needs more understanding of the situation than we can give him)by a Dr and the Safe Police but there is such a long wait list. 

I also have a 12 year old going on 20 granddaughter in our temporary care due to a foster care breakdown. Attitude plus she has!! 
Talking of her...best get her organised for school. 

Back again...

Back again....and slowly getting myself on track again.
Kylee has taken 2 weeks leave to spend the school holidays with William....he is so excited. So much so he woke Mummy up at 5.30 this morning wanting to know what their first adventure was going to be !! 
So...I don't have the kids for 2 weeks (other than a night this week and 1 night next week while Mummy has nights out with friends)
Shawn has left for 2 weeks up north with his Uncle camping and fishing.....so that leaves me and my man here in the house alone!!!
First night...we celebrated and had take away...not good but hell I enjoyed it. Back on the wagon I hopped today. 
Leading up to this I have slowly gotten myself 95% on track. Weigh in Saturday morning showed a 400g gain...but I was happy with that as they were a lot higher the last sneak peek I had during the week. 

Looks like a early court date for Kylee. She has received word that she will be served family court papers on Tuesday. Looks like the ex is applying to have pro for the kids dropped again.  The way he still carrying on...I hope not. The man is not right in the head!! 
BUT I will not let it get to me......we will wait and see what happens. 
Till later...

Lost my way...

Mum and my cousin Ray 

Mum would have been 90 on July 1st. I fully expected her to make it too. This the 4th birthday without her.
The shock of her passing unexpectedly is still unbelievable. Hubby and I were on a cruise,  a day out of Noumea when I received that phone call.
This birthday I have truly missed her. 
Often when I am down, need a mum chat, or just have something I want to say to her I will usually find a feather.  Mum loved birds. The day we buried her,  I looked up and 2 birds were circling above. Every time I visit her, birds are at the cemetery. 
Her birthday came and went....and NO FEATHER. 
I needed it. 
Worst day in a long time. 

Mum and my brother Rod 

I am really struggling atm.....
Last weigh in I had a gain of 900g...this week I am having a no weigh. I've lost my way a bit and I need to regroup. I can't keep going on like this....BUT i do need to let myself deal with my emotions too. Im on a day off....so going to have a rest day then I have shifts for the next 3 days before having the weekend off. No little ones tonight or tomorrow night so I can regroup before they back for a couple more nights. School holidays start at the end of this week and yay yay yay Kylee is taking holidays too and spending them with the kids....so looking forward to that. 
I'm led to believe though that she is having a girls night out with some of her friends so I MAY have to babysit.....

Slowly....

Plodding along ever so slowly this week.
I escaped with a sts on Saturday weigh in after a 3 day carb binge, and after weigh in what did I do...I started another binge. Must stop this yoyo'ing and get back into my rhythm...

Just a few picks of the little ones...they are growing so quickly. 

Also, all quiet on the Bozo front. 
We haven't heard anything from the courts or from the police re: the charges he received....but we think the charges he received must have been enough to stop the court papers he filed to see the kids from going through ... he filed the paperwork at court on the 5th June,  and then he went to court on the 9th and charged with breaching vro and stalking Kylee...so looks like karma came and bit him on his fat ass!! 

Kylee has never wanted to separate him from his kids...but being a mum she has to put her kids first and thats what she did. For the kids sake, especially Williams I hope he gets his shit together and sorts out his mental health. 

Still plodding along....

So another loss this week, 400g off.
It was a yoyo week, had a few lapses then picked myself up and got back on the wagon.
Somedays its a real struggle.
I still have the Kylee's kids 3 or 4 nights a week. These past few weeks have really tested me. William has his cast off and is wearing a brace, so he's still not allowed to over exert himself. He really pushes the limits sometimes and then when chastised he starts crying and says he misses his Daddy. 
Miss Summer is still cross cutting teeth. She is still suffering sinusitis despite 2 lots of antibiotics, and now she has foot, hand and mouth sores. She was sent home from daycare as she started the signs of them on Monday. Her immune system is so low...poor lil bubba.  
Her sleeping pattern is all over the place, her appetite is poor, but we are still so lucky that she has a happy nature... 

