Our Miss 1 year old.

Mummy and her lil Bug at the start of the party

Summer loved the bouncy castle

Aunty Tanya just loves lil Miss Summer. 

Cake smash time 

mmmmm icing...sticky icing!!

Mummy had her face smashed too

Happy much ?? 

 Doesn't my girl look so happy. A huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders....so good to see her really smile. 

The water slide was a HUGE hit too, especially with the bigger kids. Summer found it too and was one dirty and wet lil BUG!! 

Miss Summer let her big brother William blow out the cake.
Thank you Miss Crystal...it was a winner. Soooooo tasty too 

Just quickly...

Weighed in this morning as I have a busy weekend. I really didn't have the best week, what with being sick still, the kids, work....some of my food was just grab and eat. Nothing bad, but sometimes just not right. Too tired too cook and prepare proper meals. Anyways another 200g gone. Hopefully this weekend I can keep some keto control happening.

Our little Miss Snugglebug turned 1 on Wednesday and tomorrow we are having a little party here for her...

Just where has that time gone. From the great occasion we found out Kylee was pregnant, then the joy of finding out it was twins, to the sadness that one didn't make it, to watching Kylee grow her, the birth and the absolute delight (and noise) she brings into our life. 

Another week down...

It hasn't been the best week health wise. I have suffered and still suffering with a head cold/sinusitis and I am over it already. What with work and the little ones I have been feeling pretty blah I can tell you. 

Our best friends and us were meant to be off on a holiday later this year...but that has been canned. They have bought a block of land and just can't afford to go on 2 trips in the one year. (They already committed to a trip away in September)
Sooooo I have been on hubbies back getting him to see if we are going to go anywhere. I would love to get away for a few weeks at least this year.  Anyways will see what happens. Would love to just pack up and hop in the Toyota and just drive and see where the road takes us...

Anyways today was weigh in day. It was goodbye to another 600g....

A win....

Another week has scooted by. 
It hasn't been without its stresses but we have managed to ride them and carry on.
The ex objected to the vro and they have to go to court on the 2nd of April. He and Kylee have some mutual friends, a married couple, and he has been harassing them with calls and texts to the point that they are over it and him big time!! But he has revealed to them that his lawyer has told him not to try to override the vro as he hasn't got a chance of it happening. They have told Kylee this and also told him to fuck off and leave them alone.

Its been tough on us all. I have the kids from Thursday night to Monday night. I dearly love them but boy are they hard work. I have started to take supplements (vitamins) as I am constantly drained...but I wouldn't change a thing. 

With all happening I was able to stick to plan and was delighted to see a kilo loss this week. 

I am off to be bed early tonight, I need a good night sleep. And a lay in bed in the morning with no demanding little bodies wanting me....

A gain this week...

A terrible week this week....a lot of eating on the run...and though I tried to eat Keto it didn't always work that way.  Too much snacking didn't help either but the stress levels were high.
Kylee's situation escalated to the point that we had to go and get legal advice, which we did.
End result, a violence restraining order was put on her ex to stop him from having contact with her or the kids.  His intimidating threats and bullying phone calls and texts that Kylee had recorded/saved were enough for the magistrate to grant her the vro.  
He was getting worse daily, he wanted to control Kylee's life and was trying to manipulate her into doing as he wanted. He was even telling William his Mummy didn't like/love him. Who does that to a little 5 year old boy ?  William adored his Daddy and is going to find it hard without him...BUT he bought this upon himself. I hope he goes and seeks some help...he is mentally unstable. 
I can tell you this last week has been horrid....glad the vro is in place and we can try and move forward.  
Tomorrow I board the Keto train 100% again and see if I can remove this kilo I have gained. 

Weigh in day

Whether you want to loose weight, like me, or get fitter and healthier... it's not going to happen overnight! But if you just keep working at it a little each and every day, over time you will look back and be amazed at how much you've improved! I look back to when I started on the 16th January to now and I am amazed how far I have come. Since the start I have not been inclined to indulge or cheat. I have found ways to keep my carbs low and yet  indulge in foods that I love. I am winning.... The weight is coming off slower now than it was in the first few weeks, but if each week I shed a few hundred grams I will be happy. My clothes are fitting me better...I feel better and my skin feels great.  500g off today. I weighed in a day early as I have a early shift at work tomorrow morning.

