It's Monday again...

And the weekend is over....

Actually it wasn't a bad weekend....I achieved a fair bit. But the biggest achievement was making the FINAL morgage payment on this house, what an awesome feeling that was! Now we are debt free, just have to start stacking up a few dollars in the bank account so we can retire.

Shawn was his usual charming self when I saw him on Sunday.....got himself in more trouble with the law and got a work order put on his vechile. So we are taking his vechile off him, he owes us nearly $2,000, some that he did borrow to buy his 4x4, and the rest he borrowed to tide him over when he and Hannah split. But since the split his behaviour and his attitude has got worse, and since he is going to lose his licience in a few weeks for that drunk driving episode a few weeks back he won't need it. So going to repossess it and see if we can sell it! He hasn't looked after it very well, so don't know how we'll go. But he has made no attempt to try and repay us, or look for a job...seems to think we are going to keep on getting him out of his little bothers.....but nahhhh not any more.

Anyways went in to weight watchers tonight for weigh in....nearly a 60's girl again....another kilo gone !!!!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed at home.
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy went "Wee! Wee! Wee!" all the way home

That poor little piggy that had none.....well thats my fault coz I the piggy thats had the roast beef and everything else in sight. The cravings came with ttom and no matter how much I tried to resist I just couldn't and before I knew it I was going to bed with a tummy full of CRAP!!!

TTOM is crap too...I thought they had gone....but nahhhhhh they back, thou very light but enough to cause me those darn cravings. Menopause is sux, thou I guess I should be happy that the hot flushes have gone...haven't had them in awhile.....but then again I shouldn't say thet either coz I said that about ttom too ehhh?

Went to ww on Monday evening for my weigh in.....tad disappointed that I stayed the same but really on thinking about it no one to blame but myself....I didn't track and when I don't do that those little extra's do find themselves into my mouth.

On the Shawn front, court went well he said, copped himself a fine is all. He is trying to straighten himself out BUT not hard enough. He gets with his so called "mates" and starts the drinking, and that leads to the dope and usually that combination leads him to trouble.

He has court again in 2 weeks....thats for him and Hannah and settling the matter with DCP and the kids. ohhh and talking about kids...I am to be a "Jenna" again, Hannah is expecting another little boy in April. Shawn will be a dad of 4...sheeeez and he still acting like a kid himself.

Had the ultasound....

I had a couple of hours of work yesterday and rushed off into town and had the ultrasound. Was very fasinating actually....and no it didn't hurt, well not much anyways!!! The lady using the transducer pressed it that hard into my chest it darn well hurt....I actually have a bruise. Anyways its all done and I go to my Doctor on the 17th, by then he'll have the results from the mammogram and echocardiograph....

NO work today so I have had a day at home catching up on a few chores.....other than those done not much at all. Was nice to have a bit of a lay in bed this morning....and I actually walked in sunlight and did an hour instead of the 30 minutes I do as the sun is just coming up!!

Shawn came out knowing I had the day off....nothing much changed there...he's not getting any better, worse if anything. Drinking too much alcohol and still using the drugs. He goes to court tomorrow for a disorderly contact charge, thou if you ask him its not his fault, the trouble is he reckons it never is, always someone else started it!! Anyways he took off with a change of clothes for court, hope he goes, if he doesn't he is up for a $10,000 fine or a 3 month jail sentence. Mmmmm ..... maybe a stint inside will dry him out !!

I weighed in

Last night I went in to weight watchers and did my weigh in. Was pleased to note that despite my blow out last week over the last 2 weeks I have lost a kilo......yayyyy me!! Am getting there ehhhh?

Welllllll I had a marvellous surprise on Saturday. I was in town to doing my usual shopping when I received a phone call from my DIL asking me how long I was going to be as she was at home waiting for me to come home and have a cup of coffee with her. Told her I was on my way, be there in 15 minutes.....and I was. When I got home I walked out the back and into the garden where DIL was sitting with Shawn AND my daughter Kylee!!!!!!!

Kylee had flown home that morning and wowwwwww what a surprise. She had come home to surprise her best friend Jess who was having her hens night that evening....as Kylee said you can't have a hens night without the bridesmaid ehhhhh?? And boy did Jess get a surprise....she was soooooo happy to see Kylee.

Kylee flew home today...but will be back for the wedding in 3 weeks.

Tomorrow I am off for the next test....I have my heart ultrasound.....here's hoping its painless and nothing untoward gets found.

One test done...

......one more to go.

Finished work early yesterday arvo and went in and had the mammogram....at the best they are uncomfortable but sheeeeeeeeeeeez when they squashed my sore one I nearly went through the bloody roof!!! My boob was feeling a lot better, the nipple soreness was nearly gone, that was until the big squash!! Since then its been darn sore......

