Never made it to ww meeting....

nahhhhhh never made it, next week maybe...lately in my life it never rains, it frigging pours!!!!!

I was so looking forward to having some "me" times while things are slow at the farm.....I managed Monday, half of Tuesday and then wham....I was hit with chest pains. By evening they were bad, during the night they worsened so much so I made an emergency Drs appointment in ther morning. Saw the Dr and had ecg's, blood tests and thankfully any heart problems were ruled out, so conclusion ... some kind of gastric problem. All I need on top of everything else!! But did I get time to go to bed and be spoilt with some nanna naps....nahhhhhh no such luck for me. Get a frantic call from Shawn and Hannah...little bub Shayden had to be rushed off to hospital as he had 3 episodes of turning blue and choking.....could I have Skye and Jaydene?? What could I do .... say no???

Sooooooooooo thats what I have been doing for the last few days. Luckily from 10am to late arvo they attend daycare so I have had time to spend at the hospital with Shawn and Hannah and Shayden.

Just had a phone call from them now....and Shayden has had no more episodes and it seems that he was severely dehydrated due to lack of nourishment in Hannah's milk. Thankfully nothing too severe .... and easily fixed, Hannah is just going to have to supplement bottle feed. I can now relax and stop worrying. But bub is not allowed home till he regains his birth weight so looks like another night of babysitting for me......

I missed out .....

.....on cuddles yesterday. Shawn bought out girls and Shayden for a visit and the whole 2 hours plus he was here bub layed in his car seat and slept....I was not impressed!!!
Shayden Thomas Lee




I have today off work, boss rang me last night and apparently it is going to be a quiet week so might get a few more days off!!! Hopefully I can have a "me" day and do NOT much at all. Know one thing I AM going to do and that is have a "nanna nap" this arvo, haven't been sleeping real well of late. I also am going to go down to my favourite little "op" shop and have a good browse around and see what little treasures I can find, and then before I go home go around and see little Mathew....and maybe find him awake so I can have cuddles!!

Mathew Paul

ahhhhhhhhh well, time to get off my butt and make another coffee....and then start my day, it is nearly 9am and I haven't even made the bed yet!!

Meet grandie number 11

His name is Shayden, born at 10.16am on Wednesday 21st May, weighing in at just a tad under 9lb. Mother and baby both well, Dad proud as punch. "Jenna" has been fulltime babysitting the 2 big sisters, Skye and Jaydene while mum recovers in hospital and Dad goes to works. I can tell you it has been hard staying on track with little ones around....so tomorrow arvo when I drop girls off home with Hannah and Shayden I can prepare for a Saturday morning "get back on track" ready for my new ww meeting on Wednesday night and that dreaded monthly weigh in. But I am looking forward to this meeting, Dianne is a bright, bubbly, highly motivated leader who does inspire her classes to achieve.

Weighed in last night.....

..... on my scales and had a loss of 400 grams. Not much but heyyy it at least went downwards. I had a reasonable week, not 100% on track but I made an effort when I could. A few days I didn't excersise, a few food choices that weren't the best.....but I tried, but should have tried harder. Troubled son Shawn has caused a few hiccups for me this week ...poor kid is mega stressed out, his Hannah is a week overdue for their 3rd bub but that still no excuse to act like he does. Wish he would get his shit together and start acting his age. Anyways Hannah will be induced on Thursday evening if bub not born by then. In the meantime Shawn, having been on tenderhooks waiting for this bub, is starting work tomorrow....he delayed the starting of the job by a week hoping bub will be born. Hope working helps with his moods, it always seems too. This job is outdoors, on a farm which he likes and the person he will be working for has had success with troubled people and drug addicts like him...keep fingers crossed for us, his family, and pray that this will work out.

Next week I will be going to ww meeting and have monthly weigh in. It will be a new meeting, I am changing leaders. My old leader is dull, boring and un-motivating and I need a change. The new meeting leader I have been to before when I was losing weight last year, she has a very up-beat and interesting meet and thats what I need, I need to be inspired again. I still have a long way to get back to goal.....well it is a long way for me, to anyone else it is only a few kilo's.

Anyways will be back later in the week with news of bub when it happens.....

Have stayed on track...

Had a really great week food and tracking wise despite some upsets during the week, am proud of the fact that I didn't let any of the emotions sway me towards food . I weighed in on my own scales last night and had a loss of 1.2 kilo's.....so very happy with that. That still has me way too heavy....am still over the 2 kilo's allowed on top of my goal weight sooooooooo I still have some work too do. Had a slip-up last night and had an "oink oink " ...but on track and focused again this morning. Pouring with rain at 4.30am so decided when my day started at 5am that I would give my morning walk a miss today and have a bit of "me" time before heading off to work, so thats why I here on pc....but better get moving now, its nearly work time......

