Bugger !!

Have for some reason been eating....and eating what I shouldn't be eating and I must admit today it got out of control...god damn it, I hate it when I do this to myself!! I know I am doing it, know I shouldn't but I just can't control myself!!

Anyways now I just HAVE to get myself back on track.....have 3 days before weigh in so here's hoping a bit of damage control will help!

I guess this with Shawn has affected me more than I thought it would....he seems to be constantly on my mind.

Anyways have put some pics up of our trip again....this time its Ayers Rock.

I didn't climb it, people were like ants all up it so decided to do the 9.7k walk around it, and so glad I did....its magnificent. Some of the rock formations, art work, and even a pool there are absolutely fantastic. The walk took us about 3 hours, what with all the things we stopped to look at, take pics of and just generally took our time talking and sightseeing....

I recommend the walk around to anyone that goes there.

Just a quick update

Alls going okay....

Been real busy at work and at home. Work seems to be always busy even when we are told there isn't much on....

At home decided to get into this room where I have this pc and hubby has his amateur radio. Room was looking a bit drab so on the weekend we decided to paint, recarpet and spruce it up. Very refreshing to walk into now.

Saturday night was Ted's mum's 84th birthday, we went up and had a family get together for her...was a great night. Lots of food with a very tasty birthday cake from the Cheesecake shop but I was able to eat quite good knowing I had to weigh in on the Monday. Paul and Tanya and kids and Simon and Trace and their kids were there....no Shawn. He has been very quiet, I haven't contacted him, thou he has texted me once to say thank you for helping him out previously and would I help him out again with a few $'s which he needed to provide afternoon teas for his kids on his access visits this week. I texted back I would but only because it was for the kids and I would post him a parcel. I am finding it very hard to isolate myself from him but know it has to be done.

I went to ww last week and lost 800grams, and on Monday night I lost 700grams so I have managed to get myself on track again, but still have a way to go yet.

Just a bit more...

Just a few more pics for you.

These pics are from the time we crossed the WA/NT border and reached the Olga's.

Those stones are enormous and very empowering. The first sight of them is just beautiful, the colours are very vivid and changeable with the light and shadows....a camera just does not do them justice. They have a powerful aura that just draws you into them.

We spent a good couple of hours walking around and through them as well as driving around them, and the whole time they kept us spellbound. They are amazing.

The weekend just absolutely flew by and we managed to achieve quite a bit in catching up on chores that were neglected while we were away...mainly the garden. The weather was really yuk, with wind and showers all weekend, but in between the showers we managed to get a fair bit done.

Also had a big blow-up with Shawn last night. He rang up in tears asking to speak to his father and asked for his father's advice as he and Hannah had had another argument! To cut a long story short his father told him bluntly the only thing that would stop the arguments was for him to stop the drugs/booze and all his troubles would go. Shawn didn't take kindly to it and and started to abuse us saying very cruel, unkind and very nasty things to us in the most vilest language. I was a mess, in tears and have now vowed I will not be going near him or for that matter talking to him again until he can prove that he has made moves to give up the drugs. I ám now scared of what he is capable of doing to himself or for that matter us.

Holiday and other stuff......

This is a picture of one of the monastery at New Norcia

This is a pic of what they call London Bridge at Sandstone

This is the Great Central Road, the road across the desert.

We started our journey from home here in Australind (near Bunbury, Western Australia) and day 1 saw us drive from home to Mt Magnet where we stayed overnight as we had to meet up with our travelling companions who were travelling from Geraldton the next day. Our journey was going to take us from Mt Magnet to Leonara, across the Great Central Road taking us throu Warburton and Giles before crossing the West Australia/Northern Territory border.

We were all travelling in 4x4 trayback vechiles with canopies on the back. Under those canopies we were all self-contained with all our food, beds, etc... Of an evening when we pulled up for the night it was a matter of undoing the back, pulling out the table and chairs, the stove and gas bottles and in matter of minutes we were organised and cooking. Think I have some pics somewhere of us all set up somewhere....anyways as I find them I'll write more of our trip.

Home front is going well. Been a long week at work, geeeee was very tiring after being away from it for 6 weeks but I managed. Food and excersise has been reasonable and I have stayed on track, will see what the scales say on Monday evening.

