A big decision...

During the week I had a phone call from DCP .. wanted to make sure it was okay by me that Shawn have his access visit at home on Saturday. He was only getting the 3 eldest kids, little Kaleb was away with his foster carers for the weekend. Shawn will get a extra visit some other time with just him. During the phone call I was asked if I would consider taking Jaydene into my care till she was ready to go back to Hannah...or at least take her for respite care. Jaydene is being moved again...this will be her 4th foster home since she was put into care. Going back to mum, even thou she has Skye is NOT an option.

Ted and I have agonised over this decision...and it may appear as thou we are selfish but we have decided not to take her under our wing...but we will do respite with her one long weekend a month.

We love this little girl dearly, as we do all our grandies, but on making this decision we did take into consideration our ages, our work and lifestyle. I have to work, I want to retire in a few more years with some money in the bank so I can enjoy some time travelling with hubby before we get too old....have to remember hubby is 62 (8 years older than me).

But the main reason we are going to say no is that Jaydene needs 1 on 1 care all day everyday, and if I have to work and put her in daycare I can't do that.

I am going to suggest she get put into a foster home with other children (each home she has been the only child and both foster carers have been workers) and if possible with one of her siblings.....she needs a family.

Anyways Shawns visit with his 3 kids was fantastic...he spent the whole 6 hours playing and enjoying the time with his little ones.....he is a good daddy.

To finish, it was weigh in night tonight....afer 2 weeks of being on track, tracking and eating well I thought I would have done well...nahhhhhhhhh a whole measly 100grams was all I managed.....sheeeeeeez next week better be better, bloody demon scales!!!!!

Another week gone....

Last night would have been weigh in tonight but it was a public holiday so no weight watchers meeting. I have been going ok...except for some indulgences over the weekend. I had Simon and Tracey's 4 kids overnight......my ears are ringing still as they are soooooo LOUD !! They are great kids, very easy to entertain. They love cooking, shopping for the ingredients, love planning excursions...just full on they are!

On Saturday after I had my hair done.... (Pop looked after them for the hour or so while I was away) ....they all decided we would have home made pizza's for dinner, so we wrote out the shopping list and went shopping. They bought their pocket money too...so the "reject shop" (a $2 shop) was a must for a visit to buy their treasures !

After the shopping expedition it was home, chores, then the kids started cooking.....the pizza's were demolished ... no leftovers with them !

Sunday after breakfastand the chores it was out for a excursion. They chose the jetty at the estuary. They loved it, they scrambled over rocks, tried to name all the the birds, moved rocks to see what little creatures were living under them, spotted crabs and even saw a dolphin...the first time I actually saw them with their mouths open and nothing coming out !!!

Mum and Dad showed up at lunchtime with chicken treat and loaves of fresh bread.....ohhhhhh yummy !! I can tell you they didn't last very long !

So it was a weekend of over indulging (and not tracking 100%) ..... but Monday morning saw me back on track, walking and tracking again....hopefully by next Monday I will see a loss on the "demon scales"!

Blahh

Don't know whether its because I am a little bit down today or what but I am feeling a little blahhhhh. Its my Dad's birthday today and if he had lived he would have been 80...boy that would have been a party and a half. Dad was a real larrikan and loved a party, he always had a great time out celebrating any occassion... he was a recovering alcoholic and he didn't need the drink to liven any event up.

I am a little worried about Shawn too.....althou he is coming along okay, I know he is still drinking and having the occassional "weed" and when he mixes the two of them together he tends to stress out about everything. Like I had a phone call today from telling me is car had broken down, totally F*CKED he recons and how come he always gets the "lemons" ?? He had rang Shaz to come pick him up, he was down, he had been drinking and was worried about Shaz's reaction to all this.....heck am I ever gonna not worry about that boy ??? Why can't I let him worry about his troubles himself, why do I take his troubles onboard...I don't take the other kids on!

My back is giving me trouble since I strained it , think I been doing too much....but it is better than what it was. Hope so coz I have Simon's kids tomorrow morning for an overnight stayover, Simon and Tracey are bringing them down late morning as I have a hair appointment at 9am, I need a hair colour, going grey I am. The kids will keep me busy, those 4 are certainly active.

Anyways I off to bed, hope I can sleep.

Last night....

.....I went to my weight watchers meeting last night...I lost 300 grams. Its not much but I'll take it. The week hasn't been the best, I had a slip at work and saving myself from landing on my ass I have somehow strained my back. For most of the week I have been having spasms in it that has left me in tears sometimes and unable to excersise as much as I would like. Thus my planning/tracking has been very hit and miss...thus just a small loss. Anyways next weigh in will be in two weeks time...so hopefully my back will inprove so I can get myself out and about and on the move.

Above is a pic of Shawn and Kylee....of course it was taken a lonnnnnnnnnnng time ago, aren't they cute?? I am doing up a srapbooking album for Kylee to take over to her when we fly over. It will start off as a newborn right throu to her wedding day. I was going to do this before the wedding so when she married all I had to do was hand her the album to put in her wedding pics....but I off course never got around to it.