Soul-searching

Thank you my dear friends for all your advise......and for just being here for me with your input. I really appreciate all your comments.

The last few days I have been digging deep into myself and my old blogger posts and I think I have found a few answers. Welllllllll THE main answer. It being I need to weigh myself weekly, whether it be here at home or at a ww meeting. Since I have lost the weight the only time I have maintained, really maintained is when I was weighing in weekly. Since I stopped that, I have yoyo'ed. Why?? I think because I became to complacent....you know the story...." a little extra won't hurt, I have a month too lose it, don't need to weigh in this week" Guess we all have been guilty of that at some stage ehhhhh?

The only reason I stopped weighing in weekly is that I thought I was becoming too dependant on the scales.....you know relying on them to keep my weight under control. Wellllllllll hulllllllllllllllllllllo Jen .....wake up, its true....YOU do need those weekly weigh in's, you DO need those scales.!!! So yep.....those bathroom scales have come out of hiding....and I am going to use them weekly. Why I ever convinced myself I didn't need them god knows. It's not as if I am or have been a daily weigher, I only ever used to weigh once a week.

The past 2 days I have been totally on track, have been tracking, and yayyyyyyyyy I feel good, I am ready to get my weight under control again. Have pushed all my worries and issues aside for the time being....

Ready, set, am going !!

Need a shake up .....

I am so over myself....been so "woe is me" of late and letting myself down. Rightio I have had a bit of a bad run of late health wise...but does that mean I have to eat so unwisely. I know what I am doing to myself ....reaching out and losing myself in food is NOT going to help me. The scales told me tonight I need to do something before I let myself get out of control completely.

I am self-destructing, emotions on top of emotions are over-whelming me.....so I am reaching out and hoping that I can find the strength inside myself to carry on. I have so much to look forward too so I will not quit, I have to dig deep.

Been to specialist

And the verdict is that I .......

1) have scarring caused by the operation.

2) I had an infection after the op which has caused some problems too.

Anyways I have had a full on check - up, tomorrow I have an ultra-sound...and then next week I see my local Dr and if "bedroom" activities haven't resumed without no pain I will have to have a stretch done there! If still no luck it's back to the specialist where another operation will have to be done! Fingers crossed ehhh?

Had my first real drama since he has moved down this way with troublesome son yesterday. I had to leave work and try to sort it out. It was bad, he had a look I have never seen on his face before and HE was getting violent towards me which he has NEVER done, it was very scary. I had to call the police...but their hands are tied, there is nothing they can do, the way the mental health system works over here is SUX, espesially if it involves drugs!! Anyway he calmed down very quickly, and rang and apologised a few hours later, that helped.....but nothing is going to help him if he doesn't help himself and SOON!!!

I have thoroughly enjoyed having my girl home. Her and her fiancee have been running around organising as many wedding plans as they can. The date has been set as March 20th 2010. A long way off, but would you believe the wedding venue they have selected was completely booked out for 2009 and they were lucky to get their chosen date so that has been booked too. It is a beautiful peaceful garden setting.

Kylee and I have had some "girly" times and have thoroughly enjoyed talking weddings dresses, even looked at a few. One she has looked at I have fallen in love with...made me teary to see her in it. Can't wait to go to Melbourne and go looking again.

Kylee and Stephen fly out tomorrow night, ohhhhhh and I am so going to miss them, but its not all that long till I fly over to see them , remember I have my footy trip at the end of June....then Kylee flies home in February to be bridesmaid to her bestest friend. I will be kept busy over the rest of the weekend thou.....I have 3 or 4 of the grandies sleeping over for some Jenna and Pop time Saturday night.

I have resolved as from the moment I drop them off to try that bit harder to get myself back on track and lose these extra kilo's. I really need to, I have not been under control much at all these past few weeks, and have not tracked much at all. Been told by my hubby and a few other people they prefer me at this weight, even my Doctor, they say my face gets too gaunt and I look old when I am thinner which really spun me out.....but I prefer me at goal weight, after all its me that has to be comfortable and its me in MY skin!!

Happy Birthday

To my dear hubby......

Last night we had a get together with our closest friends and family and a great night was had by all. Although it did begin to rain later on the evening it did not dampen the celebration.....a wonderful night was had by all.

The engagement of Kylee and Stephen was announced to all as well....a wedding will be held within the next 18months to 2 years..another celebration to plan and look forward to.

Me, hubby and her brothers and family had great pleasure in announcing that to our friends and see the look of surprise on everyone's faces.....it was so totally unexpected, Kylee and Stephen have been together for nearly 5 years.

Early this morning the party finished...about 2 am ... and then we were up again a few hours later yawning wide as the first of our houseguests had to be on the road and heading back to their home, a drive of 7 hours for them . A bbq of bacon, sausages and eggs were cooked and all of sat and enjoyed them before all family and other friends packed and departed.