Alls been going well on the satisfaction ww plan.....I am still enjoying it. Hopefully this weekend I won't lose the plot and wreck my weigh in on Monday evening. Other than that one blow out last week all has been going well so I should have a reasonable loss.

My girlfriend and I have started walking together again, plus we are going to a water running class that has just started up every Wednesday evening. Deb is a ww life member too and is the one that got me into weight watchers and dragged me to my goal with lots of encouragement and support. Now the tide has turned and its me that is offering her that encouragement and support plus more as due to some very emotional times these past few years Deb has put all her weight back on plus more.

mmmmm no change on the Shawn front....he still the same, this past week we have hardly seen him, he has been hanging out with some "mates" we would rather he stayed away from, but as he says he is a big boy now!! His behaviour really is going to get him into a heap of trouble, he has already received papers to say he is going to lose his licience due to drunk driving, a breathaliser recorded .08 so looks like he'll be walking for awhile!

Public Holiday

Being a public holiday today there will be no weigh in for me tonight. Maybe thats just as well because I had a "blow out" on Saturday night. Got a craving for chocoalte so I ate it, then ate some more...and then more.....

But Sunday was back on track and today as well.....I want to see those numbers on those demon scales go down when I stand on them next Monday evening.

Have had a great long weekend so far, done nothing and been nowhere...have just pottered around here doing nothing much at all....been very relaxing. Managed to read a few books, play on the pc and read some blogs.....and still have a few more hours yet to continue doing nothing. Even managed to get outside and do a bit of sunbathing, after spending most of my time in the shed at work it was lovely to feel the sun on my skin.

Even Shawn has been reasonably well behaved....but heyyyy I won't say anything too much as we still have this evening to get throu. Just wish someone would come grab him and take him away and lock him up in a rehab centre somewhere and dry him out...the dope is really starting to effect him more than ever ....

Long weekend....

.....and I am sooo looking forward to it, it's been a long and busy week espesially at work. The amount of carrots I have graded and that have been packed this week has been up over 28 tons a day, thats over a 140 tons that have gone out of this farm this week, our truck driver has been busy!! Geeeeeee it makes you wonder how many carrots people eat ehhhh, cos the pre-packing machine (where carrots go into 1/2 and 1 kilo bags) has been busy all week too!!

We are not going anywhere, just staying at home and relaxing. I have a few books to read, some gardening to do and thats about it....any other chores can wait.....

After work today I had a Drs appointment, the last few weeks I have had a sore nipple on one of my boobs, plus on and off have been having a few chest pains. I have had no pain when exercising, only when I am resting...so thought I better get it checked out. Anyways I off to have a mammogram which I thought I would have to have and also have to have a heart ultrasound as my Dr heard a heart murmur.....geeeeeeeeeee I am falling apart!! Will be heading off to those as soon as I can get appointments.

All else is going well. Food wise, I am doing well...excersise too. I started doing water running on Wednesday with a friend and will be doing that every week now, we had a real good workout. Also looking into doing another class of cardio of some sort on Saturdays as well....just to help us keep on track.

Still Satisfied....

Weighed in tonight and another kilo gone....

Just loving this program.....thou must admit I haven't followed it properly tonight, sorted treated myself just a little....haven't gone overboard. Know I shouldn't have but got weak and gave into to my craving. I wouldn't have been craving if I followed the menu I had set for myself today.....but after I got home from work and found the power off, I had to change plans....and that changed everything......tell ya I was weak!!



All else is going well...Shawn is back in court on January 29th, by then he should, if he gets off his arse, have legal aide. He has been swinging between good and bad, he has been running amok with his mates, been in some trouble with the law....but seems to have settled down the last few days. Moods are not always the best but I guess things will get better....hope so!



Yesterday we went to a family reunion on hubby's mothers side....was very interesting following the family tree. Hubby had a great time catching up with family, some he hadn't seen since they were kids. This pic was taken by by neice there....was a hot day and I think I must have consumed a gallon of water.

Satisfied

I am satisfied....

The new weight watchers SATISFACTION program is working for me.

I am eating more, and foods that are filling me and keeping my hunger levels on a even keel so that most of my snacking has stopped. I am not craving any sweets and not tempted to eat any....I just can't believe how well it is working for me. And I think eating the more filling foods are helping me cope with any emotional eating. Fruit and vege's, pasta, rice, potato's and grains, dairy products and fish and eggs and soups have all been in my menu's. By focusing on these filling foods I am making my points allowance go further and it ensures that I am not going hunngry,,yayyyyyy!! We'll see on Monday evening when I go in for my weigh in but I am confident that those scales will be down again.

It's my eldest grandaughters 7th birthday today. Rang her up to wish her all the best and got all the news...our Jessica is just like her Dad ... loves to talk!!

