Me...

....I AM my own worst enemy.

Last night I had a mini binge....well mini compared to what I can do. Why do I do this to myself, espesially when everything is going so well??? Now I have to right the damn wrong I did to myself. No exercise this morning....last night I suffered from "restless legs" and they were so sore this morning I didn't do my dvd. I think they must have moved miles in bed last night....they just didn't want to stay still.

Anyways today I have stayed 100% on track and realise that now I have to keep it that way if I want a loss on those demon scales on Monday night. And get lots of walks in this weekend...that'll help won't it?

Yes...I have to a be a friend to myself....

Monday night....

......is weigh in night. Very happy to report I lost 500g. Totaly rapt with that as its been a week of very little excersise..thou did a bit of physical work which is something that I don't get to do very much. This week my pledge to myself is that if I don't have to start work earlier than normal (which I had to a few days last week to work on the potato harvester) I will do my accelerated walking dvd before I leave. Its a great workout and I find it gives me just as much of a workout as I would get actually out walking.

Right onwards now....tomorrow is the start of another week, and I am looking forward to having another good week...

Today.....

....has been a busy one. I had a sleep in this morning then went for a long walk. Ahhh the walk was good as I had not managed one all week. After the walk and breakkie I raced into town and picked up the above from the framers....I think she did a fantastic job. The bouquet is in a shadow box...and the pics are just framed and I think its looks really spiffy !! Ted is going to hang it for me tomorrow.
After picking up the frame made a quick dash throu the supermarket and threw a few things into my basket for lunch for Shawns kids...they were due at 12 and were going to be visiting till 5pm. from the supermarket I had to pass the Pandora shop.....sssssssssssshhhhhhh I poppred in very quickly and snuck home another couple of charms....a cute little Teddy bear (for darling hubby Ted) and my birth stone (amethyst) plus another little purple bead.

Lunch went down a treat....they love frankfurts...between the 4 of them they demolished 2 packets. Little Kaleb only managed one...but he's only a little baby.....who by the way is now up and running. They are growing sooooo quickly.

The 2 little boys spent ages playing on this little bike that was given to me for the kiddies. Kaleb wasn't too impressed with having to share with his 11 month older brother.....

Anyways another sucessful visit for Shawn.....the kids just did not want to go home !!

Week 2

Tonight was weigh in night...after my horror 2 weeks, I was hoping that after a entire week on track I would have a loss this week. I was happy to see the numbers go down and record a loss of 2.3 !! Now here's hoping I can duplicate this last week this coming week. I will be trying thats for sure. i will be definetly working on it. Excersise is my key...and I have been trying every morning to do 20 minutes of my accelerated walking dvd, looks like it has helped. On the weekend my g/f and I walk both days....over an hour on Saturday delivering pamplets and an on the Sunday a 45 to an hour walk, depending on what we have on.

On Saturday I went shopping earlier than normal and found the new jewellers open in my shopping center. They are the agents for Pandora....and I have been promising myself one for years, so I walked in and looked around and above is what I bought. I would have loved the combination gold/silver bracelet but that was too many $$'s with our holiday only a month away...but when this one is full I hope to have the dollars then. On Saturday with hubby's blessing I am buying 2 more charms.

Nothing else much happening. Shawn is going okay...he applied for a job, had an interview and is going to start soon on a trial basis...as I said it is up to him to rove what he is capable of. He came out here on Thursday evening and I noticed he had some cannabis. He told me he doesn't have to go to court monthly or have his urinalis tests anymore. What a shame I told him as they did keep him under some control. Also told him if he goes back to what he was like before I will wipe my hands on him....and I mean it. He has worked so hard to become a better person and has found Shaz and happiness again...would love to see him grow from there, not slide backwards and become that horrid useless person again.

Kylee rang on the weekend and wanted to know if I was interested in travelling overseas with her and some friends next year. Definetly I want to go....just don't want to go to Bali. We are talking Thailand, Figi, Singapore or Hong Kong. With my daughters love of tigers methinks we will end up in Thailand.