Kylee and Stephen have settled into their house and loving it. After nearly a year of living with the in-laws and the previous 6 years in a poky 2 bedroom unit they are loving the luxury of their own space. A lot of work too be done on their garden, they already sick of the black mud they and their cat track in but they have made a start. Can't wait to get there...roll on August.

Shawn and Shaz have moved into their house and slowly getting themselves organised. Shawn is gobsmacked at how quickly Shaz has made their rental house a home....he is loving it. I went to court with him on Friday for his monthly meeting with the magristrate and his councellour....his urinalis showed a tiny rise but no big deal they said.....as long as his head is in the right space which it seems to be. I am proud of him and his improvement but he has a long way to go yet......my fingers are still crossed and I hope and pray that he can continue along the path he is on now without any relapses. He needs a job, he is actively trying/looking to find work, hopefully that will be the next thing that falls into place for him. I am helping him a fair bit buying them odds and ends and I just can't keep on doing it, he knows that, I know that. But I am proud of him...from where he was a few short months back to where he is now is outstanding.

weighed in......

Went to ww mmeting tonight for weigh in...yayyyyy happy to report a 1.1 loss. Was feeling a little apprehensive after my gain last week but having stuck to the plan and managing a few walks during the week paid off for me.

Been very quiet around here, been nowhere, done nothing....kids/grandies are all going great. I have booked tickets for Melbourne to visit Kylee, hubby and fly over on the 12th August, by then she will have a few days leave accumalated to spend with us.

Shawn and Shaz move into their house on wednesday....the owners wanted to paint it out for them. It doesn't look much from the outside, but to them its a castle and it will be their home!

Challenges.....

Shawn and the nearly 2 year old..Shayden

Monday night was weigh in night. I had had a good week, or so I thought, maybe not enough excersise during the week, but plenty on the weekend, stuck to my points but didn't drink enough water so I thought I'd do well. Nahhhhhhh I GAINED !!! Only .3 grams but none the less a gain. Was STUPID and come home and ate and drank....grrrrrrr a bad habit of mine I just have to change. Thats one challenge for me. Number 2 is keep on track without losing the plot for the rest of this week as number 3 challenge is to be back at goal or close to it anyways when we fly to Melbourne to see DD in August. I am going to do this!

Shayden and his 3 year old sister blowing out the candles

Shawn has had a few challenges given to him over the past weeks and I am proud to say he is taking them head on and meeting most of them! Thats not to say he is doing it easily, believe me he hasn't done it without slip-ups but he hasn't given in. Luckily his lady has stuck by him and Shawn is doing his best to overcome those demons of his.
On Saturday he had his access visit....his eldest son turns 2 this week.....so we had a birthday cake for him. Those kids are growing up so quickly...just wish they were all home and out of the darn situation they are in. Nothing more has been happening there...something has to soon surely...they were only taken into care for 2 years, that is up in a few months. Thats one of the reasons Shawn is trying his hardest to get his life on track.....coz if Hannah can't sort herself out Shawn wants to prove to them he can !! Ohhhh nearly forgot...him and his lady move into a rental this week....yep they have got themselves a house.
Anyways....off to do a bit more planning....a few challenges to meet this week...I want those "demon scales " to show a downward trend....
.......onwards and downwards.....

Day out

Had a lovely day today...I left home early this morning and travelled down to Manjimup and picked Mum up and went out visiting a few old haunts and then on for a lovely lunch.

Wandered around a old mill town we used to live in when I was a teenager reminenising and then Mum fed the kangaroo's and emu's. In the old deli while we had a coffee we found a old photo album and lo and behold found a picture of my late brother when he used to work there....that bought a few tears to the eyes. I really enjoyed the one on one hours with Mum today....going to make sure I do it again soon.

After dropping off Mum, I quickly visited my sister, then rang my brother and asked if he had 10 minutes spare and drove up and put flowers on Dad's grave with him before heading home after a most enjoyable day.

ohhh last night was weigh in night.....goodbye to 1 kilo.....onwards and downwards.....

Mother's day....

Mother's day this weekend and I unfortunately I won't be seeing my mum. Tried to get a day off this week to travel down to Manjimup to see her but couldn't get the time off. We have been sooooo busy at work and I couldn't be spared....nice to know I am needed ehhhh? Thursday and today were frantic....long 11 hour days they were for me!! Monday looks like it will be the same.....but Tuesday I have been told I can have the day off and go see her. Mum was happy to hear that when I rang her tonight and told I wouldn't be down. Hopefully my brother and sister will be spending some time with her over the weekend.

