Tomorrow is the day .....

IS THE DAY I START TRACKING AGAIN........

I hopped on the scales tonight after looking down and seeing a huge muffin roll over the top of my jeans and I just thought enough is enough! I need to control myself, get my shit together. I can't blame my hormones and thyroid running amok for just generally making a pig of myself like I have this week !!

AND talking about jeans there are not many pairs that I own that do fit me comfortably anymore AND I am not buying myself anymore because that would mean buying a bigger size and I REFUSE to do that!!!

Hubby and I have had a very quiet Christmas. Christmas eve we went and visited #2 son and family as they were heading down the coast for their christmas break and gave them their chrissy presents.
Christmas day the other 2 sons and families came out and we played santa.....the kids enjoyed their presents and their stockings. Later on in the day we picked up hubby's mum and drove out to Teds youngest brothers place and had a family gathering and a huge christmas lunch.

#1 son has his eldest son coming tomorrow for his access visit so they will come out again tomorrow. When he bought his other 3 kids out on christmas day I just gave them their presents and held back their chrissy stockings so they could open them up with Luke visited.

Just gathered up all the naughty nibblies...and put them away, whoever visits and wants them can take them. I do not want to see anymore chips, nuts, lollies or anything that I can nibble on.....I am going to be so good and want no added temptations.

Update....

Well I got my blood results ..... as I expected results showed hormones are "scattered", thyroid seriously under-active.....and I have way too much protein in my system. So nothing serious, but geeee who would think a few hormones and a thyroid could cause so much havoc to my body. The protein is nothing much too worry about, apparently its my body's way of trying to fight the upheaval of my hormones and thyroid running amok!! Anyways medication has all been adjusted and I will see how I go. Late February I have to go back and let the "vampires" take some more blood and see what is happening.

Our weekend away in Geraldton was great. My girlfriend Tina had NO idea at all we were coming for her 50th and just screamed when she saw us.....she was so excited. We all had a blast and had a great catch up over the weekend. We all ate too much, drank too much and talked and talked...it was magic !!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL

Weigh in

Well the picture says it all....I have been a real "Miss Piggy" and the scales tell me so !! I hopped on this morning and the numbers went up and up and up right up to the highest they have been for a long time! No-one to blame but myself....I have been out of control with my eating. Emotions swinging this way and that way and all good intentions went swinging along with them. So this morning I have trying to get me shit together and plan out a week of healthy eating. I have a real hard week coming up workwise....a week of very long hours, 2 nights where we will be doing 3 hours overtime making 12 hour days.....so need to be organised.

Anyways one day at a time is how I am gonna do it....this time of the year is hard enough so I will do the best I can but I have promised myself as soon as Christmas is over I am back to the ww meetings, its seems to be the only thing that keeps me honest. A girl at work, well she actually only comes in to help out when we are very busy, asked me if she could start ww with me in the new year .... so I might take her up on that.

ohhhh went to the "vampires" on Thursday and they took a whole heap of vials of blood, go see my Dr on the 18th and get my results....mmmm be interesting!

We are off to Geraldton next weekend for 3 whole days...I am taking the Monday off work so we can travel back (a 6 hour trip) and also so I can do my food chrissy shopping before work again Tuesday and Wednesday. Presents are done, managed to find something for all 11 grandies.... my mum and hubby's mum to buy for today and thats it. Parcels are going to wrapped today and will be posted...so I am very nearly arganised.

Anyways out of here...time for some fruit and yogurt.

Just a update

I have just received the best news...and what a relief it was too.

Hubby went to see his specialist about his prostate PSI levels and all is okay...he was told all was well, nothing to worry about, come back in 12 months for a checkup....woooooooohoooooooooo I can stop stressing about that !!!!

I also went to see my Dr...was really concerned about these 2 car accidents and need to be assured there is nothing wrong with me. I have been tired, bloody menopausal hot flushes are still causing sleepless nights and I think thyroid medication needs adjusting again. Anyways going to have a heap of blood tests so we'll see what happens.
I dropped and smashed a good plate last night when doing the dishes....hubby came and said thank god for that...thats the 3rd smash.....geeeeeee I hope so !!!

On the weight front......welllllll been mostly good, but haven't been totally evil so will keep on trying. Will see what the scales say on Sunday....

I don't believe it !!!

I just can't believe it.....I am so over myself !!!!

Today I went into town in my little work car....and somehow I have rear ended another car....thats TWO accidents in TWO weeks..WHAT IS UP WITH ME !!!!!!

There of course was lots and lots of tears...and stunned disbelief that it could happen!!!! Stupid man did take off, so I did too...but then he must have realised he had stopped at a stop sign and not a giveway sign and stopped and soooooo did I !!!! Damn, damn and double damn !!!!! Hubby has fixed the damage.....nothing major at all. Nothing major to the other car either and he is going to get in contact with me next week, thinks he'll get away with just getting a new back bumper.

SHEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZ !!!!! Beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me.....I am going to go and see if I can see my Dr....maybe my concentration is being affected by my thyroid imbalance...worth checking out I guess.

Anyways this of course has affected my emotions today. Luckily I did weigh myself this morning as we are going away tonight and wouldn't be able to weigh tomorrow morning.....happy to report down 600 grams....sitting on 72.0. A bit high....know I not going to get it down to where I want it to be until the silly season is over....but heyyyyy I am trying!!!

A day early

After a very restless night last night, I woke up this morning and weighed myself......mmmmm was not good, up ANOTHER bloody kilo. But what else do I expect after all the darn "evil" things I have been eating. Too darn lazy to excersise... so haven't walked for the past 3 days.

But I will tomorrow...and tomorrow I will be back on track. Looking at that comparison photo I have decided I prefer where I am right now...not what I was!! Right .... its okay to indulge now and then, but to eat as thou there is no tomorrow like I am at the moment has just gotta stop!! These darn hot flushes don't help either !! Its been nice to relax and not worry about what food is going into the mouth ....but I DO need to keep myself focused before I totally lose control.

Anyways I have shopped....bought myself a lot of fruit and vege's and plan to make myself lots of salads, frittata's and soups... these will be a change from the same ole things I usually eat. Also want to get away from the bread at lunch time and replace it with some protein to help me get throu the afternoon.

We had a invation to a friends 50th birthday up in Geraldton on the 20th December...so my goal is to get myself back on track by then and fitting comfortably into my skinny jeans.....

Here I go yet again...but with some changes......

mmmmm....

mmmm...not gonna make the 60's this week....I have come "unstuck"....

Don't know whats caused it, just had a sudden urge to eat...and thats what I am doing....grrrrrrrrr

Hubby recons I not eating enough....maybe he's right....so thats what I will have to check. I know the points are right...BUT maybe the food I am eating is not enough to carry me throu the days....what with my working maybe I need more.....definetly time to check it out. I know I am stuck in a rut with my food....and I do need to vary my food a bit, I tend to eat the same things all the time....mmmmmmmmmmm definetly need to check this out.

All good....

The scales were kind to me this morning.
I resisted all temptation of emotional eating after my little "bingle" on Saturday. It was hard...but glad I did as the scales showed I was 900 grams down from last week.....making me now 70.1

Insurance company has been in contact with me, I have given them all my details, have my claim number and now have to get 2 quotes...and then my car can be repaired....

Now fingers crossed for another good week and let me get back into the 60's AGAIN !!!!!!

Yesterday....

Shawn had his access visit so had them out. On Friday it was Skye's birthday so Tanya decided she'd come out with her 2 girls for the access visit and let them spend some time with Skye and Jaydene, and let them give Skye a pressie...the kids had a lovely time....it was great to sit back and listen to the kids giggle and have fun together....it just doesn't seem to happen enough lately.....

Decided yesterday morning that I would go and do a bit more chrissy shopping....wishing to heck now I hadn't. Filled up with fuel at the servo and just taking off...and WHACK!!! Don't know what happened, I know I looked before I took off so who was at fault, me or him I have no idea...but we had a "bingle". My drivers side headlight and bumper is all smashed, his car has a scrape down the passenger side. Have rang my insurance company but being the weekend the matter has just been reported....so will have to wait till tomorrow to organise that! Was very teary and shaken for awhile but having the kids around sure helped.

Anyways just wanted to put these pics up....will be back tomorrow with weigh in update....

I did weigh

...and it was as expected up in the 70's !!!

Bloody yoyo I am...up, down, up, down !!

I was on track...and getting my shit together, then I for some reason or another have started getting damn hot flushes again. Wellll, more regulary anyways, as they have never really gone away, but since Thursday night I have been waking up as much as a dozen times a night with them.....and then during the day I am freezing cold!! This of course has caused mayhem with me!! Been a right regular grump I have and eating whatever I craved. Luckily I have been excersising....

Anyways last night the flushes weren't as bad....and I hopped on the scales this morning and recorded 71.0....so the saga continues as I battle those damn kilo's.

I'm back

and yayyyyyyyy I am back on track!!

It took me awhile, I'd get the tracker out, plan my day then it would start raining and I'd crave something hot and yummmyyyyyy and all good plans would fly out the window for another day.....

Or Shawn would ring and say ???......and yep Jen would reach for comfort food. Actually he hasn't been too bad the last few weeks...us giving him the final warning seems to have shook him up a bit. Just wish he would get rid of the drug once and for all!!! Damn centerlink is mucking him around, he hasn't got his tablets the Dr subscribed yet as he had lost his healthcare card.....still waiting waiting waiting for centerlink to post out a new one....

And another thing that happened....DCP let it be known to me that Shawn and Hannah have broken the AVO as Shawn has been seen at Hannah's house...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!!!! Don't know what is going to happen there....but have been told by Hannah that she will lift the AVO. DCP have told me no the kids won't be taken off of them...but Shawn has to keep going to councelling and they will be monitored if they do get back together full time....