Anyways off outta here, early night for me tonight and I still have some scrabble games to play on Facebook.

Week 12

Postscript Monday Evening.....Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.....just weighed in, its not good at all...over 3 bloody kilo's.......

Tomorrow night is week 12 weigh in....and its not going to be a very pretty one at all. I am really frustrated at myself, the last 2 weeks all I have done is yoyo...pig out for a few days then the next 2 days go the other way and have 16 to 18 point days. Not good at all. Mood swings, hot flushes and all those crappy menopausal things haven't helped....but hey got no-one to blame for it but myself....I should know better, I have been going to ww long enough to know what to do, obviously a lesson I haven't learnt well enough yet !!

Anyways have made up a grid on "my weight" ....and after the weigh in tomorrow night it will be onwards and downwards.....and knowing me a few sidesteps and backwards ones too.....but I'll be trying.

Shawn had Kaleb yesterday for his catch up access visit with him....all went well he said. Kaleb at first was wary of him and a bit of a "sook" but thats Kaleb anyways. Kaleb lives in a foster home with some teenagers who love to spoil and carry him around.

Hannah has also been told to prepare a cot for him has soon he will be starting to have a few overnight stays with her to get him weaned into being going back fulltime...about bloody time I recon too !! Hope she can cope....I worry about those kids so much, how is this all going to affect them later on in life....??

Manjimup....

On Tuesday due to maintenance on my packing machine at work I got a day off work. Mum's birthday was on July 1st and I promised her an outing as soon as I could get a day off to get down. Was told at 4.30 on the Monday so I rang Mum and told her to be organised as I would be down by 9am the next day to take her out...so be ready.

I managed to get a few chores done early Tuesday and managed to get on the road on time but due to a few road repairs along the way I did get held up and the 1.5 hour trip turned into a 2 hour trip...but never mind, I got there and found Mum tapping her foot on the doorstep.

Mum wanted to go down to Pemberton and visit a friend for lunch and also go and see Glouster Tree....we used to live down there when I was little and Dad used to be the fire lookout towerman of the tree. He was a local icon as dad lost his arm in a truck accident and even with the 1 arm he used to be able to climb that tree faster than anyone else. I would have loved to have climbed the tower for old times sake , but mum is scared of heights and I didn't want to leave her on the bottom watching me. Next time I go down there I will climb it as there is a article up in the tower of Dad, he was the longest serving towerman there.

After visiting the tower we drove down the street...and went browsing. Found a little op shop and found some treasures....a beautiful prada handbag, 3 bells, 2 crystal ones and a lovely blue willow one which I pounced on. I collect bells and blue willow...so it was a very rare find !!

Off to lunch where mums friend made us some lovely toastie sandwiches with a prawn salad....followed by fresh scones and a homemade jam.....very yummmmmmmmmmmo!

On the way back to mums we stopped at a gallery/winery and found some beautiful jewelery....I couldn't resist the thread amethyst earrings...another weakness of mine....

When we got back to her unit, she made me a coffee and I couldn't resist the 2 slices of apple cake she had made...talk about deeliceeecious !! It was a lovely day which I thoroughly enjoyed...a great outing and loved the one and one time with mum. Must try and keep on making time for these little outings with her.

Now I just have to try and get myself back on the straight and narrow...far too many points consumed yesterday...ahhhhhhhhh well mum is worth it !!

Name me....

Miss Piggy.....

I have had a horror week, starting at the beginning of the week with the worry of the DCP meeting then continuing on....

I'd try at the beginning of each day to stay focused, but by the end of the day I would fall off the rails....

Not helping matters is those damn menopausal hot flushes have decided to come back...not a excuse I know but they certainly haven't helped me at all.

Anyways today I have managed to get my head in the right place and got myself back on track. Fingers crossed that I can stay that way...I will be trying.
Definetly won't be weighing in on Monday thou....BUT I will go to my meeting thou, gotta stay focused.