Its a busy birthday week

A busy week for birthdays in this household it has been and still one more to come yet

First up my darling little sister ( who by the way is 6 inches taller and 10 kilo's lighter than me !!! ) turned 49 on the 6th January....the big 5o next year sis!!!


Then little Jaydene turned 2 on the 7th...but unfortunately due to the strife with Shawn and Hannah she was in the refuge with Hannah so didn't get to see her.

On the 10th middle son turned 35, he shared that day with a very good friend of mine....then yesterday the eldest son turned 39.

Then on the 16th my eldest grandaughter turns 7....geeeeeee time surely scoots by doesn't it?

This week has been my first week of the new weight watchers satisfaction program....I love it. I call it "coits" and find it mainly core foods with points. Its working for me....I lost 1.8 at weigh in tonight...yayyyyyyyyy!!

Shawn and Hannah go back to court this week....maybe a decision will then be made about Shawn and the kids. Its all to complicated to go into on here....but its a BLOODY mess!!! But I am trying my hardest to let my emotions rule my eating and have been winning.

Tomorrow night

mmmmm I just wish I could be.....BUT I have tasted goal, I felt awesome and I was able to stay there for months AND now I want that feeling back again. Since the 27th I have been back on track (except for a few bad moments yesterday) and tomorrow night I am planning to keep myself there by heading back off to weight watchers meetings. I have my friend, who is also my sister in law joining me.....

Even with all this crap going on with Shawn and Hannah and the possibility of them having the kids put into foster care has not sent me off track, or maybe I have just realised no matter how much I worry and stress what will be will be.

So here I go again...will add my stats tomorrow night......

Its Monday night and I am just back from weight watchers.....the new program looks great..will be reading it all up later tonight and trying it for sure. Now my weight, wasn't happy with that at all.....but it will be all down from here.

Start weight...and going by ww scales (mine are lighter) .... 75.0 !!!

Happy New Year....

Wellllllllllllll I hope it will be anyways......






Yesterday things with Shawn and Hannah came to a head with an almighty EXPLOSION!!!!! Won't go into details but Shawn spent the night in jail. He had to go to court this morning and get his rap over the knuckles. But HOPEFULLY now.....I am not counting any chickens yet as I have been disappointed with Shawns promises so many times before....but it looks like it might work out for the best for him this time.

He says it is definetly ALL OVER with him and Hannah this time....he is now single....and he is going to smarten his act up and get off the dope. As I said before...we'll wait and see....

He also has to face Department of Child Protection for a breach of the AVO in the next few days. The kids are at the moment been taken into their care and Hannah is in a refuge. I just hope he doesn't lose any access to his kids because of this because no matter how bad that his behaviour is no-one can say he doesn't love his kids....



On the tracking front since the 27th I have been as good as gold.....not once have I gone over my point allowance....I am determined to get back into the 60's again and damn well stay there....


Been as hot as hot these past few days....thank heavens the packing shed I work in has a huge industrial pedastal fan right next to where I work...certainly would not have survived without it!!


New Years Eve....and we are home. I will be sleeping in the new year I guess...usually do, we are not the party type though sometimes I just wish we could go out and do something....maybe next year ehhh....



All the very best for a happy healthy New Year

Tomorrow is the day .....

IS THE DAY I START TRACKING AGAIN........

I hopped on the scales tonight after looking down and seeing a huge muffin roll over the top of my jeans and I just thought enough is enough! I need to control myself, get my shit together. I can't blame my hormones and thyroid running amok for just generally making a pig of myself like I have this week !!

AND talking about jeans there are not many pairs that I own that do fit me comfortably anymore AND I am not buying myself anymore because that would mean buying a bigger size and I REFUSE to do that!!!

Hubby and I have had a very quiet Christmas. Christmas eve we went and visited #2 son and family as they were heading down the coast for their christmas break and gave them their chrissy presents.
Christmas day the other 2 sons and families came out and we played santa.....the kids enjoyed their presents and their stockings. Later on in the day we picked up hubby's mum and drove out to Teds youngest brothers place and had a family gathering and a huge christmas lunch.

#1 son has his eldest son coming tomorrow for his access visit so they will come out again tomorrow. When he bought his other 3 kids out on christmas day I just gave them their presents and held back their chrissy stockings so they could open them up with Luke visited.

Just gathered up all the naughty nibblies...and put them away, whoever visits and wants them can take them. I do not want to see anymore chips, nuts, lollies or anything that I can nibble on.....I am going to be so good and want no added temptations.

Update....

Well I got my blood results ..... as I expected results showed hormones are "scattered", thyroid seriously under-active.....and I have way too much protein in my system. So nothing serious, but geeee who would think a few hormones and a thyroid could cause so much havoc to my body. The protein is nothing much too worry about, apparently its my body's way of trying to fight the upheaval of my hormones and thyroid running amok!! Anyways medication has all been adjusted and I will see how I go. Late February I have to go back and let the "vampires" take some more blood and see what is happening.