Tomorrow its back to work for hubby and me.....so tonight it will be a very early night for us.....we are tired, but happy the get together was enjoyed by all.

Kylee and Stephen are out catching up with friends...they are home for the rest of the week.

Gonna be one of those days.....

Yep sure is....





I am going to do a Chris H today and update on and off all day seeing as I am home...well sort off...be in and out most of the day. Hope you don't me being a copy cat Chris, but I love the way you do your posts.








Today I was meant to going to the airport to pick up my darling daughter and her fiancee.....BUT daughter dear mucked up. Poor love rang me nearly in tears last night to say that she misread her flight bookings, thought she was flying in today but actually they were meant to fly in on Wednesday. Yep as luck would have it by the time they realised they had missed the flight they should have been on. Virgin airways staff when they rang them and enquired about what they could do were not at all helpful, "Terms and conditions are stated on our policy when we issue the tickets blah blah blah"..... which they knew, but thought just the same they might be helpful and understanding... Anyways they fly in late tomorrow arvo now.


Big contrast to dear daughters mood from the night before last when she rang me. She was so excited...after 4 years of being with her partner Stephen...he finally proposed and gave her an engagement ring.

So its double celebration time, ooooops sorry triple celebration time for us....Bubs birth, hubby's 60th and now the engagement. Now if I could control my anxiety about my health issues and know my sleep walking wasn't going to be a problem!! Girls if I could get into the specialist earlier I would, have rang and tried, have spoken to him too, but have to wait till the 30th.

ohhh and thanks Lyn for the award....will pass that on...

Off now for coffee and then on with the running around...be back later...

Right.....back again, quick stop for a loo break, load the grog in the fridge and I back out again. Am meeting Shawn, Hannah and the girls for a quick lunch....yay for more grandie cuddles. Visited Paul and Tanya and had new bub cuddles, the 2 girls, the "little mother hens" Paul calls them were at daycare. By the way bub has been named, he is now Mathew Paul. He is a gorgeous little fella....but according to mum and dad NOT a very good sleeper... Got Paul to come and help me choose all the beers for the party and load them into my little car for me....all done and in the fridge now.

Okies, outta here again now.....

Well back again...had a great lunch with Shawn, Hannah and girls. We sat on the water front and ate our takeaways....and let the girls run around on the lawns, they had a ball. Hasn't been a good day food wise for me, seems once I make one bad choice the whole day seems to go downhill. Once upon a time, not all that long back one bad choice was all it was then it was back on the wagon....bloody hell where am I going to find the strength !!

Have bought all the cooldrinks, chips and nibblies for the party, done all the organising that had to be done....spent a heap of money and now home tired but satisfied I have achieved so much.

End of day...Haven't been real good food or drink wise....but am real happy that I achieved all the chores I set myself to do....and managed some cuddle time with some of the grandies. Tomorrow another busy day....and a extra big weekend.

Need those cuddles.....

Yep....certainly do. My moods have been like that song...swing high, swing low sweet chariot.....

I have had a reasonable week.....full of highs with bub being born, seeing all 10 grankids Sunday....wowwwww that was great, lots of cuddles. Food wise was great, tracked everything, even all the celebration foods and drinks. But then hubby tells me I am sleepwalking to the pantry and eating in my sleep!!!! He caught me the other night. SHIT...how long have I been doing that for ?????

I used to sleepwalk when I was a kid according to mum, espesially when I was anxious or worried about something. Wonder if thats what my trouble is, coz things aren't running too smoothly healthwise. I saw a health care nurse the other night, when I couldn't get in to see my Dr and she seemed to think it is.

The op I had hasn't worked. ohhhh the prolapse has, but the bladder hasn't.....and whatever they have done internaly hasn't helped in the "bedroom" activities department...its just to darn painful. Why I don't know but hell on the 30th when I see the specialist there better be answers.

Going back to my at home weekly weigh ins, I need them, I am just not coping with these monthly weighs. I had my monthly ww weigh in last night.....and it wasn't pretty, was over the 2 kilos allowed over goal weight.....so yep I have some work to do. Hubby's 60th birthday party this weekend....and daughter flies in on Thursday....so its going to full on...

Welcome ....

To the newest member of our ever growing family...a little, if you can call 9lb little, as yet un-named baby boy. He was born at 2.08am this morning. Mother and baby going well, they came home late this afternoon.....and the big sisters think he is just totally gorgeous, mmmmmmmmm wonder how long that feeling will last!!

Yes...I have been down and met the little man and had a nice long Jenna cuddle....and spoilt the little girls with a few cuddles too. We celebrated tonight and had a nice big chinese take-away and have indulged in a few wines.....blown the points, what the heck, tomorrow is another day.....

Happy Birthday to Caitlin......