Had DCP visit this morning and we were questioned/assessed on our parenting ..... and they were very impressed in us and our answers. Have been told we may have our 1st respite visit next weekend. We were so close in deciding to take her on fulltime when they told us they were having trouble finding somewhere suitable....we may yet take her on fulltime till they do. Don't know yet, been teary on and off since the meeting, poor kids, its so not fair!! Did ask if it was possible she go with one of her brothers, or possibly even home to Hannah, the answer was a definite no!

Thankfully Shawn is on the right track and working towards recovery....hopefully he'll get it together before Hannah and get the kids. A start this coming weekend when he has a access visit with Kaleb at HIS house, supervised by a carer but its a start.....

Not on track but I am happy...

yeahhhh am really happy.
Tonight we were accessed by a DCP worker to have Jaydene for respite care.....and Ted was quite happy to do all the paper work involved. It was a bit more involved than I thought it would be and was quite wary as to Ted's response but phewww he was okay, did it all with a smile. We have another interview on Saturday morning and she will go "test" our parenting skills....that will be interesting!!













Wondering how all this was going to go tonight had me in a bit of a dither all day today and I haven't had a good day at all.....been "stress" eating.....even went up to the roadhouse and bought and demolished chocolates!!
Ahhhh well tomorrow can only be better ehhhhh?

Another weigh in.....

......and another loss....but only 200grams. A bit disappointed with that as I have been a real good girl....except in the excersise department. Seems excersise helps me....so thats my goal this week. Its been too darn cold to go walking of a morning, we been having 0 degree mornings with frosts...and its soooooooo dark. So I have found out all my walking dvd's so thats what I will be doing...plus 30 sits up morning and night on my ab machine.

Tomorrow night we have a DCP worker coming out to assess us for respite care for Jaydene. Ted is not happy about being assessed....aren't being grandparents enough...AND they use us and our home for all Shawns access visits?? But he has agreed to them coming out....fingers crossed for me, hope it all works out.

Yeahhhhh

After weigh in last week I went on a bender....a real "why do I bother" kind of bender....eating everything in sight. That lasted all day Tuesday and half of Wednesday before I realised what I was doing to myself..... Right I only lost 100grams over the 2 weeks but I did lOSE ....so I had to give myself a real talking too, next weigh was only a week away, I had already wasted 2 days now do I want to lose this weight or not?? So I got to it, and did what I had to do .... and tonight at weigh in I lost 600grams....yayyyyy me !!!

Its been a very quiet week, been nowhere except work, done nothing except work...kids have been quiet, no hassles... Weekend was spent catching up on chores and in the garden....had to prune all my roses, weed and repot plants which all had been sadly neglected.

Onwards and downwards......

A big decision...

During the week I had a phone call from DCP .. wanted to make sure it was okay by me that Shawn have his access visit at home on Saturday. He was only getting the 3 eldest kids, little Kaleb was away with his foster carers for the weekend. Shawn will get a extra visit some other time with just him. During the phone call I was asked if I would consider taking Jaydene into my care till she was ready to go back to Hannah...or at least take her for respite care. Jaydene is being moved again...this will be her 4th foster home since she was put into care. Going back to mum, even thou she has Skye is NOT an option.

Ted and I have agonised over this decision...and it may appear as thou we are selfish but we have decided not to take her under our wing...but we will do respite with her one long weekend a month.

We love this little girl dearly, as we do all our grandies, but on making this decision we did take into consideration our ages, our work and lifestyle. I have to work, I want to retire in a few more years with some money in the bank so I can enjoy some time travelling with hubby before we get too old....have to remember hubby is 62 (8 years older than me).

But the main reason we are going to say no is that Jaydene needs 1 on 1 care all day everyday, and if I have to work and put her in daycare I can't do that.

I am going to suggest she get put into a foster home with other children (each home she has been the only child and both foster carers have been workers) and if possible with one of her siblings.....she needs a family.