At this stage I have Simon and Tracey travelling down with their clan of 4 so that'll be good. Paul and Tanya will no doubt pop in sometime too and who knows if I'll see Shawn. I spoke to him on the phone today...he and Shaz are still staying with friends but are now in Bunbury and not 30 minutes out of town...makes it easier for his appointments for his councelling/therapy. They still looking for a rental of their own....very hard to come by they are, but here's hoping they get lucky. Not sure how they are travelling....know Shawn is still drinking and using occassionaly and when he does he begins to doubt himself, hope he's strong enough to overcome these doubts as I know it puts pressure on their relationship.

Kylee and Stephen are moving into their own house today and tomorrow....excitement plus for them. All looks lovely from the pics I have seen.....can't wait to see it, we should be flying over in August sometime....by then they should have a few days holiday due to spend time with us.

Then yeah after that visit its home and start saving $$$$'s for Tassie....yes Nola we will be touring...seeing as much as we can...so I'll keep in contact.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ALL ♥

I'm happy....

Yep...definetly happy, I've got my mojo back...I am feeling good. Have had a great 2 weeks and at weigh in tonight those demon scales were nice to me.....2.2 gone !!! Been a little naughty tonight and indulged with a few drinks and a few nibblies, BUT the day is planned for tomorrow, I am going to stay on track. When we go to Melbourne I WILL be very close to if not at goal....and when I get to goal then my goal will be to stay there ready for our Tassie trip!!

This week I am hoping to get a day off work....I want to go down to Manjimup and spend a day with mum. It's Mother's day over the weekend and I just won't have the time to do a trip down then. I have Shawn's kids here for an access visit on Saturday then on Sunday the others will be coming around so I want to enjoy that. I hope to take mum out to lunch then visit a few places we use to go when we were kids....and take some photo's. I bought a new beaut camera a few weeks back and I have had hardly used it...be nice to have a little play

Yawnnnnnnn its been a long day ...... bedtime for me.....nite nite.

One week down....

Yep its one week down and all's well. I have followed the plan 100% ....real proud of myself, been a angel I have!!! Should have been heading off to my meeting tonight but being a public holiday there is no meet, so another week to go before I can find out how I have gone. I could weigh on my scales...but nahhh I'll leave it to next Monday, that way I think I'll stay more focused.

Everything else is great, saw Shawn and Shaz on Saturday arvo, met him in town, they are happy and all his therapy is going well. He had court on Friday and his urinalis tests are showing that he has cut wayyyyyyy down on his cannabis use...well done Shawn. They are still living with a friend, no place of their own yet, neither of them have jobs.....Shaz is actively looking as is Shawn but he is finding it harder as he can only work certain days due to his therapy and councelling.

Kylee and Stephen are still waiting to move into their house, they should after an inspection from their bank have the keys next week. They have done their final inspection and all the things they wanted recified have been done.

We will fly over in a few months time and have a long weekend with them and have a look at the house...counting down already. Kylee also wants me, and a few others, to do an oversea's trip with her before she starts her family....she doesn't want to go to Bali again so is looking at Penang or Phuket. I would love to go having never been oversea's so am thinking about it thats for sure. This will be a good 12 months or so away yet....so plenty of time to think.

Our next trip, after our brief visit to Kylee, will be another camping trip....it will be with some good friends of ours (who we travelled with in the NT) driving across the nullabour and heading over to tour Tassie....that will be in February next year..thats not all that far away, time sure is flying by.

Don't you quit !!

This was my mantra when I first began weight watchers back in 2005...and one of the reasons I made goal in early 2007 I think.

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,

And you feel like the biggest failure in town,

When you want to give up just because you gave in, and forget all about being healthy and thin,

So what your're over your points a bit,

Its your next move that counts...

So DON'T YOU QUIT !

Its the moment of truth, its an attitude change

It's learning the skills to get back in your range.

Its telling yourself "You've done great up til now, you can take on this challenge and beat it somehow"

Its part of your journey toward reaching your goal,

You're gonna make it, just stay in control.

To stumble and fall is not a disgrace, if you summon up the will to get back in the race.

But, of the strugglers when losing their grip,

Just throw in the towel and continue to slip,

And learn too late when the damage is done, that the

race wasn't over....they could have still won.

Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,

but facing each challenge will help you grow.

Sucess is failure turned inside out,

the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.

When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,

If you bite, you write it....

But

DON'T YOU QUIT !!

I went back to my meeting for the first time since the beginning of February last night and for the first time in heck knows when I actually stayed and listened to the lecture....and it must have been an omen as it was all about "getting back on track"

The scales weren't nice, as I knew they wouldn't be ..... since my last meeting at the beginning of February I have put on 8.5 kilo's....soooooo that makes it 14 kilo's I have to lose to get back into my goal range.

I will do it....I have to do it, I want to do it....I AM going to do it !!

Shawn had his access visit out here on Sunday, it was his youngest son Kaleb's 1st birthday during the week.....haven't they all grown? It was a great visit...but 2 hours is just not long enough.

Back again...