She is the big 6 year old. Her pop and I took her down her pressies, a bracelet engraved with her name and a Barbie doll. We went straight there from work....she was so excited. We loves ya Caity, hope you had the bestest day and enjoyed your icecream cake tonight.

It's been a busy week...work has been frantic and I have been so tired. I am not sleeping properly, still teary, still moody, headachy and just so "over it" But the eating I have really been concentrating on and have been tracking dilengently and have only gone over points on one occasssion. All was fine with my bloods.....nothing out of the ordinary he says, but do have a Drs appointment next week to have a chat.

Have got a lot on these next few weeks, have granbaby due tomorrow, 2 dil's birthdays, (one on Friday and the other on Monday), a granson whose birthday is on Anzac day and hubby's 60th on the 27th. And hubby's party to plan....phewwwwwwwwwww makes me exhausted just thinking of all that has to be done.......

Please....

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME.........

The last couple of weeks or more I have been so tired, so teary, so over myself AND so hungry that nothing seems to fill me up, and believe me some days I have eaten like there is no tomorrow. I am so over myself, I hate myself for feeling like this. I can't pep myself up no matter how I try, and when I eat something I know I darn well shouldn't, I can't stop myself.

I went to the Dr's on Thursday evening and had a chat with him....and today I had a whole series of blood tests done, so hopefully I can find out whats wrong with me so I can go back to being me, having some pride in myself and what I have achieved these past few years. I want to stay fitting in these "skinny" clothes of mine, but if I keep going the way I am I won't be !! I just want to be happy, healthy and smiling again.....

I don't want to QUIT.....

April is a busy busy month for me, and I want to be on top of everything if I can. I have 2 grandies to be born this month, wellllllll one is a definite, but the 2nd is due late this month, early next. As well I have 2 grandies having special birthdays, have 2 of my son's partners having birthdays....and have my darling daughter and her partner flying home for the big event of the month....my hubby's 60th birthday. I have a big party planned for him here at home, with a lot of his special friends and family to be here for the occassion. Luckily it is on the Anzac long weekend so some are arriving early. So its all go here this month....

Some good days, some bad days.....

It's been one of those weeks.....some real good days and some darn crappy ones. Been focused most of the week, then had a real bad day, soooo bad I walked out of work and was going home.....I had had enough of the rude ill mannered man that runs the carrot washing shed! That sent me off rails briefly...and yep I did the usual and went looking for food. Duhhhhhhhh ehhhh, after all my efforts NOT to use food to reward myself....and what do I do, get upset and use it to comfort myself!! But I did manage to get myself on track again, but only breifly. The weekend, welllllllllllll I am just glad to see that over with. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother very dearly, and we do get on well.....but she cannot understand the problems I have with my weight nor the thyroid condition I have either (how can a little gland cause you to get so fat??) She doesn't have a weight problem, never has, and nor does my sister and she never has either! Anyways I have had mum up staying for the weekend....phewwwwwwwwwww she has run me ragged. Mum is 79 but boy can she still shop!! Turn my back for a second and I would lose her, was so tempted to tie her on a leash. But I had to so bite my tonque when it come to meals/snacks....she couldn't understand why I couldn't/wouldn't eat foods. "Now that your're skinny Jen, you can eat that" "ohhhhhhh a little bit of those won't hurt you" "whats wrong with that, its good for you" " Your sister and I eat them all the time, look at us we don't put on weight"?? Get where I coming from??? ahhhhhhhh well, mum has gone home now.....and I can breathe a big sigh of relief and see if I can have a better week.....

Onwards and hopefully downwards....and NO QUITTING !!

Onwards and downwards yet again....

Why is it that after just about weigh in I go totally off the rails and reward myself with food. Food that I really don't want, and certainly do not need. It seems to be a compulsion and I am so over myself!! I have been doing this off and on all through my journey so honestly I really need a huge kick up the backside for allowing myself to keep doing this. I just have to stop this bad habit, heck it isn't doing myself any good, is it?? Rewarding myself with junk is a bad habit and it JUST has to go!!

This week, Wednesday the 26th actually, will be my 1st "at goal" anniversary....and although I am not going to be game enough to hop on the scales to see what I weigh, I think I should be in the 2 kilo range allowed. Since last Monday after weigh in I have gone off the rails totally and have virtually eaten as I pleased.....and because of my surgery I haven't been doing any walking, only done a few sessions of pilates. Adds up to "oink oink" methinks.

After talking about this to a few friends I have decided with their advise that I cannot let this keep happening otherwise I am going to end up right back where I started....so have resolved to try and conquer this "food reward" demon and get myself back on track. So it is once again back to basics and the journal is out and its going to be tracking until I reach my personal goal of 65 kilo's. Tomorrow is another new start and I will be beginning my walking again, slowly of course as I build my strength up till I am back to where I was before my surgery. Then when I reach my personal goal I will reward myself with ... I am not sure yet!! Not food thats for sure.....any ideas welcome please??