DAMN KID!!!!!!

Anyways all has been good for the last 4 or 5 days....no weigh in...not game enough for that but Monday next week I will .... all go for a great week..I hope...

Gone...

..... haywire. Don't matter how I try, I keep stuffing myself up. Start off the days all good, planned and tracked...then somewhere along the day or evening I will start craving and off I go....turn into a regular garbage patrol !!! No matter how hard I try not to give in to myself, I do.....soooooooo am giving myself a couple of days of rest and Monday I will get back into it (before if I can) BUT I am not weighing in on Monday....will the following one thou. Heck I don't want to see that I back in the 70's again (coz surely I am!!) after all the bloody hard work I have done. Looks like I will never learn this lesson of self-control!!

I weighed.....

..... in this morning.....and I quite happy, the results are not as bad as I thought they would be. I weighed in at 68.9 .... a gain of 600grams.

Work is still flat out ..... its going to be really busy till christmas. I was up at the usual time this morning BUT thanks to daylight saving it was DARK!! I hate daylight saving....it throws me right out of skilter!!

Hubby Ted got his specialist appointment...sees him on December 9th.....

Under control....

Have got myself under control again.....emotions are to the side, eating is once again under control and will now wait till hubby has received his appointment date with the specialist and will take it from there!! I know high PSI levels don't always mean cancer BUT the Dr said there was a risk of it...and that just sent horrible shivering chills through me!!!

Other news is yeahhhhhhhhh Shawn went to the Dr and YES has been given a script for medication which he said he will take. He has been out here today for his kids access visit, a little agitated as he is as sick as a dog with the flu....but said he will fill the script out...here's hoping!!

Monday I will weigh in again, but just at home, won't go back to ww till next month, so here's hoping all the rubbish I have consumed hasn't made the scales too high...will let you know Monday evening when I post again.

Thanks to you all for being there for me.....

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk

Why is that when I under stress I eat!!! I am sure this last week I have managed to put on all I have lost these past few weeks!!

You would think after 3 years of weight watchers that I would learn to control the emotional eating........nahhhhhhh not me, I must be a bloody slow learner.

Nooooooo its not Shawn this time, this time its hubby. He has been having a few minor health problems and got sent off to have a few blood tests last week. Results came in last week and after a consult with his Dr the other day he was advised to have another blood test....welllllllll he got those results back today and has to go and see a specialist. Hubby has high PSA levels....and that means he COULD have prostate cancer. Dr says not too worry, the levels aren't THAT high but it could be a possibility. What does Jen do..PANIC !!!!! I know I shouldn't.....but I fear cancer....and I just hate the thought of my EVERYTHING having to battle it!! I know I am thinking the worst, heck he hasn't even seen the specialist....but eeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk!!!!

This week

This week has been absolutely stressful, emotional and totally crap!!! And why...the usual reason, my son Shawn...who else??

That kid really really needs professional help. I won't go into what has been happening, but his physcosis is getting worse....and after this week he has been given an ulimation of going to get help or forget that he has a family. We so sick of the abuse, physically and mentally....all of us have reached the end of out tethers. He was told either make a appointment to see a DR and get help or disappear out of our lives. Shit the kid turned 26 on Wednesday, and we have dealt with this problem of his now for way too long. I know people with acute physcosis people have little or no awareness that they are not themselves as they have lost the connection with reality....but enough is enough!!

Anyways it must have sunk in as he has made an appointment with our family Dr, told him it was an emergency but the earliest he can get in is Friday.....lets hope he can hold it together till then. He didn't make his forklift course, he was ill..but will try for it in a few weeks.

Anyways with all this turmoil I did my usual and tried to eat away the stress....but dear hubby told me what I was doing and I managed to stop myself and get back to tracking.....so this week I weighed in the same, heaps better than a gain I guess ehhhh?

Running late....

Sorry ...... am running late today. I did weigh in this morning and my scales told me I had a loss of 300 grams...so I have 300grams to go to goal. I worked late tonight, (we have orders a mile long), got home and found a reminder note in the mail about weight watchers meetings so decided to head off tonight and get it out of the way before I have to start paying for the meetings again. I hate weighing in at night ..... the scales showed I was a kilo heavier than what I was this morning.....but heyyyyyyyyyy what the heck I am keeping the 68.3 as my weight this week!!



Not a lot been going on this week....been all work, work and more work. Its such a busy time of the year for us and we are scrambling to keep up with the orders. I worked till 1pm on Saturday just so we could catch up a bit. Looks like we might have to do the same again this Saturday too.

Saturday arvo saw Shawn turn up ready for his access visit with his kids. He looks good, and he had a absolute ball with his kids...don't know who was the biggest kid there !! He sits his forklift ticket on Thursday, hope he passes that, it might give him a good self-esteem boost that he needs.