Our weekend away in Geraldton was great. My girlfriend Tina had NO idea at all we were coming for her 50th and just screamed when she saw us.....she was so excited. We all had a blast and had a great catch up over the weekend. We all ate too much, drank too much and talked and talked...it was magic !!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL

Weigh in

Well the picture says it all....I have been a real "Miss Piggy" and the scales tell me so !! I hopped on this morning and the numbers went up and up and up right up to the highest they have been for a long time! No-one to blame but myself....I have been out of control with my eating. Emotions swinging this way and that way and all good intentions went swinging along with them. So this morning I have trying to get me shit together and plan out a week of healthy eating. I have a real hard week coming up workwise....a week of very long hours, 2 nights where we will be doing 3 hours overtime making 12 hour days.....so need to be organised.

Anyways one day at a time is how I am gonna do it....this time of the year is hard enough so I will do the best I can but I have promised myself as soon as Christmas is over I am back to the ww meetings, its seems to be the only thing that keeps me honest. A girl at work, well she actually only comes in to help out when we are very busy, asked me if she could start ww with me in the new year .... so I might take her up on that.

ohhhh went to the "vampires" on Thursday and they took a whole heap of vials of blood, go see my Dr on the 18th and get my results....mmmm be interesting!

We are off to Geraldton next weekend for 3 whole days...I am taking the Monday off work so we can travel back (a 6 hour trip) and also so I can do my food chrissy shopping before work again Tuesday and Wednesday. Presents are done, managed to find something for all 11 grandies.... my mum and hubby's mum to buy for today and thats it. Parcels are going to wrapped today and will be posted...so I am very nearly arganised.

Anyways out of here...time for some fruit and yogurt.

Just a update

I have just received the best news...and what a relief it was too.

Hubby went to see his specialist about his prostate PSI levels and all is okay...he was told all was well, nothing to worry about, come back in 12 months for a checkup....woooooooohoooooooooo I can stop stressing about that !!!!

I also went to see my Dr...was really concerned about these 2 car accidents and need to be assured there is nothing wrong with me. I have been tired, bloody menopausal hot flushes are still causing sleepless nights and I think thyroid medication needs adjusting again. Anyways going to have a heap of blood tests so we'll see what happens.
I dropped and smashed a good plate last night when doing the dishes....hubby came and said thank god for that...thats the 3rd smash.....geeeeeee I hope so !!!

On the weight front......welllllll been mostly good, but haven't been totally evil so will keep on trying. Will see what the scales say on Sunday....

I don't believe it !!!

I just can't believe it.....I am so over myself !!!!

Today I went into town in my little work car....and somehow I have rear ended another car....thats TWO accidents in TWO weeks..WHAT IS UP WITH ME !!!!!!

There of course was lots and lots of tears...and stunned disbelief that it could happen!!!! Stupid man did take off, so I did too...but then he must have realised he had stopped at a stop sign and not a giveway sign and stopped and soooooo did I !!!! Damn, damn and double damn !!!!! Hubby has fixed the damage.....nothing major at all. Nothing major to the other car either and he is going to get in contact with me next week, thinks he'll get away with just getting a new back bumper.

SHEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZ !!!!! Beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me.....I am going to go and see if I can see my Dr....maybe my concentration is being affected by my thyroid imbalance...worth checking out I guess.

Anyways this of course has affected my emotions today. Luckily I did weigh myself this morning as we are going away tonight and wouldn't be able to weigh tomorrow morning.....happy to report down 600 grams....sitting on 72.0. A bit high....know I not going to get it down to where I want it to be until the silly season is over....but heyyyyy I am trying!!!

A day early

After a very restless night last night, I woke up this morning and weighed myself......mmmmm was not good, up ANOTHER bloody kilo. But what else do I expect after all the darn "evil" things I have been eating. Too darn lazy to excersise... so haven't walked for the past 3 days.

But I will tomorrow...and tomorrow I will be back on track. Looking at that comparison photo I have decided I prefer where I am right now...not what I was!! Right .... its okay to indulge now and then, but to eat as thou there is no tomorrow like I am at the moment has just gotta stop!! These darn hot flushes don't help either !! Its been nice to relax and not worry about what food is going into the mouth ....but I DO need to keep myself focused before I totally lose control.

Anyways I have shopped....bought myself a lot of fruit and vege's and plan to make myself lots of salads, frittata's and soups... these will be a change from the same ole things I usually eat. Also want to get away from the bread at lunch time and replace it with some protein to help me get throu the afternoon.