Have had a few runs in with Shawn and hopefully that helped him and Hannah to make a decision on Friday when they had to go to court on Friday about their kids. They have finally decided to work together towards getting their kids back......and more importantly part of that deal is Shawn trying to get off the drugs. Anyways we will see what happens now.....things have a habit of changing rapidly around Shawn, and with DCP too for that matter.

Today

Just a few pics from our holiday.

Today was my first day back at work....and on arrival I was welcomed back with opened arms, was nice to know I was missed! But by the end of the day it was a tired and grumpy me that left work. Forgotten how tiring it was just standing there grading carrots all day. Only home long enough to have a cuppa and then shower before heading off to my ww meeting. As expected I DID gain, gained 3 kilo's soooooo it bac to the grindstone and lose it again. Not in any real hurry, just want it gone, then stabilise and maintain my weight! I want to look the best for Kylee's wedding.

Had a busy weekend, organising myself after our holiday, packing away the camping gear, cleaning up the garden, stocking the pantry, paying the bills and fighting with Shawn. Didn't take long to come back to the real world ehhh?

Shawn has gotten worse, if he doesn't watch himself he is going to lose everything dear to him. Had to tell him on the weekend to grow up, get rid of the drugs as we can't help him any more. He was so moody, irrational, argumentive and paronoid, I despair as to what he is going to do next....he is living in a unreal world. Don't know what is going to happen next....

I am missing his kids so much, I haven't heard anything from DCP as to my request for visitations, its so not fair.

Anyways off to organise myself for another day tomorrow....

I'm Back

We are back from our holidays, had a fantastic time and really didn't want to come home.

We travelled 12, 443 kilometers and saw sooooo much fantastic scenery. We went on cruises, we took helicopter rides, skimmed around on wetlands in airboats, climbed and clambered over canyons, throu gorges, swam in thermal pools and waded in oceans.

Didn't do as I said I would and I ate and drank well too much and the clothes were very tight when I got home. But on my return I have got back into routine and hopefully damage won't be as bad as I think. Thank god I did all the excersise I did do!

Anyways Monday is my weigh in evening so we'll see what those demon scales say then.

Then I have just under 8 months till dear daughter gets married so my aim is to get weight under control, stabilise it and of course maintain it.

Going....

.....on camping holiday and won't be back for 6 weeks.

On Saturday, my dear Mum turned 80 !! Congratulations Mum, we love you. So happy you enjoyed the little get together/celebration we gave you. Pity the weather was crap and you didn't get to have your harley ride....next time ehhhh?

My mum cutting her gorgeous cake....mmmm it looked great but tasted even better!

My little sister Pauline, mum, my big brother Rodney and me

Alls been going okay in the world of Jen....its been a busy time, packing for this camping trip away. We are heading off inland out into the desert, will cross the NT/WA border and come out at the Olga's, will visit Ayers Rock, tour the Mcdonnell Ranges, Alice Spring, Katherine, Lichfield Nat Park, Darwin, come down the Wa coast ducking inland now and then to check out a few places as we head home.

Went to weigh in on Monday night, not impressed as I stuck to my points 100% (but didn't excersiseas it was to wet and darn cold) and ended up gaining 400grams......hhmmmmmmm!

Anyways....I have been naughty these past few days and been eating crap.....but I have made a promise to myself that I will not over-indulge while I am away and come back a blob like I did when I went to Melbourne. Have packed my food calculator and skipping rope.....so for now, be good, be safe, and we'll see you all in 6 weeks.....byeeeeeeeee

Scales going down.....

.....slowly !!

Went to weight watchers meeting tonight and scales are down by 800grams. I have had another great week, its been so cold that soup has been on the menu quite a bit so I guess that has helped. Excersise is still down to what it usually is but this week was better than last week. Ahhhhh well will see what next week brings....my last weigh in before take off!

Saturday we are off down to Manjimup for mum's 80th birthday party. Not going to stay down there overnight as on Sunday we want to do some final packing up and some last minute chores around here as we take off on hols on Friday 3rd July, so next weekend will be our last one home before we go. Mum is getting excited about the party....so thats great.