Sunday saw me and hubby out in the garden.....after I saw the start to Bathurst!!! Go the mighty FORDS!!!! I am a real rev head and love my motor racing. I wish I could have kept up with my speedway racing....I loved it and was good too!! But like most sports nowadays it had become too politicial, too expensive and when sports get like that the fun goes out of it. We got a fair bit done out in the garden, it is really starting to look good again, it got a bit "begraggled" over winter. Stopped at lunch time to watch the finish to the big race....but hopefully we can get out there next weekend and do some more.

And again...

.....another loss of 800grams.....woooooooooohooooooooo!!

Now I am only 600grams from my goal of 68 kilo's.....now I am wondering do I have it in myself to carry on and try to get down to my personal goal of 65 kilo's while I am going so well and am so motivated. Been told to stay where I am, been told that I look good as I am, but I am happiest at goal. When I first got to goal and was maintaining so well I felt really really good....I want to get that feeling back again.

I am still very happy with my hair....its great. Its just 4 strokes with the brush and a little bit of jel rubbed throu it with my fingers and away we go. Stays looking good all day!! Thinking I just might keep it like this.....

On the Shawn front.....had him out on Saturday as he had an access visit with his kids. He looks good, sounds good and is still actively looking for other work. Centerlink has him enrolled in a training course where he will sit his forklift ticket on the 16th October, and then he will start truck driving lessons. mmmmm I don't know if that is a good thing or not!! But we are hoping he will get a job from these courses.....he does know then he has to have drug tests whenever required. Maybe it will help him.
Anyways as long as he is happy, staying out of trouble, not causing me any stress it must be good ehhhhh?

Going down......

Another weigh in and I am going down ..... yayyyyyy for Jen as I back in the 60's again with a loss of 800grams this week. Proud of that effort as I have struggled with cramping pains in my back and leg which has made excersise very difficult, but keeping tracking track seems to have kept me on track.

Saturday morning I had a big rush around to find a hairdresser to cut my hair, I had a wedding to attend on Sunday and had left it too late to book in to my usual hairdresser. But find one I did.....and I had my hair cut short....what do you think? I like it this short, so easy to maintain espesially with my work.

Yesterday a very good friend of mine got married, the rain even cleared up for her as she walked up her garden drive on her Dad's arm....ahhhhh yeahhh had a few tears in the eyes I did. Lucky bugger is off on Thursday for 2 weeks honeymoon in Bali.

Things are still quiet in Shawns world, I have spoken to him a few times this past week, he still hasn't got work but is still actively looking and he seems to be in a good frame of mind and is staying out of trouble, or so he says .... so alls good.

I here again...

Hi...I back. Nothing exciting has been happening in the world of Jen. Had a busy week at work, spent the weekend at home pottering around catching up on chores and doing some gardening.

Even all is quiet in troublesome sons world....welllll shhhhhh it must be as I haven't heard from him!!!

Have one excited daughter at the moment thou...she was never a real footy fan when living at home but in the 5 years she has been living over in Melbourne her fiancee, who is a mad keen sportman, has got her right into following the afl footy. Their team is Hawthorn and they were there on Saturday night at the MCG to watch them win their way into the grand final next weekend. This morning they were getting tickets to go and watch....... expensive yep, do they care, Nooooooo....as it will be there way of celebrating their 5 year anniversary too. Time has flown by....my baby has been over in Melbourne 5 years now!!!

Anyways on the weight front.....had another great week as far as tracking and excersing was concerned ... and despite TTOM paying a very unwelcome visit I stayed focused, resisted cravings and lost another kilo....now down to 70.2

Onwards and downwards....cyaaaaaaaaaa

Monday weigh in

yep...... it was Monday morning weigh in and I can tell ya I was one happy chicky....

I got up, I wee'ed, I weighed, rubbed my eyes, then weighed again.....and yep the scales said the same thing again.....so I got dressed then went on my walk very happily.

Don't think I have ever gone to work as happy as I did this morning...espesially on a Monday!!

I have lost 2.9 kilo's since last Saturday morning and now weigh 71.2

Onwards and downwards........

Tomorrow is....

THE DAY I PULL MY SOCKS UP !!!!!!

I am sick of being dishonest to myself.

Yeaaaaaaaa I have been sick, yeaaaaaaa I have had a fair bit of stress to deal with ....BUT that in all honesty does not excuse me from falling back into old bad habits. Only me and being dishonest to myself and laziness does.

Yep everyone I am talking about my weight...heck knows what it is, I am too scared to hop on the scales....but I will in the morning. My journey restarts then. I have to do something before I lose the plot completely. The days have just been going by and even thou I have had some good days and bad days....I have been avoiding the truth of how lazy I have become. I have been tracking the last few weeks as I said I would, but if I had a bad day...did I do anything about it? Nooooooooooooo, just thought to myself, ahhhhhhhh tomorrow will be a better day....and if it wasn't, well the next one would be. Get the picture....???

So tomorrow....the new beginning. NO lies to myself ....

Cyaaaaaa on my updates....

Its Saturday morning ...... just a quick update....weighed in on my scales this morning....mmmm not good. 74.1

Been for a 45 minute walk and feel good ....