We had a invation to a friends 50th birthday up in Geraldton on the 20th December...so my goal is to get myself back on track by then and fitting comfortably into my skinny jeans.....

Here I go yet again...but with some changes......

mmmmm....

mmmm...not gonna make the 60's this week....I have come "unstuck"....

Don't know whats caused it, just had a sudden urge to eat...and thats what I am doing....grrrrrrrrr

Hubby recons I not eating enough....maybe he's right....so thats what I will have to check. I know the points are right...BUT maybe the food I am eating is not enough to carry me throu the days....what with my working maybe I need more.....definetly time to check it out. I know I am stuck in a rut with my food....and I do need to vary my food a bit, I tend to eat the same things all the time....mmmmmmmmmmm definetly need to check this out.

All good....

The scales were kind to me this morning.
I resisted all temptation of emotional eating after my little "bingle" on Saturday. It was hard...but glad I did as the scales showed I was 900 grams down from last week.....making me now 70.1

Insurance company has been in contact with me, I have given them all my details, have my claim number and now have to get 2 quotes...and then my car can be repaired....

Now fingers crossed for another good week and let me get back into the 60's AGAIN !!!!!!

Yesterday....

Shawn had his access visit so had them out. On Friday it was Skye's birthday so Tanya decided she'd come out with her 2 girls for the access visit and let them spend some time with Skye and Jaydene, and let them give Skye a pressie...the kids had a lovely time....it was great to sit back and listen to the kids giggle and have fun together....it just doesn't seem to happen enough lately.....

Decided yesterday morning that I would go and do a bit more chrissy shopping....wishing to heck now I hadn't. Filled up with fuel at the servo and just taking off...and WHACK!!! Don't know what happened, I know I looked before I took off so who was at fault, me or him I have no idea...but we had a "bingle". My drivers side headlight and bumper is all smashed, his car has a scrape down the passenger side. Have rang my insurance company but being the weekend the matter has just been reported....so will have to wait till tomorrow to organise that! Was very teary and shaken for awhile but having the kids around sure helped.

Anyways just wanted to put these pics up....will be back tomorrow with weigh in update....

I did weigh

...and it was as expected up in the 70's !!!

Bloody yoyo I am...up, down, up, down !!

I was on track...and getting my shit together, then I for some reason or another have started getting damn hot flushes again. Wellll, more regulary anyways, as they have never really gone away, but since Thursday night I have been waking up as much as a dozen times a night with them.....and then during the day I am freezing cold!! This of course has caused mayhem with me!! Been a right regular grump I have and eating whatever I craved. Luckily I have been excersising....

Anyways last night the flushes weren't as bad....and I hopped on the scales this morning and recorded 71.0....so the saga continues as I battle those damn kilo's.

I'm back

and yayyyyyyyy I am back on track!!

It took me awhile, I'd get the tracker out, plan my day then it would start raining and I'd crave something hot and yummmyyyyyy and all good plans would fly out the window for another day.....

Or Shawn would ring and say ???......and yep Jen would reach for comfort food. Actually he hasn't been too bad the last few weeks...us giving him the final warning seems to have shook him up a bit. Just wish he would get rid of the drug once and for all!!! Damn centerlink is mucking him around, he hasn't got his tablets the Dr subscribed yet as he had lost his healthcare card.....still waiting waiting waiting for centerlink to post out a new one....

And another thing that happened....DCP let it be known to me that Shawn and Hannah have broken the AVO as Shawn has been seen at Hannah's house...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!!!! Don't know what is going to happen there....but have been told by Hannah that she will lift the AVO. DCP have told me no the kids won't be taken off of them...but Shawn has to keep going to councelling and they will be monitored if they do get back together full time....

DAMN KID!!!!!!

Anyways all has been good for the last 4 or 5 days....no weigh in...not game enough for that but Monday next week I will .... all go for a great week..I hope...

Gone...

..... haywire. Don't matter how I try, I keep stuffing myself up. Start off the days all good, planned and tracked...then somewhere along the day or evening I will start craving and off I go....turn into a regular garbage patrol !!! No matter how hard I try not to give in to myself, I do.....soooooooo am giving myself a couple of days of rest and Monday I will get back into it (before if I can) BUT I am not weighing in on Monday....will the following one thou. Heck I don't want to see that I back in the 70's again (coz surely I am!!) after all the bloody hard work I have done. Looks like I will never learn this lesson of self-control!!

I weighed.....

..... in this morning.....and I quite happy, the results are not as bad as I thought they would be. I weighed in at 68.9 .... a gain of 600grams.

Work is still flat out ..... its going to be really busy till christmas. I was up at the usual time this morning BUT thanks to daylight saving it was DARK!! I hate daylight saving....it throws me right out of skilter!!

Hubby Ted got his specialist appointment...sees him on December 9th.....