Shawn and Hannah are still visiting the kids and have heard nothing yet as to when/if they will get the kids back. The kids have been moved AGAIN, and are all separarated from each other. They took them down to Busselton so they could be together more...yeahhhh that didn't last long did it! Luckily they do see one another regularly.

One week down

One week down and 2 more weigh in's to go before we leave on our trip. Have had a great week. At last weeks's meeting I bought the new calculater and I have been tracking my points on that (plus checking out the point values of a few things)....and yayyyyyyy I had a whole week of sticking to points. Excersise hasn't been as good as it usually is....wet and cold weather has kept me indoors for some of the week BUT I have dragged out a few dvd's to do for this week, just in case as rain is forecasted again.

Anyways weigh in....lost 900grams.....am happy with that. Still have over 4 kilo's to get to within the 2 kilo's of goal.....but not too worried about that, just to be losing again and feeling good about me is what I am happy about.

Nothing much else is happening, still no changes with Shawn and Hannah.....they still haven't got the kids back. I don't know what progress has been made there, if any, I have taken a few steps back from them and letting them deal with their problems themselves, trying not to take on too much of their stress as well. They know where I am if they need me....they know that.

I have written to DCP thou and requested access visits for hubby and I for when we get back from hols...as granparents we are entitled , now the kids are down in Busselton and Shawn has his access visits down there we don't see the kids anymore....we miss them.

Weighed in

Weighed in tonight....am 7 kilo's over goal...or 5 kilo's if I take off the 2 kilo's we are allowed over. Soooooo my goal to myself is in 4 weeks....which is what I have before we take off on holidays.....is to lose 5 kilo's.

I have sabotaged myself tonight....stupid me. Today was so busy at work that I ate on the run and by the time the work day was over and I had weighed in I was starving and just over-ate!! Luckily I realised what I was doing before I really over did it.....so maybe the damage won't be bad!

Here's hoping for a great week...go Jen !

Am going well...

So far since coming back from Melbourne all has been going well. When I hopped on the scales and saw THOSE horrible numbers come up I have been really committed to losing these extra kilo's. I do not want to feel like crap as hubby and I travel around on our holiday. Couldn't think of anything worse than being uncomfy for all those kilometres. I want to be able to climb in and out of the 4x4 with ease, sit without getting cramps..... and I so want to be comfy and wear my shorts and bathers when we get into the Northern Territory and enjoy the warmer weather.

Anyways since Monday I have eaten well within my points, have excersised everyday except today....but this weekend I have 2 long walks planned. And Monday night I am back to my weight watchers meeting and I will go every week till we leave on our holiday on the 4th July......so I have 4 meetings to attend AND hopefully lose at least 5 kilo's. Will be trying anyways....thou I need to lose a bit more than that to get back within my goal. The last month or so with all the menopausal crap I have been going through and all the dilly-dallying I have been doing PLUS all the Shawn stress I have gained big time....my clothes tell me that!! Will let you know Monday what the weigh watchers scales say....mine I don't think are too reliable at the moment, think the battery is on the way out.

Ohhh and speaking of menopause....I am trying a herbal tablet AND fingers crossed since taking them I have had 3 great nights sleep with NO hot flushes.....please let it continue!!

The weekend before we leave on hols we have my mum's 80th birthday party. Invites have been sent out to close friends and extended family. Mum keeps on saying don't want to see this one, don't want to see that one...they never visit me....she has been a real grump. Think it might be because she has just had a medical and some test results needed following up with more tests. I know mum is scared that her cancer (she had colon and liver cancers) are returning...as one follow up test is because of a high liver reading. Hope not....but as I said to her, we'll cross any bridges we need to cross after blood tests and ultrasounds have been done and all results are in. All crossed here!

Tomorrow I have no visit with Shawn and kids.....I am going to miss them so much. Shawn now goes down to Busselton to visit them....all of them are now down there in care....and in 2 separate places. This way there is no travelling for the kids now.....was hard on them I know. And also are now closer together and get to see each other more than what they were.