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Talking about kids.....it was no uniform and crazy hair day at school today...so Uncle Shawn did Williams hair for him. He donned his favourite clothes and went to school with a grin from ear to ear...he LOVED his hair. One happy man. 

And look at this little Miss..
Was a hot night the night before last so kept her out playing longer than normal...I couldn't resist taking this pic....

Loves these little ones.
They hard work, have had them 6 nights this week....helping out Kylee due to her shifts and the ex changing his access night plans. But when they give you such happy smiles like these two do it makes it all worth it. 

Stressed...but coping with Keto...

Damn Garry, Kylee's ex is a real bastard.
He's full of threats, he's sending Kylee horrible nasty and bullying texts and then also tagging her on Facebook with Memes saying he loves her and she's horrible for not giving him a second chance. I missed a chance on Facebook last night, he posted a picture that could have got him in a whole lot of shit....and we could have kept the kids away from him today (his access weekend) but being tired and stressed I didn't even think of screenshotting it!! Now that made me feel so damn bad.  I wish Kylee would just block him..on everything and only unblock him when he has the kids. 
Now come on Garry, you are the one that has continually cheated, you are the one that manipulated and lied...you are the one that made the mistakes!! Yet in his tiny little mind he is twisting it around saying that Kylee is the one in the wrong because she denied him affection.
It is really getting to Kylee....and truth be told it is getting to us too. 
Thinking maybe she is going to have to get legal advise. 


Simon is also having relationship problems. He and his girlfriend have split.  Our troublesome one Shawn is the only one that is happy and carefree....and doing just great drug free and sober...proud of him. Just wish he would get a job and start making plans for his future....that is move on and leave home again!! Really he is no problem...BUT I want just us again. 

Anyways another week done on Keto. 

And I have nailed it....
Another loss on the scales this morning...(600grams) Wasn't sure what the "demons" would say this morning as last Friday I ate a small block of chocolate, and then Saturday night I had pizza. It gave me a headache the next day actually and it made it easy to climb back on board the Keto way of eating. It proved to me I can do this....I surprise myself every day I eat this way...I don't miss bread, or pasta, or rice or potato's and I really thought I would.
Long may I keep feeling like this. Before I started I was rapidly heading towards a number I never wanted to see again, I felt miserable and ate more because I was miserable. I hated myself and my body...Keto way of eating has saved me....and I thank the friend who talked me into it. Thanks Rach.

So how have I been going?

So, how have I been going? Truthfully, great!! I am so loving this Lazy Keto and it seems to be working for me....which I was real surprised about. I didn't think I could live without my carbs...I loved bread and ate it frequently, but up till this weekend I hadn't had any since I started Keto.
I started Keto on January 16th and as of February 16th I have lost nearly 6 kilo's. 
On Friday night I had a blow out and ate a small block of chocolate and Saturday night I had all the kids here and grandies and they wanted a pizza night...so we ordered in!! 
 It was such a lovely evening we all sat out on the lawn and indulged. I only had a 3 small slices and a taste of garlic bread but on Sunday morning I woke up feeling rather blah.  So its back on the wagon and back into doing what is working for me.  Slow and steady and lets see what happens. 

I'm still here....

 Yeah I am still here....
And I am going well.
Had a good long talk with some friends of mine, both have been doing Lazy Keto for nearly 12 months. One of those friends has lost over 20 kilo's and she has a lot of medical conditions that has hampered her progress. 
Anyways after a bit of research and feeling very apprehensive I started this way of eating on the 16th January. So far so good. I thought I would really struggle with the lack of bread...but so far I haven't even craved it. 
Saw my Dr and she approves and said it would help me with my diverticulitis. I sure know it has helped me with bloating and a lot of my aches and pains in my legs have gone.  
Best of all, I have lost 5 kilo so far. Long may these kilo's keep coming off!! 
I really needed help...just before I started this the scales were heading higher and higher, clothes were straining at the seams, I was miserable and hating myself and just couldn't stop the never ending emotional eating.

Two weekends ago and Sunday and Monday just gone we headed out bush for some time out. It was marron season (freshwater lobster would describe them) and we went out and caught our quota....very delish...

Time out was much needed. Looking after grandies a couple of nights a week (sometimes 4 nights in a row) does make me a little weary. William is now a real talk a mile a minute 5 year old (he never shuts up!!) and Summer is just starting to get mobile 10 month old.
Every second weekend I have Shawn's girls (15 years and 12 years) to give their foster mother some respite. They get their noses into their phones/tablets so don't get a lot of too much out of them.  Have to prise them away from them so get outside and get some fresh air. 