I will weigh Monday mornings, no good weighing Saturday mornings, too tempted to relax over weekend.

Soooooooo its onwards and downwards.......

I have just read....

...an article in a magazine that really describes my son Shawn. I am so angry with that kid at the moment I could just spit, but don't know why I bother as he being the way he is just doesn't care. He had a great job, seemed to be happy out there...but the other day he walked out of work at mid morning and reckoned they were all a bunch of dickheads and he wasn't going to go back to be treated like an immature little boy. He hasn't been back and thou his father and I have asked him to go out and see his boss...he refuses, says he has rang him and if he can't answer his calls thats it !!

This article is all about Psychosis...
Psychosis is the term used when the following symptoms occur. Delusions....false, firmly held and unshakable beliefs. Hallucinations....false sensory perceptions (such as voices, smells or images). Disordered thought...jumping from one idea to the next with little association, going off on tangents without returning to the initial idea. Unusual behaviour.....people with acute psycosis have little or no awareness that they are not themselves as they have lost the connection with reality.

Most people are aware of the psychosis that occurs in schizophrenia, but it can appear as part of the mania (excessive mood elevation) and severe depression.
Certain substances, including cannabis and methamphetamine can cause rapid onset of pyschosis.

Welllllllll this is Shawn to a CAPITAL T which I know from previous experiences with him...but to see it in writing and to know there are other people like Shawn, and other parents like Ted and myself that are suffering. And suffer we do, as what can we do...he doesn't realise what he is doing to himself as he is not himself....and anything we say is not believed because of the firm unshakable beliefs he has in his head!!

A no win situation ehhhhh? I hope not...as I still hope....I have to

I am sick ......

....and tired of being so sick!! This flu is really draining me and I just can't shake it. Some days I wake up feel as thou I am recovering but as the days go on it just hangs on and on......I AM OVER IT !!!!!!!

I can't excersise, I just don't have the energy, I am eating so much crap, have so many cravings and again just don't have the energy to stop myself. Every day I tell myself its time to stop it...but being the weakling I am at the moment...I don't! I have made an appointment to see my Dr but can't get into to see him till early September. I need something.....a big kick up the arse I think...it must be getting big enough to not miss!!!

I bought a diary today....decided that enough is enough....and tomorrow is the day I start tracking everything again...whether it be good or bad, I am hoping that by reading exactly what crap is actually going into my mouth might spur me on ......wish me luck!! Something has to .... I worked too darn hard to get myself slim to give in and lose the plot entirely, its the one thing that I have to keep on telling myself to help spur me on, its worked before, hopefully it will this time too.

I don't know what else to do.....I haven't felt this darn sick in a long time....it is depressing to know that I am over-eating and not have the energy to do anything about it. BUT .... tomorrow is another day and to know at least I am going to try and make an effort will spur me on....

Bye till next time......

Thomas turns two.....

Yesterday little Thomas turned 2....wowwwwww sometimes I wonder where time goes. It only seems like yesterday I drove to the hospital to see him being born.....now he is running around chatting like a magpie.....

On Sunday me and hubby drove up to his house for a bbq with him and the family....the whole 4 kids were not at all well, all were under the weather with this dratted flu that is going around. Poor loves...as they were so looking forward to having a party and didn't have the energy to do so. All little Tom wanted for his birthday was a chainsaw....he spends all his time going around sawing up everything. So I got him one...thankfully he loved it !!

I have had the dreaded flu too....stuffy nose, sore throat, yukky cough and general tiredness.....but I am coping with it.

Weight.....welllllllllll just forget about that for the moment, this flu has made me as hungry as....have days where I eat like a horse, and others where I just can't be bothered. Hope I can get all back under control before I lose the plot.....but I don't think I will....worked to darn hard to get here.

Not a lot happening....

In the world of Jen....
I have had my hair re-cut after the disaster a couple of weeks back. They did a great job on the colour, love that...but sure didn't cut anywhere enough off. My hair is thick, has a natural curl in it and when not cut right it looks darn terrible as it seems to have a life of its own and goes any which way it wants too!!!
Weight watchers.....welllllllll I haven't been there for a while...have been having some good days and some badish days....overall I think I have evened it out.....we'll see when I get to a weigh in sometime this month....
Dear hubby and I went up to the footy last weekend....the local derby game. It wasn't my teams home game and I can say my team didn't win either !!! But it was a day out for us....something we just don't do often enough. My hubby isn't a fan of the footy, doesn't care who wins or loses....but does know that I love my beloved West Coast Eagles. This year they have been playing ABSOLUTELY WOEFUL and that has hubby calling them "The Budgies" !!!!
Shawn.....welllllllllll he has been Shawn....still in his moods, but around me and hubby has been a lot better. Doesn't spend a lot of time here, don't know where he is going or what he is up to, but I know he is going to work, his councelling sessions..all with some grizzles and grumbles I believe, but at least he is going ...
Work has been quiet...had a couple of days off this week. Going to be quiet next week too in more ways than one....my best workmate and my good friend Zoe had her last day today.....so next week I will be on my own......that I am not going to enjoy!!
I off now ..... it's evening and the cold air is setting in, time to go stoke up the fire and do dinner......