Anyways Shawns visit with his 3 kids was fantastic...he spent the whole 6 hours playing and enjoying the time with his little ones.....he is a good daddy.

To finish, it was weigh in night tonight....afer 2 weeks of being on track, tracking and eating well I thought I would have done well...nahhhhhhhhh a whole measly 100grams was all I managed.....sheeeeeeez next week better be better, bloody demon scales!!!!!

Another week gone....

Last night would have been weigh in tonight but it was a public holiday so no weight watchers meeting. I have been going ok...except for some indulgences over the weekend. I had Simon and Tracey's 4 kids overnight......my ears are ringing still as they are soooooo LOUD !! They are great kids, very easy to entertain. They love cooking, shopping for the ingredients, love planning excursions...just full on they are!

On Saturday after I had my hair done.... (Pop looked after them for the hour or so while I was away) ....they all decided we would have home made pizza's for dinner, so we wrote out the shopping list and went shopping. They bought their pocket money too...so the "reject shop" (a $2 shop) was a must for a visit to buy their treasures !

After the shopping expedition it was home, chores, then the kids started cooking.....the pizza's were demolished ... no leftovers with them !

Sunday after breakfastand the chores it was out for a excursion. They chose the jetty at the estuary. They loved it, they scrambled over rocks, tried to name all the the birds, moved rocks to see what little creatures were living under them, spotted crabs and even saw a dolphin...the first time I actually saw them with their mouths open and nothing coming out !!!

Mum and Dad showed up at lunchtime with chicken treat and loaves of fresh bread.....ohhhhhh yummy !! I can tell you they didn't last very long !

So it was a weekend of over indulging (and not tracking 100%) ..... but Monday morning saw me back on track, walking and tracking again....hopefully by next Monday I will see a loss on the "demon scales"!

Blahh

Don't know whether its because I am a little bit down today or what but I am feeling a little blahhhhh. Its my Dad's birthday today and if he had lived he would have been 80...boy that would have been a party and a half. Dad was a real larrikan and loved a party, he always had a great time out celebrating any occassion... he was a recovering alcoholic and he didn't need the drink to liven any event up.

I am a little worried about Shawn too.....althou he is coming along okay, I know he is still drinking and having the occassional "weed" and when he mixes the two of them together he tends to stress out about everything. Like I had a phone call today from telling me is car had broken down, totally F*CKED he recons and how come he always gets the "lemons" ?? He had rang Shaz to come pick him up, he was down, he had been drinking and was worried about Shaz's reaction to all this.....heck am I ever gonna not worry about that boy ??? Why can't I let him worry about his troubles himself, why do I take his troubles onboard...I don't take the other kids on!

My back is giving me trouble since I strained it , think I been doing too much....but it is better than what it was. Hope so coz I have Simon's kids tomorrow morning for an overnight stayover, Simon and Tracey are bringing them down late morning as I have a hair appointment at 9am, I need a hair colour, going grey I am. The kids will keep me busy, those 4 are certainly active.

Anyways I off to bed, hope I can sleep.

Last night....

.....I went to my weight watchers meeting last night...I lost 300 grams. Its not much but I'll take it. The week hasn't been the best, I had a slip at work and saving myself from landing on my ass I have somehow strained my back. For most of the week I have been having spasms in it that has left me in tears sometimes and unable to excersise as much as I would like. Thus my planning/tracking has been very hit and miss...thus just a small loss. Anyways next weigh in will be in two weeks time...so hopefully my back will inprove so I can get myself out and about and on the move.

Above is a pic of Shawn and Kylee....of course it was taken a lonnnnnnnnnnng time ago, aren't they cute?? I am doing up a srapbooking album for Kylee to take over to her when we fly over. It will start off as a newborn right throu to her wedding day. I was going to do this before the wedding so when she married all I had to do was hand her the album to put in her wedding pics....but I off course never got around to it.