I may have to have the little ones a bit more often....depends on Kylee and Garry. 
Kylee has kicked Garry out....he is not to return. Once a cheater, always a cheater...but this time Kylee caught him out red handed.
He has the kids 2 night a week on his days off...Kylee will never deny him that, but thankfully she has rid of him once and for all!! 

6 days on...

And I am still struggling.

Just can't get my head around things at the moment. Too much emotional upheaval and I can't seem to cope without the help of food. My weight is up and down, more up than down, actually my weight is affecting my health...and I need to get my shit together and stop the dilly dallying and JUST DO IT!! 

I keep saying this, but let my emotions take over and then I go eat!! It has to stop...and I promise it will...

Away for the weekend...then its back and try again.

How am I going....

Im going ok...bad moments and good ones too.
Trying to focus on the now and me...but I struggle some days.
We lost a close friend on Christmas Day, one of Ted's best friends. Their friendship spanned over 55 years...the funeral is tomorrow. Im trying not to dwell on it...but Ted is hurting and so am I.
To throw into the mix I have had Shawn's girls here on the weekend, not meant to have them but the eldest girl has very bad anger issues and took some of them out on her foster mother. (threw a phone at her, kicked in the bedroom door and then proceeded to try and self harm herself) She has been struggling with Skye who just refuses to accept that she in care and refuses to let herself be happy....a very sad situation for us all. Amber after struggling for nearly 2 years with this situation (with some good times in the mix too) has asked DCP to take her out of her care effective immediately. Skye's mother who the girls talk to daily on the phone and messenger thinks it okay for her to show her anger the way she does..and encourages Skye. Skye says it ok too, "Mum says so" is her favourite saying. I must say in Skye's defence we have had next no problems with her here...a bit "mouthy" at times but no other issues. 
Anyways consequently I have struggled a little. Eating hasn't been the best today, and I will no doubt struggle tomorrow with travelling and the funeral....BUT I am determined to dig deep and find me again still.  As a dear friend (she is also a life councillor) said to me yesterday. "There is no "old " you. You are different now. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. Its going to take courage...but you will. Do not punish yourself". 
Right....onwards...I will be back. 

Day 2

I am finally allowing myself to begin to let go of all the anger, the hurt and grief that has wrapped me up for the past 3 years. I have been (I think) to scared to let myself be "me" and live because of all that I have lost. It hurts so much still.

Day 1 was yesterday....I aced it!!

I am not allowing myself a day "off" till my birthday in February.
Going to be a challenge as I will have visitors from New Zealand here on the 4th, then a funeral to attend on the 7th. But do it I will...I have too...for me !! 
I know I am going to have set backs, and off days...but I have to rediscover myself. This has to be for me...the real me.

Happy New Year

A new year tomorrow, a new start for many of us too I guess, diet wise anyways.
But diets aside.....I wish each and everyone that may read this 

A HAPPY NEW YEAR......may 2019 bring you good health, love, laughter and much happiness.

Blessings to you all.

Where am I at....

This is me at the moment.
I am trying to find my mojo...
I started Boxing Day morning, had a great day, followed it up on the 27th with another.
Then the 28th and today I have fallen in a hole.
But I feel like crap...I look even worse.
My clothes are tight or don't fit.
My feet hurt.
I am over myself.
So I do need to find that mojo..and write down my goals for 2019 and go out and do them.
I cannot fail.

In February 2020 I have booked a 6 day cruise to Tasmania for my sister and myself....bring it on.
I plan to go there a lot fitter and healthier than I am now.

Blah blah blah

I am not getting anywhere with dieting at the moment.
What with my lack of control over my mouth or the food I am putting in it, so just putting it in the too hard basket for the moment, but I am not quitting or giving up.....
so I am just going to say 
MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all.....and I'll be back and hopefully raring to go Boxing Day as I have have goals to achieve in 2019. 

Weigh in day

Today was weigh in day.

500g gone

Now tell me please how I can stop having a free day....

I stuff up by treating myself to one after weighing.

Moderation is the key and I need to relearn this.

At least today I haven’t eaten myself into a food coma.

No jabberwalks this week....what with babysitting, work and Deb’s commitments we haven’t been able too.