Our little Miss Ashlee.....

was 4 years old today.....

Happy Birthday sweet girl.......

A little birthday party was held at her house for a few of her bestest friends, her granparents, and a few uncles and aunties.....where we all spent a few happy hours partying with our little girl.

Day off....

Not a real lot happening......been a bit down in the dumps on and off during the week. I was going to do a "fast-track" course and follow a dream I had of getting back into hospital work again..... (years ago before kids....I was training to be a nurse, and I loved it).....and train as a Patient Care Assistant. Well that dream went "poof " .... I did not get into the course so I am still out at the funny farm doing my boring mundane job. Have a day off today as the work out there is slowing down due to a break in the plantings....have finished one crop and have to wait a while before the next crop is ready to harvest. While I am off today, am going down to my hairdresser and get her to re-cut my hair. I had a cut and colour on the weekend...love the colour but they sure made a real muck up of the cut.....they just gonna have to fix it today if they can !!!

I need the break anyways, and while I am off I can look at other options open to me regarding work, as work I have too.....a morgage to finish paying off yet (its nearly there!!) and dear hubby and I want to retire with SOME money in the bank so we can enjoy some time together travelling.

On the weight front....well we won't go there, the emotional eating bit has come in to play again....but I am trying to control it. Gave a friend a ring who is a ww lifer like myself and told her what was going on....great friend that she is has been giving me a lot of support and trying to keep me on track.

Is it just me or what but is blog world gone a bit quiet?? A lot must be hibernating with winter.....but heyyyyyyyy I really don't blame them, I am sooooooooooo feeling the cold and can't wait for the weather to warm up. It has been so cold and wet lately in the mornings....I can't get out and walk before work and I miss that!! Have a couple of DVD'S I do, but its not the same......

Shawn.......wellllllllll he has been okay. When he can get over his "woe is me" attitude and realise if he wants to get anywhere HE has to put the effort into it he may get somewhere.....till then he'll get no-where. One day he may wake up to himself....thou I have my doubts. He had the kids for a few hours on the weekend.....one thing I don't doubt is he's love for them.....it just shines out of him when they are around

Some changes

For a long time now I have not been happy with my job, which a lot of you know is nothing special anyway.....I only work on a market garden grading and packing vegetables....very mundane and boring. But I have for the last year been wanting to follow a dream of mine...and maybe this time I will have the strength within myself to follow this dream...I will keep you updated. I have some paperwork in my hot little hands now and after a big discussion with hubby I hope we can make the final decision as to whether or not I follow this through.

Shawn is still working....which is a blessing. His mood since his last councelling session on Tuesday has to put it mildly been not good!! Think they may have told him a few home truths and he did not like it!! They, his councellor and a rep from DCP, came out to meet hubby and I this week just to touch base with us and fill us in with what they want to achieve with Shawn. As we said to them "good luck" as you will really need it. The only thing that will help him is to go in to rehab, detox and get rid of the dope out of his system and never use it again. Luckily he hasn't been staying here, he has just been here for showers and to pack his lunch for work the following day...but believe me that has been long enough to put up with him. Wish I was a stronger person and could tell him to "piss off" and stay out of my life...I hate him when he is like this and am actually starting to fear him and yes fear for him more. I love him, but ohhh I hate him more. He is a great person when he is off the dope....but the dope is really effecting him at the moment....and I just have to have faith I guess that someone, somewhere can help him....hopefully himself, coz ultimately thats the only person that can !! He has his kids here tomorrow for access visit....they, espesially Skye, have missed him terribly as last Saturday and the Saturday before they didn't get to see him due to stuffs up with DCP and their carers.

ohhhhhh before I go....I went to weigh in last night....and noooooo I am not a 60's girl....I stayed the same. Next week I don't think I will be a 60's girl either...not with what I have consumed today. I have had no work today, its been a wet, cold and miserable day and for some reason I have been too!!

Its been one heck of a week

Its been a long and very very busy week and I can tell you Friday 5pm cannot come quick enough.....I am soooooo tired and feel as thou I could sleep for a week. Work has been so hectic......I have to be at work by 7.30am and do not usually finish before 5pm so it makes for a long day. This week we have had a staff shortage.....plus we use backpackers for workers and Monday we had 4 new ones start, so what with the language barrier (a lot cannot understand English, let alone speak it !!) and trying to teach them their job plus do your own, orders a mile long to get throu .....mmmmmmmmmmm yep it has been bedlam !!

Shawn has been quite good this week....it has been a reasonably stress free week as far as he is concerned. he has been attending anger management/councelling every Tuesday afternoon and this last week has heard news on Hannah....so guess that has helped. Plus he has been working quite long hours so that has kept him occupied as well. Hope this keep up. As yet he has heard nothing back from the insurance company, or for that matter the police on any reports back from the accident he had. No news is good news I guess.