Have heard via Facebook that Garry has applied for access to the kids before they go back to court in November. Kylee is waiting for the papers to be served...they haven't arrived yet, Garry filed them at the court on the 5th June.  Im hoping they didn't accept them as the day after he filed them Kylee went to the Police Station and had him charged for breaching the VRO and stalking her. He is back on Facebook insinuating parental alienation so unfortunately it looks like he just got a rap over the knuckles. Breaching a VRO can mean a jail sentence and fines up to $6,000. 
I tell you he is a real Bozo.  He was the one that cheated. He was the one that harassed Kylee with intimidating, threatening and cruel texts 24/7  He was the one who drove texting with the kids in the car, he was the one who had a feeling he "something was going to happen when he drove to work" ...then crashes the car...what if the kids had been in the car!!
Anyways....Kylee has a good lawyer....so we'll wait and see what happens. 
All Kylee wanted was him to go get his head sorted out...he really lost the plot when they separated. 

Long weekend

Its a long weekend here in Western Australia, Western Australia Day weekend for us.  Its my late Dad's birthday tomorrow, he always said that weekend was just for him to celebrate his special day. Gee I miss him. He was only 71 when he passed...the same age as my hubby Ted is now!!
A day off for me, but I did work a 4.5 hour shift on Saturday and a 4 hour one yesterday. 
I weighed in Friday morning...a whole kilo down for me....yay, I'm happy about that. The lurgy I had the weekend before may have contributed to that loss too...

A remember photo....
This weekend 1 year ago we were on Vancouver Island visiting with our Canadian friends on our "holiday of a lifetime".  I would go back and do the whole trip over again in a heartbeat. 

Lurgy

I am trying my hardest to be a patient dieter...seems to be working....slowly. Will keep at it.

Weighed in Friday...a gain this time, but only a few hundred grams. Hopefully I can shake it off this week. 

Just a quick post....got some sort of "lurgy" 
Went to bed at 6.30 last night, not feeling the best. 
Woke this morning feeling off. Had a few bouts of vomiting and a few bouts of the "shits" too...
William had vomiting yesterday, he was feeling heaps better by the end of the day....let hope I am too. 

Still here...

My lovely Mother in Law, this pic was taken about 10 years ago now.
A few days ago it was the 3rd anniversary of her passing. We all miss her greatly still. 

Its been a busy few weeks.
First up..the week before last I lost weight again...I have finally...since I started Keto,  lost over 10 kilo's!! I started lazy Keto on January 16th. 
This week with Mothers Day and kids staying over...I lost the plot for a few days. Ate carbs, ate whatever took my fancy...but I am now back on Keto. I just don't feel 100% eating the carbs and the junk food. Anyways I struck out and didn't weigh in, i knew the scales would be up and with my mindset the way it was I wasn't going too. Not knowing what the scales said made it easier to put the "blow out" out of my mind and getting myself back on track.

I love the Keto way of eating. Yes I still have my blow outs occasionally, but thankfully I can get myself back onto Keto quickly and rectify the damage I may have done. 
My body shape has changed, a few centimetres have been lost all over, my clothes fit a lot better...and I do feel healthier. 
A comparison pic below. The bottom was was taken in February, and top ones were taken at the beginning of this month. 

Another week....

A lot of people that I work with and that have seen what I eat (mainly the cheeses, salami and nuts) shake their heads and go really and you expect too lose weight eating those kind of foods??
My boss was one of them but he said the other day "I can't understand the diet but whatever you are doing it works, I can see you have lost weight". 
I don't understand it fully myself but I know it works too.
I know too if I veer off it I suffer too!! 
After weigh in Friday ( I lost 300grams) I succumbed to the pressure of my teenage granddaughters and I bought them lollies. Yes, I indulged...oh my god, way too much sugar for me. At he time of eating I was fine and of course I ate too many, and I woke up Saturday morning with the usual rotten headache after "bad" eating. 
AND a quick check of the scales showed me I shouldn't have done that!!
I still do participate in my online weight loss group. A new round starts on Wednesday 1st May...hope I can get myself back down to the last weigh in number. 