Right, outta here...dinner time, early night tonight for me, tired after having kids overnight, they weren't picked up till 10.30 and I started work at 12  then worked till 5pm......and I need to be up early for 6am shift.

Someone said the older you get the busier you are....I know I am, some days I wish I could just retire....ohh for the lotto life....

Failed

One day in.....and already I have fucked it up.....

BUT I am no quitter....I will win, I cannot live like this! 

Only me can change it...

....And today I am working on a list of new beginnings that I WILL achieve by the end of 2019.....

This week....

 Today, I am suffering from yesterday...I am so so cross at myself. 
I had the best week...I tracked all my food, was eating properly, I even went for 3 jabber walks with my buddy....and on the scales yesterday all my hard work paid off as the scales were down a kilo!!!
Then because I allowed myself a treat...I blow it by treating myself all day!!! 

I have been doing the Elves on the shelf with this little boy on the 2 nights a week he sleeps over. I don't know who is having the most fun....me or him!!
I love thinking up things to do...and I love seeing the excitement in his face when he find the elves and seen what they been doing....

Right....now I am out of here...off to plan my day and see if I can STOP those bloody scales from giving me a gain next Saturday morning....if they are I have no one to blame but ME!! 
I can tell you next week I will NOT be in a food coma!!!! 

A crap week!!

How long can I keep doing this to myself?
Its no one fault but MINE
I have to stop the self pity, woe is me and just get on with it.
Today the number on the scale hit a high that I never ever wanted to see again....yet I ATE myself all the way there.
Stress and the ongoing Kylee and Garry saga, plus the Simon and Tracey one (they went to court Thursday) hasn't helped...but that shouldn't have given me a license to eat nothing but crap!!

I have to get MY LIFE back. 

This week also seen my old faithful work car die. A pipe corroded and my poor Tweedledee cooked herself.  It was a hunt around on the computer and a visit to Mandurah to check out a new car. Anyways...meet Floss my new little zippy car who I just love. 

Right...out of here....
Time to STOP the pity party and get on with losing this dratted weight. 
Its a nice day, a new month....surely that means another new start. 

A better week

Hoping with everything in me that dear daughter remembers this...
She has told me that she has told Garry that they are both now separated, single and will be friends. She said he has asked if that can be reviewed in a month and she said yes but the answer will be the same. Fingers crossed it is. That man manipulates her. He lied, he cheated, and he bullied my girl. I will not have anything to do with him anymore, all he is to me is the father of my grandchildren. 

Took this gorgeous pic of my girl with her baby the other day...just love how relaxed she looked playing on the lawn with Summer.

Me, my weight.... Have had a horror week, but the last few days I have been ok. Tonight I have indulged a little...I have injured my knee, and I've tweeked my back out, so hobbling around like a real old woman!! And now tonight, have a tickle in my throat which I can thank hubby for....he has been coughing his lungs up for the last 3 days thanks to a flu that started with this tickle...ohhh joy !!! 

Troubles...

Well what I say other than it’s been a stressful couple of weeks with dear daughter and Garry.

Have decided Garry is narcissistic...he bullied and manipulated Kylee....and she went back. Then she found out he had been playing her AGAIN, a friend found his profile on a new dating site.

Since then his narcissistic bullying personality has been in top gear. Things have been very intense between Kylee and him, but he manipulates her so much that she goes crawling back. Like the other day he said he hurt his back and he told her he couldn’t drive...so she drove him. 

Shit hit the fan here over that....here we are trying to help her out as she was done with him and all he need to do is crook his little finger and she goes running.  

We weren't happy...and told her so. So she has told him to back off....
Today he has texted me asking what he has to do to earn our trust....told him I don't think he ever will, time will tell. 
He then asked would Kylee still have our support if they decide to work it out. 
My reply was I hope we would be around to pick up the pieces because we don't think she deserves you, you will hurt her again. He reckons he won't....but again time will tell. Hope Kylee stands back long enough for him to show his true colours again. A narcissist like him don't change...and he is a cheating one!! 

So stress levels high...somedays I eat everything and anything in sight, other days not. My job has been a outside one for the last 3 weeks, an early morning 3 hour shift so I been getting quite a workout...think that has helped me keeping my weight stable..even though its bordering on its highest it has been in years!! 
Where has my willpower go...been looking at pics of myself when I lost the weight 10 years ago...I want that again, but just can't gather up the strength to do it again.....yet!