Dear daughter in Melbourne tells me they might be moving locations .... mmmmm so next time I go to Melbourne they may be out closer to the country. Daughter Kylee is hoping that they do move in one way...means they can move out of their small 2 bedroom unit into a 3 bedroom house and pay $50 a week less rent!! With a wedding in Western Australia in 2010 to save up for it is money that will come in handy.

I had a weigh in tonight...after my disaster of a week in Melbourne...and a week on track here at home, thou with very little excersise, I can happily report a loss of 300 grams..... Next week I will be looking forward to being a 60's girl again.

Had a good week...

Since I have been back from Melbourne I have got myself right back on track and I have stuck to my points like glue. Needed to as I did not want to follow the way I was eating in Melbourne. I had an absolute ball over there with my dear daughter and catching up with some very special friends. Ohhhhh and lots of sightseeing !!!Being I was there for only those few days made it hectic but it was worth it, it was great to catch up everyone !! And going to the MCG to watch my beloved Eagles was worth it even thou we did get beaten.....the atmosphere there was absoooolutelyyy awesome!! Eating on the run is not good for the waist line ..... it did not make me feel good, actually some of the junk I ate did not agree with me at all!!

I missed out on last weeks weigh in, it was wet and cold and I was tired, BUT the truth really was I wasn't game enough to go!! Even thou it was very tempting I did not hop on my scales to see what damage I may have done, decided to just track and give myself the week to get back to normal.

On the homefront.....Shawns vechile has been repaired and is back on the road. Luckily his father is very handy and knows how to do all these things, being part of his trade helps. Shawn is still staying here with us thou, but says he will go back to sleeping in his Toyota again soon, hopefully not too soon, it gets down to 2 degrees of a night at the mo and he has been quite sick with a bad dose of the flu. He didn't get the kids this weekend, was a bit disappointed but took it quite well. Had a major tanty thou when he received a letter from an insurance company to say the other car involved had filed a claim saying Shawn was at fault. Anyways he eventually calmed down when he realised he could say he wasn't at fault....so he filled in the form with his version of what happened. As I said if he loses and has to pay out for their damages, he hasn't got the money to do it....so to just wait and see what eventuates.

Had eldest granson bought out to visit this weekend as he was down visiting his Dad during the school hols, it was great to catch up with him....we don't get to see him as much as we would like too. Had a good old chat and catch up on all the gossip.



ahhhhhhhhhhh well, I off and will update later this week with results of weigh in....

Am home....

....had a fantastic time but boy am I tired! It was a fantastic 5 days with my girl, we shopped, we caught up with some very special friends, we went to the footy (yep, the Eagles lost!!) and we shopped some more......
BUT....the big question was I good??
I can say NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I wasn't.....heck knows what damage I have done to myself.....I can kick myself for being so stoopid!!! ahhhhhh well whats done is done.....and now I have stopped the pendulum swinging from good to bad and its all good again!!!

On the home front.....Shawn has been good. He is going to work everyday, he has been to his councelling sessions, he had the kids again while I was gone and had a good time with them. He also was in a car accident while I was in Melbourne...didn't have his attention on his driving, was still thinking about his visit with his kids....and is now without a vechile. Heck knows what is going to happen, he was uninsured, not sure who was at fault and what is going to happen...but ahhhhh well one day at a time I guess.

Anyways off to bed for me, need some shut-eye.....a busy day for me tomorrow and I have to keep that pendulum from swinging and stay on track......

Just a quick one.....

Tonight I head off to Perth to catch a midnight flight to Melbourne, daughter will pick me up at airport at 5.40am....yawnnnnnn! Sure am looking forward to this break away thou. Shawn is very, very tiring and stressful to deal with .....but things are slightly better I think. He had his kids for 2 hours on Saturday afternoon...and despite all the drama's we had with Shawn before the visit he did enjoy his time with them. He has another interview with DCP this afternoon...so he's hoping he gets a bit of information on Hannah because as yet he has heard nothing from her or has been allowed to see her. These visits to the DCP office usually has him coming back here moodier than ever....so its good that I am off to Melbourne tonight.

ooooopps just had a knock on the door.....definetly glad I am going to Melbourne. It was the police, they have a AVO order to serve on Shawn from Hannah....Shawn will take it that it means there is no hope for them, and that is gonna send him over the edge methinks!! Thankfully as Shawn is at work and has that interview with DCP they are going to leave it with local police to serve later on.....this I am not looking forward to.

This is an edit....a few hours have past since the police were here, and I have rang DCP and told them how unfair it is that this AVO is to be served on Shawn with no warning and how concerned I am of his re-action to it. So they are going to let him know this arvo and explain the whatfor/how/whys and everything to him. I also told DCP he has to have some contact even if by phone with Hannah, they need to talk. Anyways I guess before I head off to Perth I will know what he's reaction will be....hope it is not as bad as I fear it will be.