Ted and I have refused to go into DCP and have police clearances done with them ....just on principle. We are the grandparents, have had DCP here supervising all the access visits, been approved by them to have the kids stay here before....AND now they say we need to fill out papers to have those kids stay overnight!! Not doing it... BUT we are applying for OUR access visits, those kids need us as much as we need them....they must be wondering what the heck is going on, must be all so confusing for them, poor loves.

I'm back...

Me at the hen's night doing my dare!! I had to straddle a chair, make it buck and shout out yea haaaa!!!! Not a worry!!

The drink at The Crown !! We all had one...phewwwwwww...thou didn't manage to drink it all....

Me at the makeover with friend Georgie

Off to the makeover with Kylee

The Eagle mascot ...

It was a full on 4 days....but we achieved all that had to be done. We found THE wedding dress....it is absolutely gorgeous and Kylee's dream dress...and the bridesmaid dresses. Wish I could show you the pics....but I can't !!

The footy was great...and yeaaa I did fit into the clothes....but only just. The Eagles didn't play too crash hot, the umpires were sux...but the atmosphere at the stadium was awesome!

Onto the hens night and that marvellous....thank you to Kylee's sister in law to be Renee. The evening began with a session of makeovers, manicures and martini's at the Long Room and then onto Cookie (a Thai Restaraunt) for dinner and games. From there it was onto The Crown for a little drink and a spot of gambling.

A lot of walking, walked all through the Victoria Markets, up and down streets, all throu the area that Kylee is going to build....but way too much eating a lot of crap food. But today I am back on track....and after reading what the scales said today I WILL stay there till I go away on the 5th July !!!

Sorry...blogger would not allow me to put pics where they should be, darn it!!

Didn't go to ....

.....the weight watchers meeting tonight like I said I would. Just couldn't !! I am so far over my goal and no-one to blame but myself.....and BLOODY menopause!! For the last month I have tried to find my motivation and get my act together but just can't string more than 2 or 3 good days together. The rest of the time I just lose ther plot....I have just been a eating machine, eat because I crave it, not want it, eating just because I can even thou I know I am going to have to work my butt off to get it back off!! I have just been so weak-willed.

I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow night...hopefully he will have a solution/answers to help me with these darn hot flushes....lack of sleep is not helping me thats for sure!

I fly to Melbourne on Wednesday evening.....suitcase full of clothes that fit...just!!! And my camera...sure there will be a pic or two to take.

I have told myself when I come back that I AM going to get my act together. On July 5th hubby and I are off on holidays for 6 weeks. 6 weeks of sitting in a 4x4 as we tour the NT and WA coastline.....and NO way am I going to be sitting in that there vechile feeling darn uncomfy. I want to be back where I should be, feeling like I used to be.....

So it will be back to ww again, going to the weekly meetings and weigh ins till I go on our trip......

I will finish up with a pic of Kaleb....hasn't he grown.Shawn had his access visit as per usual on Saturday. He was very moody leading up to the visit....but those 4 kids bring out the best in him. Unfortunately they didn't get to have Shayden for his 1st birthday so we had a little party for him with cakes and drinks. Despite all his faults one thing they cannot say about him is that he doesn't care for those kids.....he loves them so!

Just....

....hanging in there....


I am having some good days and some bad ones.
I am trying, really trying BUT seem to have lost all motivation again....just can't seem to run 2 or 3 good days together. Sweet tooth has really kicked in too, really craving sweets! Menopause is not helping, these darn hot flushes are driving me crazy. I have made a Drs appointment, just can't hack it anymore, hoping I can get some sort of help/advice from him AGAIN!

Shawn had the kids on Saturday, 3 very excited kids they were, they were so happy to see Daddy and all played together the whole 2 hours. I had the pleasure of looking after Kaleb althou Shawn did give him his bottle and change him....
Don't know if him and Hannah have Shayden yet on Thursday for his 1st birthday....hope they do. DCP are very slack in replying to phone calls...

On the countdown to Melbourne....only a week to go.....

Feeling better

Its been a very busy week.....work has been flat out as per usual and I am coping just!! I am lacking sleep, darn menopausal hot flushes are still persisting BUT at least this week I have resisted all urges to raid the pantry while I pace the floors and ''cool down'' !!