Last night we took Kylee and Stephen to the airport, they caught the red-eye flight back to Melbourne. I miss them already. They had a busy day today, they were seeing the builders of their house....they were hoping to move in while they were still on holidays but apparently all won't be ready for 3 more weeks yet. Very disappointing for them, it was meant to be ready in December.....but ahhh well they have waited this long. They living with Stephen's parents, thay were only meant to be there for 6 months but its been 9 months now......and from what I have heard it hasn't been easy !!!!!!

Today I went back onto weight watchers...I really need to rein myself in. I feel bloody awful and looking at myself in the mirror I am disgusted with myself. I will go to the meeting on Monday evening.

The wedding is over, Shawn is happy and content, only worry I really have is hubby and these damn headaches he is getting....wish he would hurry up and get to the doctor and find out what is going in. Ted says it is stemming from his neck, but I don't care...his Dad died of tumours on his brain and I am worried, the headaches have been getting worse and more frequent. I went to the doctors tonight, I just had to have a check up, need to have bloods taken on Saturday morning to see how all my hormone/thyroid levels are going.

Have posted a few more pics of the wedding....these the photographer took.....some absolutely awesome pics were taken....wish I could show you them all.

My favourite pics

This is Paul and myself watching the kids as they strutted their stuff down the ailse.

A pic I took of Kylee as the photograher was organising her for pics.

This is Kylee thanking her Dad before we left for the wedding.

These are my favourite pics of the wedding....

Today I am off to the airport to pick the happy couple up as they fly in from their honeymoon in Bali....they from the sounds of it have had a great time. The only disappointment I have heard about is not being able to go parasailing as she was told she was too fat!! Bloody hell nothing like being told ....darn rude I thought!!

Thankfully easter is over....I have done nothing but eat and am really starting to feel like a whale out of water!! Hopped on the scales and I am 10 kilo's over the top of of my goal range. Its time I put the brakes on and started getting my shit together again.

I go back to weight watchers on the 19th April...but need to stabalise myself before then.

Anyways best go get myself organised and get ready to head off to Perth...meeting up with a girlfriend at one of the shopping centres for lunch before going to the airport.

More wedding pics

As promised here are a few more pics....

I am still coming down from the high of the wedding.....actually feel quite deflated now its all over, the day just was not long enough. So much time, effort and planning and now its all over.

But at least all the pressure is off of me and I am now starting to get myself back on track...hubby was right ehhhh? I am back eating sensibley and not even wanting all the junk I was craving and eating leading up to the wedding.

Shawn rang me today, him and Shaz applied to homeswest for rent assistance and received notice today that they would get help. They are looking at a house tomorrow, a private rental. Shawn is quite excited about it as since he has been with Shaz they have shared houses with friends.....never been alone with Shaz in a home before.

Kylee and Stephen are having a ball in Bali....tomorrow they are off riding elephants and planning to go white water rafting. She recons they'll come back 5 kilo's lighter too....the weather is so humid, all they are doing is sweating !!

Kylee's wedding day

Kylee got married on Saturday.....

The day started early with hair and make-up ladies arriving early, Nat the hairdresser was here at 8am as Kylee's hair extensions had to be curled and fitted, 3 bridesmaids to be prettied up and of course me !!

We sat around on the patio drinking and eating as we were all tarted up...a great time was had by us all.

Kylee was as cool as a cucumber all day.....didn't have any nerves at all......can't say the same for me!! ohhhhhhhh thats right, she did have a moment of panic as just before we left for the wedding the sky got very overcast and a few spots of rain fell......but luckily no more rain was seen. I will post some more pics tomorrow.....but ohhhhh it was a lovely day.

The grandies, all 12 of them were great.....they did as we expected as went every which way...well the littler ones did. The little girls rose petals were thrown this way and that but not many landed on the red carpet. They certainly got the guests chuckling thats for sure.

The day flew by....but a fantastic time was had by all. A few little mishaps along the way, but all in all everything went smooothly. Ted had been on and off all week having migraines and he ended up with one later on in the night, we had to get my brother (who was mc for the night) to say a few words on his behalf when it came time to do his speech as the head was thumping too much to for him to say anything. He will HAVE to go and see someone, as I am quite worried about the frequency of them of late.

Shawn was so happy there, he was so proud of his sister, so happy to see his sister wed, and so proud to show his new lady love off...and of course so were his other 2 brothers. Speaking of Shawn, he did have court on the Friday before the wedding and yayyyyyy was accepted into the drug therapy program.

We have just had a phone call from Kylee and Stephen, they are safely in Bali, having flown there early this morning on their honeymoon, and having a wonderful time.

Okies....it is nite nite time for me, will post more pics tomorrow....

Its been all go....

Anne and me when she called in...

Kylee and some of her neices and nephews.

Its been all go here....

I finished work on Thursday afternoon and started preparing for the wedding.

Friday night we travelled up to Perth and picked up Kylee and since then it has been all go.