Thinking I might jump on my scales before I go tonight.....just to see what number comes up so I can keep that in mind while I am away.....remind me peoples I have to be good!!!

Photo's of Shawn with his kids....hasn't little Shayden grown, he was a month old on Saturday.

It's Friday

Yay....its Friday...no work for me today which is even better....I need the me time!! It's been a long week. Shawn has been coming here for a meal at night, a shower, I pack his lunch for work next day and then he goes off and sleeps in his car. He says he is comfy enough.....so if thats what he wants and he is happy....so be it. Still don't know a lot that is going on with this Child Protection situation....he still has not seen his kids or spoken to Hannah and that really upsets him and we have had a few shall we say very tense moments here about this. He can understand that he is not allowed to see Hannah but surely she could ring him and let the kids say "goodnight Daddy" to him...that he seems to miss most of all. I have a horrible feeling this whole situation is going to explode big time but will wait and see what happens as it all unfolds. He has a meeting next Tuesday...but I am ringing DCP today to see if I can organise a child visitation for him, he needs to see them. I fly to Melbourne on Wednesday night so hopefully we can arrange something before I go.

yayyyyyyy am off to see my dear daughter (and future son in law) and catch up with some very dear friends. (A bit peeved off I not there now then I could have met Chris H and Nannette...but another time maybe!!)This trip is only for 4 days so it is going to be a full on time for me...but I can't wait!! Off to the footy on Friday night...Hawthorn verus West Coast. I know, I know...Eagles sux this year, but I am still a very proud supporter and will go there and sit there in my Eagles colours next to my daughter and her fiancee in their Hawthorn colours.....

Anyways despite all the upheaval I have stuck solidly to my point counting, my tracking, my eating and excersise and was rewarded last night at my ww weigh in with a loss which even astounded me of 2.1 !!! That leaves me .9 to lose this week and then I will be back to my goal weight.....wellllll within the 2 kilo extra they allow you anyways....but I getting there. Just not allowed to blow it when I go to Melbourne ehhhh??

Positives...

Shawn has had a interview with Child Protection and has been told he has to move out of his house and leave it for Hannah and the kids. He is not to go anywhere near the house or have any contact with them, all visitations will have to be supervised. He of course has nowhere to go, unless he sleeps in his car or on the streets, so looks as thou he'll have to stay with us till he can find somewhere. He very down, remorseful and unsure of the future but has agreed to 16 weeks of councelling, hopefully other treatments as well.....anything to get back Hannah and the kids. Maybe this will wake him up and he'll get himself back on track again, I hope so.

Weigh in was tonight and I am thrilled as despite a very unsettling week with Shawn and all these happenings I have stayed right on track .... and lost 1.8 !!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyy I am back on track, still have a ways to go to get back to where I should be, but am moving in the right direction...

Can't stop the tears

Well it has happened.....Shawn got home today and found an empty house and a letter for him on the table. Hannah has had too many restraining orders out on Shawn now and Child Protection has stepped in and removed her and the kids for their safety for which I don't blame them or Hannah for going. He is in tears, he is angry but is it his fault.....noooooooooo!! He has been trying he says, really trying, but when you tell him not hard enough as he still angry and moody, he starts ranting and blaming everything and anything but himself.

He has an interview with child protection tomorrow and will be told what he will have to do to sort this all out. Know from what he read out from the letter left for him he will have to have councelling, psychic treatment. God I hope he agrees to everything, and goes to this interview in a better frame of mind than what he is in now, if he loves Hannah and his kids as much as he says he does he'll have to.

Pray for him please....he really does loves those kids of his...but mainly pray that he gets the help he really needs.

Have put the brakes on....

Finally made it to my new ww meeting on Thursday evening and weighed in. Did not like the number that came up...was not good at all, higher than I have ever been, so decided there and then that was it, THE BRAKES ARE ON !!! So far have had a great week, have come in under points, each day I have tracked, have excersised everyday...this Saturday and today went walking with a friend for over an hour both days. The ww meeting was just what I needed, there were 5 other life members like myself who are over their goal weights, the talk was very inspiring which made me motivated so hopefully this time I can keep it up and not let any emotions over-ride my efforts.
Went to Dr on Friday after work and got the results of all my blood tests from my chest pain episodes. Other than gastric reflus I have a "bug" in my stomache, some big long medical name that I can't pronounce....but its nothing that a heap of antibotics and other pills won't get rid of. It's a wonder I don't rattle with the amount of pills I am having to take daily.
And just to top it off....add panadol for the headache in the name of my troublesome son Shawn. Hannah has just rang me to say she has taken a 24 hour restraining order out on him coz they are fighting, he is pushing and shoving and being a bully towards her. Sheeeeeeez when is that kid gonna get it together?? We were hoping with the birth of Shayden and the job (which he seems to love) would help him, apparently not! Anyways trying to NOT let it get to me....I can't help him till he helps himself....right?? But someone tell me HOW do you stop worrying, HOW do you get that horrible feeling out of your gut as you wonder "is he alright", what the hell is he going to do next???