Kylee and Stephen have settled into their house and loving it. After nearly a year of living with the in-laws and the previous 6 years in a poky 2 bedroom unit they are loving the luxury of their own space. A lot of work too be done on their garden, they already sick of the black mud they and their cat track in but they have made a start. Can't wait to get there...roll on August.

Shawn and Shaz have moved into their house and slowly getting themselves organised. Shawn is gobsmacked at how quickly Shaz has made their rental house a home....he is loving it. I went to court with him on Friday for his monthly meeting with the magristrate and his councellour....his urinalis showed a tiny rise but no big deal they said.....as long as his head is in the right space which it seems to be. I am proud of him and his improvement but he has a long way to go yet......my fingers are still crossed and I hope and pray that he can continue along the path he is on now without any relapses. He needs a job, he is actively trying/looking to find work, hopefully that will be the next thing that falls into place for him. I am helping him a fair bit buying them odds and ends and I just can't keep on doing it, he knows that, I know that. But I am proud of him...from where he was a few short months back to where he is now is outstanding.

weighed in......

Went to ww mmeting tonight for weigh in...yayyyyy happy to report a 1.1 loss. Was feeling a little apprehensive after my gain last week but having stuck to the plan and managing a few walks during the week paid off for me.

Been very quiet around here, been nowhere, done nothing....kids/grandies are all going great. I have booked tickets for Melbourne to visit Kylee, hubby and fly over on the 12th August, by then she will have a few days leave accumalated to spend with us.

Shawn and Shaz move into their house on wednesday....the owners wanted to paint it out for them. It doesn't look much from the outside, but to them its a castle and it will be their home!

Challenges.....

Shawn and the nearly 2 year old..Shayden

Monday night was weigh in night. I had had a good week, or so I thought, maybe not enough excersise during the week, but plenty on the weekend, stuck to my points but didn't drink enough water so I thought I'd do well. Nahhhhhhh I GAINED !!! Only .3 grams but none the less a gain. Was STUPID and come home and ate and drank....grrrrrrr a bad habit of mine I just have to change. Thats one challenge for me. Number 2 is keep on track without losing the plot for the rest of this week as number 3 challenge is to be back at goal or close to it anyways when we fly to Melbourne to see DD in August. I am going to do this!

Shayden and his 3 year old sister blowing out the candles

Shawn has had a few challenges given to him over the past weeks and I am proud to say he is taking them head on and meeting most of them! Thats not to say he is doing it easily, believe me he hasn't done it without slip-ups but he hasn't given in. Luckily his lady has stuck by him and Shawn is doing his best to overcome those demons of his.
On Saturday he had his access visit....his eldest son turns 2 this week.....so we had a birthday cake for him. Those kids are growing up so quickly...just wish they were all home and out of the darn situation they are in. Nothing more has been happening there...something has to soon surely...they were only taken into care for 2 years, that is up in a few months. Thats one of the reasons Shawn is trying his hardest to get his life on track.....coz if Hannah can't sort herself out Shawn wants to prove to them he can !! Ohhhh nearly forgot...him and his lady move into a rental this week....yep they have got themselves a house.
Anyways....off to do a bit more planning....a few challenges to meet this week...I want those "demon scales " to show a downward trend....
.......onwards and downwards.....

Day out

Had a lovely day today...I left home early this morning and travelled down to Manjimup and picked Mum up and went out visiting a few old haunts and then on for a lovely lunch.

Wandered around a old mill town we used to live in when I was a teenager reminenising and then Mum fed the kangaroo's and emu's. In the old deli while we had a coffee we found a old photo album and lo and behold found a picture of my late brother when he used to work there....that bought a few tears to the eyes. I really enjoyed the one on one hours with Mum today....going to make sure I do it again soon.

After dropping off Mum, I quickly visited my sister, then rang my brother and asked if he had 10 minutes spare and drove up and put flowers on Dad's grave with him before heading home after a most enjoyable day.

ohhh last night was weigh in night.....goodbye to 1 kilo.....onwards and downwards.....

Mother's day....