Hens night was saturday night, was a great night but Kylee and I were very tired so we didn't make it a late one. Sunday we had visitors and Monday it was run run run again. The wedding dress had to be taken into the drycleaners, Kylee had to have all her injections etc for travelling to Bali....hair, makeup and nails appointments and trial runs had to be organised.....and the list goes on.

Today was a early morning start to get to Perth airport again to pick up the groom to be....

And me...well I am tired, and stress eating. Since the week I bought my wedding outfit I have put on over 5 kilo's......sure hope those Trinny & Suzanne knickers are going to pull me in enough. My oroxine tabs for my thyroid had run out of date....so they weren't making things any easier for me....ahhhhhhhhh shit!! But I am sure things will turn out fine....won't they?

Its getting closer.....

.....the wedding I mean...but my weight hasn't got any closer to my goal. I have really been trying but to no avail. It got so bad the other night I caught a glimpse of myself in a shop mirror where hubby and I were shopping for his suit for the wedding...and I ended up crying on his shoulder, and asking him if I looked as bad as I thought I did in that mirror. But I do know my lack of losing hasn't been throu over - indulgence thou I must say too I haven't been totaly on track. Some of my problem has been lack of sleep due to a constant tickle in my throat and constant coughing....very annoying. And I have also been so lethargic, tired and been fighting constant hunger. After a call to the community nurse she asked me to check my oroxine packet (thyroid tablets) and check the use by date....would you believe they were out of date?? Anyways all sorted now and I am slowing getting myself out of the real downer I was feeling.
All else is going well on the home front, no stress at all with Shawn....we invited him out home for a bbq on Friday night so hubby could meet Shaz, his new lady. Wellllllll we had the best night with Shawn, it was a very pleasant evening with him and his lady. We are so pleased that he is trying so hard to sort his life out. While he admits he hasn't given up the drugs and the alochol up all together he does say he has cut down and we can really notice it. The change in him is unbelievable....I feel I am getting my son back . And Shaz (Sharon) was lovely but terrified that we would condemn her for being in a relationship with him seeing as she is in her 40's, a mother of 4, one being a son who is only a year younger than Shawn (and she is also a granma). Believe us we don't care one iota...she dotes on Shawn, as he does her, she supports him in every way and obviously since they have been together has helped turn his life around. As my daughter says "go cougar"!!
Today I had a phone call and it was from Anne and Peter on their way from Perth heading south on their camping holiday. They took some time to call in and meet me and hubby and have a cuppa with us....I was so happy to meet them both, a delightful couple. Safe travelling Anne and Peter. Yes I did take some pics....I will put them up at a later date. Tonight I have put up a pic of Shawn and Shaz.....the happiest I have seen him in a long time.
Dear daughter flies in next Friday and then we will have a week to the wedding and to finish all the organising. It has come around so quick. Although I am disappointed I did not get myself together and get closer to my goal weight for it....I am happy that I will look good in my gorgeous wedding outfit. Went shopping today and bought myself some "granny" Trinny and Suzanne knickers that pull and tuck everything in so that has helped my self-esteem. I think hubby hit the nail on the head when he said to me I had put TOO much pressure on myself and thats why I didn't succeed....

All's good

All is going good. I am going along well, totally on track. Had no weigh in on Monday evening, it was a public holiday, so next Monday hopefully those demon scales will tell me I am back where I was at my last weigh in.....thats what I am hoping anyway.

Shawn had an access visit with his kids on Saturday.....and I was so rapt with him, he was soooooooo relaxed and happy and it really showed and the kids I am sure noticed it too. You can see it in the pic of him I have posted with his little men.

He also came out here on Sunday...and his father noticed how different he was. He appears more relaxed, less agitated and a whole lot happier, maybe its the new lady showing him love and support too. I found out she is 43, 15 years older than him but heyyyyyy I don't care, if she is the reason for this change then its alright by me!! He doesn't look as thou he is doing drugs, or if he is he is doing them a whole lot less....thou I know he still drinking.

He came out to work today with his lady, he had his first session with his councillor but he was early for the meeting so came out to see if he could borrow some money.....soft touch I am, I gave it to him. I don't think he is going to buy drugs, not when he has to report in 3 time a week for a urinalis. By the 26th March when he has his next court appearance his drug levels in his urine HAVE to be down if he wants to stay on this program and not go to jail.

Sit ups

Despite all that has been going on I have stayed focused and NOT eaten my emotions....quite proud of myself I am!

My girlfriend went shopping yesterday for me and left this machine sitting on my doorstep. She knows I am very slack with my sit ups and also knows when I do them that I lose those inches around the tum a lot quicker. Just have to get Ted to make it up for me...I could try but I had my thumb jammed in my car door yesterday and it is throbbing, its black and blue and soooooo close to the wedding it looks as thou I might lose the nail!! Never realised how much we do use how thumbs till now.