Under control....

Have got myself under control again.....emotions are to the side, eating is once again under control and will now wait till hubby has received his appointment date with the specialist and will take it from there!! I know high PSI levels don't always mean cancer BUT the Dr said there was a risk of it...and that just sent horrible shivering chills through me!!!

Other news is yeahhhhhhhhh Shawn went to the Dr and YES has been given a script for medication which he said he will take. He has been out here today for his kids access visit, a little agitated as he is as sick as a dog with the flu....but said he will fill the script out...here's hoping!!

Monday I will weigh in again, but just at home, won't go back to ww till next month, so here's hoping all the rubbish I have consumed hasn't made the scales too high...will let you know Monday evening when I post again.

Thanks to you all for being there for me.....

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk

Why is that when I under stress I eat!!! I am sure this last week I have managed to put on all I have lost these past few weeks!!

You would think after 3 years of weight watchers that I would learn to control the emotional eating........nahhhhhhh not me, I must be a bloody slow learner.

Nooooooo its not Shawn this time, this time its hubby. He has been having a few minor health problems and got sent off to have a few blood tests last week. Results came in last week and after a consult with his Dr the other day he was advised to have another blood test....welllllllll he got those results back today and has to go and see a specialist. Hubby has high PSA levels....and that means he COULD have prostate cancer. Dr says not too worry, the levels aren't THAT high but it could be a possibility. What does Jen do..PANIC !!!!! I know I shouldn't.....but I fear cancer....and I just hate the thought of my EVERYTHING having to battle it!! I know I am thinking the worst, heck he hasn't even seen the specialist....but eeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk!!!!

This week

This week has been absolutely stressful, emotional and totally crap!!! And why...the usual reason, my son Shawn...who else??

That kid really really needs professional help. I won't go into what has been happening, but his physcosis is getting worse....and after this week he has been given an ulimation of going to get help or forget that he has a family. We so sick of the abuse, physically and mentally....all of us have reached the end of out tethers. He was told either make a appointment to see a DR and get help or disappear out of our lives. Shit the kid turned 26 on Wednesday, and we have dealt with this problem of his now for way too long. I know people with acute physcosis people have little or no awareness that they are not themselves as they have lost the connection with reality....but enough is enough!!

Anyways it must have sunk in as he has made an appointment with our family Dr, told him it was an emergency but the earliest he can get in is Friday.....lets hope he can hold it together till then. He didn't make his forklift course, he was ill..but will try for it in a few weeks.

Anyways with all this turmoil I did my usual and tried to eat away the stress....but dear hubby told me what I was doing and I managed to stop myself and get back to tracking.....so this week I weighed in the same, heaps better than a gain I guess ehhhh?

Running late....

Sorry ...... am running late today. I did weigh in this morning and my scales told me I had a loss of 300 grams...so I have 300grams to go to goal. I worked late tonight, (we have orders a mile long), got home and found a reminder note in the mail about weight watchers meetings so decided to head off tonight and get it out of the way before I have to start paying for the meetings again. I hate weighing in at night ..... the scales showed I was a kilo heavier than what I was this morning.....but heyyyyyyyyyy what the heck I am keeping the 68.3 as my weight this week!!



Not a lot been going on this week....been all work, work and more work. Its such a busy time of the year for us and we are scrambling to keep up with the orders. I worked till 1pm on Saturday just so we could catch up a bit. Looks like we might have to do the same again this Saturday too.

Saturday arvo saw Shawn turn up ready for his access visit with his kids. He looks good, and he had a absolute ball with his kids...don't know who was the biggest kid there !! He sits his forklift ticket on Thursday, hope he passes that, it might give him a good self-esteem boost that he needs.



Sunday saw me and hubby out in the garden.....after I saw the start to Bathurst!!! Go the mighty FORDS!!!! I am a real rev head and love my motor racing. I wish I could have kept up with my speedway racing....I loved it and was good too!! But like most sports nowadays it had become too politicial, too expensive and when sports get like that the fun goes out of it. We got a fair bit done out in the garden, it is really starting to look good again, it got a bit "begraggled" over winter. Stopped at lunch time to watch the finish to the big race....but hopefully we can get out there next weekend and do some more.

And again...

.....another loss of 800grams.....woooooooooohooooooooo!!

Now I am only 600grams from my goal of 68 kilo's.....now I am wondering do I have it in myself to carry on and try to get down to my personal goal of 65 kilo's while I am going so well and am so motivated. Been told to stay where I am, been told that I look good as I am, but I am happiest at goal. When I first got to goal and was maintaining so well I felt really really good....I want to get that feeling back again.

I am still very happy with my hair....its great. Its just 4 strokes with the brush and a little bit of jel rubbed throu it with my fingers and away we go. Stays looking good all day!! Thinking I just might keep it like this.....