Hopefully I can conquer this ....I am going to give it my best shot, know occassionaly I am going to falter, but do know one thing....I WILL NOT QUIT!!

Happy Easter ..... hope it has been a happy and safe one for you all.

Resting and recovering

I am resting up and recovering well. Not in any pain at all now.....and enjoying time off from the "funny farm"! Have read that many books, and spent lots of time on the computer playing games and surfing the net...but I have really enjoyed doing NOTHING !! Sure makes a change for me.

Last night I did go to my weight watchers meeting as I haven't weighed in this month, and next Monday is Easter Monday so there would be no meeting, so gritted me teeth and hopped on the scales and low and behold despite the travelling and wedding indulgences and the surgery I weighed 69 kilo's....only up 100 grams from Feb 25th weigh in. Wowwwww I sure was happy with that !!!!!

Tuesday mornings I usually walk with a friend...but as I haven't excersised any since surgery thought instead of a walk we thought we would do a pilates dvd just to ease me back into the excersise again. That went well....will be doing that most mornings now till I feel ready to get into the walking/jogging routine again. At 6am when I do walk its that darn dark anyways.....darn daylight saving I hate it....why the Western Australian government didn't listen to us I don't know, we have voted NO to it 3 times, and yet still end up with it whether we wanted it or not!!

ahhhhh well.....I now off to have some breakkie, drink another coffee, and I guess read another book!!

Today....

......I came home from hospital after my surgery on Wednesday....when I eventually did get into surgery....meant to have been 1st on the list for the afternoon but didn't end up in there till after 3pm......ohhhhhh I was sooooooo killing for a coffee by then !!!!! Reminder...had nothing to eat or drink since before bedtime Tuesday evening....

Yes, all seems to have gone well even thou we did have a few minor complications.....like the needle for the anaesthetic wouldn't go into the first vein they tried as it had scar tissue, and then during surgery the bladder had a bleed....after surgery I had very low blood pressure (low is normal for me...but this was veryyyy low) and because I had to fast so long I did become very dehydrated!! Won't go into it all coz the list does go on ..... but I will tell you it BLOODY HURT, I was in pain !!!!

The nursing staff was absolutely great, really caring and so helpful...and my fellow "inmate" and I got on like a house on fire, going to try and stay in touch if we can...

But as I said I am home and doing nothing, am still in a little pain.....just up out of bed to eat lunch and read a few emails while drinking my coffee.....then I off to bed again......coz you DON'T get any sleep in hospital......

Yesterday....

I took a "sickie" and went to Mandurah and met up with a dear online friend of mine. We met way, way back on the old ww boards and of course kept in touch via our blogs too!! Rae and her hubby and little 5 month old bub flew in from Canberra for her mum's 50th birthday last week..and of course got caught up with all the festivities of catching up with family and friends, visiting Perth sights so when she let me know she was over in WA and wanted to know if I wanted to catch up...it was like wowwwwwwwwww, what a question, of course I would !!!! With all the time I have had off, and going to have off with the coming op....decided to have a "sickie" and head off to met Rae at nearly half-way for us both..

And it was wonderful meeting....... felt as thou I already knew her. Rae might be about the same age as my daughter, but it was a really special meeting as we seemed to make a "connection" when we met online. Rae, and her devoted hubby and absolutely gorgeous son Xavier really made my day..... They are a very special couple whose love for each other and their son shines out of them....and to let me share a few hours with them just made my day.

So Rae, Duane and Xavier....THANK YOU for thinking of me, taking the time to travel to meet me....and the enjoyable few hours we had catching up....

"oink oink"

What a week I have had.....mmmmmm it really hasn't been good foodwise at all. After weigh in last week, I was delighted with my progress, had a takeaway meal and a few small indulgences...then next day was back on the wagon. That lasted till the Thursday!! We, hubby and I, were heading off to Geraldton (a 6 hour drive up the coast) on the Friday, for a wedding on Saturday morning so thought...ahhhhhhh what the heck.....I won't count points till I get back....so with that.....I continued eating.......ahhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!

Was I happy???

Nahhhhhhh, not really !!

Thou I enjoyed the indulgences....it did not make me feel real good, I suffered from bloating and flatulence.

I had a fantastic time at the wedding....thoroughly enjoyed dressing up, and catching up with our friends.

Now I am home......I am now back on track, the journal is out and I am writing EVERYTHING down again. Need to do some excersise, haven't walked for a few days.....so will try this evening to do that. So now hopefully I will be okay till my next weigh in in 2 or 3 weeks time. Have my op nex week, hope that doesn't throw me out of skelter!!!

I'm getting there....