Had a phone call from mum thanking me for a great weekend, despite the odd crack from her about my weight I loved having her here too! Actually I must get my butt wriggling and start sending out invites for her 80th birthday. We are just going to have a get together/bbq at my sisters house AND we have organised a harley bike ride for her too. We asked her what she wanted and thats one thing she has always wanted to do,,,so my brother has organised it! My brother, sister and I are also putting in and buying her a big flat screen tv as well.....

Tonight I did a quick trip into town and took Shawn to the chemist, he had a tooth out today and needed some pain killers....and of course had no money! Mum is always handy for that ehhhh? Strange thou he always has enough for his drugs thou! Anyways he was looking forward to his visit on Saturday with the kids.....espesially as the eldest boy turns 1 on Thursday. Be nice if he is allowed to see him then ...Hannah has asked DCP if it can be organised for them.

I have had a great week back on track so far....hope fully I can keep it up for the next couple of weeks...its only 13 days till Melbourne!

A good friend of mine gave me a good kick up the bum and got me all motivated again....thanks Deb!

Mothers Day....

My darling Mum and me

Another busy weekend in this household.

My brother dropped mum off on Friday arvo on his way up to Perth to spend the weekend with me so she wasn't on her own for

Mothers day, he will pick her up on his way home tomorrow arvo. Took her shopping today and picked up some great bargains. Think I might have walked her just a bit too far as her feet have swollen up tonight. Mum is 80 on the 1st July and her age is only just starting to catch up with her. She still lives independently doing all her own work including all her own gardening.....but she is starting to realise she just can't do all she used too!!

Mum and I get on real well......but she must ALWAYS have a stab at me and my weight and build and how like my fathers side of the family I am. My dad's sisters are/were on the large side always battling their weight like me. Where as my mum, her mum, her sister, my sister are all naturally slim!
Mum's first question to me on Friday arvo when I walked in the door when I got home was geeeeeee Jen those jeans are getting a bit tight on you aren't they? I didn't think they were but yeahhhh I am still battling in getting myself ''reined in'' ! I am really struggling but ahhhh well I haven't given in and I won't!! No way am I going to let myself get .... dare I say it ... like "my Dad's side of the family".

Shawn had his access visit at home again today. He was in a great mood despite all that has gone on in the week, things haven't been the best with DCP, Shawn and Hannah. Anyways when the supervisor came with the kids she said to Shawn Kaleb has a cold and his carer would like you to keep him indoors today if you can. Well Shawn hit the roof, poor kids were in tears there for a few minutes scared I guess that he was going to throw one of his tanties.....but he didn't, he got himself under control. But geeeeeeeee DCP has got a lot to answer too, I am so over them. They say they are there to protect the kids but I am afraid I don't find it that way....to me all they are concerned about isd the bloody paperwork. I am still waiting to hear back from them re the request I put in to have Skye for a sleepover.....how much paperwork does that require?? ohhhhhh and would you believe we HAVE to get a DCP police clearance if we want her to sleepover!!!

Anyways tomorrow all have a great MOTHERS DAY.....

phewwwwwwwwww

Ashlee Marie....

Phewwwww it has been a busy week....work has been sooooooo busy! It is meant to be our quiet time, well usually at this time of the year it is, but for some reason this year it has been full on ! Could be that the boss is in the progress of up-grading all our machinery, has bought more land and planted heaps more crops??

The work keeps me on the straight and narrow with my food, working long hours and out of town what I pack in my esky is what I have for the day. So all week I was great till Friday night. For some reason I was hungry and gave in and ''sabotaged'' myself, and once I started I kept it up! Need a kick up the bum I do as I was bad all weekend, not totaly bad but bad enough to do damage! I had kids/grankids on and off all weekend, they sure keep me on my toes but like their ''treats'' and so Jenna indulged them and herself too!!! Anyways.....its back on the wagon again for me tomorrow. Sheeeeeeeez why can't I get it together lately, this last year I think I have done nothing but yoyo ???