Today is a quiet day...and a day off!!
Have some cooking I want to get done, off to start as soon as I finish here. 
It was my last night of having the little ones till Thursday night. I am enjoying the freedom and the peace and quiet. They have been a bit of a handful the last few nights. 
William broke his arm a few days ago, he fell off a machine down the park and landed the wrong way and broke both bones in his wrist, so poor wee man has been in a fair bit of pain.  Kylee got a mutual friend to tell his Dad...and of course he went off and blamed Kylee for not looking after him properly!! Kids fall, have accidents...but I guess they wouldn't do that if he had them!!! 

And little Miss is cross cutting teeth and although she is happy enough during the day, at night she is waking up wanting her bottle (which she normally doesn't). The night before last I was up at midnight, 3am, 4.30am and then again at 6.30 either feeding, changing or giving her parasol or putting bongella on her gums...

Right I am outta here...while I am in the mood I best go do this cooking...I am not a lover of cooking so while the mood strikes I best go do it...

Lucky.....

I had a very bad couple of days after last week's weigh in..
A few stresses with the Kylee situation...and it got to me. I reverted back to emotional eating and didn't care what I ate.  Friday night I ate ice-cream which wasn't too bad I guess even though I didn't stop at just 1 !! Saturday morning I had work...and the smell of the takeaway got to me so I indulged in that!! After work I headed down to my  my aunties (My dad's last remaining sibling) to celebrate her 90th birthday. OMG...what a spread they put on for her....and I just couldn't resist the vanilla slices....
Home...and as I had my grandee's staying over their choice was takeaways...so yep I ate takeaway too !!
Sunday  I woke up during the night with the worst cramps in my legs...and in the morning with a thumping headache and a bloated and gurgling tummy....obviously they didn't like the food I was eating. Sooooooo I hopped back ont my lazy kept again and stuck to what suits me and my body.
Saturday morning saw my demon scales down 500grams...
All I can say is thank you Lazy Keto.  Thankfully I don't tend to veer off it too much. 

Still Losing...

I honestly never ever thought that I could do this way of eating.
I misguidedly tried it once before, but only lasted a few days as I thought the food was too rich for me...and at the time I didn't think I could live without bread. I of course went into it blind, didn't do it properly at all!! Now I love it, I find my body doesn't need too many carbs...I'm happy and best of all I am not inclined to cheat. I love the snack options....so I never go hungry or feel I am missing out. Yes, I have had a few off kept days but I have very quickly got back onto it after the occasions. 
Well its 3 months on the 16th of this month since I started lazy Keto and with the 300g I lost this week I have lost 8.5 kilo's. Slow and steady ... but as long as it keeps coming off I am happy. 

oops nearly forgot.

Ooooops nearly forgot. 
I weighed in on Friday morning in case I forgot on the Saturday as I knew Saturday was going to be full on with the party...and the kids....

Anyways a loss of 400g to add to the total...slowly but surely the number is getting smaller!!
Still not setting goals...just chipping away at it week by week. 
I seem to set goals and when I don't achieve them, stuff it all up by eating my emotions. I do miss those cupcakes and and and....so we won't go there ehhhh 
I only have one long term goal and that is to be into a pair of jeans I have kept like forever for a cruise that I am doing next year with my sister.  Its definitely doable...but for the moment its one day at a time. 

Our Miss 1 year old.

Mummy and her lil Bug at the start of the party

Summer loved the bouncy castle

Aunty Tanya just loves lil Miss Summer. 

Cake smash time 

mmmmm icing...sticky icing!!

Mummy had her face smashed too

Happy much ?? 

 Doesn't my girl look so happy. A huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders....so good to see her really smile. 

The water slide was a HUGE hit too, especially with the bigger kids. Summer found it too and was one dirty and wet lil BUG!! 

Miss Summer let her big brother William blow out the cake.
Thank you Miss Crystal...it was a winner. Soooooo tasty too