With tracking, tracking and more tracking I am getting there. My journal has become my best friend these past few weeks and the scales are showing it at LONG LAST !!! I went to ww meeting tonight and yayyyyyyy my hard work is paying off......I lost 1.5 and am now 68.9, only .9 off my goal weight. Treating myself to a takeaway meal tonight......and a few little naughties.....but tomorrow is already planned and I WILL be back on track. We are off for the long weekend and will be travelling up north to a good friends wedding, so I guess a few more naughties to indulge in ... like maybe a few drinkies!!!

I bought the ww new food scales tonight, they were on special and being a lifetime member they were reduced again! Are very much needed here.....my old ones have gone kaput and the ones I am using are not that reliable.....

Some more news is.....after the kids left home I took on their little car, a old Nissan Pulsar..... Poor little thing, Tweety it is called, had a bit of a hammering between them as you can imagine, what with them both learning to drive in it, and all the "bog laps" !! It was made way back in the early 80's....so was very old and it was showing too. A few months ago, the middle son borrowed her and on the way to his work one day...blew the motor up, so poor thing has been sitting in hubby's shed...waiting, waiting, waiting!!!! But awhile ago hubby and I decided not to rebuild her.....to scrap her and buy another car. My BA Ford, which is my pride and joy, I have been using to travel to work.....and unfortunately the farm has been wrecking it....what with inconsiderate people banging cars doors into it and marking it, the chemicals, the dust and dirt it has started to look very much used!! So on the weekend hubby and I went shopping and come home a few thousand dollars poorer but with this little gem.....small, compact, cheap to run ......Ford Festiva.

Other news is troublesome son is having some treatment.....going to see a DR and is making changes in his life..... How good is that, he can't bear to lose Hannah and his little girls?? Don't think he is ready to rehabilitate and stop the drugs just yet, but has cut down and making a lot of other choices that are going to benefit him and his little family. Other good news is that ...... after being on the waiting list for 4 years he has finally got a Homeswest home in the location he requested too.....and will be able to move in there in about 3 weeks.....is he over the moon or what??? He will now be a bit closer to us and Hannah's family as well....closer to his Dr and in a better posistion to find work. Hopefully this means I can stop stressing just that little bit .......

Happy Birthday to me and .......

........and my little "manny" Sheymus who turns the big 3 tomorrow. I have had a good day...had to work, but heyyyyyy I got spoilt by workmates and tonight by family. From my daughter over in Melbourne.....I am going to receive a return airfare to Melbourne in June so I can go to see the Hawthorn v Eagles game on a Friday night at the MCG. I am so excited, not only will I get to see my daughter again but to see the Eagles play is like wowwwwwwwww!!!!! My daughters partner and family are lifetime members of Hawthorn...even my daughter has become a member of the club. Trying to get to an Eagles game even here is like soooooo hard, so heyyyyyyyyyy to see them at the MCG is like so AWESOME!!!! And the other kids have spoilt me rotten too with some very thoughtful and much wanted gifts. And a big thank you to some very wonderful friends for their beautful gifts and all messages tooo.....loves ya all.

Tracking is going well.....weigh in next Monday evening....am on track for a good loss hopefully !!!
All else is going well......troublesome son has had a big warning from authorities and been told to pull his big head in or else he will lose his family...... Seems to have done the trick.....he is trying to keep it together, so hopefully things might change for the better there. Can only hope so, as more than anything he does love his little girls and it shows. He also saw yesterday an ultasound of his and Hannah's next child which much to their surprise is due in May.......a lot sooner than they thought. But I had to say .."I told you so", knew she was further along than they thought!!! Ohhhhhhh its a little boy........

Give me strength.....

A friend of mine has been playing around with her computer and a pic of mine and she "morphed" me......I look good ehhhhhhh?? Actually its sorta how I feel at the moment.....my dreaded visitors are back again. I had them after that very invasive tests I had to undergo....and thought great!!! But now I have them again....just 3 weeks later. Ironic isn't it?? Get the appointment to see the specialist and wowwwww they stop for all those months while I wait for the appointment, see the man, have the tests and get told I don't need hysterectomy and hullooooooooo welcome back !!!! Ring to get another appointment and yeahhhhhh right....can't get in to see him till after op day. Nurse says don't worry only menopause....things will settle eventually. Sheeeeeeeeeeezzzzz can see she not having any problems in this area ehhhhh?? Anyways hopefully I can get to have a few words before the op.....if I not tooo out to it!!

It has been so hot, humid and windy and althou I don't mind the heat...the humidity is killing me.......most probaly because I have been doing a lot of work outside in the heat.....

Have got another week of it yet......give me strength to get throu it.....and pray that I not outside working in it this week.....

No weigh in.....don't weigh till the 25th and it should be a good one if I can have another few weeks like this one....have I been good, nahhhhhhh I been DARN good !!!!!