Mother's day this weekend and I unfortunately I won't be seeing my mum. Tried to get a day off this week to travel down to Manjimup to see her but couldn't get the time off. We have been sooooo busy at work and I couldn't be spared....nice to know I am needed ehhhh? Thursday and today were frantic....long 11 hour days they were for me!! Monday looks like it will be the same.....but Tuesday I have been told I can have the day off and go see her. Mum was happy to hear that when I rang her tonight and told I wouldn't be down. Hopefully my brother and sister will be spending some time with her over the weekend.

At this stage I have Simon and Tracey travelling down with their clan of 4 so that'll be good. Paul and Tanya will no doubt pop in sometime too and who knows if I'll see Shawn. I spoke to him on the phone today...he and Shaz are still staying with friends but are now in Bunbury and not 30 minutes out of town...makes it easier for his appointments for his councelling/therapy. They still looking for a rental of their own....very hard to come by they are, but here's hoping they get lucky. Not sure how they are travelling....know Shawn is still drinking and using occassionaly and when he does he begins to doubt himself, hope he's strong enough to overcome these doubts as I know it puts pressure on their relationship.

Kylee and Stephen are moving into their own house today and tomorrow....excitement plus for them. All looks lovely from the pics I have seen.....can't wait to see it, we should be flying over in August sometime....by then they should have a few days holiday due to spend time with us.

Then yeah after that visit its home and start saving $$$$'s for Tassie....yes Nola we will be touring...seeing as much as we can...so I'll keep in contact.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ALL ♥

I'm happy....

Yep...definetly happy, I've got my mojo back...I am feeling good. Have had a great 2 weeks and at weigh in tonight those demon scales were nice to me.....2.2 gone !!! Been a little naughty tonight and indulged with a few drinks and a few nibblies, BUT the day is planned for tomorrow, I am going to stay on track. When we go to Melbourne I WILL be very close to if not at goal....and when I get to goal then my goal will be to stay there ready for our Tassie trip!!

This week I am hoping to get a day off work....I want to go down to Manjimup and spend a day with mum. It's Mother's day over the weekend and I just won't have the time to do a trip down then. I have Shawn's kids here for an access visit on Saturday then on Sunday the others will be coming around so I want to enjoy that. I hope to take mum out to lunch then visit a few places we use to go when we were kids....and take some photo's. I bought a new beaut camera a few weeks back and I have had hardly used it...be nice to have a little play

Yawnnnnnnn its been a long day ...... bedtime for me.....nite nite.

One week down....

Yep its one week down and all's well. I have followed the plan 100% ....real proud of myself, been a angel I have!!! Should have been heading off to my meeting tonight but being a public holiday there is no meet, so another week to go before I can find out how I have gone. I could weigh on my scales...but nahhh I'll leave it to next Monday, that way I think I'll stay more focused.

Everything else is great, saw Shawn and Shaz on Saturday arvo, met him in town, they are happy and all his therapy is going well. He had court on Friday and his urinalis tests are showing that he has cut wayyyyyyy down on his cannabis use...well done Shawn. They are still living with a friend, no place of their own yet, neither of them have jobs.....Shaz is actively looking as is Shawn but he is finding it harder as he can only work certain days due to his therapy and councelling.

Kylee and Stephen are still waiting to move into their house, they should after an inspection from their bank have the keys next week. They have done their final inspection and all the things they wanted recified have been done.

We will fly over in a few months time and have a long weekend with them and have a look at the house...counting down already. Kylee also wants me, and a few others, to do an oversea's trip with her before she starts her family....she doesn't want to go to Bali again so is looking at Penang or Phuket. I would love to go having never been oversea's so am thinking about it thats for sure. This will be a good 12 months or so away yet....so plenty of time to think.

Our next trip, after our brief visit to Kylee, will be another camping trip....it will be with some good friends of ours (who we travelled with in the NT) driving across the nullabour and heading over to tour Tassie....that will be in February next year..thats not all that far away, time sure is flying by.