On the Shawn front.....had him out on Saturday as he had an access visit with his kids. He looks good, sounds good and is still actively looking for other work. Centerlink has him enrolled in a training course where he will sit his forklift ticket on the 16th October, and then he will start truck driving lessons. mmmmm I don't know if that is a good thing or not!! But we are hoping he will get a job from these courses.....he does know then he has to have drug tests whenever required. Maybe it will help him.
Anyways as long as he is happy, staying out of trouble, not causing me any stress it must be good ehhhhh?

Going down......

Another weigh in and I am going down ..... yayyyyyy for Jen as I back in the 60's again with a loss of 800grams this week. Proud of that effort as I have struggled with cramping pains in my back and leg which has made excersise very difficult, but keeping tracking track seems to have kept me on track.

Saturday morning I had a big rush around to find a hairdresser to cut my hair, I had a wedding to attend on Sunday and had left it too late to book in to my usual hairdresser. But find one I did.....and I had my hair cut short....what do you think? I like it this short, so easy to maintain espesially with my work.

Yesterday a very good friend of mine got married, the rain even cleared up for her as she walked up her garden drive on her Dad's arm....ahhhhh yeahhh had a few tears in the eyes I did. Lucky bugger is off on Thursday for 2 weeks honeymoon in Bali.

Things are still quiet in Shawns world, I have spoken to him a few times this past week, he still hasn't got work but is still actively looking and he seems to be in a good frame of mind and is staying out of trouble, or so he says .... so alls good.

I here again...

Hi...I back. Nothing exciting has been happening in the world of Jen. Had a busy week at work, spent the weekend at home pottering around catching up on chores and doing some gardening.

Even all is quiet in troublesome sons world....welllll shhhhhh it must be as I haven't heard from him!!!

Have one excited daughter at the moment thou...she was never a real footy fan when living at home but in the 5 years she has been living over in Melbourne her fiancee, who is a mad keen sportman, has got her right into following the afl footy. Their team is Hawthorn and they were there on Saturday night at the MCG to watch them win their way into the grand final next weekend. This morning they were getting tickets to go and watch....... expensive yep, do they care, Nooooooo....as it will be there way of celebrating their 5 year anniversary too. Time has flown by....my baby has been over in Melbourne 5 years now!!!

Anyways on the weight front.....had another great week as far as tracking and excersing was concerned ... and despite TTOM paying a very unwelcome visit I stayed focused, resisted cravings and lost another kilo....now down to 70.2

Onwards and downwards....cyaaaaaaaaaa

Monday weigh in

yep...... it was Monday morning weigh in and I can tell ya I was one happy chicky....

I got up, I wee'ed, I weighed, rubbed my eyes, then weighed again.....and yep the scales said the same thing again.....so I got dressed then went on my walk very happily.

Don't think I have ever gone to work as happy as I did this morning...espesially on a Monday!!

I have lost 2.9 kilo's since last Saturday morning and now weigh 71.2

Onwards and downwards........

Tomorrow is....

THE DAY I PULL MY SOCKS UP !!!!!!

I am sick of being dishonest to myself.

Yeaaaaaaaa I have been sick, yeaaaaaaa I have had a fair bit of stress to deal with ....BUT that in all honesty does not excuse me from falling back into old bad habits. Only me and being dishonest to myself and laziness does.

Yep everyone I am talking about my weight...heck knows what it is, I am too scared to hop on the scales....but I will in the morning. My journey restarts then. I have to do something before I lose the plot completely. The days have just been going by and even thou I have had some good days and bad days....I have been avoiding the truth of how lazy I have become. I have been tracking the last few weeks as I said I would, but if I had a bad day...did I do anything about it? Nooooooooooooo, just thought to myself, ahhhhhhhh tomorrow will be a better day....and if it wasn't, well the next one would be. Get the picture....???

So tomorrow....the new beginning. NO lies to myself ....

Cyaaaaaa on my updates....

Its Saturday morning ...... just a quick update....weighed in on my scales this morning....mmmm not good. 74.1

Been for a 45 minute walk and feel good ....

I will weigh Monday mornings, no good weighing Saturday mornings, too tempted to relax over weekend.

Soooooooo its onwards and downwards.......

I have just read....

...an article in a magazine that really describes my son Shawn. I am so angry with that kid at the moment I could just spit, but don't know why I bother as he being the way he is just doesn't care. He had a great job, seemed to be happy out there...but the other day he walked out of work at mid morning and reckoned they were all a bunch of dickheads and he wasn't going to go back to be treated like an immature little boy. He hasn't been back and thou his father and I have asked him to go out and see his boss...he refuses, says he has rang him and if he can't answer his calls thats it !!