About time....

I had some luck in losing a few of these holiday kilo's I gained last year and somehow couldn't budge!! Anyways since my last weigh in nearly 3 weeks ago I have been watching all portion sizes, weighing everything, and everything that has entered my mouth has been recorded.......and WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO I lost 1.7 kilo's and at long last have moved off of 72.1 and am now 70.4......I am happy!!!

Have had a bit of a treat myself night tonight.....but tomorrow it will be back to watching everything again till I get back to my goal of 68.0 again.

In other news troubled son visited on Sunday, he is still with Hannah and they are battling on. Still don't which way it is going to go.....but told him if he didn't wake up to himself, stop being so selfish and realise life is not all about "him" thats all he will have in his life....himself, coz no-one else wil be able to tolerate him and his moods. So hopefully.....who knows....

Today was the first day back at school for school kids here....and I had 2 grandaughter start their 1 st year of schooling....will ring later in the week to see how Jessica and Caity went and what they have been learning. Also Zoe would have started pre-school and Skye kindy. Wow, my little girls are all growing up.......

I despair....

about my troubled son. Things are just not getting any better, actually getting a lot worse I think. Last night Hannah had to take another 24 hour restraining order against him, this is the second one now, last one was just before Christmas, as his anger is starting to take over and domestic voilence is starting to become an issue. Hannah is now at least half way throu her pregnancy...know one knows for sure how far she is, not even herself as it was an accident and totally unplanned and she hasn't been to a Dr yet!! Says she is too scared, really I can understand that with Jaydene just 12 month old and Shawn the way he is!! Its about now he is allowed back into his house and Hannah is going to tell him no more chances, either get some sort of help or get out and leave her and the girls alone, she can't cope with him this way any more. I support her fully there, how she has coped up till now I have no idea. Shawn has in the last year been getting slowly getting worse. But what way is he going to go with that ultimatium? Are things going to get better or worse? Is he going to try and get some help of some sort, any sort? My stomache is all churned up, I just can't stop all the thoughts in my head with all the what ifs, hows and wonderings....I am scared stiff about what is going to become of him. My husband can't understand how I really feel, not that he doesn't care, butI just feel so hopeless as thou I haven't done enough, scared that he is going to harm himself or someone else.......

Sorry....just had to try and get some of this outta my head....

Day off....

......from the farm, its finally slowing down out there, soooooo was able to have a catch up with my friend Rach and have a cuddle of baby Jasmin. Been awhile since Rach and I have able to have a catch up and have a natter....was great. Thanks Rach for taking the time out for a catch up....with a bub and a 6 year old thats on school hols that it isn't easy to find I know.

I then treated myself to lunch out....chinese chilli prawns....don't know the point value, couldn't find it, but no matter, they eaten now and enjoyed and have recorded 8 points for the pleasure.....guess they could be more but.....

Tracking is going well, weighing all food that I unsure of and excersising most days, thou gave myself a rest day today, the first one in ages. Am still doing my interval training, walking 3 minutes, jogging 1 minute is what I am doing till I get too tired, thou every day I am getting further and further before I have to stop the jogging and just walk. My next weigh in day is not January 28th....thats a public holiday here, so will weigh in now February 4th.....hopefully by then the demon scales will be very kind to me and move off this 72.1!!

Next on the adgenda was new tyres for the car....then more pleasure......visited eldest sons and played with the grandies Caity and Ashlee. Swam in the pool...the day has been hot and humid, no bathers and no way would Tanya's fit me, she non-pregnant is tall and skinny and soaking wet is 58 kilo's, so stripped down to knickers and bra....and had a ball. Kids loved the "jelly belly"...... thought it was funnier than mum's pregnant one.....lol Of course kids had to show off their bellies and their scars....Ashlee is healing well after her burn scare and Caity's appendix scar is starting to fade.....

Drs visit

Went to the specialist on Thursday but before I saw him had to go to a clinic and have a few other tests that involved having cathedars being put in to check out the strength of my bladder and muscles involved in that department. Not very pleasant couple of hours I can assure you. Then it was on to specialist, some ultra sounds , some more pokes and prods....and the end result is, I do not need a hysterectomy but I am having a operation on the 12th March to repair prolapse, having my bladder stretched (apparently it doesn't release as it should) and a few other 'scopies done as well.

Just glad all the tests were done, it wasn't a very pleasant day, it was all very invasive and my stomache cramped most of Thursday night requiring me to have a ultrasound on Friday morning to make sure no damage had been done by cathedars. If boss hadn't of rang up Thursday evening to say I wasn't required to work Friday he would have received a phone call Friday morning to say I was unable to work.....

All paper work has now been filled in, I am booked in and waiting.

Been a very quiet weekend, no kids, no grandies, just me and hubby. Just been pottering around, reading, playing pc and just doing nothing.....