Day off today, from going to work anyways....Shawn has court so I'll do a update on that later.

Other son rang me last night and apologised about losing his cool over the wedding....alls cool there now I think and he's going to ring his sister and work things out.

The patio is coming along nicely and it won't be too much longer now before it is all finished, still a bit to do but we are getting there.

*** Update....Shawn did well at court....last court appearance 2 weeks ago (not relating to vro) he was put on a drug therapy programme so they are willing to give him a month to prove himself...so next court appearance is March 26th...a day before the wedding!!!

He was with his new lady today who I met for the first time.....she is a bit older than him, but I think just what he needs. Today his eyes were clear, he was focused, he was happy....nearly my Shawn of old.....so we'll see what happens now.

No weigh

No weigh in tonight....to darn scared to hop on them, the last 2 weeks have been terrible for me. So close to the wedding and I lose the plot. I have had 18 months since the date was set for the wedding to keep myself trim, I had 7 months when I come back from hols in the NT in August to do something but noooooooooooo I haven't managed to do anything. I am still roughly the same weight as what I was when I come back from hols. And after a weekend of celebrating my birthday with lots of eating and drinking maybe weigh even more !!

But today I got myself back on track...and hopefully I can stay there till the wedding. Have had no problems with Shawn.....but tonight Simon rang me tonight and went off his tree about the kids not being welcome at the wedding reception, really got his knickers in a knot he has. He is denying he knew anything about the kids not being invited (although they are involved in the wedding ceremony)...and is now chucking the shits......recons he is not coming now, and hung up on me. Kylee tried ringing him when I told her, but he refused to answer his/their phone. I hate it being this way with him, my stomache is churning and I am upset.....BUT if he wants to carry on like this so be it, but I hope he/they gets over it.

Friday

Yay I didn't think Friday was ever going to come this week.....work has been so busy as per usual and I just haven't felt 100%.

Most nights I have been waking up with sore and crampy legs and hips, just can't get comfortable and thus of course I not getting enough sleep. Don't feel like walking, thou I know I should, I always do feel better for it afterwards. Funny thing with these aches/cramps is that it is only during the night, I stand all day at work and my legs don't get sore at all....at the end of the day I am tired and feel like putting my feet up BUT the legs don't ache.

Got some tablets from the chemist today...Crampeze...which were recommended to me by a friend suffering the same problem so trying them...lets hope for a improvement.

No weigh in again this coming week....I know what the scales will say and it certainly won't say down....another bad week to add on to last weeks. Sheeeeeez I better get my ass into gear or I won't fit into that wedding outfit if I keep going on like this.

Tomorrow a friend and I will be doing our pamphet jabberwalk.......then its off down to Manjimup to see my family and go to a speedway meeting. A birthday treat for me.

So this is it !!

This is it....my "mother of the bride" outfit, Hannah and Skye stayed over last nite and took this pic when I showed hubby.

Went shopping today with 2 grandies and their mothers to look for little dresses for the girls for the wedding and found some bling to go with it.

Tomorrow I plan to go delivering pamplets with my walking buddy, 90 minutes it takes so that I hope will be my start to get back on track after my horror week.

Why

Why is that every time I get myself on track and am going well and losing weight that something or someone comes along and I lose the plot ?????

I have had a few bloody terrible days and have turned to my usual comfort of food !!! I know I am doing it but do I stop myself...nahhhhhhhh talk about bloody stoopid. I really wonder about myself sometimes....I have Kylee's wedding at the end of March and its been a dream of mine to attend looking my best so why am I doing this to myself?? Can I get my shit together again and get myself back on track....ohhhhh heck I bloody hope so !!!!!

Today I am home...have court this morning, heck knows what kind of mood Shawn is going to be in...me and him have had a few runs ins this week and I have had to hang up on him. Wonder if any decisions will be made today and if he will receive his sentence??

Will be back later......

Back again.....and very pissed off, Shawn's legal rep DID not show, and after he was hauled over the coals by the magistrate he was told to show up again on the 26th Feb for sentencing. He gave a big sigh of relief and I think he is realising how much trouble he is in. He has court again on Monday for another incident and he could quite well end up in big trouble there too.

Anyways the best news of all was today I found my outfit for the wedding.....walked into a shop today and looked at one outfit I quite liked that was on display and then turned around and saw the one and after trying it on I just had to have it...so I bought it there and then....

Downside is that is one size bigger than I would have liked but you know what I don't care, I LOVE IT and it fits good and better still I feel gorgeous in it !!

weigh in

Well I went in to weigh in and hopped on the demon scales and was UP 600grams...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Don't ask me why, coz even thou I was a little hungry a few nights I ate healthy snacks....never went over my points all the week, so go figure!!!

Hubby recons it might be because most of the weekend I was on the end of the shovel or was pulling out and lifting & moving patio tiles.....who knows !!!

Have had a night off...know I shouldn't have but what the heck.....tomorrow is a new day and I will be back on track....