This article is all about Psychosis...
Psychosis is the term used when the following symptoms occur. Delusions....false, firmly held and unshakable beliefs. Hallucinations....false sensory perceptions (such as voices, smells or images). Disordered thought...jumping from one idea to the next with little association, going off on tangents without returning to the initial idea. Unusual behaviour.....people with acute psycosis have little or no awareness that they are not themselves as they have lost the connection with reality.

Most people are aware of the psychosis that occurs in schizophrenia, but it can appear as part of the mania (excessive mood elevation) and severe depression.
Certain substances, including cannabis and methamphetamine can cause rapid onset of pyschosis.

Welllllllll this is Shawn to a CAPITAL T which I know from previous experiences with him...but to see it in writing and to know there are other people like Shawn, and other parents like Ted and myself that are suffering. And suffer we do, as what can we do...he doesn't realise what he is doing to himself as he is not himself....and anything we say is not believed because of the firm unshakable beliefs he has in his head!!

A no win situation ehhhhh? I hope not...as I still hope....I have to

I am sick ......

....and tired of being so sick!! This flu is really draining me and I just can't shake it. Some days I wake up feel as thou I am recovering but as the days go on it just hangs on and on......I AM OVER IT !!!!!!!

I can't excersise, I just don't have the energy, I am eating so much crap, have so many cravings and again just don't have the energy to stop myself. Every day I tell myself its time to stop it...but being the weakling I am at the moment...I don't! I have made an appointment to see my Dr but can't get into to see him till early September. I need something.....a big kick up the arse I think...it must be getting big enough to not miss!!!

I bought a diary today....decided that enough is enough....and tomorrow is the day I start tracking everything again...whether it be good or bad, I am hoping that by reading exactly what crap is actually going into my mouth might spur me on ......wish me luck!! Something has to .... I worked too darn hard to get myself slim to give in and lose the plot entirely, its the one thing that I have to keep on telling myself to help spur me on, its worked before, hopefully it will this time too.

I don't know what else to do.....I haven't felt this darn sick in a long time....it is depressing to know that I am over-eating and not have the energy to do anything about it. BUT .... tomorrow is another day and to know at least I am going to try and make an effort will spur me on....

Bye till next time......

Thomas turns two.....

Yesterday little Thomas turned 2....wowwwwww sometimes I wonder where time goes. It only seems like yesterday I drove to the hospital to see him being born.....now he is running around chatting like a magpie.....

On Sunday me and hubby drove up to his house for a bbq with him and the family....the whole 4 kids were not at all well, all were under the weather with this dratted flu that is going around. Poor loves...as they were so looking forward to having a party and didn't have the energy to do so. All little Tom wanted for his birthday was a chainsaw....he spends all his time going around sawing up everything. So I got him one...thankfully he loved it !!

I have had the dreaded flu too....stuffy nose, sore throat, yukky cough and general tiredness.....but I am coping with it.

Weight.....welllllllllll just forget about that for the moment, this flu has made me as hungry as....have days where I eat like a horse, and others where I just can't be bothered. Hope I can get all back under control before I lose the plot.....but I don't think I will....worked to darn hard to get here.

Not a lot happening....

In the world of Jen....
I have had my hair re-cut after the disaster a couple of weeks back. They did a great job on the colour, love that...but sure didn't cut anywhere enough off. My hair is thick, has a natural curl in it and when not cut right it looks darn terrible as it seems to have a life of its own and goes any which way it wants too!!!
Weight watchers.....welllllllll I haven't been there for a while...have been having some good days and some badish days....overall I think I have evened it out.....we'll see when I get to a weigh in sometime this month....
Dear hubby and I went up to the footy last weekend....the local derby game. It wasn't my teams home game and I can say my team didn't win either !!! But it was a day out for us....something we just don't do often enough. My hubby isn't a fan of the footy, doesn't care who wins or loses....but does know that I love my beloved West Coast Eagles. This year they have been playing ABSOLUTELY WOEFUL and that has hubby calling them "The Budgies" !!!!
Shawn.....welllllllllll he has been Shawn....still in his moods, but around me and hubby has been a lot better. Doesn't spend a lot of time here, don't know where he is going or what he is up to, but I know he is going to work, his councelling sessions..all with some grizzles and grumbles I believe, but at least he is going ...
Work has been quiet...had a couple of days off this week. Going to be quiet next week too in more ways than one....my best workmate and my good friend Zoe had her last day today.....so next week I will be on my own......that I am not going to enjoy!!
I off now ..... it's evening and the cold air is setting in, time to go stoke up the fire and do dinner......

Our little Miss Ashlee.....

was 4 years old today.....

Happy Birthday sweet girl.......

A little birthday party was held at her house for a few of her bestest friends, her granparents, and a few uncles and aunties.....where we all spent a few happy hours partying with our little girl.