Skye Nicole and Caitlin Rose

Shawn and Hannah are battling on, they had court on Friday as DCP want control of Kaleb like they have of the other 3. I really don't know what is going to happen between Shawn and Hannah, it is so hard on them both. On Saturday they were really struggling and arguing....but talking to them today they seemed okay. I hope it will work for them....BUT only they can make it happen.

Me and Kaleb

Shawn had his access visit as per usual here on Saturday, he had all 4 kids here and Skye asked me if she could stay here till she was allowed to go home to mummy.....awww that broke my heart. I told her I would ring and see if she could have a sleepover so I am going to ask DCP if I could have a weekend of her staying here with us.

Shawn and his 4

Today I had Simon and Tracey's 4 here while they went away for the day...phewwwww those 4 are real live wires, sure kept me on the go.

Zoe Elizabeth, Jessica Lucy, Thomas Shane and Sheymus William

All quiet on the home front now, time for some me time and re-group and get my shit together again. Looking at the calendar I have as of tomorrow 3 weeks to my next weigh in. Hubby recons I should just get myself back to the weekly weigh ins as I seem to do better that way....mmmmm maybe he is right!!

Been tagged...

Was tagged by Anne...

I have to list 5 things I am passionate about ....

1) My hubby.....he is my EVERYTHING!

2) My kids, my family, my friends, including my online friends too!

3) My grankids....all 12 of them, love 'em!

4) Saving towards my retirement.

5) Books....I love my books, nothing better than me time and a book! I could read all day!!

Now to tag 5....

1) Sandy

2) Ros

3) Mel

4) Nola

5) Suzy

.....and anyone else who comments on my blog

Also today ..... I have to HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear hubby.....

Today we have had Paul and Simon and their kids call in to say Happy Birthday Pop....Shawn has rang...and I guess Kylee will later on tonight.

Today has been the first day back on track! I walked this morning with my friend Deb, and have kept on track. It hasn't been easy, BUT I will do it! I haven't weighed myself and I am not going to till the week before I fly to Melbourne.

Tomorrow

I am starting all over again.

I just have to push all these emotions I am feeling with these hot flushes and all the stuff with Shawn and Hannah.....and think about me. These past few weeks every attempt I have made to lose these extra kilo's something has happened and I've "lost the plot''. I have just over 4 weeks to go before I fly to Melbourne...and I need to get myself back on track. Spoke to hubby tonight and told him he has permission to kick me up the backside if he sees me even looking at a choccie....and he also has my permission to kick me out of bed on these cold mornings to make sure I walk before going to work. My clothes are fitting me, just!! My favourite Eagles t-shirt is just a little tight and it just has to fit me properly for the Carlton v West Coast eagles game we are going to.

So there you go....my mind is made up, I JUST HAVE TO DO IT this time. Please let all go smoothly for me, fingers crossed.

Just another pic from Shawn's access visit, Skye loves her new baby brother dearly and Jaydene and Shayden too, but Shawn and I tried to give her as much attention as we could on Saturday to show her that despite being the 1st born she was just as special today as the day she was born.

Things are improving.....

Today Shawn had his access visit with the kids...including Kaleb. He was told he was having all 4 kids, once again DCP stuffed up and only 3 turned up....Jaydene had gone away for the long weekend with her carers. That to me is sux...why couldn't they go away after the visit or work something out and change the times, day or something so Shawn could see her!

Anyways DCP has also done a backflip with Shawn and Hannah and has told them they CAN now be together as long as Hannah drops the vro. Hullooooooooo they told her only last week that they COULDN'T do that, even when they took Kaleb on Wednesday they couldn't be together because the vro had to stay in place. What are they playing at now I wonder? They have another meeting with DCP on Tuesday and we will have to see what can be resolved. And according to DCP if they continue to keep the house clean and resolve all the issues between them they COULD have the 2 little ones back in a month or so. I hope so.....they need to be a family again.

PS ... The vro is a violence restraining order that DCP (Dept of Child Protection) made Hannah take out on Shawn when they separated...due to Shawn's temper/moods. Hannah did not want to do that, as it meant that he could not have have any contact (by phone or text either) for 2 YEARS, but they pursuaded her to do it!

Shawn needs his family but he also needs professional help, drugs (cannabis) are the issue with him.