Yoyo....

Thats been Shawn and his behaviour....most of the week I believe he has been obnoxious and I have had nothing to do with him. But today I had to go see him and get him to sign some paperwork and he was really good. He hit me a weak moment too....I was so happy to see him over his very down mood that I did give him $50 when he requested it!! I am too soft and weak I guess. Know its all not going to go on food as he said but will be spent on booze....drat me !! I have no trouble in not helping him out when he is in one of his moods....but in the frame of mind he was in today gave me a little ray of hope. He was with a mate that he used to hang around with when he was at school, and they were working on a deal to swap one of Shawn unlicienced 4x4's for a car that his mate had but didn't use anymore.....be great if it all works out for them, Shawn needs wheels. Lets hope he gets them and he does get to use them. Court is on next Friday and he is really worried about going to jail...yet when I suggested today that he ask his lawyer to plead that jail is not what he needs but a rehab he said he would rather go to jail...go figure !!!!! Just hoping that that attitude will change when it comes down to the crunch. His case worker thinks it will, she says he is scared of rehab as he has been once before and it failed yet he is equally scared of going to jail.

Anyways my week has been good, exersise and food wise....had a few nights where I have been hungry but have not given in to the bikkie barrel and have eaten healthy low point snacks....so we will see what those demon scales have to say to me come Monday night.

Been working hard on our patio so getting extra bonus points by digging out all the lawn and pulling out all those pavers and carting away.....phewwwwww but with all that extra outdoor area it will be worth it. Its getting there and looking good ehhhh?

Have today off....

Today I have off and hopefully I can achieve a few of the things I have set myself to do.

Have started the day off with a 45 minute walk.....weigh in this evening so I'll postscript that later.

I have donned the "big girl" panties and have been very strict on Shawn. Most of the time it has been easy coz he has been been at his worst. He has rang and wanted and I have been very strong and have said no....very adamantly too, and if he starts arguing with me or starts abusing me I just hang up on him. Very annoyed with him as the one thing he did have going for him was his job...but nahhhh he got in a snit one evening and quit !!! Think he regrets it now as I have heard via Hannah that he thinks the courts are going to hold that against him at his next hearing... and I think they will too !!!

He rang last night, was very agreeable with me and has asked if I would bring his tent in and leave at a friends house.....sounds as thou he has been kicked out of where ever he was staying and needs somewhere to sleep. So I guess I will do that for him.

I have got onto one of the DCP carers that I got friendly with when she was bringing the kids out here on their access visits and have told her all that is going on. She has since spoke to Shawns 1st case worker and he is going to do his best in finding some sort of help for Shawn. Here's hoping that something can be done as he agrees with me that Shawn needs to go to rehab and not jail....he needs help even if he doesn't think he does!! This case worker is a great guy and he did get on well with Shawn, so fingers crossed that something can be done between now and his next court case on the 12th.

The meeting tonight was good....and the demon scales were nice to me again....1.1 gone this week, yay !

grrrrrrrrrrrrr

So much for prayers.....

Today was a complete and utter waste of my time!!! Court was adjourned till the 15/2 as Shawn didn't have legal representation....grrrrrr he was told last time he wouldn't need it today as it was a pre-sentence report!!! The magristrate made no mention of the report that Hannah gave to corrective services...actually NOTHING was said at all about corrective services. All she did other than ajourn till February was stipulate to Shawn he had better stay away from Hannah and her address.....NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER !!!!! Hope he listens coz I know they still communicating, if he doesn't and he is caught or reported being there it is jail...directly to jail...and that I am afraid is not going to help him. She had better listen to it too as she told me today that DCP had been there and have told her they will keep Kaleb in their care till he is 18 if she continues carrying on seeing Shawn. They are going to be keepin a close watch on her and will be questioning Skye. She better listen if she wants Kaleb back...she has to stop seeing and helping Shawn out. I do too.....but that will be easy if he stays in the mood he is in today, all this trouble he is having is all my fault....yep mine coz I gave birth to him !!!!! Shit if I knew he was going to be this much trouble I would never of had him !!!!!!!

Well lets hope my day improves....weigh in tonight....I will do an update with results then.

P.S. 7pm and just home from ww meeting....I weighed in and lost 2.2 kilo's , I real happy with that !!!

Tomorrow

....is another court day for Shawn, and I'll be going in for some support as I told him I would. He has rang me a few times in the last days and he has been good mood wise. Don't know if the message has sunk in or not as he hasn't asked for any money. I know he is very short of cash too as the last few days he has been in and out of emergency at the hospital with ulcer type sores on his elbow. He had to spend 2 hours the day before yesterday and yesterday on a drip getting antibotics into him. Due to the fact he has lost his healthcare card he had to pay full price for his scripts....apparently they didn't come cheap. Drs at emergency said he had cellutitis...and I guess living on the streets is not helping much either. I saw him yesterday briefly when I caught up with him to give him and gave him his mail...and soft touch that I am gave him a couple packs of cigs......and then left him.