No weigh in this week, going in next Monday the 28th. Have had a great week, started my new journal up and have tracked everything that has gone into my mouth, stuck 100% to my points and even calculated and weighed anything I was unsure of. Excersise has been terrific, have done more interval training, trying to jog more with my walking and changing my walk routes so I have more variety.....so next weigh hopefully will show a loss !!

Happy Birthday to......

It's been a week or so of birthdays.

Jan 1st we had Micheal, my boss, he was moaning and groaning about getting old and turning 40......so surprized him before I left work on new years eve with a parcel containing dark hair dye to cover all the grey hairs, some magnifing glasses so he can see better and a walking stick for those poor old bones of his !! hehehe .....he opened the parcel there and then and laughed his head off.....

Next came on the 6th was my dear little sis, quickly followed by littlest grandaughter who turned the big 1 year old

On the 10th Simon #2 son had his day, he shared that day with a very special friend of mine, and then on the 11th our eldest son celebrated, the 12th my workmate and friend Zoe, her husband yesterday, and tomorrow my eldest grandaughter Jessica has her 6th birthday. I now get a break till later on in the month when another good friend celebrates.

On Thursday its back to the specialist to get test results from last fortnight and have another series of tests, pokings and proddings......hopefully its not going to be too painful. ohhhh Anne glad your endiometrial ablation worked for you, I had one of those nearly 4 years ago and as you can gather it didn't work. Had a prolapse done then too.....and thats why specialist is running these tests on Thursday in the hope that this new surgery will work for me and give me better results.

And now my weight.....weighed in last night...and again I AM THE SAME!!!! mmmm was not happy, I have been the same since November 26th. I lost the plot last night and had a mega "pigout"....... which believe it or not, it DID make me feel better. But this morning I got out my new journal and I am now writing down everything that enters my mouth. I have my ww point calculator handy and checking all the point values of all my foods.....and on the weekend I will buy a new set of food scales. I have a ww scale which I dragged back out but it won't work, for some reason it has gone "kaput" I know I am only just over 4 kilo's over my goal weight, BUT I do not feel comfortable where I am, I worked too hard to let all my dreams of goal weight disappear.....YEP, I want my goal weight back and I gonna do it again......eventually, but I will !!

Finished work....

.....at lunchtime yesterday as at long long last it was the day of my appointment with the gyneao.... Was lovely getting out of work early as the heat was stifling, we had another one of those HOT days....phewwwwww!! Was worse in town at the Drs...just walking from the car to the surgery and I was dripping wet!

Anyways saw the man and after being questioned, jabbed, poked and prodded, examined and questioned some more Dr seems to think I won't need a hysterectomy. Seems all the trouble I had been having with the heavy and continuous bleeding was my swansong, as since then there has been no more. Still have a lot of menopausal symptoms but with my medications I can live with those. But yayyyyyy looks as thou those monthly's have gone forever now!! Prolapses will still need surgery, but firstly have to go back to Dr in 2 weeks to get results from yesterday and he wants to do some more tests. They apparently have a new surgical procedure which is less evasive, with less pain and less time recovering and he'll see then if I will be a canditate for that.

Will see what the next visit brings.

The weekend again...nothing really planned. Have troublesome son visiting, hopefully not in one of his grumpy moods......he shouldn't be as his little girl Jaydene will be celebrating her first birthday on Monday and I asked them to come around this weekend and pick up her pressie.... Wowwwwwww where does time go, she has grown so quickly. Just from Christmas to New Year she found her feet well and truly and now she RUNS!!! Will take pics of course...hopefully I can get one of her big cheeky grins. This pic is of her on Christmas Day, where she would only walk if she had something to lean on.........ohhhhh isn't she just a cutie.....

Happy New Year

Well its 2008......

Last night I slept it in, boring ehhhhh? I had worked all day, was tired, upset and "over it" !! Hubby wasn't interested in going out even thou we had had invites.....so another night in for us.

I rang or messaged the kids and their families....hopefully they all have the greatest of years. All I ever wish for is happiness and contentment for all of them.

Troublesome son will never find it until he wakes up to himself and stops blaming everyone else for his troubles and realises it is him and only him! Rang him yesterday to wish him all the best and to start off he was fine, then I said the wrong thing, or something he didn't want to hear to be more truthful, and got abused for it. I hung up.

And that brings me to my New Year resolution. After a lot of thought....I have decided that I am not gonna stress out and worry myself sick about things I have no control over. Yep like Mr # 3 son and his little family and what he can do to himself and them....as you know I do that, wellllll no more! Welllllll, gonna try anyways.

So hopefully some of you popped the champagne, partied or danced to the wee small hours, threw the confetti and made new year resolutions....

May this year be a year of good luck, good health and most of all happiness to you all.