He needs another car and he has asked me if I will keep my promise and help him out there some....I guess I may have too. But then again I am hoping it wont be necessary. Court tomorrow is for breaking his vro and being caught at Hannah's (re post 18/12).

Anyways apparently corrective servives have rung Hannah and asked her a whole heap of questions about what she would like for Shawn. She has told them she wants no charges pressed against him and no jail but please send him to rehab...pray along with me that the magristrate will do this.

Tomorrow night is weigh in too......

Back at it....

Tonite I went back to weight watchers and faced those demon scales.....I knew what they were going to read and I was prepared, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. From the 7th/12/09 to now I have put on 4.2 kilo's!! Now I am back on the wagon and doing really well.
And that is despite Shawn being a proper little a****hole. I am well and truly over that kid...well he's not a kid anymore, he is 28 years old this year. I went in to see him yesterday as he got on the booze and dope and had a big argument with the people he was staying with, was kicked out without his smokes etc....so being the soft touch I am I said I would buy him some more. But it will be the last time I help that kid, he has done his dash with me. I nearly thanks to him being argumentive and abusive cause a serious accident....I made a very silly driver error which could have caused myself and others serious trouble....thankfully it didn't. I was fined and lost 3 demerit points.
Tonight he was in the same mood.....yes I did see him, but just to give him back his phone and smokes he left in my car when he stormed off, and thats all I did. He was still moody, still not very agreeable....and did start ranting at me when I said no to him borrowing money as he had nowhere to stay the night, but I drove off leaving him standing there. He's on his own now, he tried ringing me a few times but I told him "no" again and hung up on him.....tough love is what I am trying as I just can't cope with the stress of him anymore.

Leave you with another pic Tanya took on the sly at Paul's 40th....me and my "sonshine" Simon.

Hubby and I, despite the look of us in the other pic in previous post above did have a very enjoyable night. We are happy...we are ok.

blah blah blah

mmmmm after my fall....and the bikkie barrel raid, I had another bad day. Sheeeeeeez I know I am doing it, but I still keep on self-sabotaging...grrrrrrrrrr

But once again I have got myself back on track...and on Monday evening I head back to my weight watchers meet. Not before time either the clothes are getting tight again so I guess most of the 1.8 I lost I have put back on again....

I have to be strong ... I havta do this ...

This is a pic of me and hubby that dear Tanya took on the sly at Paul's 40th....

grrrrrrrr

Had a real bad day yesterday......started well with me rushing out the door and slipping............."crash" down I went flat on my face and hurt my knee....bloody thing pained me all day while standing there at work.
Then to top it off....I had a bad menopausal night and raided the darn bikkie barrel twice....grrrrrrrrrrrrrr......and the knee too darn painful this morning to go walking!!!
Hope today goes better !!!!

Birthdays

Simon opening his pressies this morning. Paul at his party last night opening one of his pressies.

Today is my son Simon's birthday......he is 36

He, Tracey and the 4 grandies came down yesterday afternoon and unpacked all their gear ready for a overnight stay before we all headed down to Paul and Tanya's where Tanya had organised a surprise 40th birthday party for Paul. It's Paul's actual birthday tomorrow.

Paul had no idea the party was planned until a few hours beforehand, but still was not expecting so many people to turn up. All he was expecting was a few of his family arriving for a birthday dinner....surprise Paul...and Happy 40th Birthday.

This morning was great, I can't remember the last time Simon was actually with me for his birthday. I cooked a big bbq breakfast for us all then Simon sat down with his kids and opened all his pressies before they packed up and left. Would have loved them to stay longer but Ted and I are in the process of erecting a gabled roof outdoor patio so there were tools/materials and debris everywhere....not very child friendly and we wanted to get as much as possible done today. (The kids were getting in Ted's way and weren't listening to what they were being told in all the excitement of their overnight stay and Daddy's birthday.) Its going to be awesome when the patio is finished, heaps of extra room outside....just in time for all our visitors in March for Kylee's wedding.

Alls going well on the weight loss front....the scales are still heading downwards which is great, they show a 1.8 kilo loss since Boxing Day, so here's hoping that when I get to my weight watchers meet they have gone down more. I am eating a lot of meals cooked on the bbq and loving it, feeling a lot more satisfied too.

Not a lot of excersise this past week, my leg with the bad veins in it has been playing up plus work has been very busy and for some reason I was feeling more tired than usual so gave myself a few mornings off walking.

Happy New Year

Last night we went down the beach and met up with #1 son and family, had a few drinks and come home and had a cuppa and welcomed 2010 in.
Certainly hope its my year.....today is the beginning again.....ate and drank way to much yesterday but the determination is still there to win this battle and lose these dratted kilo's and get back to being comfortable with myself. To you all I am wishing you 365 chances to love, laugh and live your best year yet.